Spandex Archives - Page 2 of 2 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2008

17

Oct

Kristin Cavallari Ninja Pussy Grip of the Day

Kristin Cavallari is the hotter girl from Laguna Beach who wasn’t smart enough to continue onto the hills, where she would have probably been paid the highest, and instead chose to take her ego to do other things, without considering the simple fact that she’s got pretty much no talent, or at least had no significant talent before seeing these pictures of her in leggings doing some kind of new age kamasutra kick with her sex coach. So as her old friends and foes from her shitty staged reality show get more and more famous and make more and more money by selling their souls, she remains committed to taking a second shot, only this time, it will involve her fucking her way to the top, like it always was meant to be….only that she got side-tracked from doing…

Here’s The Rest of those Pictures Since I Can’t Post Them Because of the Paprazzi Wanting to Ruin My Life….
GO

Posted in:Kristin Cavallari|Ninja Kick|Spandex

2008

16

Sep

Jennifer Aniston Leaving the Gym of the Day

40 Comments »

Jennifer Aniston is leaving the gym because staying in shape is important, especially when your aging body can’t land a husband, baby daddy or boyfriend and even more necessary when you’re Greek and predisposed to having a hug fucking dumpy ass.

Her desperation reminds me of my friend who was equally desperate to find love. He got to the point of desperation where he had exhausted masturbation but couldn’t manage to get a girl to sleep with him, and refused to get a whore because he said that would make him feel like a loser. I would remind him that he is a loser and he’d just blow me off. As time went on, he got more paranoid that everyone around him knew he couldn’t get laid and I realized that it had gone too far one day when buying beer with him at the grocery store and dude picked up a box of tampons. I asked him why the fuck he was picking up tampons and he just ignore me. We got to the cash and when the clerk went to scan the tampons, my friend chimed in and said something along the lines of “I hate buying these for my girlfriend, it’s so embarrassing”, I looked at him like he had lost his fucking mind and he continued, “but I guess it’s not as bad as me not getting laid for the next week, if you know what I mean”….and I figured I had to stop the insanity so I ratted him out to the clerk for not having a girlfriend and that he’s just being crazy at which point he freaked out on me and ran out of the store and I haven’t heard from him since.

Either way, here’s Aniston…

Posted in:Gym|Jennifer Aniston|Spandex

2007

16

Aug

I am – Nicolette Sheridan's Red Lycra Pants of the Day

No Comments »

I am pretty sure these are old, but they were sent into me and I had no choice but to post them because her ass looks amazing and they remind me of some chick that I just saw walking with her annoying 15 year old son. I assume that she was a trophy wife who has some really rich husband and spends her days at the gym fucking the fitness trainer, at the hair salon talking to her fag stylist about giving blowjobs, at the day spa yelling at her masseuse about rubbing her down harder, at home yelling at the maid about cleaning better and at the cook about using more low-fat ingredients because the shit he’s cooking doesn’t fit in with the South Beach Diet her nutritionist put her on. The benefit of making a life out of being vain and self absorbed and superficial was that her ass was probably one of the most solid asses I’d ever seen and I tried to let her son know that he should be jerking off to her while she’s out at the pool and not trying to land blowjobs at his Jewish summer camp because she is that good.

When I finally made eye contact with the kid, I pointed to his moms ass and gave him the thumbs up hand signal. He just gave me the finger and went back to his phone conversation. I guess he hears about how hot she is everytime his friends tell him how bad they want to fuck her, or how they end up hanging out with her instead of him anytime they go over. The reality is that she is probably the only reason he has friends.

So seeing Nicolette Sheridan’s fit ass is just an extension of this celebration of bitches in their 40s who still have it going on enough for you to rub one out to, even though your desperation leaves you rubbing one out to pretty much anything with a vagina, including your fat neighbor who likes to garden in short shorts…

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2007

16

Aug

I am – Nicolette Sheridan’s Red Lycra Pants of the Day

3 Comments »

I am pretty sure these are old, but they were sent into me and I had no choice but to post them because her ass looks amazing and they remind me of some chick that I just saw walking with her annoying 15 year old son. I assume that she was a trophy wife who has some really rich husband and spends her days at the gym fucking the fitness trainer, at the hair salon talking to her fag stylist about giving blowjobs, at the day spa yelling at her masseuse about rubbing her down harder, at home yelling at the maid about cleaning better and at the cook about using more low-fat ingredients because the shit he’s cooking doesn’t fit in with the South Beach Diet her nutritionist put her on. The benefit of making a life out of being vain and self absorbed and superficial was that her ass was probably one of the most solid asses I’d ever seen and I tried to let her son know that he should be jerking off to her while she’s out at the pool and not trying to land blowjobs at his Jewish summer camp because she is that good.

When I finally made eye contact with the kid, I pointed to his moms ass and gave him the thumbs up hand signal. He just gave me the finger and went back to his phone conversation. I guess he hears about how hot she is everytime his friends tell him how bad they want to fuck her, or how they end up hanging out with her instead of him anytime they go over. The reality is that she is probably the only reason he has friends.

