I like the retarded kids as much as the next guy. I feel for them for their handicap and I find the way they take on their challenges to be inspirational to us all. You are lucky that you were born with no real flaws other than your ugly face. I am lucky that I am ridiculously good looking, but there is just something really funny about this Ben Affleck community service picture. I am not sure if he is doing this out of the kindness of his heart or if he is doing this because it was court ordered for drunk driving….

Bonus Picture After the Jump….

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today it is raining where i live. rain makes me sad, because i want to be the one dripping too! the rain takes away all the sexual attention from me, so that now everyone is opening their moves and moving their heads upwards to swallow some of mother nature’s puss juice. i’m not saying that i dont do it, after all, i love someone elses juices in my mouth, but this particular morning, i need some sexual consolation for what happened to me.

Full STORY AFTER THE JUMP

last night, at around 1 am, when i was freshened up and ready for bed, there were knockings on my door. when i openned it, the city mayor was there, in nothing but his boxer briefs, and a bucket on top of his erect dick. although i have slept with his brother after he took me out to the W hotel, and although their son hired me as the stripper for his bachelor party (which ended in breaking off their engagement, so sorry delia, no hard feelings?), sleeping with the mayor seemed so below me, and i am the one who likes being taken advantage of beneath manly men. i told him my throat hurt owing to overexposure, and closed the door. sitting down on my bed sheets, with nothing on but a white cotton night tank top/dress i checked out my nipples. they were hard and small and dark through the shirt. my right hand started to wander up my stomache, around my neck, and finally finding a home in between my thighs. i was gentle and understanding, and kept coming. i kept taking smoking breaks because my fingers would get too tired and needed to have some breaks to stetch and relax. although i rather enjoyed myself, i need some new techniques. gentlemen, start your engines-GIVE ME SOME NEW TECHNIQUES, AND I WILL SHOW YOU WHAT YOU ARE MADE OF.
love always,
MINXY

i am – coming clean / I am – Another Magical Afternoon /I am-hitting the parade /I am – Minxy Winxy Pudding + Pie /I am – all for sexual favors/I am – magic moments with minx /i am-throwing alcohol on you and then tossing the match /
I am – Democracy /I am – dancing like a slut on fire /I am – black whole theory

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today it is raining where i live. rain makes me sad, because i want to be the one dripping too! the rain takes away all the sexual attention from me, so that now everyone is opening their moves and moving their heads upwards to swallow some of mother nature’s puss juice. i’m not saying that i dont do it, after all, i love someone elses juices in my mouth, but this particular morning, i need some sexual consolation for what happened to me.

Full STORY AFTER THE JUMP

last night, at around 1 am, when i was freshened up and ready for bed, there were knockings on my door. when i openned it, the city mayor was there, in nothing but his boxer briefs, and a bucket on top of his erect dick. although i have slept with his brother after he took me out to the W hotel, and although their son hired me as the stripper for his bachelor party (which ended in breaking off their engagement, so sorry delia, no hard feelings?), sleeping with the mayor seemed so below me, and i am the one who likes being taken advantage of beneath manly men. i told him my throat hurt owing to overexposure, and closed the door. sitting down on my bed sheets, with nothing on but a white cotton night tank top/dress i checked out my nipples. they were hard and small and dark through the shirt. my right hand started to wander up my stomache, around my neck, and finally finding a home in between my thighs. i was gentle and understanding, and kept coming. i kept taking smoking breaks because my fingers would get too tired and needed to have some breaks to stetch and relax. although i rather enjoyed myself, i need some new techniques. gentlemen, start your engines-GIVE ME SOME NEW TECHNIQUES, AND I WILL SHOW YOU WHAT YOU ARE MADE OF.
love always,
MINXY

i am – coming clean / I am – Another Magical Afternoon /I am-hitting the parade /I am – Minxy Winxy Pudding + Pie /I am – all for sexual favors/I am – magic moments with minx /i am-throwing alcohol on you and then tossing the match /
I am – Democracy /I am – dancing like a slut on fire /I am – black whole theory

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After the success of the first contest we decided to have another competition here at DrunkenStepfather.com. This time there will be a prize as well a PS2 or IPOD, at the choice of the winner.

Just send us your pictures to enter

**Update: We haven’t been getting as many entries as we would like. Considering the prize we thought there would be more intrest considering to enter all you gotta do is send in a picture with Drunken Stepfather in it. We are not full of shit the winner will get a choice of a PS2 or IPOD which has been given to us on the condition we use for a contest. Good Luck!

Full details after the jump.

