DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2007

16

Mar

I am – Day Dreamin’ of Eating Fire of the Day

Today has been shit. I was at the grocery store trying to buy my wife chocolate cake because she’s into that shit and the woman in line in front of me dropped a 20 dollar bill. I stared at the fucker for what felt like hours dreaming of all the fun I could have with it. I had visions of lap dances, and whiskey and cigars and playing in my head while it just looked back at me begging to be picked up….I looked over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching me, dropped a pack of gum, bent over and grabbed it….I went to the cash, thought I was in the clear when the manager tapped me on the shoulder and told me to give back teh 20 dollars with the bitch who dropped it by his side….I was put on the spot and wasn’t clever enough to get out of it, so I handed it back like the bitch that I am. I suck at life and because of it I am now 20 dollars poorer.

So on the walk home in the rain, I started to daydream about a dude eating fire and everything seemed like it was going to be ok.

Posted in:stepDAYDREAM|stepTV|Unsorted

2007

16

Mar

I am – Day Dreamin' of Eating Fire of the Day

No Comments »

Today has been shit. I was at the grocery store trying to buy my wife chocolate cake because she’s into that shit and the woman in line in front of me dropped a 20 dollar bill. I stared at the fucker for what felt like hours dreaming of all the fun I could have with it. I had visions of lap dances, and whiskey and cigars and playing in my head while it just looked back at me begging to be picked up….I looked over my shoulder to see if anyone was watching me, dropped a pack of gum, bent over and grabbed it….I went to the cash, thought I was in the clear when the manager tapped me on the shoulder and told me to give back teh 20 dollars with the bitch who dropped it by his side….I was put on the spot and wasn’t clever enough to get out of it, so I handed it back like the bitch that I am. I suck at life and because of it I am now 20 dollars poorer.

So on the walk home in the rain, I started to daydream about a dude eating fire and everything seemed like it was going to be ok.

Posted in:stepDAYDREAM|stepTV|Unsorted

2007

16

Mar

I am – Drunk Girl Shows Her Tit of the Day

103 Comments »

I know you are balding. I know you are a virgin. I know that your sexual history involves a college girl you accidentally woke up next to after accidentally being invited to the frat party because one of the jocks thought you looked like a treasure troll and even that night you came yourself from just the thought of being in bed with a girl….but at least you have the internet and thanks to the internet you have me to bring you such stepTV classics as Drunk Girl Showing you her Tits of the day to remind you of how easy sluts are to manipulate…I know calling my video that 5 people will actually watch a classic is a bold things to say, but I figure if I believe it, so will you….

Take that advice out with you next time you go out…tell yourself that today is your day, 30 and obese, balding and sexually insecure and inexperienced or not, if you believe you’re a fucking star, so will some drunk bitch, and if she doesn’t invest in roofies, cuz it’s not date rape if you never know her name….that’s what my granny always told me, h wait she actually said you can’t rape the willing and someone passed out can’t say know so you can get off on a technicality.

Is it illegal to tell you how to make rape jokes? To prevent a lawsuit like I was Judas Priest, I don’t actually think you should rape a bitch, just get her to flash you her tits and put her on the internet.

Well this post was a waste of fucking time…at least I am not the one reading it. Asshole.

Posted in:stepTV|Unsorted

2007

16

Mar

I am – Rachel Hunter Puts Her Shoes On of the Day

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My posts aren’t very racy today. I was tired and feeling uninspired. I started taking this anti-stress organic bullshit my hippie neighbor gave me when I went to score some pot and he told me that he’s done with smoking pot and is onto some new age organic shit and meditation to get his natural highs. Anyway, shit’s made me mellow. I saw things I hated today and didn’t even react and when I got back home, I had no memory of the things that I saw and hated because this organic shit made me not care. I didn’t even go out for Spring Break to harass American 18 year old college whores…but there is always tomorrow.

Speaking of tomorrow, it looks like Rachel Hunter has already reached her Tomorrow. She’s a model who turned haggard and useless and is launching her own Bikini line which isn’t a total fucking cliche considering she was a bikini model I used to jerk off to because I had access to the 1988 Swimsuit VHS in a time when porn wasn’t all that available and bitch totally showed some nipple.

Either way, here she is putting on a shoe for you food fetishists out there. Now fuck yourself.

