I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

Archive for the Unsorted Category

2006

11

Aug

I am – The Hilton Sisters Together of the Day

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Nicky Hilton looks like she’s been eating Paris’ weight in ribs and potato salad at the Hilton family BBQ. Maybe she’s depressed that she’s the “OTHER” sister and emotionally eating her way to the top of daddy’s list of favorites. But I have a theory that she’s a spare sister. They fatten her up in preperation for any organ transplant Princess Paris may need. Like the kidney transplant she’s going to have done when hers crap out from having too many Urinary Tract Infections. Someone told me you get those from going vadge to anal and back to vadge, which is something I used to do on the regular, but I never kept the girls around long enough to find out if they scored some inexpensive treats from our romantic encounters. I would however like to say that the Hilton kidney transplant joke fucking sucked, even if Paris does have a lot of UTI’s, I’ll save the sci-fi/clone/pod talk for you Virgins. Paris is the hotter sister and should be allowed to do whatever she wants, even if it includes infection. Right? Right! Now go fuck yourself and dream about the day you give a slag a UTI, but don’t expect it to ever happen, Virgin…..

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

11

Aug

I am – Making Another Bitch Famous of the Day

So I make a small town slut famous for allegedly giving 5 dollar blowjobs and a week later I get this email from her.

you don’t know me but you wrote a blog about me called “I am – making another bitch famous”

If you could please delete it, it would be greatly appreciated

also if you wanted to email me the little fart who sent you this info on me ( which most of it isnt true) that would be greatly appreciated

and I write her saying:

Hi,

My name is Jesus Martinez and I don’t know you.

I am saddened that you aren’t enjoying the fame.

Where did it all go wrong?

With Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

and Myspace her this:

why you being so fucking obnoxious
you are starting to make me hate you
i may have to take legal action

love

jesus

this is the email I get in response.

On behalf of Natalie Gauvreau, I would like to kindly ask, that an article posted on your website be removed.

The website: http://www.drunkenstepfather.com
The Article and its Comments: http://www.drunkenstepfather.com/index.php/2006/08/11/i-am-making-another-bitch-famous-of-the-day
Date Posted by the Webmaster: August 11th, 2006

Natalie Gauvreau has expressed many concerns related to the article and its comments, that we are considering and investigating:
– The article’s writer invites the readership to sexually harass her
– The Third Party Emailer to the site has suggestive allegations pertaining to Natalie that are false and/or misleading
– A potential future claim for Defamation of Character
– Permission was not granted by Natalie nor the photographer to publish Natalies pictures on the http://www.drunkenstepfather.com website.

Natalie Gauvreau kindly requests that the article and all of it’s comments be withdrawn/removed from the http://www.drunkenstepfather.com website.

Your earliest attention to this matter would greatly be appreciated.
Thank you

If you are interested in finding out more on this bitch, Click Here See More on Her

So this is what I wrote Him:

Just because you have the word LAW in your last name, doesn’t make you a lawyer. However, I will take down the post for you because that’s the kind of guy I am.

I never invite readers to sexually harass anybody, they do it at their own volition because that’s the kind of website I run.

I can’t control emails that I get, and I am allowed to post emails sent to me – Such as this one.

Love

Jesus

If you want the original post, Email me, Cuz I generally don’t censor myself.

Posted in:stepFAME|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

11

Aug

I am – Heidi Klum’s Poor Box of the Day

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One of my loyal readers and possible mentor, if bitch had something to offer/guide me with, sent me in an article she wrote on her pussy. It’s fucking vile and I figured I would post it to Heidi Klum pics, because she represents someone who probably had one of the hottest boxes around, before becoming damaged goods. Yes, I am birthing, sex with big black men and Lupus scars on her cunt to damaged goods. It’s not racism, so stop calling me a racist – Token Black Reader Otis.

Pussy

I often wonder what famous women’s pussies’ look like in comparison to my own. Not porn pussy or Paris Hilton pussy, because those pussies are superfluous. I’m also educated enough to know that my Jewtang doesn’t hold a candle to their Protang.

