I have recently applied for a job as the part-time summer editor at Fleshbot. I am pretty sure I am not going to get it because I never get anything I ever want and people generally hate me. They probably also require a university education, writing experience and all that shit. I don’t know how to fucking write…or what grammar is, except for maybe Kelsey, I used to role with that cat back in his coke days, before he married some stripper bitch with huge implants who was in Playboy about 10 years ago and I remember her having blonde pubes which is totally wild, anyway..point of the post is to get you to petition for DrunkenStepfahter.com to be the Fleshbot summer editor by emailing Fleshbot and tellin them what’s best for them.

This is the mail link

Read my application email – after the jump – warning – it’s not funny

To: jobs@fleshbot.com
from:info@drunkenstepfather.com
Subject:Fleshbot Job Application

Hello,

Welcome to my email. My name is Jesus Martinez and I blog for you. I have a website called drunkenstepfather and have had about 4,000,000 readers since I started in January. I am the best person for the Fleshbot because of passion, my passion for reaching out to people and making their life a little better. We live in a cold scary world and I am doing my part to make it a better place.

I believe that with the support of Fleshbot, I can achieve my dreams, I just need you to believe in me. Like every person with a dream, accepting the fact that I don’t have what it takes to make it on my own is the first step to getting there. The help of others, who have skills where I am seriously lacking, is needed to “take it up a notch�. Even Hitler had dreams and, without all the support of Germany would have never achieved them. I am not like Hitler, but I like to believe you are the Germany I would need if I was. I would write a sample blog entry, but I wouldn’t want to ruin the surprise. However, you may want to check out your emails over the last 6 months, you are bound to find pictures and posts that you have linked to, including today’s Hung T-Shirts.

I look forward to your response,

Jesus Martinez

DrunkenStepfather.com

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If you don’t remember the mystery ass that made it’s rounds on the internet, like a cokewhore makes her rounds at a jetsetter event, then you must be homo. There is nothing wrong with being homo, but one would think that you would love ass more than any straight guy considering that is your vice, even a girl’s ass is better than no ass, that’s why gay guys everywhere fuck their girls up the ass when there’s no cock around. I am pretty sure that’s a fact. If you want a reminder of the pics that were circulating click here HERE. Leave it up to Maxim to hunt down some crazy south american internet chick to get her to pose in their mag, that is some serious CIA shit. I had enough trouble trying to find directions to my stepdaughter’s highschool graduation ceremony on mapquest, bitches

via YEEAH-CAPTAINCUM-POPDOH

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If you don’t remember the mystery ass that made it’s rounds on the internet, like a cokewhore makes her rounds at a jetsetter event, then you must be homo. There is nothing wrong with being homo, but one would think that you would love ass more than any straight guy considering that is your vice, even a girl’s ass is better than no ass, that’s why gay guys everywhere fuck their girls up the ass when there’s no cock around. I am pretty sure that’s a fact. If you want a reminder of the pics that were circulating click here HERE. Leave it up to Maxim to hunt down some crazy south american internet chick to get her to pose in their mag, that is some serious CIA shit. I had enough trouble trying to find directions to my stepdaughter’s highschool graduation ceremony on mapquest, bitches

via YEEAH-CAPTAINCUM-POPDOH

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I don’t understand all the people who are freaking out about Lohan losing too much weight, I have always said that she’s still got some work to do and this picture proves it. She’s not as huge as she used to be, so there has been some progress but it seems like she is gonna have to see her plastic surgeon, the one who gave her the lips, to discuss liposuction, because in a bodypart weight loss battle between her tits and her double chin, it seems that the tits are gonna lose. We all have our problem spots, and Lohan’s is all in her fat chin.

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This is the bitch from 90210 who stayed a virgin until she was 40 on the show. She cockteased my man David like a motherfucker and by the time she gave up her goods, I had long forgotten the show, not for any real reason other than the fact that I sold my TV for coke. It was the 90s and coke was really expensive, but in retrospect it gave me a lot more memories than this piece of shit show. The nepitism that got Tory Spelling an acting job also bought her some fake titties because lets face it her manface wasn’t doing the job and Daddy needed ratings. Unfortunately for us, we never saw them naked, but 10 years later bitch is in the Airport braless, and nipples erected probably due to her excitement that someone actually cared to ask her for an autograph!!

