I am not sure who Kelly Brook is but this is her Upskirt from last night outside some restaurant with her boyfriend….

The paparazzi are fucking crazy on these upskirt shots, they obviously see a girl in a dress sitting in a car and they start fucking drooling, hoping for the next hot picture….It reminds me of the Asian man I saw standing outside an electronics store late last night. He had so much desire in his eye and that printer/scanner/copier combo was heaven to him. It reminded me of myself back in Mexico as a kid, looking in the window of the food store because I as so fucking hungry and my mother was too busy turning tricks to feed me or when i was a young teenager in the USA looking at the video game systems in the local toy store that my ultra-baptist parents wouldn’t let me play because they were fucking crazy or when I was older and I’d grab a coffee near the the strip club trying to sneak a peak of the girls heading into work so I knew who to offer money to sleep with later than night, because lets face it, paying for sex is better than paying for lap dances, covercharge, drinks and coat check. The paparazzi remind me of when i was homeless standing outside the liquor store, looking in the window, hoping some nice person would just walk out with a mickey of booze for me….like Kelly Brook brought the upskirt to them…

This post may not make sense, I am half asleep….

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I cater this site to the virgins..because I assume 96% of people on the internet are virgins who come to the internet to jerk off to the 4% of sluts who post pics of themselves but every once in a while, I email someone who has read the site before and that said person, virgin or not, happens to be on National Canadian TV everynight at 7:30. Her name is Lainey and she runs this site….

I asked her to drop a stepfather catch phrase on the air….most are too offensive and “cuddles” is way too gay so I suggested she say “That’s the story I heard”.

I doubt she’ll pull though on it, but speaking of TV, there was just full tit on the local news. This one woman was having problems breast feeding so she consulted this big breasted french girl to help her. There was tit sucking, tit grabbing and if that baby wasn’t in the segment…it’s be porno…

Speaking of porno, here is the full Screech Sex Tape:

Here are the rest of my links for the day.

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Here are some pics of Paris Hilton showing the world her pretty solid ass on the Runway somewhere….

Speaking of SPAM, I am pretty sure you don’t care about this, but the spammer commenter in one of my posts has apologized for pretending to be other members of the site and for writing inappropriate things….If an apology includes blaming his friends…For the record MUNG is a real person, I never met him, I never read his posts, but he wasn’t me….

OOPS, MY BAD!!!! I had a ‘small party’ this weekend. 8 or so friends, some of them do read u and we discuss your stuff. I actually had mentioned(since i thought there was a good chance you had,in my opinion, “retired Mung”) that it would be great/ludicrous/wtf if Mung came back somewhat more likeable but still somewhat an inflamatory asshole dealing with HIV/aids (cuz assholes can only b likeable if/when they r dying), post his T-cell count, meds, a few nasty photos of yeast infections,etc.

Needles, er i mean needless 2say since it was a stay over party where people(inc. myself) r not always the most “clear headed/rational” some of the time, a couple of them did take the liberty of going ‘nuts’ in the comments and picking up fights w/HLW, “Stepsteve”, etc. While i dont think its 80% just some of the ones they told me about are somewhat in poor taste. The lesson learned is that my computers r now password protected so that people will need 2 check with me b4 using them.

Since u obviously feel that the comments were not appropiate 4your site i do apologize.

P.S.- I hope that you have njoyed some of my comments. I thought the “Ballad of Mung”(w/the subsequent addendum) was pretty good if i can say so myself.

Either way, this post was useless, but appropriate considering what the “support” pics are of. I’d hate to have the post of the year to Paris, so I do what I can to make all Paris posts suck….

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Hayden Panettiere, Ali Lohan and Jamie Lynn Spears are underage celebrities with uncertain futures….Where are they going to end up when they reach the legal age to work. The debate is whether they are going to end up becoming drug addicted party sluts with too much money to spend, or do these girls go onto be the next big thing, and by big I don’t really mean like Brooke Shields with her penis-shaped vagina and football shoulders, but I do mean a childstar who makes it or do they end up being a washed up and dried out meth addicted stripper, unable to pay for their next hit so they suck dick in the back of a strip club kinda thing, I’m talking Family Matters Foxworthy bitch, and not the Foxworthy with the redneck jokes, but without the camera.

