Shannon Elizabeth Archives Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2016

23

Sep

Shannon Elizabeth Lives of the Day

I am posting this Shannon Elizabeth at an event looking old and boring – because I guess that’s what happens when you’re forced into retirement after being a set of hot fake tits on a hot body in a really dumb fucking movie that defined a generation of what are now 40 years old after creating a fucking ton of money for the creators of the franchise that gave the world Shannon Elizabeth…and I guess the other stars that went onto do big things…except for Shannon Elizabeth…

She was all the rage. People celebrated her….but unlike Rat Cow…her tits that made her viral but didn’t didn’t survive the internet age of social media….and I guess it’s just nice to be reminded of how important a bitch must feel at a certain stage in the game…only to have it pulled the fuck away from her…and maybe this is what she wanted, the life she wanted, cash in and get out..or maybe she’s sad about it…but based on the level of tit being shown, I think I better leave right now.

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Posted in:SFW|Shannon Elizabeth

2015

22

Jun

Shannon Elizabeth Kissing in the Subway of the Day

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Remember Shannon Elizabeth? I mean I assume you do because if you’re under 25, you’re likely on Facebook and Instagram and Snapchat and not actually on this site…the blog a dated concept…the snapchat feed…the future… follow DrunkStepfather…

That said…she was a set of tits that made Jason Biggs fuck a pie in American Pie, back in the late 90s, and everyone thought she was hot enough to make it, only she never did, thanks to having no talent to go with those silly fake tits…

Well it turns out she’s turned into a New York City…subway hooker…where she kisses random men when waiting for the train…who I assume either paid her fare…or gave her canned goods so that she doesn’t starve…like her career would imply…

ALl this to say, she’s old as fuck, just look at that neck…and I guess when you rely on your looks to matter…this is proof she doesn’t matter…

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Posted in:SFW|Shannon Elizabeth

2012

20

Apr

Shannon Elizabeth does FHM South Africa May 2012 of the Day

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Shannon Elizabeth is back….and no one gives a fuck because the world is full of hot pussy that don’t need to rely on the revival of a claim to fame from 15 years ago to get in the magazines….and if anyone does give a fuck about her and her comeback in the form of recycling her only job 15 years later…that person is needs to learn how to move the fuck on….you see….cuz life is about progress….no future in the past….let these bitches we once appreciated the implants fade and focus on the new pussy that’s coming on the scene…we aren’t married to these bitches…we don’t even know them…and sure as hell don’t need to be monogamous with them just cuz we jerked off to them once….

This shoot is for South Africa FHM….a magazine most South Africans can’t afford or bother with cuz they are dying of AIDS….so I figure it is my job to bring it to the people…I’m like Robin Hood…of titty pics.

Posted in:Shannon Elizabeth

2012

20

Mar

Shannon Elizabeth for Old Times at the American Reunion Premiere of the Day

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There was a time when I thought Shannon Elizabeth was fucking hot…That time was back in her first and pretty much last movie role tha counted…being the exchange student in American Pie….she had good fake tits and a hot body…

Now I don’t give a fuck about the American Pie comeback, I know it is a cash grab that will likely fucking suck harder than the first movies did, but more importantly harder than their straight to DVD series of trying to milk Eugene Levy as hard as his thick eyebrows let them…..

…and I sure as hell don’t give a fuck about Shannon Elizabeth, a virtual nobody in her mid to late 30s who doesn’t fucking matter, but I do believe in the power of video and pictures, allowing us to reflect on a bitch that was and not a bitch that is.

So I’m not excited about how she looked making her first public appearance since Clinton was president…I’m just reminded that I wanted to fuck her and that’s why I’m bothering with this shit….

The truth is that American Pie should be taking full page ads out on the site to promote this movie…but I’m just not the kind of guy those 50,000 dollar a week ad sales campaigns happen to. But I should be…..just like Shannon Elizabeth should be 25 again.

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Posted in:Shannon Elizabeth

2010

25

Oct

Shannon Elizabeth Diora Baird in Night of Demons of the Day

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I posted the trailer a while ago from Diora Baird’s fake movie magic tits that I need to get a pair of to make my masturbation more interesting, or to at least make various household object, like my dog, more fun to pet….These prosthetic tits look better than most fake tits these starlets get to

I guess the funniest thing in all this is that just 5 years ago she was in The Wedding Crashers, a movie I am sure she thought was the start of a properous career, but instead lead to being cut out of the latest Star Trek and this straigh to DVD trash….which I’m sure has given her a nice reality chekc, has toned down her ego and if you happen to stumble into the bar she hard drinks at, I can only assume it’ll end in back alley blowjobs…cuz I bitch has gotta eat and her actual career isn’t really doing it for her…but maybe that’s cuz she’s too full of shit to go topless and show her actual tits…she’s one of those…who until she learns to sacrifice herself for content…especially when B-Movies are all she’s getting…she deserves the fate her prude ass has left in the couch of her life…

Here’s the shitty clip from Night of Demons…without the tit cuz the file was corrupt…but you still get a sense of her great acting..

And here’s Shannon Elizabeth someone who proved that despite going topless in a big movie, keeping that interest from the public up hasn’t been as easy as her hot body expected…amd Bobbi Sue Luther doing a stupid lesbian themed dance….

The thing that throws me off about this movie, is the last time I was drunk with a girl who had whiskers drawn on her, she ended up getting peed on in a fire escape and her Russian husband wasn’t too happy about it…but seeing Shannon Elizabeth have her face ripped off was kinda hot…if you’re a psychopath.

