Some girls have nothin’ going for them physically. I used to convince myself that every girl had something to offer. Like some fat bitches have great faces/tits, some skinny bitches have great legs and ass, some burn victims have coinslot vaginas. Point of the story is, Kelly Osborne ain’t nothin but Man Back, and the only motherfucker crazy enough to fuck this bitch is a closet cased homo,the kind married to women with more testosterone than them, the kind who get fucked up the ass by their manly wives penis sized clits.

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Some girls have nothin’ going for them physically. I used to convince myself that every girl had something to offer. Like some fat bitches have great faces/tits, some skinny bitches have great legs and ass, some burn victims have coinslot vaginas. Point of the story is, Kelly Osborne ain’t nothin but Man Back, and the only motherfucker crazy enough to fuck this bitch is a closet cased homo,the kind married to women with more testosterone than them, the kind who get fucked up the ass by their manly wives penis sized clits.

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This is some Elton John shit. Ths girl puts on a pair of short, tight shorts, throws on some lame R&B shit, sets up a video camera and humps the air, all for her big black boyfriend, the one that’s gonna ruin her, not because he’s black, but because she’s so small. A pencil would ruin her. If this girl isn’t 18, and the FBI are reading this, I apologize for making reference to her lady parts.

I never understood why people videotape themselves dancing or singing. It’s humiliating on an international scale.

Watch Video Here

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King Kong – big black penis

Michael Clarke Duncan as ape – big black penis

Michael Clarke Duncan – big black penis

The only men I see around me are brown Hindus with limp genitalia that reek of cumin. My brother Sanjay is a dwarf but has quite an endowment for such a small person. I would ride him until Krishna smacks my face with her open benevolent palm but I fear that my parents would disapprove. None of the men at the call center where I toil in Bangalore are attractive. My supervisor Vikramjeet has a face like a cow with dysentery. His testicles are saltier than the chupatis I consume for lunch everyday. I know this because cows are sacred in my Hindu culture and since Vikramjeet looks like one, regardless of dysentery, I have no choice but to suckle his man scrotum. Unfortunately, Vikramjeet has rampant dysentery, so our encounters in his office become quite messy. The point is that my hairy virgin Hindu vagina aches for a large black penis, like that of King Kong or a large negro man like Michael Clarke Duncan. To me they look the same. But what do I know? I am just a small Hindi girl from Bangalore.

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Cameltoe doesn’t only come to those who have sex with big black men with burn scars after giving birth to two babies, where the elasticity of the labia is not quite what it once was, so when walking down the runway it’s hard to control what gets sucked up in there. Cameltoe does happen to everyone, loose pussy or not and that’s what we here at drunkenstepfather like. It’s a fetish.

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Cameltoe doesn’t only come to those who have sex with big black men with burn scars after giving birth to two babies, where the elasticity of the labia is not quite what it once was, so when walking down the runway it’s hard to control what gets sucked up in there. Cameltoe does happen to everyone, loose pussy or not and that’s what we here at drunkenstepfather like. It’s a fetish.

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Everyone calls Kevin Federline a loser, but I don’t. I think he’s a fucking genius. The dude manipulated some young hot celebrity into falling in love with him, he knocked her up before she came to her senses, and now they are bound for life, with a little baby. I’ve tried doing the same thing many times, because let’s face it, I am not anyone’s dream-guy and I am lazy and want to coast through life on a woman’s fortune, but the girls have always realized what they did before I had the chance to get them pregnant or married. The only bitches I was ever able to pull that off with, were women in their 80s. So being bound for life, meant a few months, but their kids had already taken power of attorney and there was no way I could get in that will. So really, what’s the point. Here’s K-Fed at the country club and in his Ferrari.

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Less fat Peter Jackson

Mango chutney

Look at Peter Jackson. Look how slim and angular he was at the King Kong premiere. Is it just me or did he look like a svelte Sachin Tendulkar? Oh Sachin, you can take a bat to my googly anytime. And then stick it right in my gaand. I would let him bowl at my wicket if you know what I mean. But of course you have no idea because you ignorant bhen chods have no culture. And by culture I mean bacterial culture, like the yogurt my brother Sanjay is so fond of. The point is that Peter Jackson went on an all-chutney diet at the behest of his spiritual guru, Apni Ma Ko Ja Choos. Look how much weight he lost as a result of this fine Indian condiment. Chutney is truly a gift from Shiva. Or Kali. Or Dhanwantari. Fuck you! There are a lot of Hindu gods ass fuckers! How am I, a modest girl from a Bangalore shanty, to know which god is the deity of chutney? Perhaps if my shameful call center job did not demand so much of my time, I could devote myself more to spirituality. For now, my feces Ganesha will have to suffice. Eat chutney or suffer the consequences you pack of sali kutas. King Kong is just a big black monkey. Just like that negro fellow from The Green Mile.

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She can fly planes and she eats pussy, adopts AIDS babies, wrecks homes and hates her dad. Is there anything this woman can’t do? I don’t know if flying a plane means a bitch is a lesbian, or if a bitch who adopts more babies than Rosie O’Donnel is a man-hating dyke…but I do remember when I used to hang out with a group of bull-dykes, the kind who used to shave their faces, trying to get more moustache than me, while wearing leather caps and cut off vests. They never let me fuck them, even though they liked me, it had to do with being molested and having mean male figures in their lives, but one night when we were all high on speed, they let me jerk off while they made out. That’s when I used to get boners.

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Do you ever think that celebs hire their own photographers to act as paparzzi to boost their self esteem. I think all paparazzi is just hired by the PR people behind the celebs and in reality, they are all a whole group of friends, laughin’ at you for feeling sorry about invading their fucking privacy. It’s a marketing tool motherfuckers, and you all fell for it. That said, I used to have a team of photographers follow me around. It was actually my friend Leroy and a group of people from the psychiatric hospital doing some type social integration project. They didn’t actually have real cameras, just pillows, so I guess I didn’t really ever have a team of photographers follow me around, but they thought they were, so that’s half points, FUCKER.

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