I imagine that pussy grooming expenses are tax deductible. That their V’s are as pristine as a Maybach. That they have a shiny effervescent glow, even without titillation. That their vulva lips are soft pink, perfectly budding roses. That mountain spring water gushes when they orgasm. That their pussies are on self-refreshing timers.

Clearly, I have Famous Pussy Pedestal Syndrome and it’s a problem.

But, how could I not? Men clamor to get inside famous pussy, often fixating on one star-slit as their principal source of jerk-off inspiration. Of course they have contingency celebtang, too that they wouldn’t kick out of bed. What red blooded American man doesn’t want to say, “Yeah? I fucked her.�

In my mind, the reigning pussies in Hollywood must be, Jennifer Aniston. Each believing he holds the key to igniting the innocent fire betwixt her legs. Angelina Jolie. Her snappin’ pussy roars, and rides like the latest and greatest death defying six flags roller coaster. Jessica Simpson. It’s where only “one man� has ever gone. Christina Aguilera. She does the compulsory sexy-lip-squeeze with a haunting rendition of, oh, yeah, baby, yeah, when a man is noshing. Jennifer Lopez because she brands all freshly dipped cocks. Nicole Ritchie. Every man thinks that if he fucks her hard enough and long enough, he’ll split that fragile anorexic in two. Lindsay Lohan. She says, fuck me harder. I said, harder, bitch! In that borderline emasculating empowering way that makes men swagger home, yet leaves them questioning the circle jerk with their JV team. Demi Moore. She dishes up compelling-dominatrix-mud-fuckeree-stripper, pussy. And, finally, Paris Hilton. It’s where every man has gone. The next one in, assuredly owns it; and, a Hilton STD has cachet.

So, how the fuck is it that my lippy, freckled, beige Jewtang is supposed to compete with such omnipotent pussy?! How?! I don’t have the mini tilde leading to a waxed set of infant lips. I enjoy a full bush. I can’t send men in without a roofie and a miner’s cap. Should his semi-erect wheezing, drugged out cock have a pulse by the time he reaches my Circus Act, I got a whole new set of problems, a jacked, low hanging buffalo lip. The kind of lip that makes audiences scream, get out of the house! Run for your life! If he fucks me with a Nonoxynol-9 condom, he better not be around at daybreak. I’m highly allergic to it and my Joon swells to can’t-close-my-legs, sized cauliflower. I also don’t have one of those, I-don’t-care-if-she’s-on-the-rag, boxes. My creepy lips part so the stuck pig can gush to perfect storm proportions. Between that, and the obligatory can-supply-yeast-to-every-fucking-bagel-shop-in-every-borough-in-
New-York from antibiotics. How many weeks out of the year, am I really a good fuck?!

If I’m not surfing the Internet for the perfect pussy enhancement MD, I’m looking for a picture of the pussy I want and simultaneously viewing my own, so I know what to email the surgeon. Thus far, they are the only men to drool at the prospect of getting inside my nonny.

Dear Ms. Schwartz:

Thank you for inquiring about our vaginal reconstructive procedures. You sound like a perfect candidate for, Labiaplasty, Vaginoplasty and a full vaginal bleaching.

If your vagina is as unfortunate as it seems, we’d be willing to perform the surgery and after care for free! In exchange for before and after shots for our website. But, if it’s as radical as I hope it is, well, you lucky girl, we might even use you for our offline marketing brochures and press kits.

Looking forward to hearing back from you, and to being a beacon of light in the wake of such a painful storm.

Sincerely,

Dr. Jekyll

Ok, so, in exchange for a free, supple, sweet, pink and might I add, famous pussy, I just have to undergo lip reconstructive surgery, and heavy doses of bleach on my gash.

Are you fuckin’ kidding me?!

I record plastic surgery nightmare tales on every fucking channel in every fucking language. I’m not lookin’ for a telethon twat. The last thing I need is a Jerry Lewis “special� pussy. With a scary close up, synced up to a palsy sound byte creaking out of my hole with fundraisers applauding my heroic efforts.

This was taken from some slag’s website, her name is Katie Schwartz and You Should Try To Bang Her Beige Box.

