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Archive for the Kimberly Stewart Category

2007

May

I am – Ugly Kimmy Stewart and Her Legs of the Day

I just rolled out of bed because I was tired and really didn’t have anything to get up for. It’s not like I have a job to go to, or appointments to meet and during the day is the only time my wife isn’t taking up 3/4 of the fucking bed and I can get some fucking sleep.

I decided that today would be a good day to treat myself to some lunch, so I end up in this restaurant half asleep and unshowered because I woke up hungry and the dude in line in front of me knows the fucking staff and is chatting them up. At first he’s being a little loud but it’s not that noticeable because I wasn’t really paying attention. Then asshole starts making lame joke after lame joke in this big fucking voice and I start thinking to myself that this asshole thinks he’s a fucking stand-up comedian and he fucking sucks and doesn’t realize he fucking sucks. Then I hear his friend ask him how his stand-up act is coming along, and it turns out the asshole is a fucking stand-up comedian, obviously not a very successful one and the kind who only has one good joke and that joke is that no one laughs to any of his jokes.

Either way, it got me thinking, how does someone decide to be a stand-up comedian. Do their parents and grandparents give them so much positive reinforcement by telling them that they are so fucking funny all their fucking life that they make the motherfucker tell jokes at family functions where the whole family cracks the fuck up because they are just as lame as he is because they made him but dude’s so fucking so drowned in compliments about how funny he is that he starts believing it and drops all inhibitions that normal people have and decides that it’s ok for him to take the family function act to the fucking public by being a total loud asshole in public when people are just innocently trying to do their jobs and people are just trying to innocently trying to order their food.

It was pretty fucking presumptuous of him to tho that to us, but I have a feeling that he thought he was doing us all a favor by giving us a free show, like in his mind I just walked into Bob Dylan busking on the street corner, but the reality of the whole fucking thing is that I didn’t buy a ticket to his show, I didn’t sign up to listen to shitty fucking jokes, I just wanted some lunch. Maybe I should have said something, but I got better shit to do , like stare at the chick he was with’s ass. Motherfucker.

Here’s some Kimmy Stewart who probably was told how pretty she was all her life by her parents polluting her brain into thinking she actually can go out in public without a mask on, but at least she’s got hot fucking legs to give me something to focus on…

Posted in:Kimberly Stewart|Legs|Unsorted

2007

May

I am – Kimmy Stewart Getting Dressed Like a Clown at Coachella of the Day

245 Comments »

The problem with strip clubs is that the girls who are there with their boyfriends or husbands, usually there for the first time are a lot fucking hotter than any of the strippers who are up on stage. The last time I was at a strip club there was a pretty hot blonde chick who looked like she just got out of bed, in sweatpants and shoes that looked like slippers, like her and her boyfriend were in the middle of banging before he stopped her because it wasn’t working for him and that he had to run to the strippers to get inspired with new tits or some shit. But year, that half asleep looking girl was substantially hotter than any of the strippers and I ended up spending my whole night staring at her, until the boyfriend came up to me and told me to fuck off. Luckily they had some Larry King playing on one of the TV screens that was supposed to be for porn and my girl Oprah was on because Oprah is my porn and strippers are just a waste of fucking space when they’re ugly….

Either way, here are pictures of Kimmy Stewart at Coachella dressed way too over the top for me to understand what the fuck is going on. Is she a clown or doing a drag show because I have seen Halloween costumes with less fucking intensity. The fag with the penis haircut and valet vest is almost prettier to look at, which doesn’t make me gay, it just means that Kimbo is that fucking ugly because that dude is a total cunt and from my experience, just cuz bitch wears a bikini top, doesn’t mean bitch is a bitch…if you know what I mean.. Cuddles….

