DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2014

29

Apr

Ashanti in a Bikini of the Day

This just in…Ashanti put on a bikini…and probably shouldn’t have…

More importantly…Ashanti posted the pics to her instagram…meaning she’s well aware that they exist and that this is what she looks like in a bikini…when she probably should have just let the paparazzi leak them, only to respond saying “I love my body”…

It’s like girl, I love bikini pics, and I don’t care if you are self aware, or if you have a positive body image, or if you embrace your thickness or if you are delusional, I like it all…black girls, mexican girls, skinny girls, thick girls, even fat girls it can all be hot…it’s like post better pics of the shit, arch your back and shit, make it count….cuz otherwise, it’s just sloppy and uneventful…Bitches need to hire me to direct their instagram shoots…

Posted in:Ashanti

2014

29

Apr

Ellen Page’s Lesbian Stomach of the Day

No Comments »

Remember when Ellen Page had some big theatrical coming out event at some Ted Talks looking bullshit…yeah that was pretty fucking dramatic and ridiculous but lesbians everywhere embraced it because lesbians like having a leader, at least one in the media, even though every girl I’ve ever met is a fucking lesbian, but maybe that attitude is why Lesbians generally hate me, you know the one where I am convinced I can have sex with them, because I believe that they are just being pussies and are genetically programmed to want cum in them, proven by the whole uterus thing, where as gay dudes are just down with no headaches and anal sex…you know “we don’t need a pussy, that shit bleeds and is scary and smells like fucking sushi platter when it’s not making babies that bite into our vacation funds”….

Either way, she wore a bikini top, flexed her lesbian abs, looks a little lipstick, before they put her in a tie, all for Flare Magazine, a Canadian Magazine, celebrating her big fucking move, when really people don’t realize drawing attention to their sexuality is like pointing at a black person and saying “LOOK A BLACK PERSON LET’S BE NICE TO HIM SO HE DOESN’T THINK WE ARE RACIST”…you know anti-racism, and politically correctness that labels shit harder than a back woods redneck…it’s all so counter productive…

Posted in:Ellen Page

2014

29

Apr

Alessandra Ambrosio’s Workout Shorts of the Day

No Comments »

Alessandra Ambrosio wore skimpy workout shorts in public because that’s what girls workout in, unless they are at Planet Fitness, giving you another reason, or really the main reason why we should all throw in the booze and hit the gym, because bar rat drunk bitches on drugs, just don’t have asses like this, you know the kind you can chip a tooth on even after they have kids, but do have asses, even when skinny are sloppy and falling off their malnourished weak bodies…I guess the only problem with fitness is that historically it makes you live longer and really who needs that…especially when we can just stare at fitness on instagram since every bitch loves posting her workout and abs…

Either way, Alessandra Ambrosio is a lingerie model…and yes her ass isn’t that great…and yes her underwear is too small and Visible Panty Line makes you think her ass cheek is suffocating…but I am still posting it.

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:Alessandra Ambrosio

2014

29

Apr

Nadine Leopold is My Favorite of the Day

No Comments »

Nadine Leopold is the hottest new thing, straight out of Austria, who I posted about yesterday when I first decided I liked her and that I am now fully committed to liking because she’s releasing more and more hot pics…from jobs she’s booked….

I think I compared her to Hitler, since she’s Austrian, but I can’t remember yesterday, that was so many drinks ago…I just know I’d let her gas chamber me…by sitting on my face…as that’d be a pretty decent way to be killed off…but that’s not saying much, considering being smothered by any model ass has always been my death of choice…

Posted in:Nadine Leopold

2014

29

Apr

Emma Stone Lip Sync Battle of the Day

No Comments »

Emma Stone did a Lip Sync battle, which is one of the lowest level jokes I think anyone has really come up with, the kind of thing the drama club kid suggests at a house party, that everyone either allows him to do to laugh at him, or that leads to him being raped by a baseball bat in front of everyone as punishment…but maybe I just hate Jimmy Fallon for being an annoying fuck everyone seems to think is incredible….

I am not posting this to encourage him, I am posting this because virgin losers who I assume read the site love this shit…and by shit I mean Emma Stone.

Posted in:Emma Stone

2014

29

Apr

Miranda Kerr’s Vogue Taiwan Cover of the Day

No Comments »

Miranda Kerr is taking her international modelling to the next level, because she’s really got nothing else going on for her, she got fired from Victoria’s Secret, she got dropped by her homosexual coked up baby daddy and husband because he wanted to fuck Justin Bieber and she beat him to it, and she’s taken her whore behavior to the next level now that she doesn’t have a billion dollar brand looking over her every move, and now she is allowed to be the whore she always wanted to be…not that wearing a push up bikini on the cover is porn to anyone, except maybe Muslims…but I know she’s reaching hard as fuck to get all the exposure she can get…this time in Taiwan

Posted in:Miranda Kerr

2014

29

Apr

Eveline Rozing Nipple for Fashion of the Day

No Comments »

Eveline Rozing is some low level fashion model you’ve probably never heard of…she’s walked a bunch of runway shows in the last year, so I guess she’s young and on the rise, but the fashion show scene pays fucking shit…it just means bitch is tall…and tall is fun to look at in pictures, not so fun to look at when standing next to them and realizing that they are proportionate and their shoulders are broader than yours…but they are good to have on your pick-up beach volleyball team…

That said, she’s realized that the runway shit means nothing, the key to success is showing tits for photographers, and that’s what she’s doing and I guess it’s fucking working…

You can follow her on INSTAGRAM because she’s hot and willing to show nipples for fashion and that makes her good enough to notice…

Posted in:Eveline Rozing

2014

29

Apr

Lucy Pinder and Other Out of Work Hooker Tits for NUTS Farewell Issue of the Day

No Comments »

So Nuts Magazine is apparently not all that profitable and is shutting down…

I guess it is because using free big titty, low level “models’ who aren’t models but rather girls who don’t want day jobs, but don’t want to fuck on camera, who use the exposure as leverage to find a rich husband, is not that interesting to advertisers or people who have access to the fucking internet…

I never really understood the success of these lad mags, or why people would ever buy them, because tits are great and all, but for 10 dollars you can buy a fucking lap dance and grab a pair, rather than spending 6 dollars to jerk off on a picture of a pair..

Plus sites like mine steal all their good shit anyway, and for that I am happy to say, I’ve helped put some sluts who weren’t getting paid for this work, out of work…I feel like I’ve accomplished so much.

Posted in:Lucy Pinder

2014

29

Apr

Lily Allen Imitates Beyonce of the Day

No Comments »

Apparently this is Lily Allen mocking Beyonce at some club performance in London the other day and the shocking thing about it is not that Lily Allen hates on Beyonce and is using it as a marketing hook, its that I want to have sex with Lily Allen, provided this is actually Lily Allen…and not just some hot tranny doing a show…

You see, nothing about Lily Allen is really that sincere, she’s just a tormented rich kid with the right connections, not even her miscarriage was real back when she had that abortion, and now her new hook is to mock the negative image girls are giving out in their music, but at the same time looking more fit than she’s ever looked, making me wonder if her making fun of them, while being them, is an attempt to have more street cred despite being them, or if she’s just one big lie…and then I wonder why I am wondering about Lily Allen…and proceed to punch myself in the dick to see if I still feel…

Posted in:Lily Allen

2014

29

Apr