DrunkenStepFather.com - I'll Make You Famous…

2007

02

Mar

I am – Jessica Biel's See Through Shirt of the Day

Everyone loves Jessica Biel, even though her shoulders are bigger than your dads, that is if you have a dad, I always took you as more of a guy who was from a single parent home and that’s why your mom still does your laundry for you and you’re thirty. Why go out there and find a new woman to marry when mommy is all the wife you can handle and he doesn’t give you a hard time when she catches you watching porn in your basement bedroom apartment she set up for you.

I know I am pretty repetitive with this shit, but I guess it’s a lot like your daily life, everyday the same thing over and over and over…but at least there is always food on the table.

These paparazzi pieces of shit are insane with their flashbulbs that make shirts transparent, I am not complaining it makes for good business, if this was actually a business, a man is allowed to dream, just like you are allowed to pretend you are cuppin’ these titties in your firm typing grip hand…CUDDLES.

Posted in:Jessica Biel|Unsorted

2007

02

Mar

I am – Chloe Sevigny Sucks Dick on Film of the Day

3 Comments »

Chloe Sevigny is pretty much a useless piece of shit. She looks likes trash and for some reason was treated like some fucking style icon about 4 years ago. She was a hipster before hipsters were as popular as they are now, I’m talking before every 16 year old was jerking off to Cory Kennedy’s dirty hair and wiping their cum off with a Kid Millionaire shirt….

Point being all this shit happened for this battered piece of shit after she got AIDS in KIDS and before sucking off some dude for the sake of art.

That said, Chloe Sevigny may be pretty busted but is the coolest slut to ever be on film, because bitch knows how to please me. I have a thing for mainstreams actors doing porn for the sake of art….

I don’t know what I am saying…It’s a snow day and on snow day people don’t work. I saw a hot Jewish girl in UGGS and Spandex fall in a snowbank and I think I turned her falling into porn…if that makes sense.

Posted in:Chloe Sevigny|Unsorted

2007

02

Mar

I am – Jordan is a Pregnant Whore of the Day

5 Comments »

When I asked my friend, if you can call a dude with a babe blog who lives on a sheep farm in the UK a friend, who Jordan was this is what he said to me:

Jordan is Katie Price and she was a page three girl. She had multiple boob jobs, did a sex tape with a guy in a boyband, had a blind waterhead of a baby with a footballer, wrote a best selling book, has an underwear collection and married a popstar…if you can call THIS being a popstar….

Point of this post is that if you are a slutty lookin’ whore of a woman from the UK, figure out a way into Page 3 and become a fake useless celebrity that the tabloids fall in love with. That page 3 feature will get you famous enough to get into any club you want and that success will land you the admiration of every useless f-list celebrity man frequenting the same clubs who like fucking girls with massive fake tits and lots of unnecessary media attention who together may make their way to the d-list.

Point being that it sure beats being a GoGo dancer at the shittty bar in your shitty town…Here she is a few years later, knocked up like the slut she is from a new baby daddy, cuz that’s how a classy career carries a person into a promising future.

Posted in:Jordan|Unsorted

2007

02

Mar

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

2 Comments »

So I switched servers and have no email and the site was running like shit, but I think we’re back on. I couldn’t do that many posts because I was trying to sort this shit out. It was a stressful time, but the site is loading faster than ever. Rumor has it that a fast loading site will get me 10 new readers so I won’t have to waste my time with your hurtbag ass. It’s like being stuck at the party with the socially awkward born again christian who keeps running his mouth off about how bad partying is and trying to escape only to find the other 10 people in the room are weird fat dudes who live in their mom’s basements jerking off. That’s how I feel everyday of my life because of you…

Speaking of being stuck talking to someone at a party, I got this email scoop which is amazing…

Dear Jesus,

I was at an Oscar Party on Sunday night and got stuck behind Paris Hilton. She was talking to her sister about how should couldn’t wait to get home and smoke 1000 joints. I wasn’t too surprised to hear such a stupid thing out of such a stupid women.

She went on to talk about how happy she was that Nicole and Joel were together because Nicole is so funny. That’s how she described her. They started talking about engagement rings and how they are a great publicity stunt, so when I saw Richie rocking a ring this week, I wasn’t at all surprised. Sick people who live and die for attention.

The most interesting piece of information that she said a the party was that Lindsay Lohan has herpes but doesn’t tell anyone and that’s gross.

You don’t have to believe this actually happened, but it did. There’s no way to prove it other than to wait and see the stories slowly surface.

I love the site, keep it up and I’ll keep sending you scoops when I come across them.

I am the new fucking Perez Hilton, only substantially cooler.

Now with yesterday’s links I never got posted….