Posted in:Rachel Hunter|Unsorted

2007

16

Mar

I am – Tara Reid See-Thru of the Day

3 Comments »

Tara Reid is a recovering party slut, the kind who used to go to ever Cha Chi Gone Wild in their white blazers while buying their sluts in party dresses with no bras while singing Bob Sinclair’s Love Generation and drinking Magnum’s of Grey Goose or Cristal in hopes of getting the sluts back to their parent’s basements or a nice drunken fuck because all the money they spend on lookin’ like ballers doesn’t afford them the luxury of rent.

I ended up at a club like that where I ordered a round of drinks, tipped the waitress and said â€œThis is for your kidsâ€?, something I probably shouldn’t have said to a 20 year old black woman with a big boobs and dreams of being the next Tyra, because she got offended. It probably had to do with her mother having her at 16 in the projects or something or maybe with the fact that her drug dealing boyfriend knocked her up when she was 16 and my tip was really going to be paying for his baby nike’s.

Either way, those clubs lure hotter sluts than the coke bars I hang out at with drunk and homeless crackheads and Tara Reid is lookin’ better than ever with her solid new tits. She’ll be a great stripper when she snorts all her Van WIlder earnings up her nose.

Posted in:Tara Reid|Unsorted

2007

16

Mar

I am – Jordan is the Mum of the Year of the Day

3 Comments »

I guess ready to drop porn has always had a place in the world. I can remember talking to people over the years about how they wanted to slam pregnant chicks. I remember a local magazine shop that only really had porn because that’s just the part of town I live in had about 15 pregnant slut porno mag titles. I was never into it because it the thought of a baby growing inside a slut kinda grosses me out. I can only assume that the kind of girl who fists herself on camera while pregnant, probably didn’t get pregnant doing something I’d find sexy. But I am pretty prude when it comes to my smut.

But that’s not the point, the point is one day I saw this 15 year old kid outside the magazine shop, he had been rejected when buying a Hustler and told me this story about how his dad left the family and that he had to teach his 12 year old brother about sex. He begged me to pick up a Hustler for him and I said ok, because I have no real morals, took his 10 dollars and picked up the dirties pregnant porno I could find. I bought myself a pack of smokes and gave him his magazine, gave him a pat on his back and said tell your brother to use a condom or his bitch will end up like this and walked away. I like to think of myself as a man of the people teaching kids the things they need to learn.

Either way, Jordan won some “Mum of the Year” bullshit award because she has a retarded half black half bucket of rocks of a son that got that way from her insane partying while pregnant antics and is now is knocked up with a second kid she can’t breast feed for fear of giving him some kind of retardation from silicone poisoning. So giving her this award is like letting me babysit your teenage daughters…

My posts are boring today, but you win some and you lose some, I have just never won any yet…but pregnant or not, I’d still bang Jordan, I know I have no standards, but she’s hotter than anything I’ve had even with a baby up in her diseased womb…

Posted in:Jordan|Unsorted

2007

16

Mar

I am – The Reason Lohan is Fat of the Day

7 Comments »

Lohan is fatter than ever because Lohan has replaced drinking and drugs with coffee and donuts. She is living an American white trash dream, she just needs to throw some soap operas, a trailer and a husband that beats her and this classy slag will be you.

The only reason this picture makes me sick to my stomach is that the first 2 years of my marriage, I’d watch my wife eat a donut a day and anytime I did something I shouldn’t have done, like drink all night, or expose myself to teenage girls on the bus, or have sex with a hooker after a 3 day meth binge forgetting to call home and tell the family where I was, I’d just come home with a couple dozen donuts and bitch would eat that shit up and be too jacked on sugar and fried dough to give me shit for being me….

I can’t dis Lohan for being Lohan, we’re connected at the soul and I am still expecting a callback from all the messages I’ve sent her over the last 6 months. I still have hope.

If you don’t know what I am talking about, I used to call Lohan and leave voicemail messages hoping she’d issue a restraining order so that I’d end up on Access Hollywood. You can see some of the by Clicking This Link

I just did a total blogger move, and I feel like a useless virgin who never leaves his house for fear of people knowing I am a virgin….yes…I feel like you…CUDDLES.