Visit her by CLICKING ON THIS MOTHERFUCKING LINK

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

11

Aug

I am – Heidi Klum's Poor Box of the Day

heidiklum003.jpg

One of my loyal readers and possible mentor, if bitch had something to offer/guide me with, sent me in an article she wrote on her pussy. It’s fucking vile and I figured I would post it to Heidi Klum pics, because she represents someone who probably had one of the hottest boxes around, before becoming damaged goods. Yes, I am birthing, sex with big black men and Lupus scars on her cunt to damaged goods. It’s not racism, so stop calling me a racist – Token Black Reader Otis.

Pussy

I often wonder what famous women’s pussies’ look like in comparison to my own. Not porn pussy or Paris Hilton pussy, because those pussies are superfluous. I’m also educated enough to know that my Jewtang doesn’t hold a candle to their Protang.

I imagine that pussy grooming expenses are tax deductible. That their V’s are as pristine as a Maybach. That they have a shiny effervescent glow, even without titillation. That their vulva lips are soft pink, perfectly budding roses. That mountain spring water gushes when they orgasm. That their pussies are on self-refreshing timers.

Clearly, I have Famous Pussy Pedestal Syndrome and it’s a problem.

But, how could I not? Men clamor to get inside famous pussy, often fixating on one star-slit as their principal source of jerk-off inspiration. Of course they have contingency celebtang, too that they wouldn’t kick out of bed. What red blooded American man doesn’t want to say, “Yeah? I fucked her.”

In my mind, the reigning pussies in Hollywood must be, Jennifer Aniston. Each believing he holds the key to igniting the innocent fire betwixt her legs. Angelina Jolie. Her snappin’ pussy roars, and rides like the latest and greatest death defying six flags roller coaster. Jessica Simpson. It’s where only “one man” has ever gone. Christina Aguilera. She does the compulsory sexy-lip-squeeze with a haunting rendition of, oh, yeah, baby, yeah, when a man is noshing. Jennifer Lopez because she brands all freshly dipped cocks. Nicole Ritchie. Every man thinks that if he fucks her hard enough and long enough, he’ll split that fragile anorexic in two. Lindsay Lohan. She says, fuck me harder. I said, harder, bitch! In that borderline emasculating empowering way that makes men swagger home, yet leaves them questioning the circle jerk with their JV team. Demi Moore. She dishes up compelling-dominatrix-mud-fuckeree-stripper, pussy. And, finally, Paris Hilton. It’s where every man has gone. The next one in, assuredly owns it; and, a Hilton STD has cachet.

So, how the fuck is it that my lippy, freckled, beige Jewtang is supposed to compete with such omnipotent pussy?! How?! I don’t have the mini tilde leading to a waxed set of infant lips. I enjoy a full bush. I can’t send men in without a roofie and a miner’s cap. Should his semi-erect wheezing, drugged out cock have a pulse by the time he reaches my Circus Act, I got a whole new set of problems, a jacked, low hanging buffalo lip. The kind of lip that makes audiences scream, get out of the house! Run for your life! If he fucks me with a Nonoxynol-9 condom, he better not be around at daybreak. I’m highly allergic to it and my Joon swells to can’t-close-my-legs, sized cauliflower. I also don’t have one of those, I-don’t-care-if-she’s-on-the-rag, boxes. My creepy lips part so the stuck pig can gush to perfect storm proportions. Between that, and the obligatory can-supply-yeast-to-every-fucking-bagel-shop-in-every-borough-in-
New-York from antibiotics. How many weeks out of the year, am I really a good fuck?!

If I’m not surfing the Internet for the perfect pussy enhancement MD, I’m looking for a picture of the pussy I want and simultaneously viewing my own, so I know what to email the surgeon. Thus far, they are the only men to drool at the prospect of getting inside my nonny.

Dear Ms. Schwartz:

Thank you for inquiring about our vaginal reconstructive procedures. You sound like a perfect candidate for, Labiaplasty, Vaginoplasty and a full vaginal bleaching.

If your vagina is as unfortunate as it seems, we’d be willing to perform the surgery and after care for free! In exchange for before and after shots for our website. But, if it’s as radical as I hope it is, well, you lucky girl, we might even use you for our offline marketing brochures and press kits.

Looking forward to hearing back from you, and to being a beacon of light in the wake of such a painful storm.