So seeing Nicolette Sheridan’s fit ass is just an extension of this celebration of bitches in their 40s who still have it going on enough for you to rub one out to, even though your desperation leaves you rubbing one out to pretty much anything with a vagina, including your fat neighbor who likes to garden in short shorts…

Related Posts:

Nicolette Sheridan Buying Panties
Nicoletter Sheridan is Michael Bolton’s Fleshlight
Nicolette Sheridan Bikini Pics
More Nicolette Sheridan Bikini Pictures

2007

11

Jul

I am – Sophia Bush Working Out in Spandex of the Day

4 Comments »

I never watched any of those teenage girls shows like One Tree Hill, Buffy, the one with Kerri Russel, Gilmore girls or any of that shit, probably because I have a penis and like sex, but I do know they exist because I write a stupid site. I don’t know much about Sophia Bush, because she is about as famous as the guy who works at the deli down the street, everyone seems to know his name, but she is still good enough for the paparazzi to take pictures of. When I first opened these up, I thought she was the president’s daughter and I was going to write something political since this is a political site and I know so much about global issues. Unfortunately, she’s not so I’ll just talk about spandex….

I once knew some steroid motherfucker who was a personal trainer because he liked middle aged women, he would work at the most exclusive gyms in the city in hopes of landing a hot wife since he loved himself and his muscles so much. He was the kind of guy you’d go out with and would stand at the bar flexing and rubbing his biceps for the barmaid as he ordered his drink. The dude was a fucking idiot and had little to offer, but for some reason he was what these younger wives of rich dudes wanted to fuck. They weren’t lookin for love, they were looking for a good fuck while the husband was at work and he ended up getting asked to train them at their home gyms. His business basically became going to see one lady, training her by stuffin her like a turkey, then she would be so impressed with his services that she’d refer her to her friends. So dude was fucking 40 or 50 women a week or something insane like that. He ended up having a breakdown, he realized he was a man whore and he couldn’t keep it going. His dick kinda broke on him because he was sad. That just goes to show you that even the people you think have a dream job, still hate what they do. I think the 60 year old fat lady was what put him over the edge and made him realize he was being used. I still think he was a fucking pussy. I think he is fat now.

Either way, here’s Sophia Bush, not as fit as my friend was, but still a whore to me….

Posted in:Sophia Bush|Spandex|Unsorted|Working Out

2007

11

May

I am – Nicky Hilton's Ass in Spandex of the Day

No Comments »

There are reasons I would love to go to the gym to work out and those reasons are pretty fucking simple. Girls get dressed in spandex because I assume it makes them run faster on the treadmill while all the fucking meathead dudes lift weights behind them. I knew a guy who would get on a machine that was in front of the mat’s where the chicks would do their ass exercises or squats or some shit and dude would just park himself on that thing all day. He’d always brag to us how amazing a healthy life was because of the amount of hot ass he saw, but none of us ever listened. I just put on my shorts because summer is here, and they don’t fucking fit me anymore, like I grew out of them our some shit and they have an elastic waistband, making me have dreams that I actually cared enough to do something about it at a gym where hot bitches squat of me all day. Maybe it will happen one day….

That day seems to already have come for Nicky Hilton, I guess in preperation of her sister being in jail, Nicky’s decided to take her place as the party slut in the public eye, like the runner up at a beauty contest, only this beauty contest isn’t for pretty people, it’s for Hiltons….or maybe now that Paris is too pre-occupied going to jail, she hasn’t been able to distract Nicky from getting to the gym and being the hotter sister, like she has the last 8 years by convincing her to eat donuts instead of doing crunches…That’s just Paris’ way…

Posted in:Ass|Nicky Hilton|Spandex|Unsorted

2007

11

May

I am – Nicky Hilton’s Ass in Spandex of the Day

52 Comments »

There are reasons I would love to go to the gym to work out and those reasons are pretty fucking simple. Girls get dressed in spandex because I assume it makes them run faster on the treadmill while all the fucking meathead dudes lift weights behind them. I knew a guy who would get on a machine that was in front of the mat’s where the chicks would do their ass exercises or squats or some shit and dude would just park himself on that thing all day. He’d always brag to us how amazing a healthy life was because of the amount of hot ass he saw, but none of us ever listened. I just put on my shorts because summer is here, and they don’t fucking fit me anymore, like I grew out of them our some shit and they have an elastic waistband, making me have dreams that I actually cared enough to do something about it at a gym where hot bitches squat of me all day. Maybe it will happen one day….

That day seems to already have come for Nicky Hilton, I guess in preperation of her sister being in jail, Nicky’s decided to take her place as the party slut in the public eye, like the runner up at a beauty contest, only this beauty contest isn’t for pretty people, it’s for Hiltons….or maybe now that Paris is too pre-occupied going to jail, she hasn’t been able to distract Nicky from getting to the gym and being the hotter sister, like she has the last 8 years by convincing her to eat donuts instead of doing crunches…That’s just Paris’ way…