Kelly Clarkson’s got a lot of courage. First, she leaves her life working at the local gas station to sing in front of millions of Americans, and winning them over because she was fat like them. Now, Bitch is walking around in a bikini like she hasn’t got the fattest ass on the beach. I know, there’s all kinds of pressure on girls to maintain their bodies so that men wanna fuck them and shit, but Kelly Clarkson seems to have missed that memo. I guess she is the kind of girl who banks on her “fame” and “money” to get a good dicking because this bitch’s body is all wrong…She has the upper body of a 12 year old girl with an eating disorder, and a lower body that used to belong to Reuben Studdard. The black man with the Jewish Deli name….

The Reason She Got in this Mess

Fat People Do Have All The Fun….

BONUS: Realizing it’s time to cover up…

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I try to find celebrities on Myspace. Alanis isn’t really a celebrity proven in the fact that she is engaged to Van Wilder, but I do remember when her album dropped, 15 years ago. I had a friend who used to listen to her music behind closed doors and I always made fun of him for it. When I saw her on myspace, I decided to write her a message of Love.

This is the message of love:

Dear Alanis,

For every person who you’ve given hope to and who you have saved from suicide, there are 10 people who have killed themselves, because of your music. Ironic Don’t You Think? Cuddles.

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

The Response I got:

You’re a fucking jackass. You know that?
Heather

I think it’s funny that Heather run’s the Alanis Myspace page….

Visit Her Myspace

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I don’t really know much about this bitch. She’s dating that Lord of the Rings guy, she’s on lost and she has starred in classics like Stephen King’s Kingdon Hospital. I don’t find this bitch all that hot. She’s got no business rockin’ short shorts, but you gotta give respect where it’s deserved and in this case she’s got great enthusiasm. It’s Easter and bitch is rockin’ bunny ears and carrying around wicker baskets….you know that this means on ever birthday and holiday bitch has made her way to the lingerie store, has bought appropriate costumes and is about to show you the time of your life. Evangeline Lilly is a giver and for that, we’ll forget about her being too fat for those shorts… I always get in fights with my wife over her outfit choices. She barely leaves the house but when she does, she’s rockin’ belly shirts, and in her case – they really are belly shirts…..

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I don’t really know much about this bitch. She’s dating that Lord of the Rings guy, she’s on lost and she has starred in classics like Stephen King’s Kingdon Hospital. I don’t find this bitch all that hot. She’s got no business rockin’ short shorts, but you gotta give respect where it’s deserved and in this case she’s got great enthusiasm. It’s Easter and bitch is rockin’ bunny ears and carrying around wicker baskets….you know that this means on ever birthday and holiday bitch has made her way to the lingerie store, has bought appropriate costumes and is about to show you the time of your life. Evangeline Lilly is a giver and for that, we’ll forget about her being too fat for those shorts… I always get in fights with my wife over her outfit choices. She barely leaves the house but when she does, she’s rockin’ belly shirts, and in her case – they really are belly shirts…..

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I get emails from people wanting their shit promoted at least once ever 6-8 weeks. My site sucks and while most people get free DVDs, Video Games, Clothes, TVs, iPods, Digital Cameras, Cell Phones, Tickets, Vacations, Car Leases for a Year, I get shit. I think the only free thing I got from any PR company was an already opened Digital Playground DVD and I don’t watch porn, so I wasn’t too excited. This is a video for some band, there’s a scene where some big titted bitch gets sprayed down with champagne and that makes it worth watching, not that big tits make a video/song good…it just gives me something to look at while my ears bleed all over my step-shirt.

Jonny Lives! is a NYC band just back from a strong showing at SXSW has been playing to support their Ep Get Steady and sending around their video for the Ep’s title track . Having previously recorded with members of The Strokes, Fountains of Wayne and The Mooney Suzuki, Jonny Lives! has a real NY rock pedigree.

Have a look at the video its a nice display of hot girls and kids behaving badly…

Check The Video Out Here (if you are interested, which you are)

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I have wanted to see this bitch naked since she first came out 8 or 9 years ago. I remember when she was a respectable genie in a bottle, I made a bet with a friend that I would have sex with her before I died. Then she came out with Dirty and I realized that I didn’t have to have sex with her, all I had to do was watch her music videos. It was pretty much the same thing. Then she got married, but that would never stop me if I had the chance, he’s the kind of guy any sane person would cheat on. I kinda feel bad for this guy, I know I’ve mentioned this before, but you know that he was teased all his life and never invited to the right parties, giving him the drive to go out there are make a lot of money, marry a hot girl, drive an 300,000 dollar car but …but people like me and you will always bring up the fact that his inbred jew face,floppy ears and droopy eyes, his lack of style and the past we all know he had over-shadows the life he’s built for himself.

Anyway, this bitch was on the top of my to do list for the longest time, and then the impotency hit and it’s become a non-issue. What is the issue is that she has a new video coming out.

Bonus: The dude who slams her nigthly (without a condom)

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I have wanted to see this bitch naked since she first came out 8 or 9 years ago. I remember when she was a respectable genie in a bottle, I made a bet with a friend that I would have sex with her before I died. Then she came out with Dirty and I realized that I didn’t have to have sex with her, all I had to do was watch her music videos. It was pretty much the same thing. Then she got married, but that would never stop me if I had the chance, he’s the kind of guy any sane person would cheat on. I kinda feel bad for this guy, I know I’ve mentioned this before, but you know that he was teased all his life and never invited to the right parties, giving him the drive to go out there are make a lot of money, marry a hot girl, drive an 300,000 dollar car but …but people like me and you will always bring up the fact that his inbred jew face,floppy ears and droopy eyes, his lack of style and the past we all know he had over-shadows the life he’s built for himself.

