I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

Archive for the Uncategorized Category

2008

13

May

Billie Piper Period Bloat of the Day

6 Comments »

The craziest thing about Billie Piper, other than no one knowing who the fuck she is, is that she’s 25 and everytime I see her she looks like she’s in her 40s and I blame that on retiring from her popstar career when she was 18 and decided to get married to an old dude instead of doing the Tara Reid party slut college girl thing. She grew up before her time and now she’s either bloated from her period and dressing sexy because girls always get slutty before they bleed, or maybe she’s finally pregnant and is out there satisfying a pregnancy craving but I like to think she’s just getting fat from eating to much on her way to buy more food to continue getting fat without realizing she’s fat and holdin’ onto the dream of being the hottest bitch in the world by rockin’ a mini-skirt that has all spilled over from when she was 17 and actually relevant in the UK, which isn’t saying much. I guess none of that matters, the real issue is why the fuck I am bothering posting this shit.


Related Posts:
Billie Piper Topless on the Beach

Posted in:Uncategorized

2008

12

May

Christina Ricci Likes Chocolate Milk of the Day

4 Comments »

Image Removed due to Papparazzi

I guess Christina Ricci is pregnant, or maybe she’s just getting her period, or she could just like chocolate milk because she went out to the store specifically for that shit and it reminds me of days I have to take a shit and realize that we are out of toilet paper we steal from the local gas station’s bathroom, and I can’t seem to find any free flyers or newspaper, because let’s face it, when I am in the mood to shit I am not too concerned about the softness on my asshole, and all the old t-shirts and socks lying around are needed to wear out in public because people aren’t entirely accepting of a fat topless man yet so they can’t afford to be used to wipe my ass, I go run to the store to buy a single roll as a last resort and it is usually the only thing I am buying, but I sometimes try to make it less obvious by buying a pack of gum because I know the entire time the clerk knows that I am there with shit pokin’ out of my ass and about to explode all over myself and despite being a pig, I am still shy about shitting.

Either way, I like chocolate milk too, it’s kinda my comfort food of choice, except I like to spike that shit with vodka, so I get where Ricci is comin’ from in makin’ this trek all for the sake of chocolate dairy goodness to help fill the void left from all the pain that life has dished out on her and that she can’t seem to run away from because she used to try to fill the emptiness she feels and is constantly reminded of every time she looks at her prison tattoos and breast reduction scars that mark the worst choice she ever made in life because her big tits balanced out her big head nicely and now she’s just all disproportionate as she’s bobble-heading back to her car.

Posted in:Uncategorized

2008

10

May

stepLINKS of the Day

1 Comment »

Last night, I was bored and had no money so I ended up drinking a couple of 40s in the park. I ended up running into an old friend who wanted some hookers and I decided to go along for the ride because I was drunk and had nothing better to do. We drove through the seedy part of town that isn’t even that seedy but it is where the whores hang out on the street and couldn’t find any. I told him that the best he could find was a couple of tranny bitches to suck his dick up the street and that it’s not that gay considering all they do is suck your dick, look a lot like actual girls and even have fake tits for you to play with. He wanted to check out the goods before making a decision that he knew would be a huge turning point in his life and that he wasn’t 100 percent sure he wanted to explore. When we got to their corner the 3 tranny whores jumped into a cab so we decided to follow them like we were spies or some shit. We ended up losing them because we couldn’t really keep up to the cab and my friend was forced to go home and jerk off alone since he couldn’t afford an actual escort and I came home to my wife, who despite having a vagina doesn’t look half as good as the trannies who don’t.

I guess the point of this post is to say that it is summer outside and I’ve been out scoping chicks in short skirts all day and you should be too, but if you’re not, here are my links.