Sincerely,

Dr. Jekyll

Ok, so, in exchange for a free, supple, sweet, pink and might I add, famous pussy, I just have to undergo lip reconstructive surgery, and heavy doses of bleach on my gash.

Are you fuckin’ kidding me?!

I record plastic surgery nightmare tales on every fucking channel in every fucking language. I’m not lookin’ for a telethon twat. The last thing I need is a Jerry Lewis “special” pussy. With a scary close up, synced up to a palsy sound byte creaking out of my hole with fundraisers applauding my heroic efforts.

This was taken from some slag’s website, her name is Katie Schwartz and You Should Try To Bang Her Beige Box.

Visit her by CLICKING ON THIS MOTHERFUCKING LINK

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

11

Aug

I am – The Ass Tom Cruise Never Fucked of the Day

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Tom Cruise is Gay, or was Gay in the 80s. I know people who know people who know people who were his chartered airline pilot and who brought him up to Montreal have Gay sexcapades with Gay men in the Gay part of the city. I also know people who know people who know people who were Gay in the Gay scene in the late ’80s and they also told me the same story about Tom Cruise in Montreal for Gayness. So based on these FACTS, it can only be assumed that the closest this dude’s done to fucking Nicole Kidman is in the movie Eyes Wide Shut and the closest he is to Suri’s baby-daddy is providing his Gay sperm for artificial insemination, like bitch was a whale at the aquarium they were trying to get knocked up, only instead of it being an aquarium, this whale’s at the scientology compound. Either way, there’s something decent about Nicole Kidman, something classy, even though she’s got red hair. Right? RIGHT! That’s my new catch phrase.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

11

Aug

I am – Sex Doll Porno Shoot of the Day

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This dude owns 2 sex dolls and makes them pose for classy porno type pictures. That really makes having one sex doll socially acceptable. It’s like you could bring your one sex doll to meet your family at Thanksgiving and show them pictures of your friend “Johnny” and his sex dolls, making everyone at the table happy that you aren’t Johnny. It’s like when you catch your kid smoking pot and he says “but mom, jimmy smokes crack rock and all I do is smoke a little chronic, you should be proud”, only these guys don’t have moms, their moms abandoned them a long time ago, making them hate pussy that breathes/has a heart/ is alive. My question is how long does it take to set up each shot. I respect this dude’s work ethic. If I owned a store, I’d hire his socially awkward ass to stock my shelves, because I have enough fucking trouble taking down my garbage, I couldn’t imagine putting the right kind of effort into some really creepy photoshoot, to make it come out like this. Even if I got to finish off on both of their silicone faces. That’s the story I heard.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

10

Aug

I am – Some Girls Gone Wild Bitch Crying Rape of the Day

So I check my myspace and this is what I find:

I’m sure you know the story

LA Times

Above the dance floor, the stage is full of girls who rotate, twist and shimmy their way up and down three strip poles. One of them is Jannel Szyszka, a petite 18-year-old who prances around the stage like a star.

blah blah blah

Eventually, Szyszka says, Francis told the cameraman to leave and pushed her back on the bed, undid his jeans and climbed on top of her. “I told him it hurt, and he kept doing it. And I keep telling him it hurts. I said, ‘No’ twice in the beginning, and during I started saying, ‘Oh, my god, it hurts.’ I kept telling him it hurt, but he kept going, and he said he was sorry but kissed me so I wouldn’t keep talking.”

Afterward, she says, Francis cleaned them both off with a paper towel and told her to get dressed. Then, she says, he opened the door and told the cameraman to come back, saying, “She’s not a virgin anymore.”

Make this bitch famous!!!