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What has she done for us lately…what the fuck am I saying, she hasn’t done shit for me ever. She was married to John Stamos the star of Full House, who’s career has really sky-rocketed since that show’s been off the air, but more importantly she was a hot model for about a day. She was tall, big breasted and had a pretty tight body, something we like in models. From this series of recent pics it seems like bitch has taken a liking to cake. That’s right she’s all fat and shit, and it can only be assumed that this happened in response to an abusive relationship, look at her bruised up legs. Life can be a sad place and I am no psychiatrist…but I do like to think that my wife was once tight, it makes fucking her a lot easier, I just close my eyes on that shit and pretend I am fucking something that was at least hot at one point in life, in reality she was always a fat oreo eating slob.

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Sitting in the sun is a good thing…the vitamin D is a great way to prevent depression, that’s what my therapist used to tell me, but it’s bullshit. When I was in prison I was outside raking fucking fields all day and I was depressed as shit, and sun burnt, I don’t know if you ever met a burnt Mexican who can’t find any guacomole to smear on the burn, well, it’s a fucking depressed one if you didn’t figure that much out. I know I have to walk you through things, idiot. Anyway Aniston, the sun won’t change the fact that your husband left you for a hotter girl. That is something you will have to live with for the rest of your life, tan or no tan, you are inadequate…and it’s sad, you feel rejected, worthless, like your life has come crashing down before your eyes, as you should, because it has and it’s only downhill from here…you will get older and older, and your ex-husband will get more and more refined. I don’t doubt that you will have trouble finding someone to stick it to you…you greek anal slut, but will he be as good as Brad? I love how I just wrote that as if Aniston actually reads this shit, I know I am stuck with you bunch of hurtbags, but sometimes I like to believe I have a little more reach than perverts like you, but reality comes crashing down pretty hard when I read your retarded comments. For the record, these pics may be old.

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So here are some responses from the people who love me to the cunt who sent me hate mail:, Feel free to email him if you want all the info’s in the last post.

Oh Brendan,

Do people ever really get hit by a Mack truck? Do you even know what a Mack truck is, as opposed to another type of truck that might hit a person?

Brendan, why go to so much trouble when you are not up to the task of a genu-wine insult?

Here are some words for you to look up. Since you obviously have a computer, you can use that thing called The Internet to find some definitions.

1. Sarcasm
2. Parody
3. Moron (look for your picture – try Google Image search!)

Good luck!
Troy

Go fuck yourself! Your mom is probably splitting her “Fat” beef curtains right now and getting fucked by “the drunken stepfather.”

If fat bitches were flying, you’d certainly be a squad leader, so shut the fuck up bitch.

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I am all for girls doing things in front of me, that may sound vague, but by things I mean anything that involves touching their various parts not excluding changing their tampons, dude can’t be picky….by dude I mean me. Yeah, that’s just how I am livin’, anyway – I made a post about Kate Beckinsale a while ago, and if you don’t remember it – click here I bet you feel better now….anyway bitch had a baby, the goods change and aren’t as tight as they were a few years ago, and things ride up while walking, we aren’t judgin you for pickin the wedgie girl, we understand your situation, but that won’t stop us from posting it, I love how I refer to myself as “we” and “us”….it makes me feel like I am a part of a collective…

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I am all for girls doing things in front of me, that may sound vague, but by things I mean anything that involves touching their various parts not excluding changing their tampons, dude can’t be picky….by dude I mean me. Yeah, that’s just how I am livin’, anyway – I made a post about Kate Beckinsale a while ago, and if you don’t remember it – click here I bet you feel better now….anyway bitch had a baby, the goods change and aren’t as tight as they were a few years ago, and things ride up while walking, we aren’t judgin you for pickin the wedgie girl, we understand your situation, but that won’t stop us from posting it, I love how I refer to myself as “we” and “us”….it makes me feel like I am a part of a collective…

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