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|Unsorted

2007

16

Mar

I am – Nazanin Boniadi See Thru of the Day

4 Comments »

Here are some pictures of some slut who isn’t wearing a bra rockin’ a bit of a see-thru shirt which is good enough to get posted on this site, even though I have no ideal who this bitch is, other than her name confuses me to type and threw off my whole train of thought.

I am used to my train of thought being thrown off, partially because I am ADD and not in the Nicole Richie medicated way, but in the way that my brain feels like a puddle of fucking puke from drinking too much for my liver to handle…maybe I should have stopped drinking years ago, but if I did I wouldn’t be here typing this for you, I’d be working in Middle Management, answering my emails from my Blackberry while lying in bed with my wife that I love in our suburban home…Instead, I hate my fat wife and she’s destroyed me as a man by taking away my ability to have an erection….

Being impotent has made me want to rock Viagra for the last couple of years. I know itâ€™s something people are doing recreationally while jacked-up on coke, but I never did it and the thought of having a raging boner for 6 hours is amazing, but know that my penis is broken from emotional trauma of witnessing my wife’s vagina and it’s not because my prostate is the size of a grapefruit… I do remember as a teenager Iâ€™d get hard watching the Brady Bunch or even riding my fucking bike and now the fear of getting hard because of the risk of having her 400 lbs mount me like I was her moterized fat person scooter is enough to turn me into a gimp….

At least it makes me less threatening when I follow girls down dark alleys.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

16

Mar

I am – Paris Hilton’s Mysterious Stain of the Day

24 Comments »

Here are some pictures of Paris Hilton with some stain on her dress, it’s obviously not some dude’s nut on her, because nobody has a load like that, not even the kind of guy who would let this bitch with herpes at his dick. It’s just an easy joke waiting to happen and I’ll leave it up to the other blogs because today I have decided I like Paris because Paris fucks and not enough girls let random men up in them, at least not enough girls I know.

That said, I wish more girls were whores like Paris. I remember when I was about 18 before I found the right kind of women who actually liked to have guys cum on their faces, I was hanging with some prude religious bitch who I thought wouldn’t be a prude because all the fucking bible shit parents feed their tight little school girls usually means the girl’s got no limits like the one I met later in life who would only fuck me after I pulled an exorcist on her and shoved a Virgin Mary statue in her box. She’d always tell me about how her mother gave it to her on her communion and that shit was pretty fucking twisted but not as twisted as my dick after the prude Christian started dry fucking me with a pair of cords on. I am telling you that this girl had a high school, pants-on rule and those fucking brown cords were not coming off. I donâ€™t know if you have ever had had a girl in brown cords grind your cock, but my shit was fucking ripped up for a month and while other people were getting blowjobs, I was tending to an infected cock…What I wouldn’t give to have those days back again…that’s how much my life sucks…

Posted in:Paris Hilton|Unsorted

2007

16

Mar

I am – Paris Hilton's Mysterious Stain of the Day

No Comments »

Here are some pictures of Paris Hilton with some stain on her dress, it’s obviously not some dude’s nut on her, because nobody has a load like that, not even the kind of guy who would let this bitch with herpes at his dick. It’s just an easy joke waiting to happen and I’ll leave it up to the other blogs because today I have decided I like Paris because Paris fucks and not enough girls let random men up in them, at least not enough girls I know.

That said, I wish more girls were whores like Paris. I remember when I was about 18 before I found the right kind of women who actually liked to have guys cum on their faces, I was hanging with some prude religious bitch who I thought wouldn’t be a prude because all the fucking bible shit parents feed their tight little school girls usually means the girl’s got no limits like the one I met later in life who would only fuck me after I pulled an exorcist on her and shoved a Virgin Mary statue in her box. She’d always tell me about how her mother gave it to her on her communion and that shit was pretty fucking twisted but not as twisted as my dick after the prude Christian started dry fucking me with a pair of cords on. I am telling you that this girl had a high school, pants-on rule and those fucking brown cords were not coming off. I don’t know if you have ever had had a girl in brown cords grind your cock, but my shit was fucking ripped up for a month and while other people were getting blowjobs, I was tending to an infected cock…What I wouldn’t give to have those days back again…that’s how much my life sucks…

Posted in:Paris Hilton|Unsorted