Speaking of strippers, I decided to give stripper’s advice as to how they can make more money…this is the first installment:

Me:

I can teach you how to make a lot of money all you have to do to get a lap dance is say, “i want you to grab my tits right now”

Stripper:

I’m the good girl in this club and I already making good money and guys with a lot of money don’t just want to grap your ass and tits. They want you to give them attention and affection they don’t get from their wife

Me:

You want me and it’s so obvious, i can tell by the attention and affection you give me that my wife doesn’t. How much do I owe you?

Stripper:

For you Mr. Martinez…I dance for free. Cuddles.

She dropped my fucking line… let’s face it…getting free lap dances is better than being famous.

Speaking of better than being famous here’s my one line argument for each of these players…

Ali….

She’s Lohan’s sister so even if she never makes a penny, she’s set for life, which means she won’t be sucking dick in the back alley. From my experience the younger sisters never follow the older drug addicted sister’s path, but Ali is her sister’s shadow and her Lindsay is her mother’s shadow, so it’s a family thing. She’ll be cutting lines and rocking VIP rooms and cocaine hotel afterparties by her 18th birthday….

Jamie Lynn….

Her name is Jaimie fucking Lynn, she was born to be a back alley cock-queen. A trashy southern family can only have so much luck before falling into their destined path of trailer’s and trash. She’s a little chubs and that will lead to the meth….She’ll never be as successful as her sister and that will lead to more meth….The only comfort is that her sister will be right by her side.

Hayden….

She’s already got the poses down that would lead one to believe she could suck dick in the bathroom for meth. She’s already been caught smoking and partying when she was 15 which would lead one to believe that she could end up spending her earnings in the club pocket full of bub kinda thing….she doesn’t have the older successful sibling, so she doesn’t have the insecurity with being the loser sister that leads to drug addiction and the comfort of the sister’s bank account that allows you to freeridethrough life so it can go any which way for her…

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I missed Oprah today and that really upsets me. It’s thrown off my whole trying to live like a housewife plan. The highlight of last week’s Oprah is when she started talking about the shape of her shit, she said that some of her shits were C-shaped and some of them were S-shaped…it was pretty amazing to visualize and could be the reason for my recent sex dream. Speaking of amazing, someone just emailed me this…

MTV VIDEO PREMIERES OF THE WEEK….

Mon 12/4 – Jay-Z “Lost Ones”

Tues 12/5 – Danity Kane “Ride For You”

Wed 12/6 – The Fray “How To Save A Life” (new version)

Thurs 12/7 – JoJo “How To Touch A Girl”

Fri 12/8 – Mary J Blige “We Ride”

If that didn’t change your life, these links won’t either, cuz they are equally useless. If you’re wondering what the pics is of, it’s people who tried starting a fight with me on friday night, while I was drunk….another useless pic to go with a useless post.

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This is a video made for some alcohol company about what the world would be like if there was still prohibition. I was asked to post it by some guy who wrote me this:

I was helping a buddy of mine come up with scenarios if Prohibition never ended.

No one would ever get laid
Fights would be a lot fewer, but probably more deadly
Fat girls would never get to make out
Only really serious people would play pool
There would be a lot less nip slips

So many possibilities. Tomorrow is Repeal Day and my buddy helped Dewars make a little video to celebrate. We put it up at YouTube here.

We had to tone down how different the world would be without booze, but thinking we could get some truly despicable comments going at Drunken Stepfather about what the world would be like without beer goggles.

If my world had no alcohol in it, I’d probably be healthy, less depressed, married with kids and my son’s soccer coach, maybe I’d take my beautiful family on vacation or I’d be a virgin or if I did have sex it would only be missionary or for the sake of procreation. I would have probably have never laughed and without alcohol I’d have to have a real person as a best friend instead of a bottle. I would have no stories to tell that anyone would want to listen to, not that anyone listens to me now. There would be no website to write, no computer stolen, no jobs to get fired from and maybe I would have never left Texas and I’d be down there running an church or some shit wholesome, but realisticially, where there’s a will there’s a way, and not being drunk would probably make me much more motivated to find a way to get drunk….meaning I’d make millions bootleggin booze and drinking in back alley abortion clinics…and with millions means I could hire my own driver and bodyguard which is on my newest list of wants.

I’d ask you what you’d be doing if prohibition was still going on, but I really don’t care what you think.

What I do care about is that I am sure the guy who submitted this to me is going to get all kinds of money for pushing this on the net for the alcohol company, I am happy to say that I am not getting shit because I never get money from people, but it’s nice to know I am helping someone else reach their objective while I slowly fall deeper and deeper into the hell that is my life which is this site. Cuddles.

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