The Mom I’d Like To Fuck Index:
GO

Lohan Won’t Be in the Manson Movie After All
GO

2 Girls, 1 Ice Cream
GO

Jayden Nicole is Playmate of the Year
GO

A Good Solution or Drunk or Busy Parents
GO

I Hate Katherine Heigl, and Apparently, So Does Everyone Else
GO

Rachel Leah Cook Shows Off Her Cleavage
GO

Some Tits at the Bar Drinkin’
GO

Bridget Marquardt Gallery
GO

How to Escape from Handcuffs the Next Time You Get Arrested for Being a Peeping Tom
GO

The Upskirt Test
GO

Lohan’s Leggings Collection With Built in Knee Pads
GO

It’s Friday, Find a Girl to Fuck
GO

The People of Burma Can Sleep Well Knowing That Kim Kardashians Ass if Behind Them
GO

Sluts doing Slutty Things You Tell Them To Do
GO

An Amazing Japanese Gameshow Where You’re Not Allowed to Laugh or you Get Paddled
GO

Hugh Hefner Wants Miley in Playboy
GO

Oh, and So is Mark Ronson
GO

Latoya Jackson is All Kind of Sexy, and by Sexy I Mean She Looks Like She Got Hit in the Face With a Bat
GO

Paris Hilton is Made of Wax, and Wants to Get Married
GO

Whitney Verses Britney!
GO

Topless Beach Hotties
GO

Lesbians in the Sun
GO

Enough Porn to Keep You Busy Until God Knows When
GO “target=”_blank”> GO

Julia is a Webcam Slut
GO

Slut Give Birth to 14 Inch Dildo
GO

Some Hot Brunette That is Good At Being Hott
GO

Ahhhhh Cindy Crawford
GO

A Nice Collection of Booty to End the Week Off Proper
GO

Celeb Nip Slip Collection
GO

Nicole Graves Body Painting Session
GO

The Best Thing to Help You Find Sex, Next to Alcohol
GO “target=”_blank”> GO

Lohan is a Cry Baby
GO

Paris Spreads Her Herpes All Ove GQ Russia
GO

Hayden Panty Airs is Still Banging That Cradle Robber
GO

Christina Milian Looking Good at Some Event that Doesn’t Matter
GO

And Now, a Trailer for the Best Movie Ever
GO

An Amazing Product from Japan Which is Only Outshone By It’s Amazing Commercial
GO

Petra Nemcova Legs in Vancouver
GO

Some Dude’s List of 100 Hot Asses
GO

Top 10 Superhero Topless Scenes
GO

Things I Did Last Night
GO

Some Indian Actress’s Nipple
GO

Israeli Flag Body Painted on Some Slut
GO

Some Hot Aussie Named Masha Lund in Ralph Magazine
GO

Some Dude Pops 23 Collars
GO

Top 10 Signs Your Mom is a Cougar
GO

ROGUE COLLECTOR’S PHOTOBUCKET FINDS:

Some Girl Posing In Her Underwear
GO

Some Party Slut Gets Naked
GO

Some Topless Asian
GO

Some Naked in Public Nude
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS|Uncategorized

2008

05

May

stepLINKS of the Day

5 Comments »

I feel like tele-survey people don’t really care about me – they call me all friendly like we’re going to end up having phone sex but then they ask me some qualifying questions, like how old I am and when I say I am under 18 and they just hang up on me because I am no use to them, despite being the one who let them into my home by answering the phone. It’s all painful.

If you’re wondering why I posted this stepLINKS header…IT’s cuz 50 Cent get’s all the bitches.

Here are my links:


Some Hot Naked Chicks Posing With Sneakers
GO

Britney is Almost Looking Hot Again. Almost
GO

Megan Fox Looks Hot For a Murdering Cheerleader Slut
GO

Newscaster Has a Funny Slip of the Tounge!
GO

Daisy Fuentes is Topless On Vacation….15 Years Too Late….
GO

Khloe Kardashian’s Dirty Whore Panty Upskirt
GO

Some Sluts From Vegas in Their Bikinis!
GO

The Top 10 Funniest Diarrhea Moments
GO

Nadine Velazquez Gallery
GO

Load Music from Your iPod into Your PsP
GO

Web Sluts May Make Your Life Worth Living, Because Your Life Pretty Much Sucks Ass and So Do They If You Ask Them To.
GO

