Here are some Susan Sarandon showing off her massive old lady tits that have been around so long they have their own stories from the second World War . Reality is that I do not have an old lady fetish and thinking about their dried up, lacking elasticity, post birthing, used up cunts doesn’t get me off, but the simple fact is that pussy is pussy even if a woman is old enough to be your grandma and smells like polident and moth balls.

So if I am volunteering at the old folks home changing bed pans and scrubbing shit out of old lady asses and “accidentally” rub the right spot, and a bitch is like “stick it in my coochâ€? or their old lady equivalent term for cooch like “Tan Slacksâ€? or “Model T” or “Black and White TV” or “Flesh Beneath My Girdle” who am I to say no. I guess if I get to cum and she can’t get pregnant, then it’s not really volunteer work at all and we’re all fucking winners in the end, and ever since I was a kid, I always liked winning. Unfortunately, life never worked out that way for me.

I don’t know what I am talking about but here are some Sarandon tit pictures….

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More pregnancy tits making an appearance only this time they are on boring Jessica Alba. I figured I’d post them because you’re a pervert and a loser and you like her a lot more than you like other girls because she was in shitty shows and movies that comic book collecting losers into and I hate you for that is because I hate Jessica Alba.

So the problem with there being a lot more losers in the world than cool kids is that bitches like Alba get inflated egos and false popularity because the people who are searching her on Google are people you wouldn’t let sit next to you on the bus, or even talk to if they approached you on the street because their greasy chronic masturbating face in cum covered shirts scares you.

Either way, I saw a clip of Alba on Letterman earlier this week and they showed a clip of her from her new movie where she was in the shower and they had her naked body blurred out. When Letterman made a comment about it, she said the naked chick is her friend and that she doesn’t get naked in movies and I don’t understand what kind of actor can call themselves an actor without getting naked when the part calls for it. I guess the kind of actor with an ego caused by you, who now thinks she’s too good for getting naked unless it’s to dig her boyfriend’s condoms out of the trash to flip inside out and fuck herself with it in hopes of getting knocked up so he never leaves her.

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Here is Halle Berry rockin’s some See-Through because she’s a slut, proven by the fact that she’s got something cookin’ inside her uterus and it’s not an IUD it’s a baby.

I haven’t figured out why pregnant girls like wearing see-through shit but I can only assume it’s because they are so fucking big that it puts strain on the fabric of anything they own making shit see through, like whenever my wife tries to fit into her elastic band waisted fat lady jeans only to discover they don’t fit anymore and the seam in the crotch gets so pulled and the fabric in the inner thigh of her pants are practically invisible, showing off all kinds of things I don’t wish upon my worst enemy……

I guess it could also have to do with pregnant chicks trying to hold on to the thought of being sexy and showing all they can to get the same kind of attention their tits once did, or maybe it’s the complete opposite and they are just gave up on lookin’ hot and go out dressed the same way you’d see them dressed in their living room eating junk food watching romantic comedies, waiting to squeeze out that burden only to realize that once it’s out it’s a much bigger burden but at least your body bounces back to something worth fucking when you’re career depends on it…..

Unfortunately, the only bouncing my wife’s body will be doing, is up and down with every struggled breath she takes and not back into a relatively attractive dress size…..but that’s just the life I am living.

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I decided to declare a snow day today because it is snowing outside and I’ve never had the excitement of school being cancelled because of the weather since I never really went to school. I am smart like that.

Unfortunately, I got bored because I don’t read and don’t watch TV and still haven’t started drinking again because of this flu and figured I’d post these pictures of Sophie Monk because she has hot legs and I have an internet crush on her.

Dreams of doing a match.com commercial together like all the other losers who meet each other on the internet are probably unlikely because Sophie Monk is just pictures to me, and being on TV with a picture I fell in love with on the internet would be pretty humiliating but I guess that is what happens when you are unsatisfied in your pathetic life, like me.

