Dude, I am not a dietician, although I like to pretend I am when I am cumming in a bitches mouth. I can tell you that Avril is gonna end up being a fat slut when her career goes to shit, especially if she keeps binging on ice cream while coming down from a rough night of doing coke of Sum 41’s dick. I wonder if the cocaine burns Sum 41’s dick, you know he probably hooked up some Rick Solomon Syph. I guess that’s the excitment of fucking a whore without a condom, who fucked a crackhead without a condom on video. Either way, condoms are for pussies and I know Syph is curable, trust me I know. I’d be much happier knowing he’s actually got herpes, cuz having fame and money deserved to be punished with STDs.

Point of the story is Avril has dumpy legs and tits that don’t match. Keep eating your ice cream bitch, when you get fat enough, you may be rockin a 42b, instead of this 12 year old girl bra you wear now. Good fucking story right? Put it in your diary you fucking homo.

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The thing I love about Victoria Secret is the same thing all you fucking losers who jerk off to your mom’s catalog love. The fact that bitches in their underwear are fucking hot, even if they are fat. Point of this post is to say that Gisele, although from South America and speaks Portuguese and that shit fucks me up, I can’t communicate with her other than in the language of long-dickin’and cumming on her tits. I guess what is more important than the fact she can’t speak english is that bitch is from Brazil, the land of Boy-Girl Tranny Hookers and Aids. If Gisele is a Tranny, or if she has Aids, or if she is a Tranny with Aids, I’d still fuck her raw dog and suffer the consequences later. She is just that good and I hear the Canadian government hooks a brotha with Aids up with social service checks. I’d love to never work again. Gisele….give me a call. You slag.

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The thing I love about Victoria Secret is the same thing all you fucking losers who jerk off to your mom’s catalog love. The fact that bitches in their underwear are fucking hot, even if they are fat. Point of this post is to say that Gisele, although from South America and speaks Portuguese and that shit fucks me up, I can’t communicate with her other than in the language of long-dickin’and cumming on her tits. I guess what is more important than the fact she can’t speak english is that bitch is from Brazil, the land of Boy-Girl Tranny Hookers and Aids. If Gisele is a Tranny, or if she has Aids, or if she is a Tranny with Aids, I’d still fuck her raw dog and suffer the consequences later. She is just that good and I hear the Canadian government hooks a brotha with Aids up with social service checks. I’d love to never work again. Gisele….give me a call. You slag.

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I was on a drinking binge and when I am fucking on the floor throwing up blood the last shit I am thinking about is updating this fucking site. So reality is that my traffic goes to shit, I make no money and all you fuckers think I am useless. That’s okay with me – I have been called useless all my life. I’ve dropped the ball on all personal relationships, quests for ambition and most importantly financially. The one thing I have always been good at is drinking, get me a bottle of Jack and a pack of smokes and I will show you what a little hard work does. All this to say that Ryan Phillippe and Reese “June Carter” Witherspoon went to the beach, her belly isn’t what struck my eye, however her child in the position her mom conceived her in did. I am not into making sexual innuendos about little kids, but I do fucking hate it when you motherfuckers write “Awww, so cute”. Suck my fucking dick bitch, that shit’s cute, for me.

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I am sure I have told you this story before but I don’t give a fuck, I am drunk and drunk people repeat themselves because no one listens to us. This shit takes place in Texas, I was 12 and just kinda figuring out America, it was a big transition. I joined the baseball team, like every good hispanic does. I made friend’s with the coaches son and one day went over for dinner. I thought it was a little weird that they were running around the backyard naked, but I didn’t know better, I figured it was an American thing. When the son, coach and me were all done playing, naked, in the yard we sat around and the coach started telling us about sex and about pussy and how much he loved to fuck it. It was awkward but whatever – it was the American way. The lesson I remembered from that day was when coach told us if girls do steroids, their clits grow to the size of a grown man’s thumb….

I think I found a clip of a steroid clit. Enjoy.

Watch Video Here

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I like when people who shouldn’t be famous step in dog shit. It’s like god telling them that he agrees with me and thinks they are total pussies banking on their dead Mexican father’s celebrity. My dad was Mexican, we never met him, we think he was either one of my mom’s John or the wrestler who raped her. I like to think I was a product of a John because seriously, I’d rather be the son of a guy who pays a Mexican whore her $5 than be the son of a Wrestler. Wrestlers embarrass me.