A Launch to the Moon!
GO

Girls and Cars, Both of Which You Will Never Be Able to Afford
GO

Marisa Miller and Jessica Van Der Steen Photoshoot
GO

Find Girls to Fuck Today, Lose Your Virginity Tomorrow
GO

Stacy Keibler’s Hot Tits Are in a Green Dress
GO

Mariah Carey is on the Cover of Vibe in a Bikini
GO

A Bunch of Celeb Whores at Some Bullshit Event for the Kentucky Derby
GO

Vanessa Hudgens Lookin’ Bangable is some Ad for Some Fashion Shit I Don’t Care About, and Neither Do You
GO

George Clooney and His Golddigger Girlfriend Do Rich People Stuff
GO

Here’s Some Porn Reviews
GO

Rima Burke is an Ugly, Dancing Midget from Big Brother Down Under
GO

Finding Sex is Easier Than You Think If You Use This….
GO

Brad and Angelina are Getting Married on Paul Allen From Microsoft’s Yacht
GO

Some Hot USC Beach Volleyball Girl Named Jessica Gysin in Action
GO

Hot Alessandra Ambrosio For Arena Magazine Pics
GO

Some Hot Italian Big Brother Chick Posing and Lookin’ Hot
GO

My New Fetish – Brides in Their Underwear
GO

Iron Man’s Post Credit Clip that Is a Preview To The Sequel
GO

Jamie Lynn Spears Baby Shower Pics
GO

50 Memorable Pin Ups
GO

Monica Makes Me Hungry for Hungary
GO

My Kind of Charity Sluts….
GO

Record Breaking Dildo Fuck
GO

The Perfect Fuck
GO

Raven Simone Blew Up, and I Don’t Mean That in a cool Way Like When Black People Say It, I Mean She Got Fat
GO

Sexist Board Games
GO

Breast Pudding From Japan
GO

Emma Rigby is a Hot Big Breasted British Soap Star With Hot Cleavage
GO

Samantha is Naked For the First Time
GO

4 Naked Chicks Dancing Together in the Garden
GO

Strip Vacuuming
GO

Some Hot Amateur Strip Down!
GO

ROGUE COLLECTOR’S PHOTOBUCKET FINDS:

Some Young Hip Hop Troll Gets Naked
GO

Some Girl With Really Big Fake TIts Gets Fucked Up the Ass Video and Poses in Pictures
GO

Some Tits and Some Bush
GO

Some Fat Girl Shows Off her Tits
GO

A Girl and Her Big Boobs and Vagina
GO

Not From Rogue Collector but From Photobucket – Some Black Dude in Some Gay Poses
GO

Some Girl and Her Vagina
GO

Posted in:Uncategorized

2008

05

May

From the Forum of the Day

8 Comments »

It turns out that the stepFORUM is addictive and ruins marriages.

A reader sent me this letter that his wife wrote him about how he’s let himself go and this site got a shout out in it. Glad to know that I am ruining people’s sex lives, it’s pretty fuckin’ legendary. Read the letter if you’re interested.

Where do I begin? We hooked up years ago. I actually thought your friend was cuter, but we kept running into each other and knew mutual friends and as you guessed it we hooked up. I wasn’t thinking right. You were cute, bad, daring, good in bed, made cute kids, cleaned the house, and it was more than I ever thought I wanted.

You got older. After going through your asshole guy stage and quitting drinking you seem to have lost your edge. I don’t miss the drinking mind you. Basically you started to drink and forgot to tell me which caused us lots of problems (because I don’t always follow the beat of your drum, but we’ll get to that later). But I liked you as an asshole in a way. Every good girl wants their bad boy and you fit the bill. As bad as you were, you were smart and could easily seduce me. Like when you would offer to go down, free of charge. I fell for that for years, and you know you always got laid afterwards. Or the small fact you used to care about showering, wearing clean clothes, and warming me up before an all-nighter. I wouldn’t be in the mood and you would wave your magic man stick and *boom* I was yours.

So back to losing our edge. You got lazy. You decided no big deal to skip showers or brushing your teeth. Like this morning, you want some. I can read it all over your face you have a purpose in life – to get laid. So you come up and put your arm around me (fine), but then I get a fucking whiff. That stench. The unmistakable smell of that nasty shit you spray on before you got to work along with a different equally rank deodorant. The two are enough to scare deer away from your van as you drive to work. I hate that shit, and goddammit you bought it without consoling me (and my sensitive nose). So on top of that – aroma – I can smell fucking armpit axle grease sweat balls stench. I really want to puke. That is sooooo not hot.

