DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2007

21

Mar

I am – Shauna Sand See-Through Pic of the Day

I only really remembered who Shauna Sand was last week when I posted her See Thru Picture last week.

She’s at it again, only this time it’s at some trashy fashion show. I guess when you invest that kind of money in the firmest set of fake tits around, wearing a bra is a waste of time. It’s like everytime I go to a bar and get completely wasted and use my bus money on one last shot…I never really feel the impact of that shot, but leaving the bar with money in my pocket means I’ve failed….

Maybe, it’s really not like that at all, but it was better than my other analogy which was once you bang a bitch with herpes without a condom, there’s no real point in ever wearing one again because the damage is already done, but I don’t think that really makes sense.

I guess I will just stick to, bitch doesn’t wear a bra cuz her tits are more fake than my daughter’s Chanel earrings her black boyfriend gave her, but that doesn’t mean she won’t show them off to all her ghetto friends at school….

Maybe that one was a little homo, but I was just at the strip club and one of the strippers was in a fake Chanel bathing suit, with Fake Chanel Earrings and Sunglasses, she also had fake tits and I did see her nipple too, only it was more exciting because I could smell her box from the front row and I can’t get Chanel of the brain….

Shauna Sand Sex Tape Clips Exclusive

Posted in:Pornstars|Shauna Sand

2007

21

Mar

I am – Janice Dickinson’s Pantyhose Upskirt of the Day

3 Comments »

Janice Dickinson is fucking amazing. Firstly, I’ve got a thing for bitches in pantyhose and I am happy that every girl who wears party dresses is rockin’ pantyhose these days, because there was a time about 10 years ago that these things were really only for old career women that were too fucking frigid and busy making money to want to fuck…They were like new wave lesbians, not the kind who weren’t the kind who didn’t shave their armpits, legs or cunts, but the kind that thought women had a place in a man’s world, so now pantyhose are the new pants, only see-thru.

That pretty much means that girls feel like they are covered up and wearing pants, and somehow always end up flashing that stupid maxi pad crotch protector without even realizing it, usually when drunk, like this Janice Dickinson slut who I now want to fuck…because washed-up models who don’t eat but love cocaine are the only kind of girl I go for, except for maybe my 300 pound wife, but a man is allowed to dream…

Posted in:Janice Dickinson|Unsorted

2007

21

Mar

I am – Janice Dickinson's Pantyhose Upskirt of the Day

No Comments »

Janice Dickinson is fucking amazing. Firstly, I’ve got a thing for bitches in pantyhose and I am happy that every girl who wears party dresses is rockin’ pantyhose these days, because there was a time about 10 years ago that these things were really only for old career women that were too fucking frigid and busy making money to want to fuck…They were like new wave lesbians, not the kind who weren’t the kind who didn’t shave their armpits, legs or cunts, but the kind that thought women had a place in a man’s world, so now pantyhose are the new pants, only see-thru.

That pretty much means that girls feel like they are covered up and wearing pants, and somehow always end up flashing that stupid maxi pad crotch protector without even realizing it, usually when drunk, like this Janice Dickinson slut who I now want to fuck…because washed-up models who don’t eat but love cocaine are the only kind of girl I go for, except for maybe my 300 pound wife, but a man is allowed to dream…

Posted in:Janice Dickinson|Unsorted

2007

20

Mar

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

1 Comment »

I have 2 DVDs to giveaway. I am really big time now, because I am giving away a straight to video movie you’ve never heard of, but it means I am a success to me. When I first started this I couldn’t even get a free coffee at the local coffee shop, even though all the real homeless dudes were.

Anyway it’s a Brendan Fraser, Mos Def movie called Journey to the End of the Night and if you want to win it, all you have to do is send in a picture of you with a drunk chick at the end of the night at your local bar because it’s funny to laugh at desperate sluts, but funnier to laugh at you.

Send it HERE

If this contest makes no sense, just click my steplinks.

Paris Hilton and Jenna Jameson Together Not Suckin Dick, For Once
GO

I Like to Stalk Bitches in Red Fuck Me Boots Too…
GO

Kim Kardashian Sets the Sex Tape Record Straight
GO

Total Prick
GO

Photobucket Whore
GO

Some Nude in Prague Action
GO

Heather Mills Dancing With One Leg
GO

Karen Carreno is Some Slut Posing
GO

Hot Australian Sluts Playing Cricket
GO

Slut in a Burger Shirt
GO

Photobucket Whore
GO

Mesh Shirt of the Day
GO

Joss Stone in a Bikini
GO

Kelly Brook and Her Huge Tits Got Paid 2,000,000 Dollars for These Pics
GO

Carmen Electra Does Her Erotic Aerobic Workout
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Paris Hilton Modeling Because She’s Disgusting
GO