I don’t know the story, but I assume he’s talking about Joe Francis, the dude from Girls Gone Wild being the de-virginizer/rapist. I guess my statement to all this is that when you become a billionaire by exploiting girls across the countr by getting them wasted and promising them fame, you can’t EVER be charged for rape. The judge knows that it’s Joe Francis who changed the party world, to the point where girls are getting topless and making out with each other without a fucking camera crew in the place. The judge knows that Francis has helped spread the herpes virus more than Tequila manufacturers. The judge knows that bitch is an opportunist and when she let Francis up in her virgin box, she was obviously trying to climb some sort of ladder to fame. That ladder, or Joe Francis’ dick, didn’t get her where she was hoping it would, when dude never called her back or invited her to his compound in Mexico to be his billionaire wife and now this ugly party slut is trying to get proper payment for her virginity. Bitch doesn’t realize that when you are an ugly drunken whore flashing your tits and grabbing your box on camera, your virginity doesn’t hold the same price tag as an innocent little 18 school girl type who you lure in from the park with an ice cream cone. My granny always said, you can’t rape the willing, and when bitch was drunk and naked, she was clearly willing. Her name is Jannel for fuck’s sake, even her parents thought she was a whore when she was born. I should be a lawyer. That’s the story I heard.

CHECK OUR HER MYSPACE

I just made you famous, Bitch. You are a drunken party whore, we get it, now get on with your life and leave Francis a pat on the back for slammin your virgin ass without a condom and wiping you down with paper towel like the trailer trash whore that you are. Cuddles.

Posted in:stepFAME|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

09

Aug

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

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The computer issue – may or may not be sorted out by tomorrow. I still posted more than I thought I was going to post today, so you should be happy. Raquel, Send me Nudes. I found a couple of links to tide you over for the night, because let’s face it, I can’t affort to hang out in an internet cafe for more than 15 minutes. I also have pretty major social anxiety and it doesn’t help. Either way, as Britney Spears would say… HUH…HUH….HUH….I have nothing more to say, and here are them there Links I’ve been talking about….

This is one of my reader’s magazines. I expect him to do an Article on Me GO

Marilyn Monroe’s Ass GO

Bar Mitzvah Video For You GO

Nicole Richie’s Mystery Man GO

Last Night’s Party at Lollapalooza With Tits GO

Shitty Jessica Alba See Through GO

You Don’t Have To Be Rich To Have A Sweet 16 GO

Another Booty Video For You GO

Keeley Hazell’s “REAL” Boobs GO

Barak’s Bar Mitzvah Video GO

This is some Met-Art Girl’s Video – Hot GO

Jared’s Bar Mitzvah Video GO

Paris Hilton Paparazzi Video GO

Add Me To Myspace You Fuckers GO

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

09

Aug

I am – The Sketchiest Myspace Message of All Time of the Day

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So this is the kind of think I do for my readers. I was emailed by one of you asking me to send my Myspace message to this bitch who always posts bulletins by “creeps” trying to “come on” to her on Myspace. I sent the message I posted on here last week and today she posted this bulletin. I don’t know whether I should be happy being the sketchiest myspace message of all time, according to some useless slag, or if I should be scared of losing my myspace profile for not respecting the rules. I think I will just stick to thinking this is an achievement cuz it takes talent to be this fucking sketchy, and remember the point of all this is to say, people take themselves way to fucking seriously. This is the internet…not real life.

Date: Aug 9, 2006 3:24 PM

Subject: sketchiest myspace message OF ALL TIME

Body: .

..and my profile is officially now set to private. I dont even have commentary for this one… Tom might though b/c i forwarded it to him. What a sick fuck. Enjoy.

“you are way out of my league.
but I can still jerk off to your myspace pics.
and I am.
that the irony of the internet.
youd never give me the time of day in person,
but here i am practically fucking your face
so I dont want you to get all freaked out..
I wont get you pregnant.
I am wearing a condom.

With Love,

jesus martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com”

Visit Her MYSPACE

I just made you famous, bitch. (I had to write that, it’s my catch phrase….)



Posted in:stepFAME|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

09

Aug

I am – Kelly Osborne Gets Cock of the Day

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I posted these Kelly Osborne Pics cuz I am trying to understand what kind of person goes through with playing in her sand box, if you know what I mean, which you don’t cuz you aren’t even reading this. But if you are surprising me and you are actually reading this shit, then you will probably think I have the answers. I don’t. I do know that there are some dudes who really love slammin fat girls. I know that there are some dudes who really love slammin rich girls. I know there are some guys in bands who love slammin their musical idol’s daughter. I also know that there are some closet fags who like fucking bitches who look like they’d have a bigger cock than they do. I guess all of these may be true for this here situation…..Either way, this shit’s just not right, any way you dice it.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted