It must be nice to be rich. You can go into Agent Provocateur and buy all the luxury lingerie you want to wear from your boyfriend named Cash Money, without a care in the world. It’s like you wake in the morning and say to yourself “I want to slut out tonight to spice up my relationship, because I am an actor, and performing is what I do, even when in the bedroom with you”. Dude, the only thing my wife’s ever dressed up as for me is a fucking pumpkin, and it wasn’t deliberate she had some fuckin rash that turned her gut orange and we just made a game out of it. I always had a thing for pumpkins, probably because I never got to carve them on Halloween like the other kids, I was too busy reading the bible with my foster parents who told me Halloween was Satan’s holiday. Point of this is to say, Merry Christmas.

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Vanessa Williams was one of the first triple threats back in the early 90s, she was Miss America, a singer and an actor. I think she’s doin’ some Stella got her groove back on this beach, not because she has a tight body, but because she is single and black. I am actually not a fan of women over 40, they become people to me and not people I want to see naked. That said, maybe this bitch should invest in a one-piece, maybe one with a little frilly skirt, and stop trying to re-live her youth.

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Vanessa Williams was one of the first triple threats back in the early 90s, she was Miss America, a singer and an actor. I think she’s doin’ some Stella got her groove back on this beach, not because she has a tight body, but because she is single and black. I am actually not a fan of women over 40, they become people to me and not people I want to see naked. That said, maybe this bitch should invest in a one-piece, maybe one with a little frilly skirt, and stop trying to re-live her youth.

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I am not going to make this complicated. I like university even though I never went. The girls go fucking insane slutting out, cuz they realize they have vaginas or some shit, and the dudes get to live out their highschool fantasies with these experimental slutty bitches. The people at PartySchools.com gave me a DVD to give a way, and since they are doing a good thing bringing these sluts into our homes, cuz some of us are too washed up and poor to see the real thing, I figured I’d help them out. Even though a DVD is a pretty shitty prize, it’s still better than a kick in a face, unless that kick is from some asian hooker with bound feet.

Now for the contest. IF you want to win a copy of the DVD, send in video or pictures of your college parties with bitches slutting out, and the first picture to get my readers hard wins. We’ll do a vote or something. Either way, you get a free DVD so stop your fucking complaining and realize that I hook you up.

Send Entries Here

Contest stays up for a week and there are no guarantees I won’t watch the DVD before sending it out to the winner. I am an asshole.

Visit the site by clicking on the logo to learn more.

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Sometimes ass gets itchy. It is the orifice that you shit out of – and shit is just filled with bacteria. I was reading somewhere that you should never eat shit because it’s toxic, and I once had a dog who shit all over himself and got a major skin infection. That said, I dont think Hilary is pickin’ a wedgie, and I don’t even think she’s got a fungal infection, her job makes her shower way too much to get that, I do think she’s got anal warts, or some other anal irritation, only because her boyfriend wears make-up and we know that dudes who wear make-up, generally go for the ass.

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Sometimes ass gets itchy. It is the orifice that you shit out of – and shit is just filled with bacteria. I was reading somewhere that you should never eat shit because it’s toxic, and I once had a dog who shit all over himself and got a major skin infection. That said, I dont think Hilary is pickin’ a wedgie, and I don’t even think she’s got a fungal infection, her job makes her shower way too much to get that, I do think she’s got anal warts, or some other anal irritation, only because her boyfriend wears make-up and we know that dudes who wear make-up, generally go for the ass.

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People always get emotional when I post about celebrity kids. I think it has to do with them not asking to be in the lime-light.org. But reality is, I don’t really give a fuck. I see a pic of a 15 year old blond bitch with cock-suckin’ lips (that’s what we used to call ’em in texas”, and I don’t really give a fuck who her parents are, unless of course daddy’s a lawyer or a police officer or some redneck porn producer trying to harvest her into a star and finds out that Jesus Martinez is sending his baby love letters on MySpace. Speaking of Myspace, add me, I want 100,000 friends by New Years. I think if we band together we can do this.

100,000 Friends Contest, Add Me

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I love 8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter, not because it killed John Ritter, but because it made dating your teenage daughter socially accepted, and I felt a lot less awkward when I was out getting ice cream with my hand down my stepdaughter’s pants, I’d just look over at the gawking crowd and say, “That John Ritter’s changed my fucking life”. I guess the good thing about his death is that he can always invading my living room with his bad jokes and homo-gay tendencies. Thank god we have Three’s Company re-runs on 20 times a day to make me hate my life more than you should hate yours, but you’re probably clueless to how pathetic you are, otherwise you’d make some changes. Now stop feeling sorry for yourself and look at this girls bra, the pattern looks like nipples, now masturbate for the 5th time today you fucking pervert. Cuddles.

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Amy Smart first touched my heart when she played Girl #1 in Seduced by Madness: The Diane Borchardt Story. Yeah that was my lame IMDB joke making reference to how useless this bitch is. She was in Varisty Blues, or Road Trip or Rat Race and other useless movie, that get you thinking, things like “Why the fuck am I sitting here, and more importantly who the fuck approved this shit” and “Is this what life is all about, should I just end my life here”. I would like to do a survey to how many suicide victims have been found in front of the TV watching Amy Smart movies, but it’d be hard, cuz they’d be dead, and dead people aren’t able to talk. If you’re wondering why I posted this picture, don’t ask, cuz I don’t fuckin know, other than that bitch looks preggers, and I love pregnant chicks.

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Last I heard, this girl was engaged to Leonardo DiCaprio. I think he realized that he was capable of landing any pussy he wants and more importantly, that every brazilian has AIDS, especially the trannies, it’s a fact. If you were him, and found that out that your girl is really just an attractive, feminine dude with AIDS, you’d drop your bitch pretty quick too, even if she was a Victoria Secret model. There are hot bitches everywhere, just cuz some dyke Art Director chose Gisele doesn’t mean she’s the best pussy on the planet. Point of this post is not to point the “AIDS” finger at anyone, or accuse hot models of being born with a cock. The point is to try and understand why she’s with a balding dude. I know all you 28 year old momma’s boys, sitting in your parent’s basement, that you find really cool cuz you have your own entrance, are thinking to yourselves, “I’m bald and fat maybe I’ll land a bitch like Gisele too”. I’d finish this post but I realize that no one actually reads my shit. So fuck you too.

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