Ireland Baldwin is Alec Baldwin’s daughter he probably would have preferred was a miscarriage, instead of the miscarriage his hot Yoga instructor wife just posted to social media, and did a media tour about….because Ireland Baldwin is a disappointment.

She had so much potential when she was barely 18, and instagram first happened and she was out there on the beach being romantic…but then her broken soul came through, and she broke down, became a lesbian, got prison tattoos…while we all realized she was actually 6 feet tall and basically a monster, before she went to rehab, only to come out some confusing or confused girl….who had solid momentum but lost out to the Jenner / Hadid crew and her cousin who went on to marry Bieber…while this one is just here showing off her big monster tits..which in a lot of ways is more interesting than those other twats and their attempts to be relevant that apparently worked.

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I don’t know if Emeline Ponthieu is eating Chocolate in this pic, I am too busy looking at her big crinkled forehead wrinkle….I know you were thinking I was going to say – her big tits…cuz they are naked and exposed, but I don’t even notice tits in an era where I’ve seen everyone’s tits…espcially when something way more fascinating is happing…like WRINKLES IN HER FOREHEAD…

I do see wrinkles, because all these bitches are BOTOXed the fuck up, that seeing any level of human emotion on the plastic faces…confuses me….it’s shocking, it’s wild, it’s exciting, it’s new and it is fresh….Emeline Ponthieu….possibly rocking a real face…no way.

Now that we’ve established that, the excitement of a real face has died down, I can go back to what I know and do best, and that is stare at her tits, because I may be desensitized and used to seeing tits, and I may not get excited by tits, but I am still fucking human and fucking love tits….

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Girls don’t even know how to get picked up and seduced anymore. They are so socially awkward and fueled with rage against whatever nonsense they are ill informed about, usually against men, that they don’t know how to be charmed or romanced. They just call it rape when they are told to have a nice day. They see it as toxic masculinity where men think they have the right to ask a girl to have a nice day. But the same girl will go on tinder at 3 am to get fucked in the worst possible way…the most vile and porn like way…with a stranger cuz she is Sex positive. The two irrationalities don’t align. But I guess that makes sense because women are nuts.

Here are some stepLINKS in the Morning….

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This aspiring instagram model seems thirsty. I am sure she’d send you pics of her feed for some money to buy her a drink…to quench this shit…you know so she doesn’t have to lick shower curtains to stay hydrated…

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Memories…of her sex tape

Don’t you love when these whores who were addicted to celebrity go out and find Jesus…always hilarious….even at 300 fucking years old, or whatever age this broken internet celebrity before it was a thing is…a time when the mom who has tried every tactic to get noticed – mainly sex tapes….before and after MYSPACE got her on MTV….it is still LOLZ…

GET HER SEX TAPE HERE

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Spring Break Forever motherfuckers..

I don’t know if Spring Break is still going on, but it’s gotta be, since Spring Break Forever motherfuckers..

I do know that Spring Break is inspiring, a time to strip down all your winter depression and down as much alochol as possible, in efforts to get some fucking AIDS or some shit…it’s not a death sentence…

I do know that even when you’re an old married fuck, you can strategically plan your Spring Break trip around young hot college girls in bikinis…and you’ll be entertained in your fold out beach chair you got at Costco or at the community Bingo last summer, too old to get noticed by the bikini girls, making your creeping on them a stealth operation….

I also know that whether you Spring Break or just Jerk off to Spring Break content or not, you should probably do it while wearing a HANGOVER PATCH ….not the most conventional cure to a hangover but hey if it helps you fight off that 72 hour hangover it’s worth a try…cuz hangovers suck.

Just yesterday I drank a bottle of sour tasting wine, that I wondered whether I lost my taste for wine, of it it was just rancid….only to have the gnarliest (that’s spring break talk for craziest) hangover ever…I was fucking puking, shitting fire, and migrained yesterday…..because I wasn’t wearing my hangover patch and or because I am dying thanks to hard living all these years..

Point being, don’t be like me in any aspect of your life…Look at me and see all that is wrong with the world…listen to my advice that comes from experience at failing at life…use me as an inspiration as to how not to act….But listen to me when I say….try the hangover patch, because I didn’t, and I got sick….

So GET YOURS NOW ….we’re offering a PROMO….

JOIN THE NEWSLETTER YOU ASSHOLES!

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We don’t need to know who Shenise Breslin is, we just need to remember that she’s way hotter than her sister Abigail…

More importantly, without that Little Miss Sunshine Breslin fame, she’s managed to figure out the complex strategy of going topless to get noticed…some women are born with that instinct, others ease into it when they feel it is their best option, some only realize they shoulda used their tits when they were younger and it is now too late for them…because ultimately…that’s about as much substance as we need to support a woman on her plight…

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Toni Garrn is the German lingerie model – who may have worked for Victoria’s Secret at some point in her slutty half naked career….

She’s probably best known for being one of the girls that Leo DiCaprio pretended was his girlfriend, as part of his Publicity Spin to prove to the world he’s not a queer. I think they call them beards…I would say she’s got the ass that would lead a dude like Leo into the darkside, the darkside being the backside of men or trannies, looking for excitement in their narcissistic lives…knowing that it’s just too easy, even at 50 years old, to get bitches like this to throw their vaginas at them….

You know, a product of Eugenics maybe, a girl with the taste of rich and fame, getting half naked to keep her name out there, her lifestyle up the fat wallet, deep pockets paying her…as all these whores strive for…

She looks good though…whether she was fired from Victoria’s Secret or not…it’s actually better that she was fired so she has a damaged ego…which is how you want your hot models. Insecure.

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Susan Sarandon’s Spoiled Daughter Eva Amurri is acting pretty fucking bold on the internet….with her mom pussy all up in the air in a bathing suit…channelling some bikini model shit…like all girls on instagram…even though they aren’t models…but are like “I can do that too” followers…

That said, like all rich girls, she is damaged, filled with daddy issues, jealous of her mom, seeking male attention, and more importantly, any attention….

She felt the need to pave her own way, despite using her family connections, to get a gig in TV, where she played some exposed tits on Californication, before deciding that it was boring and moved onto being a mom and wife instead….I was into her showing off her huge tits, acting like she’s not from a Hollywood family, rebelling against the silver spoon, despite only existing because of the silver spoo. Playing like me low level, small town, recently moved to LA waitress trying to make it…all while being more connected than fucking anyone….

Now she’s doing the same thing with bathing suit pics…racy…but she’s just having fun..right..

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There are so many naked girls…so many naked shoots….so many instagram models and so many instagram photographers….that the level or concept behind the shoots start to fade, blur and really come across as lazy, played out and boring…even if they nude girl is hot, her tits hot, her willingngess to show her cunt hot..

So I am going to approach these shoots like the model and photographer do…lazily.

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