WTF??

So I ask, where did you get this shirt? You were naked in bed and I assumed when you got dressed you pulled something from somewhere *clean,* right? Oh, its my work shirt – FROM THURSDAY. Mind you, its fucking Saturday. So I ban you from my presence until you come to your senses. Then you come back, in different clothes. I am playing online, ignoring you. So you still want some. I can tell again, it just permeates from that brain in your penis. Instead of coming up, sweeping my hair back, kissing my neck, telling me I’m ________, you decide to take your boner and rub in on my back/ass (I am laying on the floor playing on the computer, get the picture).

Seriously, WTF? Have you lost your mind? No foreplay. No kissing (even one hot kiss would do the trick). No tit play. I’m just NOT, I repeat, NOT buying into your “game” or whatever the fuck you think you have going on. A boner bumping my clothed ass cheeks while I play online does, let’s see . . . NOTHING, zip, nada, just if anything *pisses* me off.

I hate you.

Then there are your brothers. All five of those half-fuckers. Three never call unless they want something. You wonder why I can’t be nice to them?? I hate users, losers, and abusers of people that have shit when they don’t. Then there is your other brother who can’t get a life or much of anything together. At 27, he should have a women, or a barrage of different women, his own place, a baby’s momma, something????? But no, he lives with his grandparents. Sure he drives a nice car, but it’s not for the women. Know why? He hasn’t had a girlfriend since he was 19. Sure I have heard stories of drunken encounters and countless girls who liked you and you really, really fucked it up (like getting drunk and puking/pissing on them). But come the fuck ON – grow some balls and pick up someone, anyone, and get a fucking life. I’m starting to think you are gay.

Then there is #5. He is the nastiest person alive. He claims to shower, but I beg to differ, sir! If he bathes, it’s probably in Crisco and dog shit. The worst part is, he has a GIRLFRIEND and roommate that are equally as nasty as him. And no, I won’t go visit after hearing stories of dog shit smeared into their floor and urine on the couch because they are too lazy to take the fucker outside. But the absolute WORST part?? You let them come over and visit, for hours if I would let you. Long enough to make me wash the couch cover (twice!), febreeze the entire carpet and couch under the cover, light candles, spray air freshener, open all the windows, bug bomb the house, and feel paranoid that even after all that something survived and will be left to haunt me. I hate you, and your nasty girlfriend and roommate. And no, I can’t be nice so quit asking!!!

Then your obsession with boxing, UFC, and Final Fantasy and that Drunkenstepfather loser porn bullshit. It is all wrong, wrong, WRONG! Yes, I am the one that deletes “your” fights off the TiVo No I don’t care who won or how they did it. I didn’t get HBO and Showtime for you to ruin every Saturday night recording your fights so you can play them back to your stupid ass friends every day for the next two weeks. I hate UFC. You can’t make me like it. They really look like they are humping each other and yes I will make fun of it verbally as you watch it because you won’t take it in the other room (I get the tv in the living room – not you!). I understand you hate my shows, but then why do I catch you watching them when I’m not looking. You don’t catch me watching your stupid fucking fights do ya? And by the way, it does not impress me that you are a level 75 beastmaster. My nipples don’t get hard at the sound of you bragging about your dumb ass games, k??? And by the way, if you shut that shit off at night and went to bed with me – you would probably most likely, I would say 97% of the time get some!!!! But no!!!! You really expect me to get rug burn fucking you on the floor as you watch boxing and play the Xbox. Eat shit and die.

I used to love you, but now I hate you.

