Short Archives Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

Archive for the Short Category

2009

Dec

Miley Cyrus and her Inappropriate Christmas Shorts of the Day

As an adult male, I get a lot of slack for sexualizing these 17 year old girls, even though we’re genetically programmed to want young and fertile pussy, the law works against us, at least in the USA because in Canada we can do whatever the fuck we want as long as it is consensual, and in my case consensual involves a whole lot of booze and downers but that’s got nothing to for with the point of this post….

The point of the post is to say that when a 17 year old dresses like this to events, or everyday or whenever, it is unnatural for a heterosexual man to not notice. It is homosexual to look at this and say “ewww tight body in short shorts…gross” even when it is Miley Cyrus and it is gross, because it is instinctual to want to get our dicks in the shit, and in Miley’s case, I definitely mean shit.

See I still think Miley Cyrus looks half retarded, like a retard who got away from a life as a retard, but if she was left inside the womb a couple more months to ripen, but she was pretty fucking close to being downs syndrome and the proof is in her face. See I don’t find her hot and I don’t want to fuck her, but I’m saying it’s not your fault if you do, you’re just a consumer to the product she’s marketing by wearing very little fucking clothes and if anything she should get in trouble for that and not you…cuz if young pussy is thrown down your fucking throat it is hard to not swallow and step back and say “no wait, stop, you’re a minor and this is illegal in most states”, it’s cockteasing at it is worst because it can land a motherfucker in jail and I think it’s gotta be stopped or laws have got to change because otherwise it si just not fair….

And now I have to punish you with a Miley Cyrus Song at the Jingle Bell Ball Where these pics are from….You will like it on mute cuz you get to watch her retard ass bouncing up and down…

Here’s an annoying interview with the fast talkin’ twat at the same event because I figured you need to be turned off by this girl in the event you are one of the weird ones actually turned on by her….her voice and stupidity is the cure to all inappropriate erections….

Pics via Bauer

Posted in:Legs|Miley Cyrus|Short

2009

Nov

Kristen Stewart Has a Shitty Ass in Little Shorts of the Day

6 Comments »

My big problem with Twilight is that the shit has become ridiculously successful, pretty much porn to any girl 18 years old or younger, but it hasn’t taught them real proper whore behavior, or really any lessons in life other than that ugly chicks can get swept off their feet by vampires who they find to be mysterious and hot because they have british accents. I didn’t see the movie, but I know that Kristen Stewart is a girl I hope no one aspires to be, or looks at as the formula of what dudes like fucking, because even in her short shorts, she looks like the piece of white trashy kid who was raised in poverty and didn’t have access to enough dairy or vegetables or really any nutrients growing up because they were so poor and her mom was lazy, so it was twinkies and bologna for her, so her body paid the price and looks like this retarded mess.

I figure if we’re going to make porn for kids, we should at least teach them blowjob techniques so that when they finally decide to whore out to satisfy their needs, they’ll have some tricks in their back pocket so we can all benefit from this bullshit, instead of just dudes who look like Rob Patterson or whatever his name is, not that it makes a difference for you, since no chick is ever quite horny enough to let you in their mouth, but I figure you get what I am saying….and here are the pics of Kristen Stewart doing it all wrong…

Pics via Bauer

Posted in:Kristen Stewart|Short

2009

Oct

Rod Stewart’s Short Man Syndrome in Pictures of the Day

6 Comments »

I don’t know if the actual cause of this union is short man syndrome. You know like that scene in Debby Does Dallas when her boss dresses up like the football quarterback before fucking the shit out of her because he was too short to actually be on the team when he was in high school, or maybe a better reference would be a Napoleon complex, where motherfucker tries to compensate for his height, by making a lot of money and landing a variety of whores the get back at the tall people who used to call him “shrimp” or make midget jokes about him, or if this is just a case of hiding his homosexuality and figuring if a bitch is a model, that must mean straight people like her and find her sexy, using that as a gauge to determine if a girl is hot to him, since as a fag he doesn’t have that instinct, but knows enough that a tall, blonde is the mold he needs to fit when it comes to pretending a bitch is his wife or maybe he just likes girls who have the same chin as him because they may be his illegitimate kid he doesn’t know about after fuckin’ a groupie 35 years ago. That’s not to say his wife isn’t a scary fucking monster of a woman, but it is to say that it doesn’t really matter…..

What does matter is how funny he looks next to her in these pics and although we are all the same height laying down, the sex must be a hell of a lot funnier than normal person sex, you know with his pretending he’s not gay, trying to fool her by crawling up her leg like a kid in the playground, less scared of playing with her vagina than he is of being outted as a faggot….