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Bitch, I have already seen your pussy, I have seen you fuck and it will never get old mentioning the simple fact that you can’t suck dick for shit. I will also say that when I have already seen a bitch suck dick and get fucked by some child molesting pervert, I don’t get too excited when they prance around in a cute little lingerie costume. I won’t look twice at you bitch, I am saving my energy for a slut who I haven’t already seen fucked or sucking dick….you know what I mean? I remember when I used to hang with a stripper at some halfway house. She clearly wasn’t a very successful stripper, otherwise she’d have her own apartment. Anyway, I had seen her dance over and over and over and over again, I knew that pussy better than I knew the english language at the time. When she wasn’t working, she’d prance around in her underwear all the time and it did nothing for me – I had seen that shit a million times, but when the single battered mom who also lived in the halfway house with us would bend over to pick something up, and I’d see her underwear sticking out of her pants, I’d get an instant hard-on. That’s my story and that is why Paris in a snowsuit would probably turn me on a little more than this cliche halloween bullshit. Paris, you are like that halfway house hooker and single battered mother, I may not be able to get hard anymore, but your ass was so fuckin’ hot. If only I remembered your name, I’d 411 your ass.

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Bitch, I have already seen your pussy, I have seen you fuck and it will never get old mentioning the simple fact that you can’t suck dick for shit. I will also say that when I have already seen a bitch suck dick and get fucked by some child molesting pervert, I don’t get too excited when they prance around in a cute little lingerie costume. I won’t look twice at you bitch, I am saving my energy for a slut who I haven’t already seen fucked or sucking dick….you know what I mean? I remember when I used to hang with a stripper at some halfway house. She clearly wasn’t a very successful stripper, otherwise she’d have her own apartment. Anyway, I had seen her dance over and over and over and over again, I knew that pussy better than I knew the english language at the time. When she wasn’t working, she’d prance around in her underwear all the time and it did nothing for me – I had seen that shit a million times, but when the single battered mom who also lived in the halfway house with us would bend over to pick something up, and I’d see her underwear sticking out of her pants, I’d get an instant hard-on. That’s my story and that is why Paris in a snowsuit would probably turn me on a little more than this cliche halloween bullshit. Paris, you are like that halfway house hooker and single battered mother, I may not be able to get hard anymore, but your ass was so fuckin’ hot. If only I remembered your name, I’d 411 your ass.

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Bitch may like to get drunk and we know how crazy drunk girls get. They like getting a nice hard fucking after a night of hard drinking and it’s usually from some stranger they met that night. It feels nice to be loved even if it’s only for a few minutes and by some stranger. That’s not what this post is about, but it is the reason I make may way to clubs 30 mins before the end of the night. I am all for showing the haggard table scrabs a good time, because missing out on an opportunity is one of life’s mistakes. I think Eminem wrote a song about that, and that’s what makes this post all the more relevant to you. Anyway, Kirsten decides to rock a cat ear headband on halloween, I guess in efforts to show people how crazy she is, what she didn’t realize is that we all realized how crazy she was the night she drank a 40 of whiskey and threw up on herself. That’s right, we aren’t laughin’ at how cute your costume is, we are laughing at how you slur your words, you drunken bitch.

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I am not so into laughing, I find it annoying and making people laugh may be something that happens every once in a while, when people aren’t too disgusted with what I say and that is fine. I’d rather you laugh than me. If you are wondering where I am going with this, it’s just that one thing that always makes me laugh is when I look at a couple and imagine how they fuck. In this case it’s Avril and Sum 41. They are both Canadian so you can only assume they fuck like eskimos, but I am really more into knowing what her pussy smells like, does bitch maintain the bush, does she take it up the ass, does he take it up the ass and does he cums all over her face saying things like “I own you bitch”. The reason this makes me laugh, is cuz what happens behind closed doors is always way more entertaining than they shit they let us see, photograph and post on the internet. We will never know what makes Avril cum, but we do know that you haven’t cum with anyone but maybe a buddy watching porn on a friday night after a long game of Warcraft or whatever you losers who live in your mom’s basement while never getting pussy play….that’s my story.

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