Love,

Your pissed off, sexually frustrated wife

Now here’s some stuff going on in the stepFORUM

That’s Not the Way You Use a Pepsi Can
GO

Bubba Sparxxx
GO

Blackalicious
GO

Canibus
GO

Paul Simon
GO

More E-Books
GO

Let’s Get Personal
GO

Amateur Paige?
GO

UNKLE Thread
GO

Rumer Willis is a Beautiful Person and You Aren’t.
GO

Isabella Soprano
GO

Obscure 90’s Hip Hop
GO

Pauline James Thread
GO

Funkdoobiest
GO

The mydarlingclementine Dilemma Continues…
GO

I thought this deserved to be on this site…
GO

Teen Busted Suck

GO

Blowjob Lessons
GO

Do You Like Small Tits?
GO

Beautiful blonde amateur, screwed and facial!!!
GO

Amateur Porn : Teen Emma (Germany)
GO

Gravity Kills
GO

Post Your Filth Here
GO

Christina Model Thread
GO

Upcoming Election
GO

Hottest Female Legs Search
GO

Bowling for Soup
GO

Jessica Jaymes Thread
GO

Rachel Roxx – Big Mouthfuls
GO

Del tha Funky Homosapian
GO

Audrey Bitoni Thread
GO

Stones Throw
GO

Posted in:Uncategorized

2008

03

May

stepLINKS of the Day

4 Comments »

I got this email today:

Been looking on your site and saw that it said you have pics of 14 yr old gals, please please email me some thanks, keep up the good work

This was my response:

I do not have pictures of 14 year old girls and never said that I did. I am glad I have such wholesome fuckin’ readers, you are sick fuck and you did not get the job babysitting my stepdaughter.

With Love,
Jesus Martinez
Drunkenstepfather.com

The truth is I am just happy to have any readers, sick in the head or not, I am non-judgemental but in the meantime here are my links:

Funny Bud Beer Lime Commercial….For Cinco de Mayo…Cuz Mexicans Love Limes…I guess..
GO

Playboy Gets Olive Garden Chicks Naked
GO

Jenna Jameson Does Cocaine…..
GO

Kim Kardashian Assumes the Position
GO

Heidi Klum Giving The Finger
GO

Irina V is the Girl Next Door
GO

Make a Fire with Potatoes, Salt and Toothpaste
GO

Hot Asian Chicks Beat Down Some Dude
GO

More Real Girls Being Sluts
GO

Penny Cruz and Charlize Theron Make Out
GO

Heidi Klum and Her Helmut Hair Hang Out at Bloomingdale’s
GO

Alessandro Ambrosio is the First Pregnant Hot Chick Ever
GO

Nick Cannon is the Smartest Guy on the Planet – Regifting and No Prenups Means Good Business….
GO