Live Steam Anna Nicole’s Funeral – If It’s Still On
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Some Monster Dick Porn
GO

Booble News By a Topless Chick
GO

Amateur Titty Fuck Video That is NSFW
GO

Speedo Snow Day Video
GO

Keeley Hazell Is Sexy on the Beach…Slut….
GO

Sunny Leone Lingerie Pics, I don’t know who she is, but she has a vagina and that’s a decent start
GO

Hot Freckles Sweetheart
GO

Nasty Oscar WInner – Helen Mirren Doesn’t Wear Panties
GO

More Britney Spears Sharing Her Bikini Pics
GO

Hepatitis Scare – The Health Department Letter
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Pranks on Hot Girls
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Slutty Puppy Master
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Big Gross Booty
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Some Bitch Touching her Toes
GO

Sophie Monk Cameltoe
GO

A vice do that’s not for a Jew
GO

Hot Toe Touching VIdeo You’ll Love
GO

Scout Willis Drinkin’ Wine in France Cuz She’s 15
GO

Gwenyth Goe to the Gym
GO

Absinthe Competiton
GO

Skateboard Slalom
GO

One Legged Skier Finishes the Race – Who Cares
GO

Jael Strauss is a Contestant on America’s Next Top Model…But She Did Some Nude Modeling in Her Pre-Reality TV Past
GO

Girls in Maid’s Outfits
GO

Hot Flickr Pictures
GO

Some Crazy Italian Teacher Cuts of a Kids Tongue
GO

This is what happens when you cheat on your girlfriend
GO

Some Slut Named Alina Vacariu
GO

This Video is Called Sexy Best Friends
GO

Spray to Get Laid
GO

Posted in:stepLINKS|Unsorted

2007

02

Mar

I am – Lohan’s Nipples of the Day

3 Comments »

I love when I am the first on shit like this because no one ever links me or cares. All the other shitty blogs will bring the traffic home, but in the words of Randy Jackson on American Idol, I will keep on truckin dog. I am pretty excited Kelly Pickler is going to be singing after the break and that gives my life purpose. Southern trash destined to be a stripper who broke the stereotype are someone you need to learn from, even though she is dumber than the pile of dog shit on the back porch of her shanty.

Rumor has it the new server is kickinâ€™ in in an hour. So stay tuned for that. Knowing the disaster of my life itâ€™s not going to work at allâ€¦.

Speaking of not working, here are some pics of Lohan that I didnâ€™t take and donâ€™t have the rights to post, showing off her nipples. Sheâ€™s got pretty solid tits, I appreciate the weight gain, cuz fat chicks is what I do and thatâ€™s all I have to say about thatâ€¦.

I got 2 fan emails today – I really am going to the top, arenâ€™t you happy youâ€™re part of something this big in a time of crisis. I know I amâ€¦and I guess thatâ€™s all that mattersâ€¦

Hey,

Nothing witty or funny to say or share but keep up the good work with your site.

Very rarely do i come across a site that i visit on a regular basis and your little corner of the net is a daily stop for me and always provides a good laugh, great wit really does go appreciated.

Long may it continue

and

Dear Mr. Stepfather,

I love your blog, I donâ€™t know quite about how I came upon it, but I visit it as many times per day as I can. I also tell all my friends about it but seeing as how I have only 2 friends it does not help your traffic issues all that much. In conclusion, it is an honor to be molested by you and you are better than dlisted, wwtdd, and idlyitw. Okay thanks nice talking to you.

Love, John

There is nothing much better than some positive reinforcement. I feel like the dyslexic kid who got a gold star on his spelling test.

On an American Idol Live Blog Noteâ€¦Antonella Barba wasnâ€™t voted of idol. Being a slut pays. I like how she is crying for the bitch who got kicked off, and I was wrong about the Kelly Pickler shit, she didnâ€™t performâ€¦.Now back to Lohanâ€™s nipplesâ€¦

My pictures and emails aren’t working – but I still figured out how to bring you the goods

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|Unsorted

2007

02

Mar

I am – Lohan's Nipples of the Day

No Comments »

I love when I am the first on shit like this because no one ever links me or cares. All the other shitty blogs will bring the traffic home, but in the words of Randy Jackson on American Idol, I will keep on truckin dog. I am pretty excited Kelly Pickler is going to be singing after the break and that gives my life purpose. Southern trash destined to be a stripper who broke the stereotype are someone you need to learn from, even though she is dumber than the pile of dog shit on the back porch of her shanty.

Rumor has it the new server is kickin’ in in an hour. So stay tuned for that. Knowing the disaster of my life it’s not going to work at all….

Speaking of not working, here are some pics of Lohan that I didn’t take and don’t have the rights to post, showing off her nipples. She’s got pretty solid tits, I appreciate the weight gain, cuz fat chicks is what I do and that’s all I have to say about that….

I got 2 fan emails today – I really am going to the top, aren’t you happy you’re part of something this big in a time of crisis. I know I am…and I guess that’s all that matters…

Hey,

Nothing witty or funny to say or share but keep up the good work with your site.

Very rarely do i come across a site that i visit on a regular basis and your little corner of the net is a daily stop for me and always provides a good laugh, great wit really does go appreciated.

Long may it continue

and

Dear Mr. Stepfather,

I love your blog, I don’t know quite about how I came upon it, but I visit it as many times per day as I can. I also tell all my friends about it but seeing as how I have only 2 friends it does not help your traffic issues all that much. In conclusion, it is an honor to be molested by you and you are better than dlisted, wwtdd, and idlyitw. Okay thanks nice talking to you.

