Pedophiles unite. Now I know she may be 12 but I like to use that “if she’s in a bar, she must be legal” theory. Jaime Lynn Spears is on TV, and we know that girls on TV grow up faster and better than girls who are in your local neighborhood. Dude, we’ve got haute couture models who are 14 years old and underage girls doing more coke in the nightclub than a 45 year old mexican hooker.

Check out some dirty paparazzi pics of the girls together….after the jump

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Pedophiles unite. Now I know she may be 12 but I like to use that “if she’s in a bar, she must be legal” theory. Jaime Lynn Spears is on TV, and we know that girls on TV grow up faster and better than girls who are in your local neighborhood. Dude, we’ve got haute couture models who are 14 years old and underage girls doing more coke in the nightclub than a 45 year old mexican hooker.

Check out some dirty paparazzi pics of the girls together….after the jump

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Nothing like starting your week to some video clips we found around the internet for you. None of them are that good, so you probably shouldn’t click the links. I was too busy sticking my paycheck down some strippers g-string to care about delivering quality clips. Bastards!

VIDEOS AFTER THE JUMP

Chin Talkers (Not Funny At all)

Topless Girls Dancing (NSFW)

Paul Vault Accident

breastfeeding cat (older)

Anna Kournikova SI Shoot

Black People (old)

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I am really not down with pop culture. So you probably shouldn’t be coming here if you want info on the 2005 Eurovision Song Contest this happened at, or if you want to find out about how she is a Popstars reject. You see, I am more down with drinking moonshine in the park with my homeless buddies. We have lots of laughs when Jimmy the rubbing alcohol fiend laughs off his temporary blindness in unintelligible english. Poor Jimmy now, even if he wasn’t on the street and had access to a computer he wouldn’t be able to see these pics, that blind motherfucker. It is your job to enjoy them for him.

NIP SLIP and Bio AFTER THE JUMP

Bio:

In the early 2000s, Javine became a major R&B star in England, where her hip-hop-influenced urban contemporary has drawn comparisons to Aaliyah and Beyoncé Knowles as well as Samantha Mumba. Some of Javine’s fans have viewed her commercial success in the U.K. as an example of either sweet revenge or resilience — or both. Before Javine hit big as a solo artist, the London native suffered a surprising defeat on the British talent show Popstars; in 2002, she was among the contestants who competed for a place in what became the female pop quintet Girls Aloud. The program’s judges included Geri Halliwell (of Spice Girls fame) and Pete Waterman (of England’s hit producing/songwriting team Stock, Aitken & Waterman), and Javine was among the final contestants.
During the competition, Javine became quite popular with viewers — her admirers were certain that she would be selected for the group, but when all was said and done, she wasn’t among the five female singers who was chosen. Some viewers cried foul, alleging that the votes were rigged and that Javine — for all her popularity — had the deck stacked against her. But that controversial defeat — fair or unfair — certainly wasn’t the end of the world for Javine, who pursued a solo career in 2003 and was approached by several labels in the U.K. She ended up signing with Innocent Records, home of the female dance-pop group Atomic Kitten.

Born Javine Dionne Hylton in London on December 27, 1981, the singer grew up in West London’s Ladbroke Grove section (one of the stops on the subway’s Hammersmith & City line). Javine’s interest in music was greatly encouraged by her mother, who had a large collection of soul and reggae albums. Javine started building a music collection of her own as a preteen, and when she was growing up, her tastes ranged from Aretha Franklin (who she has cited as her favorite vocalist) to Salt-N-Pepa to British singer/rapper Neneh Cherry. At 18, Javine auditioned for the role of Nala in a London production of the play The Lion King; she got the part and played Nala for two years.

After that came Javine’s well-publicized participation in the Popstars series — and for those who claim (true or untrue) that she got a raw deal, sweet revenge came in July 2003, when her debut single, “Real Things,” entered the British pop charts in the Top Five. Although “Real Things” (a commentary on materialism and the bling-bling trend) wasn’t a big hit in the United States, it was huge in the U.K. — and in various interviews, Javine was quoted as saying that not being chosen for Girls Aloud turned out to be a blessing because a solo career had allowed her to move in a more R&B-oriented direction. In November 2003, Innocent released Javine’s debut album, Surrender, and the infectious single “Surrender (Your Love)” became another major hit in the U.K. It was also in late 2003 that Javine became an opening act for pop-rapper Nelly on the British leg of his international tour. ~ Alex Henderson, All Music Guide

PICS VIA ALL OVER THE INTERNET but Big Up to Popdoh and Taxidriver

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Upper Playground, the art collective in San Francisco linked up with Adidas to design one of the shoes in the 35 year anniversay collection. I always felt like an agilipollao when I would go out lookin for sluts in a shitty pair of shoes. If they had the options in footwear they have now, I probably wouldn’t be married to a 300 pound woman. These shoes are limited, 4000 pairs worldwide, so if you’re a collector, you best collect, especially if you like to BBQ.

