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Archive for the Salma Hayek Category

2010

24

Jun

Salma Hayek’s Big Fat Mom Tits Tour of the Day

Salma Hayek’s tis are on tour. I guess they are promotion a movie but I like to think they are just promoting her. They make me forget that she’s old and a mom now…and remember the things I used to do to myself watching topless clips of her in movies…it’s funny how tits can be so manipulative….even when they are Mexican after I vowed to never get off to a Mexican whore cuz my mother was a Mexican whore and it just feels wrong…but I guess there are exceptions to every rule you make based on your damaged childhood….

Speaking of damaged, here are her tits and her 45 year old body, destroying many stereotypes of other 45 year old Mexican women, with 12 kids and the ability to make a bed faster than they can change a white kid they work for’s diaper….and they are substantial….

Pics via Fame

Posted in:Salma Hayek

2010

22

Jun

Salma Hayek’s Mom Nipples of the Day

Salma Hayek is a good fertile Mexican designed to breed….She’s got fat milk filled tits, a fat ass, wide hips ready to drop a new baby every 9 months, and her nipples are like faucets ready to feed a small town and despite having lost her appeal since she’s old and washed up, she’s still got her moments and I guess here’s a glimpse of what was…..and who really cares…cuz as a Mexican she’s automatically a second rate citizen and seeing her ego and celebrity blind her of that, annoys me. She’s the kind of Mexican who forgets she is Mexican the kind of bitch who is trying to be white so hard that she has Mexican staff maintaining her house that she treats like second rate citizens…but I guess her mom tits have the ability to make me ignore that….

Pics via Fame

Posted in:Salma Hayek

2010

11

Jun

Salma Hayek Loses Her Shit of the Day

I just saw this video of Salma Hayek freaking the fuck out cuz of a snake and it made me laugh…I guess it opens a lot of opportunity to make penis jokes because her kid may lead you to think she isn’t actually scared of snakes…but I figure that’d be a lame angle…so maybe you should just watch the clip in slow motion cuz fear in women is pornographic…and probably something you’re used to cuz scaring a bitch is the only way to get her to agree to fuck you…whether it is from sneaking up on them, threatening them or worse…

Watch the video….

In case you forgot what Salma Hayek Looks Like…Here she is yesterday…in picture…scaring me…

Pics via Fame

Posted in:Salma Hayek

2010

03

Mar

Salma Hayek’s Tits Do a Kids Show of the Day

I just had a conversation with someone about kid’s shows being really fucking creepy. We were talking about PeeWee’s Playhouse because he’s making some kind of masturbating in a porn theater comeback, and like everyone in the late 80s, I used to watch the shit, until recently being forced to watch it again, only to realize just how crazy it actually was. It was sexual, awkward and more than anything, pretty fucking insane.

So if you haven’t watched a kid’s show as an adult, you will be surprised how fucking cracked out the shit is, it’s like a bad porno without the sex but instead with creepy tree-hugging hippies singing songs about bullshit and characters only serious hard drug use could think up. It is high energy, I’m talking bouncing off the wall insanity that would normally leave a motherfucker institutionalized if he was to do it on the street corner at 3 in the morning..

Apparently Salma Hayek, an entited mother celebrity mother who decided to do something to excite her spawn decided to pull some strings to show her kid just how cool she actually is and she did it while showing off her tits, making all the kids watching it hungry for milk…and scarring their brain into thinking tit, wanting tit and never quite knowing why they are so tit obsessed until serious therapy unravels this moment 20 years down the line….

Pics via PacificCoastNews
Pics via LFI

Posted in:cleavage|Salma Hayek|Tits

2008

29

Dec

Salma Hayek Smokes Unlit Cigarettes in Front of Her Kid of the Day

So Salma Hayek smokes unlit cigarettes outside when she pushes her baby in a stroller, or pretends to cuz the cameras are there and doesn’t want to look like a mexican treating a motherfucker like a mexican, and I have a feeling this is going to be big news on those shitty tabloid shows that pollute your TV at 7 pm, more than unlit cigarettes pollute little babies. I seriously hated the dramatic performances that health addict hypocrites would make everytime I lit up in a non-smoking section, before they changed the fucking law because they health addict hypocrites don’t shut the fuck up, like you used to fuck up my meals. But the truth is that the air in NYC or LA is worse that the air of an unsmoked cigaretter 5 feet away from a kid, the pesticides in foods, and the vaccines that cause autism, also worse than an unlit cigarette. A molesting uncle, a bitter divorce, a broken home, even a public school education or a mother who pumps too much money into its hand to avoid having to spend time with it, is also worse than an unlit cigarette, polluted water is also worse than unlit cigarettes, so stop being fucking pussies. When I was this kid’s age I was fucking smoking already, and when I wasn’t, I was in vans and other closed window places with people who were smoking, and nothing happened to me. And the important thing is to remember what this kid did to Hayek’s body, and how he ruined the sloppy shit she had going for her, by making it more sloppy and deserves a to die or at least suffer a little, maybe with some pediatric cancer…..and I make that joke okay by saying I donated 2 dollars to the Kid’s Wish Foundation at the pharmacy earlier today. I have a cardboard star to prove it.