Some Victoria Beckham Lesbian Haircut Pics
GO

Ashlee Simpson Vacations With Her Lame Fall Out Boyfriend Pete Wentz and Looks Busted Doin’ It
GO

Lookin Good Sweetheart (Disgusting)
GO

Jessica Simpson Gives John Mayer Some Hand….
GO

Perez Hilton Lookin’ Hotter Than Ever
GO

Denise Richards Lookin’ Hot For a Mom in Some Fashion Show
GO

Some Bi-Sexual Singing Some Emo Song You WIll Like Because You Are Sad
GO

Oral Sex in High School
GO

Kate Beckinsale’s Rockin’ the Diner Fetish
GO

Scary Spice Pregnant With Strippers
GO

Stupid Wonky Boobs Song/Video That Annoys Me
GO

This bitch is named Hanna Beth and Is the New Cory Kennedy and I want to See Her Naked
GO

Fleshflick – Is There a Nurse in the House (NSFW it’s porn)
GO

Some Weird Bikini Ass Pic
GO

Salma Hayek Nude in Frida
GO

The Girls of FHM Touching Themselves
GO

Britney is Going Broke
GO

Some Scarlett Johansson Tit Video
GO

Lookin Good Sweetheart I may Have Already Linked but Just Threw Up So I Forget.
GO

Hot Meat
GO

Keeley Hazell in Zoo Magazine
GO

Remember to Vote for the Spike Bracket Babes and Look At Their Slutty Pics
GO

Hipsters Half Naked in Austin
GO

Some Slut Lookin’ For Her One Night Stand
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

The Art of the Lace Thong
GO

Mickey Avalon Jane Fonda Music Video
GO

Pussy – The Myth – Video
GO

Elsa Pataky Topless
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS|Unsorted

2007

20

Mar

I am – Day Dreamin’ of a Burger and a Nap of the Day

1 Comment »

I woke up on my kitchen floor at 6 am this morning because it was the only place I could get some fucking sleep. My wife keeps getting fatter and with obesity comes sleep apnea, it will kill her one day but the sounds she makes may kill me first. I was woken up by my landlord who wanted to let me know it was the 20th of the month and I still hadn’t paid him rent. He said he’d take 100 dollars off it I went and painted an apartment that he’s trying to rent out because the bitch who lived there before got knocked up by some rich guy and moved in with him…or was sent away by him…I didn’t really get the story because my landlord has a thick accent I don’t understand but the apartment was filled with her shit like dirty panties and other things you’d like to jerk off to, weirdo.

The entire day I was day dreaming about grabbin a burger and a nap, but instead I was stuck painting. Here’s that daydream.

Posted in:stepDAYDREAM|stepTV|Unsorted

2007

20

Mar

I am – Day Dreamin' of a Burger and a Nap of the Day

No Comments »

I woke up on my kitchen floor at 6 am this morning because it was the only place I could get some fucking sleep. My wife keeps getting fatter and with obesity comes sleep apnea, it will kill her one day but the sounds she makes may kill me first. I was woken up by my landlord who wanted to let me know it was the 20th of the month and I still hadn’t paid him rent. He said he’d take 100 dollars off it I went and painted an apartment that he’s trying to rent out because the bitch who lived there before got knocked up by some rich guy and moved in with him…or was sent away by him…I didn’t really get the story because my landlord has a thick accent I don’t understand but the apartment was filled with her shit like dirty panties and other things you’d like to jerk off to, weirdo.

The entire day I was day dreaming about grabbin a burger and a nap, but instead I was stuck painting. Here’s that daydream.

Posted in:stepDAYDREAM|stepTV|Unsorted

2007

20

Mar

I am – Ron Jeremy Does Viral Videos of the Day

9 Comments »

So here are some clips of Ron Jeremy reenacting the virals of the past 4 years that all you fucking losers will know because your life is based on the internet. I just called an event planner to see how much she would charge to organize a strip club karaoke night for all the local hipsters and she hung up on me. I guess she didn’t like my idea but I was being serious…I just haven’t figured out how it will work, I have got as far as the whole Karaoke Machine, Tits and Lap dances but beyond that I am confused…

Speaking of confused here are those Ron Jeremy Virals.

Lil’ Superstar Ron:
GO

Star Wars Ron:
GO

Lonely Ron 69:
GO

Posted in:Pornstars|Unsorted

2007

20

Mar

I am – Lohan’s Partying Slophole of the Day

1 Comment »

Picture Via DListed’s Friend (the best celebrity blog according to me)

Here are some pics of Lohan’s cunt sent in by a reader. She is partying at a place called Plumand I don’t know where that is but I am glad she’s being all poetic on us as she shows the world her pantyhose covered plum at Plum…even if some of you think it’s more of a piece of dried up shit than a freshly picked fruit, just because half of hollywood’s had a bite of it….