Sidenote – I think Diora Baird has the single ugliest Wikipedia picture on Wikipedia…Change that shit up yo.

Posted in:Diora Baird|Shannon Elizabeth

2009

14

May

Shannon Elizabeth is Still Alive of the Day

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When a list has Michelle Obama and Chelsea Handler on the fuckin list, you know it’s not legit at all. When Katy Perry is 15 on the fucking list, you know it is written by girls. When Jennifer Love Hewitt is number 10, people are getting paid the fuck off, but at least Shannon Elizabeth isn’t on the shit, because she’s pretty insignificant and she looks fuckin’ horrible, despite her body still being bangin’. At least she got an invite to the party, which is more than I can say for myself.

Here she is in a shitty see through…

Posted in:Alive|Shannon Elizabeth

2008

23

Sep

Shannon Elizabeth is a Squeegee Punk of the Day

5 Comments »

Wanna know what happens when you are a 35 year old actress who has doesn’t get much work despite having 30 credits under her belt, most of those probably low paying cameo roles, including her big American Pie breakout as the webcam slut before webcam sluts were an everyday thing, who have turned to playing poker semi-professionally, like a few of my hopeless friends who rock the video lottery machines 12 hours a day waiting for the big payout because they can’t get work and because every once in a while they manage to double their welfare checks? They drive Hondas. Although a reliable Japanese car that is good on gas, it’s not really respected in Celebrity circles, but then again, either is Shannon Elizabeth. So it all makes sense.

Posted in:Shannon Elizabeth|Squeegee

2008

18

Jun

Shannon Elizabeth’s Got Jungle Fever of the Day

5 Comments »

I love how pissed off dudes get when they see a bitch they want to fuck or a bitch that they have fucked rockin’ out with a brother. I don’t think anything can piss a white dude off more than knowing a black dude has been up in a bitch first. I was talking to a friend the other day who told me that shit was going well with his chick and was thinking about asking her to move in with him, then in a game of truth or dare amongst friends at a dinner party (because my friend is a fucking yuppie faggot who goes to couple parties to play truth or dare in hopes of hearing something hot that he can jerk off to because he can’t fuck other chicks), he found out that his girlfriend’s ex, that he knew all about and that he knew was the first to give her an orgasm and the first to fuck her up the ass and the first dude who knocked her up that lead to her first abortion or miscarriage was Black and he freaked out and dumped her. Now, this may not sound crazy to some of you racist fucks, but it sounded crazy to me, because he was about to move in with the girl and just because she got black dick before him, she was disgusting to him and damaged fuckin’ goods.

Shit like that never bothered me, maybe because I am brown and think white dudes are boring, suburban and lame, maybe it’s because I know black dudes have more game and know how to play a bitch better and get what he wants out of them and respect that, maybe it’s cuz I know girls are sluts who like getting ravaged by huge cocks and white dudes aren’t up for the task, but whatever it is, who cares.

What I do care about is why more white people aren’t hating on Kim Kardashian for fucking a black dude, you’d figure if you’d go so far to dump your girlfriend or never date the hot chick who wants you for doing the same thing, the least you could do is carry that racism over into your sexual fantasies and ignore eveything Kardashian does in hopes that she disappears, instead you sit there and jerk off to her like some kind of pervert because you are one.

Here’s some Shannon Elizabeth with a black dude who she may or may not be fucking.

Posted in:Jungle Fever|Shannon Elizabeth

2008

25

Mar

Shannon Elizabeth is Dancing With the Stars of the Day

1 Comment »

Since my images still don’t work 100 percent and since dancing is porn to me, here’s some Shannon Elizablth Dancing with the Stars who aren’t really stars, because if they were, they would be too busy getting real work that doin’ a quickstep on a shitty variety show. Either way, there was a time I got hard for her fake tits and I figure that out of respect to the death of her sex appeal, I should honor it by posting this is some shit. Kinda like that time we Weekend and Bernied my neighbor who had a drug overdose 2 days before we found him and we had to sit with his body until the coroner came to get it. It took about 10 hours, we were drunk and thought that the best way to honor him was by turning him into some kind of puppet and making him do funny puppet things. All it took was a little rope and a strong stomach because dude had a bit of a stink to him but it got a whole lot of laughs when we went to the other neighbors’ doors making him ask fora cup sugar.

Posted in:Dancing With the Stars|Lame|Shannon Elizabeth

2008

19

Mar

Shannon Elizabeth is Dancing with the Stars of the Day

6 Comments »

So I figure that you didn’t watch Dancing with the Stars because you aren’t that comfortable with your sexuality and you’re scared it’ll make you want to take up dance since it’s so graceful and you don’t want your friends to call you a fag for it, so you do everything in your power to stay the fuck away from that shit. Even when an ex-Playboy cover girl is the ‘Star” dancing a fool in what looks like a panty-shirt showing off her legs.

The funny thing about this show is that the stars they find are hardly stars so when I watch a clip I have a hard time figuring out who is the famous one and who is the hired dancing instructor? It seems that they are so desperate to get people on the show that if you were an uncredited extra in a movie, like I was back when I drunkenly walked on set of a movie shoot at 5 am a few years ago, you’d qualify for the show….That said…I’ll put my dancing shoes on, I want to show the world how this man moves. It’s really quite angelic.

Posted in:Dancing With the Stars|Shannon Elizabeth

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