Pics via Bauer

Posted in:Rod Stewart|Short

2009

Jun

Sophia Bush in Shorts of the Day

3 Comments »

There are girls who get me excited me when they put on a pair of skimpy shorts, you know that hug their asses and their pussy while showing off nice legs. You know that whole American Apparel movement where girls from 14 to 30 are rocking the shit proper, but with all good things come the shit and there are a lot more girls, like Sophia Bush, who make me hate the fact that this trend exists because they don’t listen to their short fat legged body-types, but instead listen to the fashion magazines and take the lead from girls who have the right to pull this look off, making me wish for snow so they can put their pants on.

Posted in:Short|Sophia Bush

2009

May

Jessica Simpson Short Shorts Perform

7 Comments »

Jessica Simpson looked pretty fucking dumpy in a pair of short shorts while performing. I know she’s an idiot, but you’d think she be able to wrap her little head around the concept of pants. This isn’t Dukes of Hazards anymore, you’re old and just because you aren’t a mom doesnt mean you don’t look like you’ve had a few kids. Embrace your post-pregnancy lookin’ body, settle down, and put on some fucking pants. You pig.

Posted in:Jessica Simpson|Short

2008

Apr

Jamie Lynn Spears Pregnancy Shorts of the Day

8 Comments »

Here are some pictures of Jamie Lynn Spears wearing a bit more clothes than she was when she got into this whole mess that she doesn’t think is a mess because she’s a good little child of God and abortions don’t exist in her world, but unprotected premarital sex does, which is kind of hypocritical if you ask me, which you didn’t because my opinion doesn’t really matter.

I fuckin’ love teenage pregnancy and every teenage girl I have ever accidentally knocked up has had abortions, but that was pretty much my doing because I didn’t want the burden, lawsuit, jail time or commitment to a fat lonely girl with daddy issues who turned to me to fill her void and all it really took was a good punch to the stomach. You’d be surprised how fragile a uterus actually is….. I always thought they’d be a hell of a lot more resilient.

Either way, I like to think whoever got her knocked up fucked up, because she was just starting her career up and hasn’t had enough time to really peak in her career. I predict it’s all down hill from here, because I’ve seen young girls bounce back pretty well from this kind of thing, but they never fully bounce back. Not to mention how annoying it will be on the set of her next movie when she keeps having to stop to feed her baby while studying for her GED.

The good news is that this is a story of trash that we all get to take part in, because teenage pregnancy usually happens in small towns with girls no one really cares for and the only people who get to laugh about it are their neighbors and people in their class. Now the whole world gets to take part in the fun of something as beautiful as a kid giving birth to a kid because she decided she wasn’t a kid the night she was letting an older dude shove his unprotected dick in her and cum inside her because she didn’t take sex ed classes while being tutored on set and had no idea the implications of her actions. Good times….

Posted in:Jamie Lynn Spears|Short|Teenage Pregnancy

2007

Sep

I am – Hilary Duff in Shorts and a Tank Top of the Day

7 Comments »

Here are some Hilary Duff in shorts and a cleavage exposing shirt because I think she’s lookin’ better than she has pretty much ever looked, maybe it’s because she’s usually with her sister and that makes her hot by comparison because her sister is a fucking wreck. That would be like putting me next to my wife and saying that I am skinny, when in reality if you put me next to a normal sized person it looks like I’ve been stealing their food since we were kids. I saw this bitch at a Montreal club appearance and she wasn’t hot in person.

Paris is going to be in Montreal hosting a shitty party and I want to be there. I want her to take me out for dinner and I want to get her to flash me her box in person. I have no way of getting in because shitty bars designed don’t like me and my obesity, sweatpants and stench…so if any one of you three fuckers are some how connected to Paris, make it happen.

Does anyone have Paris Hilton’s number? Since the last one I had has been leaked I haven’t been able to reach out to her and tell her my problems. I do still have Stavros’ number that still works, but he doesn’t answer me anymore. I asked him to get me in the VMAs the day of the VMAs but said something like “I bet you have enough trouble getting yourself in to hook me up”….not that I would have gone, but I figure you gotta pretend you’re important to these kinds of people.

He ended up taking offense and throwing a little fit, I guess being the some of some shipping billionaire makes you a spoiled whining baby….he said something like “Don’t message me if you don’t have anything nice to say man” or something to that effect. I responded telling him that he’s banged every girl I’ve ever wanted too and that I bet it was worth the herpes….and I think that ended or Greek phone love affair.

In reality I don’t know why I bother even asking you, in my fantasies at least one of you has a job walking her dogs or waxing her cunt or something but even if you did, I can barely keep you interested enough in this site to comment, so even if you were somehow connected to her, you’d never hook me up…but I guess you don’t get what you want if you don’t try…this is the extent of me trying.

Related Posts:

Hilary Duff Does Montreal
Hilary Duff Bikini Pictures
Haylie Duffgusting Leaving the Gym
Paris and Her Sister Partying