Either way, I am a fan of girls who don’t hid their junk with panties, it’s so fucking conventional, but maybe I am biased as I have made it pretty clear that I am a fan of Lohan and everything that she does. I totally support her insanity because it makes her more interesting. If I had a decent sized bank account I’d be drinking and snorting it all away too, because I see fun as an investment, but that’s not the point that point is that Lohan still keeps getting work and whenever I went on drunken binges I’d always lose my jobs because the drink became more important than the daily routine of hell that was a job. So reality is she’s got it all pretty much together.

I was walking around the other day drinking a beer out of a plastic bag at around 3 in the morning and walked by some slut who had been overserved. She was probably 16 years old and was surrounded by cops and one of her friends was holding her head up. She was covered in puke and had pissed herself, when she was lifted up I saw that she had shit herself, all bitch had to do was get her fucking period and we’d be in every bodily excrement business. Even under those circumstances, I am pretty convinced would wouldn’t have been able to convince her to let you fuck her and she was half fucking dead, I don’t know what’s worse, you fucking a shit covered bitch or a shit covered bitch being so fucked up, but not too fucked up to know you’re a creep…

Point of all these words was to say that everyday people get sloppier when they are drunk than Lohan flashing the world a little cunt and that’s the end of this post.

A Little Color Corrected…For You Perverts…

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|Unsorted

2007

20

Mar

I am – Lohan's Partying Slophole of the Day

No Comments »

Picture Via DListed’s Friend (the best celebrity blog according to me)

Here are some pics of Lohan’s cunt sent in by a reader. She is partying at a place called Plumand I don’t know where that is but I am glad she’s being all poetic on us as she shows the world her pantyhose covered plum at Plum…even if some of you think it’s more of a piece of dried up shit than a freshly picked fruit, just because half of hollywood’s had a bite of it….

Either way, I am a fan of girls who don’t hid their junk with panties, it’s so fucking conventional, but maybe I am biased as I have made it pretty clear that I am a fan of Lohan and everything that she does. I totally support her insanity because it makes her more interesting. If I had a decent sized bank account I’d be drinking and snorting it all away too, because I see fun as an investment, but that’s not the point that point is that Lohan still keeps getting work and whenever I went on drunken binges I’d always lose my jobs because the drink became more important than the daily routine of hell that was a job. So reality is she’s got it all pretty much together.

I was walking around the other day drinking a beer out of a plastic bag at around 3 in the morning and walked by some slut who had been overserved. She was probably 16 years old and was surrounded by cops and one of her friends was holding her head up. She was covered in puke and had pissed herself, when she was lifted up I saw that she had shit herself, all bitch had to do was get her fucking period and we’d be in every bodily excrement business. Even under those circumstances, I am pretty convinced would wouldn’t have been able to convince her to let you fuck her and she was half fucking dead, I don’t know what’s worse, you fucking a shit covered bitch or a shit covered bitch being so fucked up, but not too fucked up to know you’re a creep…

Point of all these words was to say that everyday people get sloppier when they are drunk than Lohan flashing the world a little cunt and that’s the end of this post.

A Little Color Corrected…For You Perverts…

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|Unsorted

2007

20

Mar

I am – Alyssa Milano’s got Rockin’ Cleavage of the Day

49 Comments »

In an era with so much porn and so many fucking sluts, I am surprised that I am posting a picture of some slut in a push up bra, but I am anyway. There’s something that reminds me of a middle aged jewish man in these pictures and I am not sure what it is, maybe it is the Seinfeld pants. Speaking of jews, I linked up a make-up company last week for free make-up for my stepdaughter and they emailed me back saying they couldn’t deliver. This is what I wrote to them:

Dear Make-Up Company Rep,

I told my stepdaughter that I got her a gift, I missed her birthday last year and spend all my money on lottery tickets and whiskey so I was excited about this free package. I was trying to redeem myself and work my way into her heart because I heard that winning over her heart leaves me one step away from her vagina. When she turns 18, I am totally planning on stuffin’ her like thanksgiving turkey and this make-up kit was my ticket. I guess I’ll just have to get roofies like I always do.

If you can’t pull through it’s fine. It will break her heart but it’s not a big deal…I guess we all have to learn that Santa doesn’t exist sometime. Unless you are jewish in which case Santa never really did exist.

Just remember, you are the biggest cockblock I have ever met and I hate you.

With Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

Posted in:Alyssa Milano|Unsorted