Ugly Betty Pickin’ her Nose….
GO

Gwyenth Paltrow is Looking Good Lately
GO

Gary Coleman Divorce Court!!
GO

Maria Menounos Like to Play Beach Volley Ball
GO

Find Girls to Fuck, Because It’s Not Really Sex When You Do it Alone
GO

Barbara Walter’s is a HO!
GO

Amy Reid’s Big Tits Are Natural
GO

Now THAT’s Love When a Girl Pukes on a Guy
GO

Emo Fags I’m Sure You Can Relate To
GO

Paris Hilton Spreads Her Diseases to All Walks of Life
GO

Asian Babe with Huge Jugs
GO

Becky Newton is Bending Over
GO

Yoko Matsugane Tits are MASSIVE!
GO

Miranda Kerr’s Cleavage is Down Under!
GO

Joss Stone and Cat Deeley are friendly Lesbians…
GO

Safe to Say He Loves the Ladies…
GO

Barack O’Basketball
GO

All, I Admit It. Nike has Amused Me
GO

Sammie Pennington is British and Topless
GO

Top 10 Paparazzi Attack Moments…
GO

More of Cheerleader Angelica Carrera Slutty Pics
GO

Beyonce is Pregnant
GO

Top 10 Jiggling Tit VIdeos of All Time
GO

Lohan’s Mugshot in Ad by a Pro-Drinking and Driving Group:
GO

The Art of Selling Naked – 10 Stunning Playboy Ads
GO

Sammie Penington Topless
GO

How to Smuggle Booze into The Kentucky Derby
GO

Some Penelope Cruz Bathing Suit Action…
GO

Be Sure to Brush Your Teeth Twice a Day and By Teeth I Mean Pussy
GO

Some Dude Scares The Fuck Out Of His Aunt and It’s Pretty Amazing
GO

Hot Brazilian Ass in an Ad
GO

Some Intense Justice Video Because Justice is the Mainstream
GO

This Slut Could Be Your Daughter
GO

More of Lily Allen’s Birthday – This Time With Cake
GO

Megan Fox is Hot But Banned
GO

Use This to Find Some Sex This Weekend. With a Chick
GO

ROGUE COLLECTOR’S PHOTOBUCKET FINDS

Some Girl in Funny Lingerie
GO

A Mix of Smut
GO

Some Slut Named Sexy Lil Dancer – Showing Off Her Body
GO

Some Photoshoot of a Topless Bitch By the Beach
GO

SOME WEEKEND HOTNESS

Shawna Lenee is a Hot Blonde Slut and She’s Naked
GO

Some Really Big Boobs in the Shower
GO

Some College Party Sex Video
GO

Some Really Weird Sex on an ATV Quad
GO

Funny Porn Bloopers Compilation
GO

Some Latina’s Self Shot Slutty Pic
GO

Some Asian Girl’s Webcam Strip Video
GO

Some Amateur Girl Masturbating
GO

Some Young Asian Self Shot Amateur Pics
GO

Ashlynn Brooke in Some Posed Nakedness
GO

Her Name is Karine and She’s Naked with a Whip
GO

Lesbian Cop Video
GO

Her Name is KayLynn and He Shows off How Big and Dirty Her Tongue Is…
GO

Some Girl Fuck’s a Corona Bottle of Cinco de Mayo
GO

Some Pierced Girl Has Sex With a Lollipop
GO

Some Chick in Crotchless Panties
GO

Naked Girl Shops in Japan!!
GO

Some Hot Naked Amateur Chick
GO

Find the Best Porn You Will Need for Your Pathetic Weekend
GO

Posted in:Uncategorized

2008

02

May

stepLINKS of the Day

No Comments »

I passed out at 7 pm last night – I guess being a drunken idiot who sits all day takes it’s mother fuckin’ toll, so I’m posting yesterday’s links a little late, but the rule is that’s it’s never too late to have a good time. If you’re wondering why I passed the fuck out last night at 7 pm, I think it could be cancer.