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Contact music reports that our favorite singer/actress/cokehead is “romancing” MCFLY’s drummer HARRY JUDD on the set of her new movie JUST MY LUCK. The unamed friend say’s: “Harry had the hots for her the moment he saw her. They started off as friends, mucking around together on set and it has gone on from there.” Although this nothing new to us as we reported on their bathroom romp last week. But i guess not it is official sorta.

In other Lohan news, she denies she has an eating disorder and doesn’t understand why everyone including her doctor thinks she is anorexic. She insists her changing figure is the result of hormonal changes as she grows up and becomes a woman. Then the nails come out and she dishes on the olsens, Mandy Moore and her friend Duff. “But you know, I’m around girls, even in the movies, that are like, ‘I don’t feel good, I just ate a lot, I’m going to throw up.'”Like at the Vanity Fair photo shoot (for the cover of the July 2003 issue) of all the young stars (including Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, Mandy Moore and Hilary Duff, among others) no one ate. “I was going straight to the pasta, and the other girls were eating salad. And I’m the one people say (has an eating disorder).” Via Teen Hollywood

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Dear minxy,
my mom is sleeping with my boyfriend, how do i get it to stop?
she keeps telling me about everything that he did to her the next morning when we are all eating breakfast. she tells me that it is a familly tradition, but i am skeptical.
what do YOU think?

Natasha from Montreal

Dear Natasha in Montreal,
your boyfriend is a fucking perv/pimp. what does your mother look like, and would she like to chill with mine? my mom likes champagne, expensive cigars, fur, massochism and generally seducing old, rich men. somehow i think that your mother and my mother would get along famously.
back to your question:
dump your boyfriend unless you want to have a threesome with your mother, and find yourself a man who is with you for your pussy, not your mommas. if he likes you for that thing they call “personality” then that might be good, but i dont know how successfull the sex will be. if all else fails, i know that Montreal has a gander of sex shops, and you can always find yourself a nice fuck there, or at least a fist sized dildo to fuck yourself.
happy fingering!

MINX

Previously:
i am – ask minxy on wens night / i am – real camel toe / i am – soaking wet for jesus martinez / i am – coco / i am-who is this morning’s outfit? / i am – coming clean / I am – Another Magical Afternoon /I am-hitting the parade /I am – Minxy Winxy Pudding + Pie /I am – all for sexual favours

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There is nothing wrong with dressing like a woman, even when you got cock. The reason it’s okay, is because everyone wants to look pretty every now and then. I remember when I was a little younger, I used to always put on women’s underwear, stand in front of the mirror and pretend I was Marilyn Monroe. The only harm that came from this, was a 6 year obsession with wearing panties, that in itself isn’t so bad, but trying to steal off of women on the street, while they were wearing them was. If they had this kit back when I was into this shit, I probably would have a leaner criminal record, but I will always remember hot it made my Falo feel….

TRANSFORM ™ BEGINNER’S CROSSDRESSING KIT

This kit takes the guess work out of what to wear. A great price for the value and ease for those who shop online or do not have time to be fitted. This beginner kit includes 2 nippled foam breast forms, bra, panties, gaff, hip & rear pads and chest tape. Available in four prepackaged sizes: small (bra is 36B), Medium (bra is 38B), Large (bra is 40C) and Xlarge (bra is 42C). Panties and gaffs correspond to the same sizes in small, medium, large and extra large. Comes in cloth carrying bag for convenience and storage.

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There is nothing wrong with dressing like a woman, even when you got cock. The reason it’s okay, is because everyone wants to look pretty every now and then. I remember when I was a little younger, I used to always put on women’s underwear, stand in front of the mirror and pretend I was Marilyn Monroe. The only harm that came from this, was a 6 year obsession with wearing panties, that in itself isn’t so bad, but trying to steal off of women on the street, while they were wearing them was. If they had this kit back when I was into this shit, I probably would have a leaner criminal record, but I will always remember hot it made my Falo feel….

TRANSFORM ™ BEGINNER’S CROSSDRESSING KIT

This kit takes the guess work out of what to wear. A great price for the value and ease for those who shop online or do not have time to be fitted. This beginner kit includes 2 nippled foam breast forms, bra, panties, gaff, hip & rear pads and chest tape. Available in four prepackaged sizes: small (bra is 36B), Medium (bra is 38B), Large (bra is 40C) and Xlarge (bra is 42C). Panties and gaffs correspond to the same sizes in small, medium, large and extra large. Comes in cloth carrying bag for convenience and storage.

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First of all, lets start off by setting some ground rules. If you are looking to go out on a weekend and pick up some drunken slut, then this guide isn’t for you. Anybody with half a brain, deodorant, and enough money for beer can get laid on a weekend. This is a guide for getting the girl you actually WANT to fuck. Hopefully you have already made contact with said female, maybe you have even gone on a date or two, if so, this guide will help you seal the deal (in under a week). As we all know, there is an infinite amount of “guide to getting women� type of editorials out there, some work, most don’t. This guide is based purely on self-experiences…and successes, with a bit of self-input and common sense it will work for you too. Enjoy.

Guide To Getting Laid – After The Jump

Step 1: Pay Attention To Everything!