Either way, I feel the more visibility she gets, the more fans she’ll get even if only 5 of you actually read the site and that will give her the taste of success that will lead to wanting more. When she realizes that the only way to get more is to get more naked and that will give me something more interesting to look at than my own belly hanging over the computer, despite how exciting that may sound.

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The one thing this sickness has been doing for me is forcing me not to drink because the thought of booze when I am dying of a fever actually makes me sick and that never happens. The problem with not drinking is that I see the way things actually are and I realized that I have a celebrity site and write about celebrities and never in my life cared about celebrities other than occasionally jerking off to a sex scene in a movie before the internet existed and now it’s my life and that makes me a loser.

The other thing this sickness has made me realize is that I hate the media. If I hear another superbowl joke or superbowl inspired feature I am going to hate myself more than I already do.

Actually, if I hear another person in the media make a New Kids on the Block joke about them not being kids anymore and changing their name to Old Dudes on the Street or something equally lame like how the tour should be sponsored by Depends or something equally lame, I am going to shoot myself.

Reality is that if these fuckers changed their name, it wouldn’t be a reunion tour it’d be a whole new band so let’s just hope they call the album something like “40, Depressed and trying to relive the high we felt when we were living life at the top and saw no signs of our fame ending until about a minute later when it all ended and left us all in the gutter we never could crawl out of, despite finding god, having addictions, trying other careers, so we’re back hoping to make some money to pay for the last 18 years of fucking up and sucking at life”.

I know, I just realized I wrote a rant on the New Kids on the block, but you gotta give them credit, these guys were the original pussy magnets and made bitches weak in their knees and pass the fuck out, it was too bad that they were a bunch of queers too busy on their knees in the tour bus sucking off Lou Perlman off for their pay checks and to cut another album to take advantage of all the readily available vagina, but maybe round two will bring out a lot of horny divorcees trying their chances one more time, reliving their youth, only this time with their 16 year old daughters in tow but that’s just because I’ve always had a mother – daughter fetish….So I guess my New Kids on the Block rant isn’t so bad. I mean it’s bad, but at least it didn’t end gay….

Here are my links…and yes…I realize I need a Drink…I am aiming for tomorrow morning if this fever breaks….Cuddles

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These are obviously some old pictures of Alena Seredova because she had a kid less than a month ago and no one, no matter how fast her C-Section Tummy Tuck combo heals bounces back this fast, especially when you’re eastern European and your medical facilities involve a Windmill, 3 drunken Military Men, a Nuclear Reactor, a black and white TV and a circus bear that balances on a basketball while eating sausage and drinking cheap rationed communist beer.

I don’t know what I am talking about, but I do know that I like looking up this bitch’s Eastern European, knocked up by an Italian Football player’s, log legged skirt, because I am international like that, but not as international as the pervert with the camera phone because I never leave my couch. Cuddles.

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I have a thing for Sophie Monk because I find her pretty fucking hot and because she’s got pretty horrible taste in dudes meaning that if only I was a rich, tattooed cunt in a band who girls find hot, I’d be climbing up those thighs and dropping loads in her Koala pouch because she is Australia and I’m no Steve Irwin because apparently Kangaroos have pouches and Koalas don’t. I never said this was the nature channel, except when I posted the Kardashian sex tape, but that’s just mild racism for a couple laughs and not actual fact.

Either way, the word on the internet is that she is recently single and based on her going out and jogging, I can only assume that is true, because everyone knows that a bitch lookin’ for cock goes out jogging in spandex to be seen, while a chick who’s committed to cock and planning on marrying that cock, just works out at home on the treadmill, before actually marrying him then giving up the whole working out thing, gaining 60 pounds making him regret what he signed up for and forcing him to cheat on her with her younger tighter sister and pretty much any vagina that comes his way until she finds out she just keeps on emotionally eating the pain away before mustering up the courage to divorce him for being doing what he did, even though she knows it’s his fault, then taking up working out again to get back into her original hot body shape to find more cock because that’s the best revenge. Look what you’re missing now Good Charlotte Twin….

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