The contest is simple – you email us pictures of yourself/wife/girlfriend/friend/boss /sister/mother etc. but the catch is that the person must be holding a sign or have written on them “Drunken Stepfather”. You can write more but the words “Drunken Stepfather” must be visible. So for instance, “”Drunken Stepfather’s rule” would be acceptable but “I love my Stepfather” would not be. Remember creativity counts and nudity is not only welcome but encouraged. On March 1, 2005 we will select the top 5 pictures and allow all the readers to vote on who should win.

email this address to enter:

contest@drunkenstepfather.com

LOVE the DrunkenStepfather crew..

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Lohan has an ugly little sister and this is what she looks like. I am betting that if she gets into her sister’s coke baggie and pills, she will grow-up to be decent looking, probably a perfect candidate for a career in porn. If we are lucky she will get her sister’s hand me downs and I am not talking about old clothes, I am talking about breast implants! There is nothing wrong with recycling…

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Dude…we like video clips and we like to give you a list of our favorites of the day. There is no haiku today, just a lot of links that will make you smile and that’s what Jesus Martinez likes to do…see you smile…you look great today, did you get a haircut? No seriously, something looks different…

Just watch the clips….after the jump

Learning How To Give a Blowjob…classy
Here

A girl, a bottle, no gag reflex…
Here

A mime dancing…to Torn
Here

50 Cent New Video – Lots of Ass
Here

Paris Hilton on a chopper, on the red carpet, wipe out
Here

Weird Pool Porno From France
Here

Squirting Scene – VERY NSFW
Here

Internet TV Show Funny Clip
Here

A guy checking out an Ass – Funny
Here

Bear In a Tree – Jumps on a Trampoline
Here

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I am not one to regret anything that I have ever done, good or bad. I am do not feel guilty for the things I have said or done. I am psychopathic like that. I do not believe that the church will forgive me for my sins, and I do not use the church as a moral structure to base my life on. If I feel the need to confess, I use the DrunkenStepfather site. Lucky for us, there is a site dedicated to radom confessions of random people. These people do not have a venue to share their stories, so they turn to this site. It provides those of us with no regrets a great source of entertainment.

There are all kinds of weird confessions, after the jump….

Virgins make better lovers…

02/06/2005 at 09:40:31

I’m told by my friends that I am funny and I don’t think that I’m bad looking (i’m “average”) but I’m a 37 year old virgin with no prospects because I’m too damn scared of intimacy and of getting hurt.

Cleavland Steamer…

02/06/2005 at 06:02:51

I went to my girlfriends highschool prom, but like half an hour in she got food poisoning or somthing and had to be taken to hospital. She told me to stay and have fun. I started hitting on everyone, and this one girl gave in to my advances. We went back to the hotel room i’d gotten for me and my girlfriend and had some bizzarre sex, which wasnt great. When she fell asleep, I rolled her onto her back and squat above her. I shat on her chest, took a polaroid and left. My girlfriend never found out, and I’ve kept the polaroid with me for the past two years, in my wallet. I look at it when I’m bored. I hope I never meet the girl and have to explain.

Happily Married….

02/05/2005 at 22:02:19

I have the seven year itch worse than if I were rolling around butt naked in fibreglass insulation. Help! I want to fuck everybody, male or female, except my psychotically posessive wife.

Like father, like son.

02/05/2005 at 21:05:15

I continue to sleep with both my ex-boyfriend and his father. Neither of them know.

Down with bush…

02/05/2005 at 18:12:02

I do not like women who constantly shave their pussy trying to look like little girls

Busting a nut in my pants…

02/05/2005 at 17:48:46

I jerk off in my car while driving home. I do it at night so no one can see, and I do it inside my pants. I don’t expose myself. I nut in my pants and then take a shower as soon as I walk in the door.

I love the smell of ass in the morning…

02/05/2005 at 17:42:41

My ex girlfriend was hot. But when I would finger her it stunk. I don’t mean it smelled like pussy. I mean it smelled like ass.

Fat, it’s what’s for dinner…

02/05/2005 at 17:39:44

I can’t get enough sex. My fiance doesnt put out enough. She needs to get back into shape. And she needs to put out. I am gettting sick of not fucking. Sometimes I try to fuck her while she is sleeping.

Big pussied bitch…

02/05/2005 at 15:52:04

I lied to my ex-boyfriend about him having a big penis, when the truth is, it was only about 4 inches on the hard. I pretended to brag to all my friends about this “giant man” I had in my possession, but I had been seeing someone behind his back, with a least a good 11 inches under his belt.

You can’t rape the willing…

02/05/2005 at 15:16:30

I want to be raped. I’ve always thought about it. To be wanted by someone so badly that they have to forcefully have sex with you. I want someone to hold me down and fuck me.

