Eva Longoria Archives - Page 9 of 9 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2007

03

Jul

I am – Eva Longoria Bikini Ass of the Day

I was talking to a few blogs the other day and they told me shit about how companies approach them to buy them out all the time and advertisers beg them to be on their sites and I realize that I am really doing something wrong because I never get those emails.

I guess I am too hardcore for a mainstream company to want to be a part of and my commentary is pretty irrelevant and has nothing to do with anything really. It isn’t reporting celebrity news, it isn’t changing lives, it isn’t even informative for people looking to better themselves. If I knew how to read I would have taken the time to read a book on how to start a business and it would probably tell me to identify a need and deliver to that need.

It turns out that there’s no real value in what I do. This site is pretty much a waste of space. It barely even entertains the 7 people who check it out daily. So maybe I am having a mid-life crisis trying to find a purpose in life or maybe trying to find something a little more relevant to society than doing what I do but in the meantime in trying to figure all that shit out I am going to leave you with these Eva Longoria bikini ass pictures….

I think what it really comes down to is that there is a place in the world for everyone. I walked into a Subway yesterday because I had to take a shit and my wife made the bathroom off limits for the afternoon, evening and as it turned out part of today too. I don’t know what died in her colon but whatever it was it had a lasting impact on my day. Anyway, I was at Subway at about 10 pm and I saw two socially awkward looking people. The chick was a heavy midget with one leg shorter than the other and the guy was kinda tall and awkward and looked like he was from another country.

These two people were playing MAGIC Cards, for those of you who don’t know, this is the shit that virgins who like wizards love, and I realized that these two people were on a fucking date. Instead of instinctively laughing at them, like I would have when I was a teenager, I felt happy that they found each other. Two seemingly socially awkward losers playing creepy socially awkward card games were getting more sex than you.

Posted in:Ass|Bikini|Eva Longoria|Unsorted

2007

02

Jul

I am – Eva Longoria Bachelorette Party in St Tropez of the Day

4 Comments »

Eva Longoria is in Europe preparing for her wedding or getting married or on her honeymoon or for some reason that doesn’t really matter because whatever she’s doing, she’s rocking a bikini. I was never a big fan of Eva Longoria, probably because I am Mexican and I am not into my own kind. All I see when I look at her is my grandmother, a short stalky bitch making tortillas for her 8 kids in our ratty ass kitchen when I was 5. I just assume that’s where Longoria will end up and although I loved my grandmother, I never really wanted to marry her or bang her if you know what I mean.

I used to hang out with this black dude who was stealing money from the store he was night manager at. He used to take us out to stripclubs every single night and pay for everything. He told us that his mother had died and left him a couple hundred thousand dollars and that he wanted to spend it on having a good time. I didn’t feel guilty about letting him blow all his money on us because I figured I was therapeutic to him and if you want my company you just have to take me to the strippers. Either way, I am not a heartless asshole and when dude finally got arrested I felt relieved that the money he was spending wasn’t his to begin with, it made all those drunken nights a lot more fun to be a part of because the guilt was gone.

Anyway, dude used to get so fucking mad when black strippers would get up on stage. He wanted more out of his people and thought they were just living a cliche. The condition of going out with him was to pay no attention to the black strippers because shit personally offended him. I feel the same way about Longoria, she’s a disgrace to our people but at least she’s rockin’ a camel toe showing off that her taco isn’t as meaty as the tacos she grew up on.

2007

22

May

I am – Eva Longoria Peepin’ Dance Pics of the Day

63 Comments »

This shit reminds me of voyeur porn. The kind that is usually staged but you like to think it isn’t, of girls taking showers or getting changed. I am not talking the voyeur porn where creeps go out with their cameras and try to sneak upskirts and shit because that kinda stuff is a little too stalker for me. I am more into stalking useless celebrities that everyone seems to care about, because at least they are getting paid to entertain me and aren’t some innocent girls walking up the stairs at the mall for people like you to snap shots of. I have morals….

Either way, this through the door Longoria dancing shit makes me laugh because there was a time that all I would look up was this kind of shit. Normally it would end with her giving the dude a blowjob or some shit, but bitch has an image to keep up or something.

Posted in:Dancing|Desperate Housewives|Eva Longoria|Unsorted

2007

22

May

I am – Eva Longoria Peepin' Dance Pics of the Day

No Comments »

This shit reminds me of voyeur porn. The kind that is usually staged but you like to think it isn’t, of girls taking showers or getting changed. I am not talking the voyeur porn where creeps go out with their cameras and try to sneak upskirts and shit because that kinda stuff is a little too stalker for me. I am more into stalking useless celebrities that everyone seems to care about, because at least they are getting paid to entertain me and aren’t some innocent girls walking up the stairs at the mall for people like you to snap shots of. I have morals….

Either way, this through the door Longoria dancing shit makes me laugh because there was a time that all I would look up was this kind of shit. Normally it would end with her giving the dude a blowjob or some shit, but bitch has an image to keep up or something.

Posted in:Dancing|Desperate Housewives|Eva Longoria|Unsorted

2007

21

May

I am – Eva Longoria's Ass Plays Volleyball For Charity of the Day

2 Comments »

Eva Longoria is one of those socially conscious celebrities who goes to charity events out of the kindness of her heart and not for publicity because she cares about the world and using her “reach” as a celebrity to make a difference, so who am I to not post the pictures of the event where she played some charity volleyball to bring awareness to whatever the fuck the cause is while showing off her ass.

I am hungover and can barely focus on the screen, so I see is her ass and even though that is the real reason I am posting these, I do think she should be an example to other celebrities on how to make a difference in the world, while still showing her ass.

I guess what it all comes down to is that I am a charitable cause that people should start donating to….

2007

21

May

I am – Eva Longoria’s Ass Plays Volleyball For Charity of the Day

2 Comments »

Eva Longoria is one of those socially conscious celebrities who goes to charity events out of the kindness of her heart and not for publicity because she cares about the world and using her “reach” as a celebrity to make a difference, so who am I to not post the pictures of the event where she played some charity volleyball to bring awareness to whatever the fuck the cause is while showing off her ass.

I am hungover and can barely focus on the screen, so I see is her ass and even though that is the real reason I am posting these, I do think she should be an example to other celebrities on how to make a difference in the world, while still showing her ass.

I guess what it all comes down to is that I am a charitable cause that people should start donating to….

2007

06

Mar

I am – Eva Longoria Working Out of the Day

2 Comments »

I think there’s something sexy about a bitch working out. I used to work at the local YMCA doing janitorial work, before getting fired for sneaking into the women’s locker room. I already wrote about this, it was part of some kind of work program and if you don’t remember it, that’s ok, it’s probably because you didn’t read it. Anyway, before getting the idea to be a bit of a peeping tom, I used to make a habit of watching the aerobic classes. I had no fucking preferences, I took whatever I got when it came to scheduling, meaning some days it would be new moms with their babies, other days it would be old ladies in the geriatric classes, sometimes it would be hot college girls but everytime was ladies in compromising positions. I guess the fact that I was peeping in the window made me the creep, but every class had at least 2 or 3 fucking perverts in them lookin’ for a little piece of ass to stare at while innocently on all fours. They were the smart perverts because the girls all took a liking to them, thinking they were there to get healthy, while filed formal complaints about me. That’s pretty much my story and here are some Longoria working out pics…that bring back memories of the good old days….

I guess the joke in all these pics is the one of her lookin’ over the wall like her parents did before jumping it to make their escape from Mexico to the USA….it’s kinda like a Jew visiting the concentration camps or the blacks at a slave cemeteries. This shit is like a cultural experience.