Related Posts:

I am – Kimmy Stewart is Still Ugly

I am – Kimberly Stewart Dressed Like a Clown

I am – Kimberly Stewart’s Bikini

Posted in:Kimberly Stewart|Stripper|Unsorted

2007

Apr

I am – Lohan and Kimbo Stewart are Best Friends Who Dress the Same of the Day

69 Comments »

Lohan and Kimbo Stewart are already such good friends that I have never seen together before that they are already wearing matching outfits like they were 7 and this was fucking kindergarten. They are like watching two seven year olds running around the park in matching outfits only these girls aren’t 7 anymore, the only thing they have in common with the number 7 is that they banged 7 different dude’s last week along, at least Lohan did…

Either way, these girls are like the kind of friends who go to grade school together, then highschool together where they lost their virginity, then college together where they lost it some more, then get married the same year after college to the guys who gave them herpes who happen to be best friends too, then have babies together, they are like attached at the fucking hip, sisters who aren’t sisters, only in Lohan’s case they just met last week….

Speaking of sisters, I always loved when my stepdaughters would pretend that they were twins and wear matching outfits, so when they got older, I used to buy them matching panty sets to wear around the dumpster I call home. I got so into it that I had a different lingerie set for them to wear every day of the week, from the sailer girls to the school girls to the cats…meow. I guess it probably wasn’t the most morally sound thing to do but they didn’t seem to mind, and since they didn’t mind either did I. My wife put all the fun to an end when I tried setting up bath time for them and they complained. Bitches.

Posted in:Kimberly Stewart|Lindsay Lohan|Unsorted

2007

Mar

I am – Kimberly Stewart Has Good Legs of the Day

3 Comments »

The problem with writing a site like this is that every fucking blogger drops the same fucking joke. I had some pics I almost posted yesterday of Hilary Duff in a cleavage dress, pretending she has tits and I didn’t bother because the joke was too easy. I went to the site called TheSuperficial about 10 minutes ago and saw that motherfucker dropped a lamer version of the same joke. Having a celebrity site is like sitting in a room with a bunch of virgins brainstorming on different variations of the same joke until one of them gets chosen, only in this world, all the shitty brainstormed ideas that would normally get flushed down the fucking toilet make it out on the idiot who suggested it’s personal site…It’s like people with no business writing anything, myself included, somehow have a fucking audience and are making boat loads of money, myself excluded, when before having these sites they would spend their nights thinking about jerking off to porn, and going to bed feeling dirty and guilty about having had those thoughts…..

Speaking of dirty and guilty, here are some pics of Kimberly Stewart from a couple of days ago, still looking like her dad beat her up with one of his many Platinum records, repeatedly, over the course of her childhood, permanently ruining her but leaving her long Model legs that she got from her long model legged mother untouched because he knew they were the ticket to getting her useless self off his payroll and onto some other asshole who she married, like a poor rich virgin who once ran a celebrity site before selling it to AOL for 100,000,000 dollars’….

Posted in:Kimberly Stewart|Unsorted

2007

Mar

I am – Kimmy Stewart Is Still Ugly of the Day

14 Comments »

There was once a time when I couldn’t turn on my computer without seeing some Kimmy Stewart bullshit. It was never really that fun for me but she’s been laying low for the last few months, which is a pretty good thing because she looks like her dad accidentally ran over her face with his Rolls Royce while he was drunk from writing that Maggy May song and she was drunk from sucking Jack Osborne’s Dick.

Point of this post is to say, where the fuck has this bitch gone. When people lay low it means a few things, either they are in a relationship, they have AIDS or they have taken up heroin. I know Kelly dropped some AIDS and her family member shit and I guess Kimmy could be the source….

If Kimmy happens to die, I think her legacy should be that she was the only rich person in history who couldn’t make themselves decent enough for me to fuck….I don’t know if that made sense, I am still fucked up on allergy pills and I have no standards, but even with no standards I wouldn’t bang’er but I would bang a car’s exhaust pipe at a busy intersection. Hope that brought my point home.

Posted in:Kimberly Stewart|Unsorted