I need a street team. I looked at my stats. We need to get the word out there. Stickers. Publicity Stunts. Flash Floods of Women Flashing. I don’t give a fuck as long as it says DrunkenStepfather.com on it so we live another day, unlike the real Jesus who you are all sucking up to today cuz he gave you a day off, that’s how religion does it, how can we hate the shit if we get a day off work after 364 days a year of feeling guilty for jerking off to teen girls playing badminton in the park while high on cough medicine and the mystery powder you found on the sidewalk outside the gay club….Dried AIDS cum? Shit…wish I knew that before trying to get high on it…ya know?

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I just got a notice that Facebook is suing sites that use their facebook like button who didn’t read the terms and conditions and realize that facebook doesn’t allow people to like pics of topless chicks….cuz facebook is a modern day dictator out to run the fucking world with all your personal information….disguised as a safe place to meet people…and you’re all insane for drinking the kool aid and buying into this obvious insanity….this may be the end of me…even though I’m no different than a Playboy, I just don’t have that mainstream endorsement, traffic, advertising dollars or appeal, cuz I like my tits in the gutter where they belong, not classed up from the gutter…and really, who cares about me, I don’t make as much money as DJ Pauly D, meaning I’m pretty much lower than the lowest….

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I hate that today is 420. I hate that every idiot on Facebook friend and twitterer i follow is getting excited about the shit like they were high school boys….or right that’s because they are high school boys…No Pedophile.

I wonder if that joke converted and if it didn’t, I still hope all you 420 idiots get in trouble, arrested and prison raped…No Pedophile. I’m talking to all of you and not in sexual terms, but in you deserve to be emotionally tarnished terms….

Here are my morning links…

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Technically it’s not morning anymore, but morning is a state of mind…..

Which doesn’t answer the ever lingering question of Who are you and why are you reading this smut? What’s wrong with you?

Here are my morning hangover dump cuz I’m hungover…and it’s getting repetitive/boring.

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My hangover perpetual, even when I don’t drink. That’s just how I feel daily…unfortunately I had to take on some work doing gardening this weekend for an asshole friend of mine cuz I need the money to pay for this fucking server…now I’m pushing 300 pounds, I am not built to rake, life, dig, even if I am fucking mexican you racists….meaning hangover or not all I’m feeling today is pain. Welcome back week.

Here are the morning links….

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Getting drunk alone on the computer is always fun, especially when you get to wake up to all the new friends, conversations, and paper trail you left behind trying to entertain yourself while your wife, your first choice in miserable entertainment while drunk in the cell you call home, cuz there’s cuz she’s circus-like and the space isn’t big enough for other choices, wasn’t there to make you feel like the lazy loser you clearly are….if you know what I mean…which you do. Cuz we’re in this together…

Here are the morning links…

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Someone I know has a TV show that she won’t let me on, but she does send me harrassing messages regardless, asking me to help get the word out for her casting, and being the nice guy that I am, despite not being allowed on the show, I’m gonna post it. I know, it’s got nothing to do with my hangover dump, but that’s probably because I don’t get hangovers from vodka, however the pizza I ate at 5 am raped me, but this was never meant to be about shit, it just evolved into that….

Here’s the casting call… Enter. It will be amazing…and hysterical…think of what they boys back at the trailer park will think!

A new reality tv series based on the ins and outs of the fashion and luxury industry is looking for six interns with huge personalities to live & work in the Hamptons for the summer. We are looking for wild, loud, outspoken, and colorful individuals who are willing to work hard and take part in a fabulous lifestyle. If you think this chance of a life time is for you, please submit a 1-3min casting tape that answers the following questions: 1. Who are you – a rebel, a good girl, a heart breaker, the class clown, a bad boy or just tell us in your own words how you see yourself. 2. What is important to you? What does luxury mean to you? What does fashion mean to you? 3. What would make you a great fashion/luxury intern? Please e-mail your casting video to: fashioncasting9465 (AT) gmail.com.

I know GMAIL addresses always feel so legit, but I know first hand it is….

Now here are the morning links….

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It may not be the morning anymore…but it’s always morning to me…I always have that fresh, get out of bed to greet the day, so glad my alarm went off cuz I hate sleep when I could be awake being productive feeling….of death…you know what I’m saying…so here’s some links….to occupy you while I regroup….

Lookin Good Sweethearts
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Tiger Woods: 20 Hotties Who Could Get Him Back to Winning
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Free Cams You HAVE to Check Out
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ScarJo Isn’t Pregnant, She’s Just Fat
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Teen BFs Go At It
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Get a Load of Lola B
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Gotta Love Knee High Socks
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Amateur Pussy Pound
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Drunk Hotties Acting Slutty At A Football Tailgate
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Here’s Another Drunk Baby Story
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There are a few things I’ve always hated that other people do. The first is when they talk about jerking off. It’s not a gay thing, it’s just a weird overly friendly, like I don’t need to feel like I was in the room with you while you were violating yourself like some horny desperate pervert for your dead relatives, and the second thing is when people talk about their shits…you know size, length, smells, pain involved, bloody toilet paper, the works….

For some reason, I’ve become those people I hate so much, with little else to talk about by my bodily functions, cuz nothing else is going on…so to answer you question, it smelled like chopped eggs.

Here is the other morning dump

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I think my morning hangover is a combination of 6 hangovers from the last 6 days and I’m surprised I managed to get out of bed…weak…dizzy…covered in what is either urine or sweat…unable to do my morning pilates class, but ready to take on the week like a real fucking hero…to save the day for people who don’t even read the fucking site but who I think they do…cuz I ignore the fact that 90 percent of the site traffic is people googling “dick farts”… I don’t even know what a dick fart is…who cares – here’s some morning links to start this horrible day…

A Laid Out Babe to Start Things Off
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No Wrong Answer: Who’s Hotter, Pro or College Fans?
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Cam Shows That Are Free and Will Brighten Up a Monday for a Broke Ass Like You
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Lindsay Lohan Hid in the Closet From Her Dada, But I’ll Let You Decide Which of Thoe Two People Are Crazier
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How About some Jessica Rabbit Sluttiness?
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This Prosthetic Leg Paint Job Almost Makes Me Wish I Had a Prosthetic Leg
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Slutty Amateur in the Sex Toy Shop
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You Can Now Add Getting a Baby Drunk to the Long List of Things that Make Applebee’s Amazing
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