Jesus won’t let him fuck me…I am not a little boy…

02/05/2005 at 14:18:36

I’m in love and I’m in hate. I met an amazing man a year ago today. First I grew to know him, then I grew to be friends with him, and at last I grew to love him. He’s my best friend and he comes before everything/everyone in my heart. He’s the person I’ve been waiting for, the person I fit perfectly with. There’s just one problem: he’s a catholic priest.

Your sister’s panties smell like flowers…

02/05/2005 at 12:34:12

I once crashed at my mates house, it was like 11pm and he was playing videogames in his room. I went to the bathroom and noticed a pair of his hot sisters panties on my way. I periodically masturbated with them throughout the evening while continuing to play on his ps2. I kept them for a while afterwards… I feel dirty

Incest is for everyone…

02/05/2005 at 07:33:39

I fucked my cousin. It was amazing. We were completely wasted, and never spoke of it again. I’ve never told anyone.

It burns when I pee…

02/05/2005 at 06:05:26

I’m sure not proud of this, but last wednesday night I was out with a friend of mine, that wasn’t my boyfriend. One thing let to another, I got hot and before long he was screwing me. It was good, but after it was over I noticed he hadn’t used a condom.

Emotionally Stable…

02/05/2005 at 02:46:59

Sometimes I fantasize about the few girls that I have ever felt any interest in. It usually involves kidnapping, dungeons and rape.

Watch who you are friends with…

02/05/2005 at 02:06:17

I was best friends with a guy for 5 years. He never knew I was gay. I think of him nearly every night when I masturbate.

Little penis calls for big problems…

02/05/2005 at 01:53:57

I am ashamed of my penis size. Its actually average, almost 6 inches, and I cannot explain this obssession. I am pretty sure it would be over 6” if I lost weight because there is a lot of fat around it. It’s like 5 inches thick, which is not small, I’ve read. I hate women because I’m bitter over my penis though no one has insulted it by any means. There are many women I would like to strangle because of this perception. I think the problem has to do with my penis being extremely short when soft because of the fat and that I am a few inches on the tall side. I masturbate often while thinking about hurting a short sexy blonde I know. My sanity is fading…

Rapist in Training

02/04/2005 at 23:20:11

I’m becoming what I hate the most. I’m so desperate that I’ve fantasized about rape.

Many More Weird Confessions via NotProud.com

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Today we learn the right way to Kill animals and birds (Shechitah)
The Jewish fact of the Day:

Jews may only eat animals and birds that have been killed by Shechitah. Shechitah is killing the animals by slitting the throat with a very sharp knife. This has been shown to be painless to the animals, as causing pain to living things is against Jewish law. The theory is that the shape knife cuts the carotid so that the animal loses consciousness before they are able to feel pain. By the time it is possible for the animal to feel pain it is already dead. The animal must then have all the bood drained from them.

Sponsored by: ***JEWS KICK ASS***
The chosen tee shirt for the chosen people….

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Kelly Rippa is one of those women. I can’t decide whether she is hot or not, but lady knows how to make babies. She also has an insane amount of energy, hosting a daytime talkshow, starring in her own sitcom and even working on a soap opera keeps this little ball of fire busy. When people are constantly busy, they tend to overlook the small details, lucky for us, the small detail here was pulling her pants out of her baby factory and because of that, Rippa’s got camel toe!

That reminds me of the days when I was on Welfare and could watch Regis and Kelly, this was before social services made me join the work program where I spend the day packaging canned goods with a bunch of immigrants who can’t speak english. I make a nice fat 7 dollars an hour, but it’s a trade off for the status the job gives me. Do you know how nice it is to see your work in every grocery store you walk in to? It’s pretty fucking rewarding and a great way to pick up single mothers…these women hate their lives and when they get to meet the man behind the creamed corn, it gets them drippin….

Via TaxiDriver

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You know your life sucks when you resort to a rubber vagina to get off. That usually means standard masturbation has become dull and you have no pussy lined up, and you probably never will. You know that it’s time to reconsider your life strategy when you purchase one of these bad boys and you know it may be time to end your life when you develop a love affair with it. When you stop wanting to meet girls, When your room smells like fleshlight, it’s probably time to join a support group and I am not talking the fleshlight discussion board…I am talking about something a little more serious….

That being said – here’s our fleshlight post of the day:

For a quite some time I have been using sauve profeesionals Humectant conditioner in my ST butt insert. It works great, and stays slick for the entire experience (somtimes anyway!). The only problem is the smell of it, at first I did’nt mind it but now I cant stand it. I keep the Fl in my room; consequently, my whole room smells like the coditioner and I cant stand it. Does anyone use a conditioner that is pleasent smelling? I definatly need somthing else.

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