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Archive for the Jessica Alba Category

2009

27

Nov

Jessica Alba Shows Off Some Back of the Day

1 Comment »

I assume this was the view Cash Warren had the fateful night that he pulled out and came on her ass, only to have her run to the bathroom and turkey baste herself so that he could never leave her even though he tried so many times, because there comes a time in every man’s life when you realize the hot chick the world wants to fuck, is just the annoying bitch who constantly nags more than every other bitch and who doesn’t like giving head after a month of dating like every other bitch, and who doesn’t take it up the ass cuz she thinks its gross like every other bitch, she’s just easier on the eyes but not quite worth putting up with all the high maintenance bullshit that comes with her, until she mysteriously gets knocked the fuck up out of nowhere in some “Surprise….you’re stuck with me for life..motherfucker”…..

Pics via Fame

Posted in:Back|Jessica Alba

2009

02

Nov

Jessica Alba is Dora the Explorer of the Day

7 Comments »

For you perverts who get off to kids shows….and I know you fucking exist. Because anything you can think someone jerks off to, there is probably someone who has and really when it comes to Dora the Explorer, who really can’t find her dark complexion and little shorts hot, especially considering she is an explorer, something that usually translates into “Adventurous Enough For Anal”, something Alba probably should have channeled the night she flipped the used condom inside out after skipping her birth control pill to get knocked up to lock Cash Warren in for life, but instead was too emotional and scared of being alone.

We get it bitch, you’re a mom, you know kids shows, just shut the fuck up and put on some lingerie. Couldn’t you have been Dora the Whore Explorer or some shit, this is useless….step it the fuck up Alba, or should we just call her a series of constant disappointments….

Bonus – Cash Warren Standing Next to Ass

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Posted in:Dora the Explorer|Halloween|Jessica Alba

2009

09

Oct

Jessica Alba in Stupid Shorts of the Day

11 Comments »

There’s no better way to cover up your disgustingly ravaged body for an ill-advised decision you made on a whim while sitting alone in your bathroom with a mouthful of cum after giving your ex a break-up blowjob in order to get yourself pregnant with your because he was trying to break up with you so that he could move onto move onto the newer teen heartthrobs after your fame and sex appeal was past its prime and on the fuckin’ decline, than a pair of oversized shorts.

Don’t get me wrong, I’d be more than happy to try to rebuild her vagina with my dick, or spend the night kissing the scars on her pussy from the birth better, but these pictures remind me of an old man at the hardware store buying gardening supplies….and last time I checked, that didn’t make me cum but probably could if I really focused because I am weird…

Pics via Fame

Posted in:Jessica Alba|Shorts

2009

01

Oct

Jessica Alba’s Got a Pug My Pug Wants to Fuck of the Day

6 Comments »

As a pug owner, who is more like a pug’s personal assistant, because the fucker controls my fucking life ever since my wife brought him home from the shelter. I have to clean up his piss and shit, feed him, and pet him when he demands my attention, I feel like I should turn this site into a pug fan site, since pugs are a hell of a lot more interesting than celebrities and a lot more entertaining with their weird stupid faces that wake me up everyday when I am hungover and trying to sleep, but I guess I’m only saying that cuz my pug is my only friend….

But it turns out that Jessica Alba has a pug and that makes me feel the need to coordinate a pug-meet in her neighborhood, cuz nothing gets pussy like watching your hood pug fuck the shit out of a hollywood pug, even though my hood pug is far better lookin than this pug….and I guess she’s far better lookin’ than me, so together, we balance it all out…

Pics via Fame

Posted in:Jessica Alba|Pug

2009

31

Aug

Jessica Alba is Trying to Wash Away Her Dirty Sins of the Day

3 Comments »

Based on Alba’s baby, it’s safe to say she’s a dirty fucking girl, because to have a baby takes cum attaching itself to a uterus and in order for that to happen, Alba had to pull the condom out of the garbage and put it inside out and shove the shit inside her at least 20 times before it actually worked, cuz Cash Warren knew she was skipping her pill to trap him, and insisted on using rubbers that he brought, sometimes doubling the fuck up just in case she poked a hole in the shit or one was to break because she lined her pussy with Vaseline or oil based lubricant that destroys condom or some shit cuz she was just that desperate to get knocked the fuck up and trap the man she convinced herself was her soulmate.
So seeing her with wet hair reminds me that like my friend who fucked a girl with AIDS, no matter how many times she scrubs herself down, even to the point of bleeding, the damage is done and she’s still got serious baggage in the form of a kid and despite how great being a stepfather is, it’s not something I recommend for masturbation fanatasies…..dirty girl.