… No Matter how boring she is. When you first start dealing with a girl you are both on the same level; same general interest in each other, same common goals. The only difference is that you’re the guy, you want to fuck her, and she knows that. If this was a game (which it is) the score is already 1- 0 at kickoff. That’s where paying attention comes into play. If she mentions a restaurant she likes, mothers name, hometown…whatever! Remember it! Girls like to throw in little pieces of information and ask you again later, if you remember it, point for you, if you forget…point for her. My best friend (and co founder of Team Fuck) was on a date with a girl one time when she mentioned she liked a certain type of flower, the motherfucker made a note of that shit in his phone, just so he would remember! Of course this could go the other way too; if the girl hates flowers because she’s sensitive to all things living and doesn’t like when they die like the useless little plant they are (sorry, I’m bitter)…remember that too.

Step 2: Learn Her Mannerisms

This one can be tricky because women are more indecisive then Jesus Martinez at a cattle auction. You can find a list of women’s positive mannerisms all over the Internet, but there’s only a few that are really easy to notice. For one, if she crosses her legs towards you it’s a good sign, it shows that she is comfortable and open with you. If she leans away and farts, it’s probably not good. Touching is also something to pay attention too, if she puts a hand on your arm after you make a joke, that’s another good sign. If she is rubbing your cock in the middle of the street, then maybe you should be writing this guide. A lot of these things depend on the girls personality and how well you know each other, if you have been friends prior it can be hard to tell when she’s being friendly and when she’s being flirty. With a little common sense it shouldn’t take long to figure out.

Step 3: Break the tension

You both know what the deal is, so instead of trying to hide it, casually let her know that you know she knows (got that?). Say something like “I like that I can be cool with you, I don’t always have to think about what to say�. Boom! In one sentence you let her know that A: things feel good, B: you know how the game is played, C: she’s better than most of your other dates and D: your not making everything up. Which leads me to step 4…

Step 4: Make everything up

Well not really, but at least think ahead, awkward silence is the WORST. You should always have a few questions or topics up your sleeve, just incase. Keep the topic on her, act interested, and make sure it’s not a stupid “come here often?� kind of question. I usually ask questions about her education or interests (because you remembered, right?). A good example would be “So you went to school for cinema right? What’s your favorite movie?� If you already planted Step 3 She’ll think you care, and not just pulling a question from the list in your pocket, it also keeps it open and leads to conversation. Stay away from yes or no questions and questions about her physical attributes, she may be self-conscious and will know that you’ve noticed.

Step 5: When’s and Where’s

There’s a time and place for everything. If you on a dinner date which seems to be going well, ALWAYS pick up the tab. If she’s not a wallet watching gold digger she will argue with you or offer to pay half. Handle this situation with care! Say something like “It’s alright, you get it next time�. If she’s into you she’ll let off, knowing that there is going to be a “next time�. Now, if she is persistent in paying the bill, it can mean a number of things; either she’s not into you at all and doesn’t want to owe you anything, she’s a control freak, or knows your broke. None of which are good. However, if you have had several dates prior and paid for everything, it may be a good idea to let her pay for it. Women like to know that they can hold their own, they don’t like being dependant on men, which is good, cause we don’t like payin’ for shit.

Step 5: Seal the deal

When the date is coming to its end, it gets awkward again; It’s inevitable, so just be prepared. This is probably the first time both of you have had to make a heavy decision, and there’s no real smooth way to go about doing it. Hopefully by now you have a pretty good idea of how she’s feeling towards you and you already know you wanna lay pipe, so step up to the plate playa, or its hand ball for the rest of the night. The first thing you’ve got to decide is it gunna be your place or hers. Usually it’s whoever lives closest, but if you place is a complete disaster and you know for a fact it smells like rotting flesh, then offer to walk her home. If it’s a cab ride away, then tell her you’ll split the cab with her. If she declines, then you know it’s a no go, if she accepts, then you’re in…almost. Once you catch a cab it’s a race against time, keep up the conversation and make hints at your destination. If it’s her place then say something like, “are you still in the same neighborhood?� or “is your roommate still pissing you off?� Keep it general and not too obvious, but obvious enough that your thinking about her house and not yours. If she asks you to come in, then the rest is up to you. I can only tell you so much with out ruining for my self. Is she sends you on your way, tell the cabbie to take you the nearest club. ‘Cause when in doubt, there’s always, ALWAYS drunk sluts. Always.

Now before you fuckers start getting excited you should know that this is based on my personal experience and, obviously, my personality. If you want to be the funny guy that chicks fuck because they feel sorry for you, that’s cool. If you’re the complete meathead that girls fuck because they just broke up with their boyfriend and want to get back at him in the worst way possible…that’s cool too. If you’re a bling-bling-balla-baby that can pretty much buy pussy, fuck you; go buy some ice, flossy. But for all you regular guys just looking for some decent pussy, follow those steps while wearing a Team Fuck shirt that says, “I love pussy�. It may, or may not be the best idea, but at least you’ll look cool while failing miserably. However, survey says chicks dig the Fuck. So fuck on, fuckers. I know this has been a brief overview, but I hate writing as much as you hate reading. If you have anymore questions, email: teamfu.k@gmail.com . If this guide works for you, let us know, and we’ll send you that t-shirt!

_S

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