DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2014

29

Jul

Adriana Lima and Christy Turlington in LOVE of the Day

LOVE MAGAZINE managed to take two old timer, professional models…who if they were instagram whores would write “Published Model”, because both managed to crawl out of whatever tall girl awkwardness they grew up in and make millions…and turn them into silly looking clowns..

I do not understand what the hell is going on here, but I dare you to try to jerk off to the pics…it’s challenging…that I know for sure…but maybe I’m just desensitized and like my models naked…especially when I’ve seen both naked…

Posted in:Adriana Lima|Christy Turlington

2014

29

Jul

Chrissy Teigen See Through of the Day

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Chrissy Teigen is the enemy of the site, only because she decided to go at war with me and call me out for being the evil asshole that I am because I made fun of her for being fat, dumpy, a failed model, but a successful gold digger, who without her husband she strategically locked down, would be nothing, but thanks to having the foresight to marry someone before they got too rich to marry her, only to encourage and help get rich, so that she gets her 50% when she walks away.

I was just telling her it was time to make babies…and not show up to events in see through shirts and I guess she didn’t like that, which is fine because I don’t like her.

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:Chrissy Teigen

2014

29

Jul

Amanda Wolf Posing With Dolls for TheHeadHuntr of the Day

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I am friends with a great photographer called THEHEADHUNTR, I’ve been on some of his shoots, I’ve touched some of his models inappropriately, and he took these pics of this model AMANDA WOLF ….

I guess she’s some alternative, inked up, dark as fuck, horror movie caliber creepy as fuck but still hot as fuck…The kind of girl who you don’t know how many people she’s killed, you just hope she kills your penis in a good way and lets you live to tell the story….

She’s one to look out for, and these pics are scary, hot, some kind of fetish going on…just not sure what that fetish is…

Posted in:Amanada Wolf

2014

29

Jul

Alessandra Ambrosio Tanning With Friends of the Day

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Alessandra Ambrosio posted this picture to her instagram…and I approve.

I figure if you’re a bikini model, even if you’re an old tired mom that has already made more money than she ever really imagined she would – all thanks to a brand taking her under their evil, billion dollar wing, you still owe it to people to take some cues from some low level models and fame whore as hard as you can by getting as naked as you can on instagram without getting deleted.

It’s this fine line they walk for likes cuz it makes them feel good about themselves, and I guess they are hoping to get jobs…and I guess they are hoping to get billionaire boyfriends…I guess Alessandra doesn’t need any of that…she’s just posting her ass to post her ass and there’s something far more amazing about that than the fame whores…

Posted in:Alessandra Ambrosio

2014

29

Jul

Kylie Minogue in a Bikini for GQ Italia of the Day

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I don’t know what they did to Kylie Minogue during her Breast cancer treatment, but I can only assume that it was on some comic boook nerd shit, you know mix her with some radiation and she becomes some kind of superhuman, because this woman…is still fucking amazing, even if photoshopped and she must be in her 60s.

I feel like The Locomotion was back in 1985. I could be wrong, I have a horrible memory and I am too lazy to google the shit, which would probably end this post right here and now – when we all find out that she’s actually only 35….and just seems like we’ve known her and that we’ve wanted to fuck her for 4 decades…

I like the superhero angle better, not because of comicon week, not because I like anything comic related, but because I feel like if she was a superhero, she’d have a tight gripping vagina, and that’s better than worrying about her birthday year…or if breast cancer just gave her good fake tits…that she’s far less exciting.

Posted in:Kylie Minogue

2014

29

Jul

Zuzanna by Sonia Szostak for C-Heads of the Day

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I don’t know who Zuzanna is. I’ve never heard of her before, but that doesn’t me I can’t love her…you know it’s a love at first topless photoshoot because that’s how you get ahead as a model, like you’re up on some EMILY RAT-COW hustle that will land you a music video and possibly a movie role, but only if you go viral and LIVE in LA….