Posted in:Baby|Salma Hayek|Smoker

2008

06

Oct

Salma Hayek’s Nipple on German TV of the Day

Salma Hayek was on German TV recently, lost a bet with someone and had to come out in some traditional German outfit because I guess the German’s take Cocktober fest seriously. The other thing they take seriously is mass genocide to create a superior aryan race, but I guess 60 years is long enough to forget those small little cultural details and appreciate Hayek’s tits while listening to such a romantic sounding language that makes part of me want to watch German scat porn before raping and gas chambering a bunch of Jews and the other part of me take a nice warm bath relaxing to the sounds of Wagner or Ramstein . Such a docile people.

Either way, they did good today by tricking Hayek into this outfit. Enjoy.

Posted in:Germany|Nipple|Salma Hayek

2007

08

May

I am – Celebrities Showing Off Their Tits at the Metropolitan Museum of Art Gala of the Day

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I am all for girls rocking cleavage shirts because I am a pervert and this site has given me a keen eye for spotting nipple slips. I was standing outside a bar, hoping a drunk guy who came out for a cigarette and accidentally drop his wallet the other day, and a group of hot chicks walked out with low cut shirts on, I guess it’s in style to show off your rack and I am not really complaining. One of them conveniently dropped something and when she went to pick it up her shirt dropped and I saw full fucking massive tit, while the other guys next to me missed it. It reminded me of when I was 12 and my foster mother used to come give me talks about God before I went to bed. She’d be in her night gown while I’d be lying in bed. She’d bend over to tuck me in, full tit exposed and I’d totally get a boner and jerk off to it the second she walked out. I always got scared that God was watching me, then I realized that if he was, he was a total pedophile and I might as well give him a good performance, because let’s face it, if I get him to get off when I was 12 only good things would be coming to me….I was wrong…

I am guessing that these celebrities are thinking the same thing, they are advertising their tits at some exclusive black tie event I wasn’t invited to, so that people like us fall into their booby trap…get it..I am so witty and that is good enough for you to start your day to….you’re welcome…


Jessica Simpson May Be Busted But Her Tits are Fucking Huge


Lohan May Be Distracting Us From Her Cocaine Video, But At Least She’s Doing it Properly, this shit will even get Disney to Sign Her Again


Salma Hayek is Pregnant and Full of Milk and That’s Pretty Much What I Wish All My Diet Consisted Of…


Jennifer Garner is Post-Pregancy and Her Tits Have Dried Up, But I’d Still Try To Get the Last Drops Out of Her


Rose McGowan has Always Had Hot Tits


Christina Ricci May Look Old and Beat Up and Her Tits May Have Been Reduced But She’s Still Packin’ Heat.


Scarlett Johannson Still Has Tits and I am Still Lookin’ At Them


Julianne Moore is the First Fire Crotch I Ever Saw in a Movie and Will Always Hold a Warm Place in My Heart for Proving that Myth Isn’t a Myth….


Rosario Dawson’s Tits Look Small But Small Titis are Tits Too…


Juliette Lewis is a Crackhead and Crackheads Don’t Have Tits, But She’s Still Trying…


I Don’t Really Give a Fuck About Mischa Barton But Whatever This is Still Cleavage…


Alicia Keys Has a Hairy Chest, So I Don’t Know If She Counts, But Even Men With Tits Count in Your World, Cuz You Are Desperate…

A few new ones…

I think Ivanka Trump Looks Awesome….I’d wallet-fuck her…


Karolina Kurkova Models Bikinis and I like Bikinis, Especially when they are on me, I feel so pretty…


Gisele isn’t with Victoria’s Secret Anymore, She’s Not a Hot as She Used To Be, But She Has Done A Lot in Her Panties and That Pretty Much Redeems Her….

Posted in:Alicia Keys|Christina Ricci|cleavage|Gisele Bundchen|Ivanka Trump|Jennifer Garner|Jessica Simpson|Julianne Moore|Juliette Lewis|Karolina Kurkova|Lindsay Lohan|Mischa Barton|Rosario Dawson|Rose McGowan|Salma Hayek|Scarlett Johansson|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

06

Mar

I am – Salma Hayek is Preggers of the Day

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Here are some pictures of Salma Hayek. I can only assume she’s pregnant cuz bitch looks like she’s a moving van. There are some girls, like my neighbor who get knocked up proper and walk around the building in yoga pants with an ass tighter than it was the day the random dude she let fuck her without a condom bust inside her, and other girls turn into fat sluts who look like my wife did in her prime. I am not sitting here like some asshole who hates fat chicks, I watched my wife down a pound of butter and box of cookies about 3 hours ago as a midnight snack. I still hang out with her. Salma is a fellow mexican, and even though I was taken out of my mexican world as a kid, I know what a mexican mother of 10 looks like and it’s usually a few tacos short of 250 lbs on a 5 ft 2 frame.

At least we know that Salma bangs, doesn’t believe in birth control and that her milk filled tits will only be bigger and better and have enough nutrients to feed her hometown, probably one of the better charity ideas that I’ve ever come up with.

Posted in:Salma Hayek|Unsorted