Alyssa Miller bores me. I think she’s some con artist…who dated the SI photographer who had the influence to get her booked in SI…which led to her dating Jake Gyllenhaal to further her fame and career…which must make him really happy for helping her out and launching her…it’s like thanks girl I loved for using me to get to the top of the fucking charts in the industry…even though you were better suited as some cocktail waitress..

Here she is in some of her better work…

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I posted a few of the pics of Alyssa Miller in Galore yesterday, questioning whether she had a vagina or not, mainly because she’s Jake Gyllenhaal’s beard and I can only assume she doesn’t have sex with him, that shit is all for image, like dating anyone she can to get relevant, it’s kind of her thing, because in case you didn’t know, she’s contrived tits from the people at SI to be seen as a bigger deal than she actually is. Not quite a real model, at least not before they made her, just trying to hang on and build from where she’s left off, because tricking the world into paying you to model is way better than an actual job guys…that’s why she puts so much into it…

And here is her boring nipple.

Posted in:Alyssa Miller

Alyssa Miller bores me.

That’s why I did two posts on her today.

I really just wanted to make sure of it…

I guess it all has to do with hating everything to do with Jake Gyllenhall at my core…even if I know he doesn’t actually have sex with her….I see a pussy that pretends she has sex with him to get more high profile and all I see is red…

So she could be the hottest bitch around, but I just can’t buy into it…she’s an opportunist slut and represents all that is wrong in the world…and I could get more into it, but why bother, just looking at her cleavage and having it not cancel out how shitty I thinks she is, means she really is that shit…

But you may like her and I am accommodating like that.

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Alyssa Miller is some girl who Sports Illustrated created thanks to dating the photographer’s son, probably a strategic move, like dating Jake Gyllenhaal, even though Gyllenhaal is gay, because you only live once and you might as well get as much exposure as possible..you know make the fucking moves when the opportunity presents itself, even if it requires using your vagina as collateral because otherwise some other girl is going to do it and get all that could have been yours…Get money, fuck bitches.

Posted in:Alyssa Miller

So it’s safe to say this low level model…Alyssa Miller…has a dick.

Don’t let the underwear she’s wearing fool you. Don’t let the fact that she was shot by the main SI Photographer and his son for their Swimsuit issue fool you. Always remember, SI Created FAT PIG UPTON who shoulda been taken out to pasture not put into a bikini…

Now, you may be asking yourself why I think she’s got a dick, and the answer is simple, she left her exboyfriend for Jake Gyllenhaal…and Jake Gyllenaal only fucks with girls who have dicks…it’s all part of being the biggest homo ever and I know this because he assaulted a girl I was with by pushing her against the wall…and only girls beat up on girls…

Either way, not all that impressive, but it’s a slow day and I’m always down to laugh at the fame whores who associate with Jake Gyllenhaal…

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The problem with Alyssa Miller is that her vagina is being marketed as something that smells like Jake Gyllenhaal’s penis, which is the fucking worst, because despite girls loving Jake Gyllenhaal, he’s a total bitch of a human who I have met and seen have a tantrum and it was hilarious….reminding me that she’s just bearding and if anything the only thing of hers that smells like Jake Gyllenhaal’s penis are a pair of her panties he steals to wear around the fucking house when she’s not banging him with a strap on….

So that makes her and her bikini modelling pretty okay by me..

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Alyssa Miller is alright when half naked for Esquire…except for the simple fact that Jake Gyllenhaal, my enemy who actually got me into the tabloids after he attacked the girl I was fucking after I said “aren’t you the dude who killed Heath Ledger”…which was a valid question and didn’t need dude to react like a spoiled brat that he is…

So when I see her amazingness, I smell the tainted Gyllenhaal vagina, but you never know, cuz he’s gay..

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Apparently Alyssa Miller has sex with Jake Gyllenhaal, which I find hard to believe since Jake Gyllenhaal is gay.

Not only have I seen Brokeback Mountain, but I have also been accosted by Jake Gyllenhaal in person, and it was less of a “action star trained in martial arts” and more of a ballet dancer, and not a Russian trying got escape communism ballet dancer, but a spoiled brat ballet dancer from Beverly Hills who didn’t get enough foam in his cappuccino ballet dancer…a little limp wristed enough for me to think he may even have AIDS from all his self destructive bareback parties he keeps on the down low…but that would imply they fuck…and they probably don’t…you see she’s just a groupie bitch getting ahead in life and he’s a wrung on her groupie ladder…only in her case, her groupie behavior comes with being a hot model I’d fuck had she not been tainted by the Gyllenhaal.

That’s all I gotta say about that.

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Alyssa Miller is 24. She’s and SI model. In fact, her Rookie year in SI was in 2011 along side fatty Kate Upton…who as we know has gone on to achieve greatness, at least for a fat chick, in both her ability to eat an entire pig at a Texas BBQ, but also wash it down with a couple of Pies, at least that’s what her weird looking’ body tells me…a weird looking body that has made the cover of SI a bunch of times because she’s marketable and the people like her, while substantially hotter models, like Alyssa Miller, have taken the backseat and are forced to run shitty campaigns for shitty bathing suit companies…probably asking themselves every time they see a Kate Upton pic “WTF…How?…Why?”…leading to some insecurity regarding inadequacies the people have told her she had…making her a good candidate to WIFE….I dig it.

Posted in:Alyssa Miller

I did a post on ALYSSA MILLER IN HER BIKINI yesterday….where I said she’s one of the rookie’s in the SI Swimsuit shit this year…but she’s been overshadowed by sloppy Kate Upton…all because Kate Upton is huge in all senses of the word….famous, hyped, and thick enough for me to know she’s gonna end up fat….

When the real star they’ve found is this Alyssa Miller bitch….even if only because she’s MODELED TOPLESS ALREADY …

I’m a fan….Die Upton…Team Miller.

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