Love, John

There is nothing much better than some positive reinforcement. I feel like the dyslexic kid who got a gold star on his spelling test.

On an American Idol Live Blog Note…Antonella Barba wasn’t voted of idol. Being a slut pays. I like how she is crying for the bitch who got kicked off, and I was wrong about the Kelly Pickler shit, she didn’t perform….Now back to Lohan’s nipples…

My pictures and emails aren’t working – but I still figured out how to bring you the goods

Posted in:Lindsay Lohan|Unsorted

2007

02

Mar

I am – Immigrant Face Painter of the Day

1 Comment »

I Am – Facepainter Of The Day – More bloopers are a click away

I donâ€™t know whatâ€™s going on with my new server, but I guess it doesnâ€™t really matter, my traffic went back to shit when all this chaos happened so my dreams of fame were washed away with an internal server error. I guess thatâ€™s just how things happen for me. I am not feeling sorry for myself, it just may seem like I am.

I got an email from a dude I know mocking me for not being able to hold down a real job, it was pretty funny of him, considering he is working his life away to be able to wake up at noon and spend his day smoking cigars, walking around aimlessly all in a hawaiian shirtâ€¦.I live like a millionaire trust fund kid, without all the peripherals like nice clothes, nice homes, nice cars, high budget nights outâ€¦

One of my advertisers cancelled with me today. My wife is on my ass cuz I am sitting on the couch doing nothing again and all this shit seems to just disappear everytime I watch this video.

Hereâ€™s stepTV – I am – Face Painting of the Day to brighten up your shitty day. Cuddlesâ€¦.

Posted in:stepTV|Unsorted

2007

01

Mar

I am – Kate Beckinsale’s Erect Nipples of the Day

2 Comments »

I can’t believe that my life has come to me posting a picture of girls with erect nipples. I feel like I am that comic book, video game playing pervert who can’t get pussy. Reality is that I do it for traffic. I can’t convince people to read my site unless I have something as lame as a bitch I’ve never heard of pokin’ out of her shirt. To say that I am tired of this kind of content is like saying that choir boy is tired of being raped by the priest. Shit’s pretty fucking obvious, but here I am writing this post to these pictures and you’re not even reading this because all you care about is the next set of celebrity erect nipples to hit the internet.

I have to admit that erect nipples are a total turn on. When I was in grade 8, I used to jerk off to this fat chick in my classes hard nipples, because they were always hard and it was a new and fascinating thing to me. I remember later in life landing a girl who had inverted nipples and shit scared the fuck out of me because I didn’t know what I was supposed to be gently pinching with my tender touch….Now I am married to a fat chick who I don’t think has nipples as they spread the surface of her tit the fatter she got. I try not to looks but memories of the inverted nipples I was once scared of bring make me realize how stupid standards are. Take what you can get and love it when it’s happening because one day you may end up like me… That’s the end of this post, thank fucking god…

Posted in:Kate Beckinsale|Unsorted

2007

01

Mar

I am – Kate Beckinsale's Erect Nipples of the Day

2 Comments »

I can’t believe that my life has come to me posting a picture of girls with erect nipples. I feel like I am that comic book, video game playing pervert who can’t get pussy. Reality is that I do it for traffic. I can’t convince people to read my site unless I have something as lame as a bitch I’ve never heard of pokin’ out of her shirt. To say that I am tired of this kind of content is like saying that choir boy is tired of being raped by the priest. Shit’s pretty fucking obvious, but here I am writing this post to these pictures and you’re not even reading this because all you care about is the next set of celebrity erect nipples to hit the internet.

I have to admit that erect nipples are a total turn on. When I was in grade 8, I used to jerk off to this fat chick in my classes hard nipples, because they were always hard and it was a new and fascinating thing to me. I remember later in life landing a girl who had inverted nipples and shit scared the fuck out of me because I didn’t know what I was supposed to be gently pinching with my tender touch….Now I am married to a fat chick who I don’t think has nipples as they spread the surface of her tit the fatter she got. I try not to looks but memories of the inverted nipples I was once scared of bring make me realize how stupid standards are. Take what you can get and love it when it’s happening because one day you may end up like me… That’s the end of this post, thank fucking god…

Posted in:Kate Beckinsale|Unsorted

2007

01

Mar

I am – Amy Winehouse Nipple and Meth Skin of the Day

5 Comments »

I don’t know where tis picture is from. Someone sent it into me. I don’t know who Amy Winehouse is, but someone told me she’s some singer or popstar from the UK. Rumor is she’s a meth addict and that’s why her skin looks like shit and could be the reason she’s lookin at her nasty shit stain of a nipple but I think it looks hot. I always like when girls are strung out on drugs, it makes it more fun to hang out with them, cuz you never know whether they are about to freak out and try and kill you, or freak out and start convulsing, or freak out and strip down all their clothes and beg for you dick. Crystal Meth creates sexual deviants so sign me the fuck up…that’s all I have to say about that…..

Posted in:Amy Winehouse|Unsorted