Valentines Day was a huge failure…I decided to go to the strippers instead of fuck regular desperate chicks who I know filled up all the bars after work and by 9 were primed and ready to fuck…and it turns out that strippers celebrate love too…because at the three strip clubs we went to…one had more than two strippers….but the best looking stripper was 50 pounds overweight, orange like Snooki….and unfortunatly not as hot as Snooki and Snooki is not hot….If I live to see next year, I take my own advice…and hunt desperation.

Here’s some links as I recover from a broken heart….not in the love sense…but in the hard drinking and I feel it pounding in my neck sense…

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The above picture is a Valentine’s Day present from a reader….

This is the Valentine message I left my wife on a piece of toilet paper taped to a half eaten chocolate bar:

You really make me feel like shit. Unloved. Unappreciated. Glad I fucked a hooker last night instead of using the money to buy you a gift. You fucking pig.

Here’s the stepNEWS

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This guy’s got it all figured out….even though it’s a little gay….

Here’s some links while I recover from the 15 minutes of the Grammy awards I watched that made me angry that it exists….it is totally irrelevant…it isn’t what it used to be….and the people they honor are not talented, but just contrived shit..I’m talking to you Nicki Minaj….

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I’m glad I’m not a feco-philiac or into scat because last nights drinking and my hard living…..coupled with my diet made for some really horrible early morning bathroom experiences that I’d hate to be faced with if eating my own shit was my thing…you know like being served a steak the size no single human should ever eat….but the guy who loves steak just can’t refuse…You get what I’m saying….and that is that I want to go back to my dream of being a pair of a hot girl’s panties for the day…hoping modern science gets us to that point in technology in my lifetime….

Stop looking at me.

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I was involved in a natural disaster last night…I fell off a sidewalk while drunk and landed on my back….and now I can’t jerk off on webcam for all my female fans….that don’t exist…what I can do is drink a glass of my morning piss to try not to waste any remnants of last nights alcoholism….I don’t know what I’m talking about…

At least this guy’s got it all figured out….

Here’s the Morning links…

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This guy’s got it all figured out…

Here’s the morning links….while I recover by whatever I ate that then ate away at my stomach all night leading me waking up shit covered with a burning asshole and a fear that a home invader had his way with me before remembering this ghetto shit I live in isn’t something that gets invaded by anything more than harmless homeless squatters…and not in the gay way.

Here’s some links…

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I think I’m still traumatized that my friend made me watch THE VOICE after the superbowl and I was forced to try to understand Aguilera’s massive belly button dent in her tight dress her gut was hanging out of all while being fascinated by her tits. It is exactly why I don’t watch TV but instead watch hookers, sluts, pig women in person, cuz they are far more tolerable and less damaging to one’s mind, when they let you put your dick in them….

Here’s some links….to start this glorious day…a day where we should set out to make memories….yes that was far too positive a message from me…let me re-phrase that…kill yourself.

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I forgot it was the Super Bowl…partially because I spent the weekend in a drug and alcohol induced coma…but also because I don’ give a fuck about the shit…I did however randomly end up at a super bowl part at the end of the 4th to see Tom Brady lose like a little bitch who gets fucked up the ass by Gisele….

I didn’t see any of the commercials….but someone posted All the Superbowl Commercials for you Idiots Who Like Companies Brainwashing you via Stupid fucking Ads….

I did end up at a strip club with some bitch who was fatter than Christina Aguilera, who I saw on The Voice and was equally repulsed as I was annoyed of her dumpy, amazingly huge tits, that couldn’t distract from her huge belly button…reminding me why I hate pop culture…

Here are some morning links….

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So my homie Moses emailed me this picture a girl put on facebook along with this caption….

Stop Body-Shaming!
ALL BODIES ARE GOOD BODIES.
Age: 21
Height: 5’0″
US Size: 18/20
Measuring: 43-40-48
Proud ChubbyBunny and Riotgrrrl
Love your body. It’s good for your health!

And I remembered why I drink….and it has nothing to do with half naked fat chicks on facebook…but everything to do with having a good time…or at least numbing the pain from a life that sued me….

Here some morning links…

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It’s the fucking morning version of the stepLINKS….what more could a motherfucker want….

I spent my night eating ribs with some ghetto bitch who I just liked watching suck the meat off the bones…while flirting with some fat elderly server with thick thighs….only to come home drunk, with nothing but a bottle of gin and Facebook to entertain me…

I ended up retracing the steps of Lana Del Rey, also know as Lizzy Grant, also knows as Lana Del Lip, bitch who has a rich dad who hired great producers to make her a marketable bunch of songs. Who hired a bargain basement plastic surgeon to get her some numb lip in efforts to market her as a Bridget Bardot hollywood glam…they bought PR people and now you have a spoiled brat who can’t sing with 25,000,000 views on both her fucking videos….It is insane….especially when this is what she used to look like:

This is what she used to sound like….

So she’s a full of shit rich kid lie who “re-invented herself” into something marketable….I know no one cares about this….and I know I still want to fuck her…but in my defense I want to bang everyone…and I was drunk in the making of this fantastic research….

Here are some morning links…

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