Anyway, this bitch was on the top of my to do list for the longest time, and then the impotency hit and it’s become a non-issue. What is the issue is that she has a new video coming out.

Bonus: The dude who slams her nigthly (without a condom)

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I am not the type of person to judge a girl by her physique, that would be really superficial of me and I like to love people of all sizes. People who only to talk to a girl based on looks are real jerks, besides, fat bitches are known to be good in bed or at least sucking dick because they love the attention in a superficial world that deprives them of it on a daily basis. I remember hearing a joke from some frenchman with the punchline being “because they don’t know if it may be the last time they have sex”…or something like that. I was never one for comedic timing of the ability to remember jokes, so that story was a waste of your time, but the logic was that a hot girl can fuck whenever she wants because she’s hot and a fat chick can’t. While I know that when hot chicks are in bed with you they are all inseucre and shit, because being hot means a lot of work goes into looking good, so bitch doesn’t want you seeing her flaws/imperfections or problem spots that she’s hypersensitive about, so she makes you turn out the light and lays there…not letting you fuck her from behind and shit…And the reality for fat bitches can get laid just as easily as hot bitches, they just get dudes with no game and black guys who love that shit, and by shit I mean obesity. The difference is that fat girls have so many fucking imperfections and problem spots, like their whole body is a science experiment gone wrong, so no matter what position she’s in, she’s gonna look disgusting by my standards, with cellulite, flaps, roles and fucking stretch marks, but the fat bitch is just like “fuck it and make me cum”. Fat chicks will also let you do anything you want to them, I’m talking ANAL because their assholes are the size of an average size girl’s pussy making for easy entry. I could be wrong about all this, maybe it does come down to wanting to feel wanted and in control for 15 mins while the rest of their lives they feel like shit so they eat ice cream to compensate…..Either way, I am not a psychologist, but Topanga IS a fat bitch, but no one’s judging, because she’s got fat tits.

Bonus: Topanga Shopping with Britney Spears…Top Grade Meat.

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I am not the type of person to judge a girl by her physique, that would be really superficial of me and I like to love people of all sizes. People who only to talk to a girl based on looks are real jerks, besides, fat bitches are known to be good in bed or at least sucking dick because they love the attention in a superficial world that deprives them of it on a daily basis. I remember hearing a joke from some frenchman with the punchline being “because they don’t know if it may be the last time they have sex”…or something like that. I was never one for comedic timing of the ability to remember jokes, so that story was a waste of your time, but the logic was that a hot girl can fuck whenever she wants because she’s hot and a fat chick can’t. While I know that when hot chicks are in bed with you they are all inseucre and shit, because being hot means a lot of work goes into looking good, so bitch doesn’t want you seeing her flaws/imperfections or problem spots that she’s hypersensitive about, so she makes you turn out the light and lays there…not letting you fuck her from behind and shit…And the reality for fat bitches can get laid just as easily as hot bitches, they just get dudes with no game and black guys who love that shit, and by shit I mean obesity. The difference is that fat girls have so many fucking imperfections and problem spots, like their whole body is a science experiment gone wrong, so no matter what position she’s in, she’s gonna look disgusting by my standards, with cellulite, flaps, roles and fucking stretch marks, but the fat bitch is just like “fuck it and make me cum”. Fat chicks will also let you do anything you want to them, I’m talking ANAL because their assholes are the size of an average size girl’s pussy making for easy entry. I could be wrong about all this, maybe it does come down to wanting to feel wanted and in control for 15 mins while the rest of their lives they feel like shit so they eat ice cream to compensate…..Either way, I am not a psychologist, but Topanga IS a fat bitch, but no one’s judging, because she’s got fat tits.

Bonus: Topanga Shopping with Britney Spears…Top Grade Meat.

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We all have weaknesses and mine just happens to be Lindsay Lohan. I came across the stills from SNL and decided to post them here, because you are all a bunch of perverts who can appreciate this kind of thing. By appreciate, I mean masturbate to, because that is the closest thing you can get to sex….I know you are the kind of guy who spends weeks in your workshop making rubber vaginas out of the scraps of materials left over from making your swords for Sci -Fi day. I never understood those motherfuckers, they hide out all winter making swords and other primal weapons, they meet in parks and re-enact wars/battles. This shit is fucking INSANE and the average age is always around 30, anyway, you’re that guy, the virgin with the sword, in a fake battle, fighting to save the fake kingdom, living in your mom’s basement, building a fake vagina to simulate sex with Lohan and that’s what makes you fuckin’ creepy. Point of this story is to say a lot of weirdo’s have jerked off to Lohan, and I want to call out to the girls who read this site to think about how many dudes have jerked off to you. I’m talking the customer at your store, your co-worker, dudes in your class, your dad’s friends, your teacher, the butcher, the baker, your little brother while watching you shower, the neighbor, lots of fucking people have had sex with you in their mind and that’s what makes you fucking slut. Cuddles.

SKIT #1 – Bikini Under Sheer Dress

SKIT #2 – Puffy Nipple in Green Dress

SKIT #3 – Leotard/Pantyhose/Cleavage Outfit

SNL STILLS:

SNL After Party:

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