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Archive for the Gym Category

2008

16

Sep

Jennifer Aniston Leaving the Gym of the Day

Jennifer Aniston is leaving the gym because staying in shape is important, especially when your aging body can’t land a husband, baby daddy or boyfriend and even more necessary when you’re Greek and predisposed to having a hug fucking dumpy ass.

Her desperation reminds me of my friend who was equally desperate to find love. He got to the point of desperation where he had exhausted masturbation but couldn’t manage to get a girl to sleep with him, and refused to get a whore because he said that would make him feel like a loser. I would remind him that he is a loser and he’d just blow me off. As time went on, he got more paranoid that everyone around him knew he couldn’t get laid and I realized that it had gone too far one day when buying beer with him at the grocery store and dude picked up a box of tampons. I asked him why the fuck he was picking up tampons and he just ignore me. We got to the cash and when the clerk went to scan the tampons, my friend chimed in and said something along the lines of “I hate buying these for my girlfriend, it’s so embarrassing”, I looked at him like he had lost his fucking mind and he continued, “but I guess it’s not as bad as me not getting laid for the next week, if you know what I mean”….and I figured I had to stop the insanity so I ratted him out to the clerk for not having a girlfriend and that he’s just being crazy at which point he freaked out on me and ran out of the store and I haven’t heard from him since.

Either way, here’s Aniston…

Posted in:Gym|Jennifer Aniston|Spandex

2008

09

Sep

Hilary Duff Leaves the Gym of the Day

I got a Job Offer. This is the first time anyone has ever offered me work. I think it is spam, the email kind, but that doesn’t matter, because it’s a job offer none the less. The shit’s pretty intriguing because I always wanted to be a migrant worker and feel like I was living in India, stealing american jobs because it’s so much more cost effective. You know like working a call center in India for Dell or Microsoft support so I can sit there and talk to Americans all day, confusing them, making them hold on the line for hours on end and never really giving them a straight answer or helping them out because it is a dream of mine, especially under the hot Indian sun in an overpopulated city and overpopulated office that smells like shit and looks like shit because it is brown.

Here is that job offer…..

We offer a part time job on your computer.

Job Description:

We will provide you with the texts for our employees with the important information and you will
correct the texts as an english speaking person and send them back to us.

Salary:

We don’t have a fixed salary for this vacancy. We will pay you $7.00 for every 1Kb of the
corrected text. You will get paid at the END of each month. Every month your salary will be
different as it depends on your activity.

And here is some Hilary Duff leaving the gym action because she doesn’t need a job and can run around doing nothing all day while we sit here at our computers distracting ourselves from work by lookin’ at her tits, not that I have a job, but you probably do and you probably also like Hilary Duff so here she is…..

Posted in:Gym|Hilary Duff|Uncategorized

2008

05

Aug

Britney Spears Leaving a Gym Wearing a Bra of the Day

Britney Spears has really made a comeback and that upsets me. I was so happy when I found out that she wasn’t this cookie cutter popstar and actually had some mental issues, that I now think were just staged and an extension of being a lazy rich brat and not actual mental illness, and I hate seeing her leaving the gym everyday, slowly getting back to where she once was, becasue I like my women crazy. I am talking feces throwing, running around naked crazy because crazy girls are crazy in bed and well put together, mentally stable girls are just fuckin’ boring. So, I need a girl who pisses herself in public places just because she feels like it and smells like a men’s washroom without a urinal cake at all times because the snowsuit she wears in the middle of summer hasn’t been washed in a decade, just because I know she’ll be too busy punching herself in the face to say no to me.

Posted in:Bra|Britney Spears|Gym

2007

19

Jun

I am – Jessica Simpson Goes to the Gym of the Day

jessica_simpson_top.jpg

The thing that annoys me about girls is that when they get dumped they take shit personal. They start hitting the fucking gym to reclaim their desirability. It’s like animal instinct if the dude you were with doesn’t want to fuck you anymore and he wants to fuck younger, hotter, tighter girls than you and you have to show the motherfucker what he’s missing out on.

What would make a fuck of a lot more sense is if you put this kind of effort into yourself when you’re together, then maybe motherfucker wouldn’t have had to dump you because your fat ass doesn’t turn him on anymore and the girl down the street who does yoga in her front yard for him to see is all he can fucking think about….but you had to get fucking lazy and you couldn’t have had that fucking Yoga ass he wants.

I remember when I was in my 20s they used to say that even Cindy Crawford’s husband gets bored of her and wants new pussy, she was all the fucking rage at the time, considered one of the hottest bitches out there. We’ve all heard the expression that the only thing better than pussy is new pussy. Well I will argue that if your pussy is the hottest pussy in the fucking neighborhood, your pussy is the pussy I am going to stick by.

In the end, the joke is on the guys who dump the girl anyway. They usually spend the next 3 years trying to find another chick worth getting involved with and in the process end up drinking a lot, getting fat and jerking off a lot. Where as girls are getting dick within 24 hours of shit and within a few months Jessica Simpson will be back to her hot self again…..

Posted in:Gym|Jessica Simpson|Legs|Unsorted