Caprice is one of those women who has been around for a long time, I’m thinking over 10 years, and no one knows what the hell she does. I know she did some modeling – because she’s given me a boner at least once, back when I could still get boners. Lucky for the surf culture this 40 year old hag is learning how to surf, I guess she’s realized that it’s time for her to tone her ass a little and what better way that on the beach. Fat assed or not, she’s still hotter than your sister, and I am sure she’d appreciate it if you stopped peaking in the bathroom window while she’s showering, you fucking pervert.

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Hipsters are the reason the AIDs virus is on the uprise. They all get jacked on cocaine, cuz that’s a hipster drug and show up at parties to get naked and pretend they are pornstars for the night. They rock their vintage clothes, they don’t shower/shave, their dad’s are all lawyer’s and doctors and they’re friends with the managers at American Apparel. Point of the story is that they are sluts who get naked, showered/shaved or not and I woulda liked to have been at this party. I am not a hipster, more of an older alcoholic in ripped jogging pants and a sweat stained white t-shirt, I don’t shower and although that may sound hipster, I don’t have a trust fund to finance my coke habit. I am just a 35 year old man who is practically homeless, but I am convinced that if hipster keeps plunging deeper and deeper into dirty, disgustingness, I will be invited to these kinds of parties, maybe they’ll be impressed with the scars on my dick from 20 years of herpes outbreaks. Cuddles

I got really carried away, meaning lots more pics – After The Jump

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Some of you may like porn, probably more than you should, meaning that you’re one of those motherfucker’s who sits at home all day, collects welfare checks and jerks off so much that your penis is hangin off you from a worn down thread, kinda like when you sharpen a pencil too much. Either way, I am not here to judge you, sex in the video form is STD Free and you don’t have to deal with the bitch asking you to take her out for dinner, kinda like fucking a sex doll, only those are too expensive for your welfare budget.

Jesse Jane is probably one of the girls you all know and jerk off to, a pornstar who you’ve seen doing acts you’ll never experience, not only because you are a virgin, but also because you’re quite ugly. DoubleViking.com went to the AVN awards and here’s there first interview with Jesse Jane about football. Bitch is such a crackhead, I’d rather be watching her make sex sounds than try to talk, not cuz I like porn, but because I hate stupid girls.

Read His Post and Watch The Video Here (I am too internet retarded to figure out how to make this stream for you)

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In a quest to steer clear of celebrity content – I came across some Ashlee Simpson bikini pics and had no choice but to post them. I have always been told that she has a great rack, even better than her sister’s and no matter how hard I try to get a good look at her tits, her nose always gets in the way. I am a failure at this whole transitioning from celeb content to cool content. I don’t really care if you forgive me or not, I am done with trying to please you.

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In a quest to steer clear of celebrity content – I came across some Ashlee Simpson bikini pics and had no choice but to post them. I have always been told that she has a great rack, even better than her sister’s and no matter how hard I try to get a good look at her tits, her nose always gets in the way. I am a failure at this whole transitioning from celeb content to cool content. I don’t really care if you forgive me or not, I am done with trying to please you.

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Imagine being in your partner’s shadow. We know that Beyonce and her crew started this game together, but Beyonce wanted all the glory and Michelle Williams just held up the back-end. I know that no one really gives a fuck about these girls and that they are old news, but it’s funny to see “Beyonce’s Bitch” droppin her top a little to show some nipple, just trying get some attention. I guess life in someone’s shadow is a lonely place to be. The only time I was ever in anyone’s shadow was last summer. I was taking my wife for a walk, she rode her fat person scooter but when we got to the pond, in the park, she stood up, blocked out the sun and I thought it was the terrorists invading or some shit. It’s not the same kind of shadow as Michelle Williams, but a shadow none the less. Now go fuck yourself for thinking my story sucked and look at the nipple.

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I was planning on moving away from celebrity pictures. I wanted to make the move towards more life-changing content. Everyone and their fucking retarded cousin has a celebrity blog and although I don’t mind being compared to retarded kids, I do feel that it’s fucking played out. When I come across pics of Alba rockin’ out in a bikini and grabbin her own ass, I can’t help but post them for you, the people. I know that the last time you saw a girl in a bikini was when you were 12 at the public pool, before the rash on your back that made you too ashamed to take off your shirt in public. These pics are for you: T-Shirt swimmer.

For More Higher Quality Pics (cuz I am ghetto):
CLICK HERE (via HollywoodTuna)

For New Higher Quality Pics (cuz I am lazy to do a new post):
CLICK HERE (via Phun.org Forum)

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So I just finished trying to have sex with a hotter body than you will ever witness and I couldn’t keep my shit up. I know everyone will say it’s no big deal – don’t worry about it – etc. But realize that when I was at the top of my game I could fuck like a fuckin monkey throws shit on his other monkey friends. I feel mildly useless but luckily I came across the Lohan Vanity Fair pics hitting newstands tomorrow. Now I feel pretty, like a 19 year old buying her first pregnancy kit. That’s right bitch I am talkin to you and your useless womb. Celebrities don’t use condoms, especially in Miami, that’s how Freddy Prinze Jr. was conceived, that dirty Mexican fuck.

See Lohan Buying a Pregnancy Kit HERE (AIDs and babies is what happens to sluts who don’t use condoms, tell your mom)

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I asked Joe Rogan to send me a message a week, that I would post here for all you losers. I figured you were the kind of person who sits in his mom’s basement, dick in hand, waiting for fear factor to have a water challenge so that you can bust a nut. Since Joe was there for all those TV/Bikini induced orgasms, having him as part of the site seemed fitting.

This was his response. So I decided to make it the unofficial Joe Rogan Message of the Day. I figure his legal team will ask me to take it down, eventually.

Thanks for the offer, but I barely have time to write anything for my own site.Take it easy,
Joe

Thanks Joe. I can’t wait til next week’s message of the day.

This is where I’d promote his site, but this is an unofficial Joe Rogan Message of the day, so I don’t wanna share my traffic with people who have no time for me.

However you can check out another Joe Rogan Here

Cuddles.

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To all my loyal Readers,

Yeah, I know, I have been gone too long, I’d like to tell all of those who come back daily that I appreciate your persistance, but take a fuckin’ hint, I don’t like you.

I got fired from my day job at the factory so I will be updating on a regular basis now, I got people working on a redesign, I got some plans and all that good shit to take this site to another level. If you wanna be part of this movement – drop me an email.

I hope you all had a good holiday season and feel free to send me pics of your crazy adventures.

Starting January 5th, the site will be updated daily. Can you feel it in your lady parts?

With Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

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