It is unlike me to post after I post the stepLINKS but today is a special day. Harry Morton just bought an engagement ring at Cartier and plans on proposing to Lohan this weekend. I assume dude’s knocked her up and that’s why her uterus is lookin a little fatter than usual. Another AIDS baby is just what the world needs. Morton probably should have used a condom. I’d like to thanks his Grandfather and Father for their restaurant money making skills that put him in a position to knock up Lohan.

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I am so fucking excited. Not because James Blunt is on Oprah, but because it is the VMAs. This is my favorite award show and I think I am going to liveblog this fucker. For those of you who don’t know what liveblogging is, it’s some lame blogger terminology that screams “I AM A VIRGIN” and means I write a post as I watch the award shows because that’s how important I think my opinion is. I doubt I’ll do it. I am lazy and hungover today.

On a side note, my traffic has gone to shit and I got this email explaining why:

I can no longer get my drunken stepfather while at work. The site drunkenstepfather.com has been flagged as a “Malicious Web Site” by the program Websense. Websense is a program that companies use to stop their employees from going to “inappropriate” websites.

John Travolta Gay Kiss – Weird GO

What he forgot to mention is that people stopped visiting the site because it sucks and so do these links….but click them, then watch the VMAs at 8pm, then go chase some skirts. Homo.

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I am always up for a birthday party, especially when it is someone’s 18th bday because there’s just something about barely legal girls, something called me going to prison, but that’s not the point of this post, the point is to say that this is James Jagger’s birthday party and he happens to be loaded to the tits financially because his father is Mick Jagger and his mother is that slag Jerry Hall. I dropping two british expressions in this post is overkill, but I’ll do it anyway. So anyway, this kid’s got his whole life of drug abuse and laziness ahead of him and he’ll be doing it in fucking style with sluts that look like these girls on his arm. I’d like to sit hear and pretend I am not jealous of him, because with money comes great responsibilty or some shit, but with 2 dollars in my wallet, comes hunger, starvation and death. Think about it.

Here’s another couple of stepRULEs for you fuckers.

stepRULE 6: Don’t Drop Too Many British Expressions or People Will Think You’re a Cunt

AND

stepRULE 7: Do not envy a rich kid, just become friends with one, get dirt on him and bribe him (if you’re a chick get knocked up by him and don’t get an abortion)

I don’t even know who these bitches are, James Jagger could be a girl for all I know, Meaning this could be James Jagger…..

Some weird viking shit that went on at his party:

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I can only assume that this isn’t a real person. Before you start ripping into me, let me say that I know she’s a real person and not a sex doll, what I meant to say is that I don’t think this is someone’s ex-girlfriend. I think it’s really a model getting paid because I haven’t been able to find any information on this slut, and if her name is what I was told it was, I’d be able to track her down. Either way, she is a slut all posing sexy for the camera and letting her pics get posted on the internet and there is nothing I like more than amateur porn or amateur lookin’ porn. I know this is the shit I would jerk off to if could get hard. I realize that impotency is starting to fuck with my head now because my sex dreams are of me sitting in front of the TV jerking off. I wake up frustrated, so I look over at my fat wife, grab her cunt hoping it will get things going but realize it’s hard to find and once I get there, it’s cold and clammy. I get up in disgust, go to my computer and send myspace messages to girls. That’s pretty much my sex life. Which brings me to another stepRULE. Cuddles

stepRULE 5: When Sexually Frustrated, Use Myspace

Here are a bunch of pics of her Slutting Out
Here is her fake Myspace Profile

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I figured that since I have been posting links to some cocksucker’s site in my last 2 link dumps, it was time to give her a post of her own. The reason I call her fat is because she is fat. I know a lot of you get mad at me when I call girls fat. I assume it is because your girlfriends are fatter than the girls I call fat and you get insulted because you fuck fat girls, but if you think about it you should just be happy that even a fat girl would let you in her slophole. I guess it could also be that you are a fat girl who doesn’t think of yourself as fat because you are in denial, which is likely because I only seem to attract fat girls, it’s been a constant in my life. Either way I get shit on for saying it and I will get shit on for writing it here today about Armenia but remember her black dress is supposed to be thinning even as her hips try to bust out of it and Paris would NEVER hang out with anyone hotter than her. She is the type of girl you see at the bar with a troop of fat girls making a cockblock wall that you and your friends have to breakdown to get to the prize, usually involves banging the fat girl. That said, I realize that she’s definitely worth a round, even if she is fat and brown. Which brings us to another stepRULE or 2 or 3….

stepRULE 2: Every hole is a goal

stepRULE 3: With Fat Sluts, Come Fat Titties, Unless God Really Hates Them,

stepRULE 4: There is Nothing Funny About a Flat Chested Fat Girl

Still think it’s a stupid feature don’t you?

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I figured that since I have been posting links to some cocksucker’s site in my last 2 link dumps, it was time to give her a post of her own. The reason I call her fat is because she is fat. I know a lot of you get mad at me when I call girls fat. I assume it is because your girlfriends are fatter than the girls I call fat and you get insulted because you fuck fat girls, but if you think about it you should just be happy that even a fat girl would let you in her slophole. I guess it could also be that you are a fat girl who doesn’t think of yourself as fat because you are in denial, which is likely because I only seem to attract fat girls, it’s been a constant in my life. Either way I get shit on for saying it and I will get shit on for writing it here today about Armenia but remember her black dress is supposed to be thinning even as her hips try to bust out of it and Paris would NEVER hang out with anyone hotter than her. She is the type of girl you see at the bar with a troop of fat girls making a cockblock wall that you and your friends have to breakdown to get to the prize, usually involves banging the fat girl. That said, I realize that she’s definitely worth a round, even if she is fat and brown. Which brings us to another stepRULE or 2 or 3….

stepRULE 2: Every hole is a goal

stepRULE 3: With Fat Sluts, Come Fat Titties, Unless God Really Hates Them,

stepRULE 4: There is Nothing Funny About a Flat Chested Fat Girl

Still think it’s a stupid feature don’t you?

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There are so many new picture sets out today and I am posting 3 day old pics. If you are wondering why, it is because I am a hack and keeping up with celebrity lives doesn’t really interest me, I only do it to get traffic. It’s really worked out amazing for me, I went from having 4 readers to 20, so a big fuck you goes out to my grade 10 teacher who told me I would be a failure because I knew nothing about business….well bitch, I am a failure but it’s got nothing to do with my business sense, it has to do with laziness, addiction and lack of self confidence. Speaking of addiction, here are some pics of the power couple, who I fucking love because she’s hot, he likes to party the way rockstars are supposed to party and I guess that’s pretty much the only reason I like them. They probably have some pretty interesting dates. Speaking of interesting dates, I was forced to take my wife out for our anniversary or someshit. See I get stepSENSITVE sometimes. When I told her I had 2 dollars to my name, she wasn’t all that impressed, so I took her to a luxury car dealership. I hadn’t showered and she’s onto moving around with a walker now, so I am sure walking in freaked the fuck out of the sales staff. When they asked me what I did for a living I said I was a dot com millionaire. They wouldn’t let me test drive the car, even after I told him my wife was dying and it was always her dream to drive around in a Luxury Sedan, but that could have been because I was drunk.

Which brings up my next point

stepRULE number 1: Never too broke for alcohol

How do you like stepRULES as a new feature? I know, it’s a fucking weak rule, I am just testing it out, just look at the pics you fucking assholes.

And some of Pete Doherty….

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Today is over by my standards. My traffic has gone to shit, you are obviously no telling your friends, my myspace hasn’t had a new message in 2 days, people are obviously starting to hate me. So this is the message I started sending out:

as i sit here in my dirty bed sheets with a mustard stained shirt and nicotine stained stubby fingers trying to muster up the energy to get up and take a pee, but decide that it takes too much energy, so I pee in the empty bottle by my bed, I think of you….

With Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

Here are my useless stepLINKS that no one likes, I will admit that today’s aren’t as amazing as other days because I have to leave the computer for the night due to poverty

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I am out of money and it is not the first time, but it is always a pain in the ass when it is a couple days away from rent day, but I am not writing that for charity, I know none of you have money either otherwise we wouldn’t be the biggest group of dirtbags on the internet, we’d be classy and talking about politics and other shit that worldly people talk about. We wouldn’t be here talking about whether a site is kiddy porn or not or who gave Joe Simpson better blowjobs when they were 5 Ashlee or Jessica. That said, I took my last 20 dollars to the sandwich shop down the street because I was hungry. It cost 8 dollars, and I walked out without taking my change because I was having an anxiety attack. I am too lazy to go back and ask for my money I write this with 2 dollars to my name. Hopefully, the Simpson family will end up with 2 dollars to their name because desperate times means bitches will end up doing lesbian porn, together. This post fucking sucked.

Bonus: Jessics Simpson Pics Because She is the Sister

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I am out of money and it is not the first time, but it is always a pain in the ass when it is a couple days away from rent day, but I am not writing that for charity, I know none of you have money either otherwise we wouldn’t be the biggest group of dirtbags on the internet, we’d be classy and talking about politics and other shit that worldly people talk about. We wouldn’t be here talking about whether a site is kiddy porn or not or who gave Joe Simpson better blowjobs when they were 5 Ashlee or Jessica. That said, I took my last 20 dollars to the sandwich shop down the street because I was hungry. It cost 8 dollars, and I walked out without taking my change because I was having an anxiety attack. I am too lazy to go back and ask for my money I write this with 2 dollars to my name. Hopefully, the Simpson family will end up with 2 dollars to their name because desperate times means bitches will end up doing lesbian porn, together. This post fucking sucked.

Bonus: Jessics Simpson Pics Because She is the Sister

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