So I feel like my brain was a big bowl of Oatmeal today, not because I have changed my diet to live longer by eating healthy, but because I couldn’t tap into my brain and figure out a way to tap into my memory and tell good stories of shit I’ve seen. It’s called being […]

I was very hungover today. I don’t really know what happened last night but I know it ended with me passed out on the floor and that’s always a sign of a decent night where memories of whatever happened will be easily forgotten by me and probably not so forgotten by the poor people I […]

I’m way to tired to write anything funny here right now. It’s been a long week without Jesus around, and I hope most of you guys are happy with the site content. He left us some big shoes to fill. If not, just keep your pants on, fatass will be back soon. I made you […]

I went to the synagogue today because a friend offered me 20 dollars to help him pick up some props from a wedding that went on last night. My friend works for some event company that rents out shit like tables and chairs and other things that the Jewish people of the world use to […]

Some chick, or at least someone I assume has a vagina wrote this email to me – her name is Cindy and it’s some Myspace celebrity scoop…. On Hailey Duffs Myspace she posted a blog bashing Kim Kardashian, saying: “Stuff like this REALLY PISSES ME OFF. I try to reach out and be nice and […]

I was walking by the local Subway and saw this skinny fucking bitch eating a 12 inch sandwich and thought to myself that I must have a pretty fucking slow metabolism because if I don’t even eat a 12 inch sandwich. Maybe I am a pussy who eats like a girl is supposed to eat. […]

I spent my day trying to get my stepdaughter into a concert that’s happening tomorrow night, but no one could help me, I guess having a website doesn’t always get you free things like tickets to shitty hipster concerts. I am a little pissed off though, because if I was a Perez kind of site, […]

I am taking a drinking break and I am drunk. You wont see the site updated until later tonight or maybe tomorrow because that’s kinda what drunk people do and that’s ok as long as you are dealing with other drunk people and not lame corporate middle managers I fucking hate who judge you for […]

My computer fell on the ground today and almost ended my internet career. I was pretty pissed off because I have yet to seduce a woman on the internet like most people I know have. I don’t know what is stopping me, maybe it’s my impotency, maybe it’s my wife, but it’s probably because I […]

Some days I don’t actually sleep and I feel pretty beat-up. Today is one of those days. I went out to get some air because it smells in here and I am not about to clean and started talking to a girl who had only been drunk once in her life. I didn’t really understand […]