Here are some pictures of her from last week bending over that I forgot to post…..

PICS VIA FAME

Posted in:Dirty Girl|Jessica Alba|Wet

2009

03

Aug

Jessica Alba Inspires New Mothers With This Body of the Day

5 Comments »

It’s taken a while, but it looks like Jessica Alba’s gone and got her body back. I guess we can all stop hating on Cash Warren and calling him a muderer for killin’ her body and we can go back to sympathizing with him knowing that this bitch trapped the motherfucker for life, but at least she’s lookin good now while doin’ it.

Let’s just hope for everyone’s sake, the next time she lets a dude cum inside her that she has the decency to herself and the rest of us to get fuckin’ Plan B morning after pill, or better yet a fuckin’ abortion, because abortions are like porn to me, they are also a total relief and if I could, I’d devote my life to abortion, but unfortunately it takes years of schooling to be an abortionist, that you can work your way around if you want to get arrested. I’ve looked into it.

Here’s her body in her bikini for her big reveal you’ve all already masturbated to..

Posted in:Bikini|Body|Jessica Alba

2009

13

Jul

Jessica Alba Shows a Little Bra of the Day

4 Comments »

Jessica Alba was out showing a little bra to remind us all that despite having a kid that murdered her sex appeal, vagina and naked body and left shit in a bloody pile in the corner, she’s still alive and kickin’ and by kickin’ I mean boring as fucking shit…not that shit can’t be exciting depending on the day, but Jessica Alba can’t, she’s too uptight and even pictures of the cunt being wild aren’t even PG, I heard it’s gotta do with the no-nudity clause in her boring contract, unless it’s to trick dudes to not leave you by getting pregnant.

Posted in:Bra|Jessica Alba

2009

08

Jun

Jessica Alba is Still Alive of the Day

4 Comments »

In case you are wondering, Jessica Alba is still alive. She hasn’t killed herself yet, she’s just killed her career. It’s one of those let your emotional neediness dictate what’s best for you situations, and instead of just letting that Cash Warren asshole take his herpes elsewhere, she had to go and sabotage his life but taking his cum rag and and wringing it out into her womb. At least society will have its revenge on her as she slowly gets more and more obsolete, like this computer I am trying to post with, only with floppier mom tits and here is her bra strap holdin’ them shits up.

Posted in:Alive|Jessica Alba

2009

15

May

Jessica Alba Gets Some Tickets of the Day

1 Comment »

Oh Shit. Jessica Alba got 2 parking tickets, one was because her meter was up, the other because she was parked too far away from the curb and guess what, she’s gonna have to pay them. A whole 100 fucking dollars at most to the city, like she can’t fucking afford that shit. Tickets are only fun when they happen to people you don’t like, who are down on their luck, who just lost their job, who have maxed out credit cards and have resorted to food stamps and food drives to survive, when it happens to celebrities, it’s boring, they don’t even get inconvenienced enough to take the shit off the windshield and have hired help take care of it. If we really wanted to get a good laugh at Jessica Alba, in some kind of revenge for ruining her body and sex appeal, it’d have to be more hardcore than a couple tickets, I’m talkin’ hit by a bus,or rushed by a stalker, pretty much anything but this….

Posted in:Jessica Alba|Parking Tickets

2009

17

Apr

Creepy Jessica Alba Video of the Day

5 Comments »

I am working on getting some posts up, I just got distracted with laziness, but I know you are here and need to be fed useless commentary on useless people who aren’t quite as useless as me. While I upload pictures, I figured I’d post this Alba on Leno video I came across that is creepy as hell. Her fans are relentless and went to the trouble of not only capturing the footage from their TV, but also sat there editing it into some slow motion weirdness that needs a soundtrack, you know some Lionel Richie shit, or any love song to really secure how creepy this motherfucker is.

Knowing that you are a creep, I figured I’d post it for you. I am nice like that.

Posted in:Jessica Alba|Leno|Video