Here are my links, I did them fast, but they are still life changing…

Mother Africa – Naomi Campbell is Looking Good
GO

Porn Stars in Lingerie Talk Video Games With Cliffy B
GO

Bump, Bump, Bump is the Name of this Shit..
GO

Alley Bagett is a Bikini Cowboy
GO

Keeley Hazell is Queen of the Boobs and is Not Going Away….
GO

Paris Hilton is a Whore, But Here She is Proving It…
GO

Slut Gillian Sluts Out in Sydney Harbor
GO

Some Porn Reviews
GO

Do a Front Flip and Pretend You’re One of Those Parkour Fags
GO

Some Chanelle Hayes Orgasm Action
GO

Live Webcam Sex Is Good Because You Can Tell Them How to Do It….
GO

Some Model Mom Tries to Live Out Her Model Whore Dreams
GO

Some Whipped Cream Bikinis
GO

Karolina Kurkova Photoshoot
GO

Find Girls to Fuck in Your Hometown….
GO

Kim Smith is Fine
GO

Whitney Houston’s Daughter Tried to Stab Her, and Then Girl Herself
GO

Richie Sambora Wants to Take His Trash to Television
GO

Gwyneth Paltrow is a Jumpsuit Like A Jailed WHore….
GO

Christina Aguilera’s Got Some Drunk Tits.
GO

Lennon’s KIller is Stalking Lohan
GO

More WWE Whore Porn
GO

Just Call Me The Assman
GO

Dennis Rodman Got Arrested
GO

Karine is a Blonde Hottie
GO

Football Babes
GO

Tree Fuck!
GO

Perfect Ass
GO

Angelina Jolie Did Heroin Cuz She’s Intense.
GO

Fun with Tasers
GO

Nicole Goes Mountain Climbing Naked!
GO

Row your boat with Lucy Wanderburgova Naked
GO

Marisa Miller, in Black and White
GO

Alcohol Fun!!
GO

Amateur Whoredom of the Day
GO

Felicia Taylor is Naked
GO

Posted in:Uncategorized

2008

01

May

Christina Ricci’s Scary Face of the Day

11 Comments »

I don’t know what the fuck Christina Ricci is on, but it reminds me of the days I used to go to dirty raves because some asshole told me that girls on E were horny and it became a bit of a regular thing for me because I had no where else to go at 4 am when wasted. What they didn’t tell me was that these girls who were high on E looked like they were stars in some kind of horror movie and were too busy fidgeting, dancing, sweating and wearing disgustingly ratty clown clothes that I couldn’t take them seriously. I did manage to fuck a few raver chicks after promising to buy them candy despite how dirty I knew it would be because of the 12 hours of dancing in fur put their vaginas through but I am the kind of drunk guy who couldn’t turn down any pussy, especially not in the 90s before I was married because vagina at that time was a hot commodity. It always ended in disaster because they were usually totally fuckin’ insane and I’d manage to try to get the most sex out of them as possible, meaning I’d have to see them outside of the Rave setting and I remember seeing them in their weird raver clothes in broad daylight embarrassed me for doing what I had done….you know the whole purple fat pants with pacifiers around their necks and stuffed toys in hand, like they were fuckin’ 7 years old and it kinda freaked me out and made me hate myself more that I already did.

After I was done with them, I would ignore them and pretend I never met them because it was that raver shit just didn’t fly with me but after years of reflection, I realized that I didn’t disrespect them for being dirty sluts high on drugs but the truth was is that I couldn’t respect them because they had sex with me and that meant they had no standards or self esteem cuz I’d never have sex with anything that looks like me and it made it impossible for us to be friends despite having had shared that magical happy hardcore filled night together.

Either way, thanks Christina Ricci and your crackhead face for bringing back those great fuckin’ memories, you bitch.

Posted in:Uncategorized

2008

30

Apr

Paula Abdul Is A Nut Case of the Day

6 Comments »

I was lucky enough to watch American Idol last night and it was pretty legendary. The show was broken down into 2 songs to be sung by each asshole trying to be famous and the judges did commentary half way through which means after 1 song and at the end after they sang both songs. When the commenting time came around the first time, that is after the first round of songs, Paula commented on both songs when the assholes who are trying to be famous only sang one song each.

This explanation is already confusing me, this video works about half the time, see it for yourself, because this is a whole lot of crazy. I am thinking the chances of Paula Abdul being a useless drunk is a lot more likely than her being a fucking bitch who can see into the future. I have come across the show every once in a while and Paula can barely formulate a sentence and now she can’t even figure out what’s going on in front of her. It obvious that her shitty positive words she leaves this singers with is written contrived bullshit and that she’s trying to read off a script that won’t stop moving on the paper because of the mix of meds and booze.

She is a fucking mess and I don’t understand why she is on TV. It’s embarrassing and I have better motor skills than this bitch, in fact I do everything better drunk than sober and even wrote a letter to my mayor about how I should be allowed to drink and drive with some kind of pardon because when I am sober I am too fucking shaky to hold the fuckin’ steering wheel straight and I am way more at risk of killing someone, they never answered me and it’s not a big deal cuz I don’t have a car or a valid license, I just had a lot of time on my hand to write a stupid letter.

Either way, here’s Paula crazy and I am running off 3 hours a sleep so this is going to be a fun day but not as fun the day I spent watching girls suntan in the park because it’s the closest thing to a beach I can find around this shitbox of a city.

Posted in:Uncategorized

2008

29

Apr

Salma Hayek is the Bearded Lady of the Day

2 Comments »

I guess it’s nice to see Salma Hayek on the set of her new movie with a beard that is more full than anything I’ve ever been able to grow because I guess my testosterone levels don’t have shit on hers. I guess it’s some hormonal imbalance that comes with having a baby. I like to believe that she doesn’t even have a beard in these pictures and I just see one because subconsciously, I know her mangled vagina looks like a set of balls and her sex appeal, like 90 percent of moms out there is about as much as a ratty bearded man, but the rumor is that these are real and for some movie where she plays the bearded lady. This is her second role having facial hair, which is making me believe she’s being typecast because of her genetics, but according her to her gynecologist, this facial hair hasn’t got shit on the heat she’s packin’ in her pants.

Posted in:Uncategorized