I am all about this topless isn’t a big deal, everyday girls and models and everything in between are like “what’s wrong with being topless”….and the answer is NOTHING. There is nothing wrong with being topless. In fact it makes me like her better and it makes me hate any girl who doesn’t get topless, because she’s obviously dated and has no concept of what’s going on, and what’s going on is “show me your tits”…

I love how low level models I talk to tell me “you’ll have to pay me for nudity”…like they are pornstars going in for their first anal scene…

It’s like topless is as amazing as always, but you don’t get a premium to be topless, thanks to babes like Zuzanna, owning it.

The pics are by sonia szostak FOR C-Heads

Posted in:Sonia Szostak|Zuzanna

2014

29

Jul

Gwen Stefani’s Shitty Breast Feeding Pic of the Day

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Apparently Gwen Stefani, like so many other women and mothers…is up on this “FREE THE NIPPLE” campaign, that I have been supporting since the first time I got hard watching a mom breast feeding back in the 90s….

Unlike the other protesters, who are often times very granola eating chicks I don’t want to see the tits of, she’s not posting a close up shot on Facebook saying “LOOK AT MY FUCKING NIPPLE”…possibly because she’s a dude and this baby is adopted. Her husband Gavin Rossdale is kind of all about that…or because she’s not as committed to the cause as you’d expect.

It’s like bitch went to the most remote possible place she could to pull out her tit…then she told the photographer to stand half a mile back…I mean for all we know she could be breast feeding a bag of flour in a blanket with her sweater on…but I guess her intentions are good. Not to mention, I have no interest in ever seeing Gwen Stefani topless…ever…I’ll look if it happens…but I won’t like it.

Posted in:Gwen Stefani

2014

29

Jul

Gisele’s on the Beach in Some Campaign of the Day

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Her name is Gisele. She is rumoured to make 50 million dollars a year for shitty campaigns like this…where she’s not even naked…on the beach. It is hard for me to believe that any brand would pay her over 1,000,000 dollars, but I guess when you’re making 100s of millions in sales a year, what’s throwing a million at some model when you could just hire 10 far hotter newcomers for 10,000 dollars…and make for a better campaign…that doesn’t star a tired, old, boring, not even that hot mom of 2 who took the week out of being a NFL wife to make some spending money.

The whole thing…stupid as fuck…

But I can only blame us for making her this big deal…when really she kinda just looks like a dude to me. Or even Sean Penn in Fast Times and Ridgemont high. Don’t believe me, just google.

Posted in:Gisele

2014

29

Jul

Babe Photographer Andi Elloway and Natalie Williams Spend the Day Together of the Day

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In case you don’t read the site, and I assume you don’t…I am all about young, hot photographers who take some of the best images I’ve seen in a long time, but maybe I’m just blinded by my love for her and the fact that I’ve seen her in a bikini….

Her name is Andi Elloway …she is a photographer…taking pics of her friend Natalie is a an art history major at LMU…who is also a babe. You know just kicking in NYC and letting us be voyeurs, like we were invited to hang, even though we are never invited to hang..

If you look close enough, you’ll see Andi Elloway and realize that sure, she takes great pics and all, but she’s such a babe, she needs to make those pics of her…always…in various states of clothed and not clothed…

Either way, she’s fantastic…join her on her day…and remember you can’t get arrested for masturbating to these like you would if you were in the Museum with them. Trust me. I’ve tried.

See More of Andi Elloway by CLICKING HERE

Posted in:Andi Elloway

2014

29

Jul

Top 5 Nicola Peltz is Good of the Day

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#452869966 / gettyimages.com

Nicola Peltz may not be that great. I am not a virgin loser who gets won over by shitty Michael Bay movies and automatically assumes the girls in those movies are hot. I am just a loser who steals money from his wife for alcohol…she’s too fat too chase me…

What it isn’t too fat…is my penis…in fact the rest of me being too fat is the reason I don’t even know if I still have a penis…maybe all the hormones in the food have made me a lady.

But unrelated to my penis….and inadequacies…here is Nicola Peltz in a hot dress doing one very very very important thing…and that thing is reminding us that Megan Fox is a irrelevant human and that acting requires little to no talent…

here are 5 pics of her at some Transformers event.

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

#452869966 / gettyimages.com

#452870052 / gettyimages.com

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

#452870052 / gettyimages.com

#452870210 / gettyimages.com

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:Top 5