I am listening to Bing Crosby and David Bowie Christmas Carols, because it’s a wonderful time of year. I was walking around the streets last night, because sometimes with no money in your wallet and no interest in smelling your fat wife’s donut breath, walking is all there is to do. I don’t mind it. I looked in store windows and ran into a group of Filipino women with a guitar who asked me to donate to the Children’s Wish Foundation. I am pretty sure they are the same Filipno’s who pretend to be celebrities on Myspace. I gave them my $2 that I had stolen from the wife for a coffee, I figured they could use it more than me, because let’s face it, it’s all about the kids and they started rockin’ out with some Christmas song. My new life goal is to track those Crazy Ladies down and make stepVIDEO because it was that amazing.

Speaking of Amazing, here are some Selma Hayek Breast Pics for a Campari Calendar…I am Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time….

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I had a Christmas Miracle this weekend. I was walking home from the Mission where I was doing some Christmas shopping for my girls, because I am on a budget and on the walk I noticed a Range Rover with a tree strapped to the roof. I moved quickly and used my lighter to burn off the ropes that tied it down, got the tree off and ran home with it. Unfortunately running for me is walking really slow and the bitch with the Range Rover totally busted me. I was a little embarrassed and told her the story of how I don’t have a job, how I am an immigrant, how my wife is fat and dying and how I run an unsuccessful website. When she asked what the website was called, I told her, and she freaked out. It’s one of her daily site visits and she gave me the tree and asked for an autograph. She’s reader number 12 but I like her the best because she made my family’s Christmas Miracle come true and she didn’t press charges and now we have a luxury rich person’s tree in the middle of this shitty one-bedroom apartment.

Speaking for Christmas, here are some pics of Kate Moss Topless at the beach I fucking love this woman and I stole these pics from someone who stole from someone else who stole from some Photo Agency. It’s a fucking Christmas Miracle. That’s the Story I heard.

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Some guy doesn’t seem to be a major fan of my stepLINKS or my choice in header pics. This is the email he sent in:

Dear Jesus –

You inspire me daily with your blogs. The thing that really makes you special is you enjoy looking at and posting pictures of ugly, fat, and old bitches. I don’t know about you but these bitches have a place in society, and that place is called McDonalds. So unless you plan on opening up a site that is geared towards dudes with baby dicks who tend to fuck fat chicks, keep the blown up pussy off the site. I would rather take a shit in my hand and then place that shit back up my ass then look at those fat sluts with titties that look like dog’s ears. These pictures may not offend you because you are actually married to a fat Ronald McDonald slut but for christ sakes man spare some of us readers who don’t like bigmac sauce on their bitches vaginas.

With Love –
JDickHead

I don’t really have much of a response to that other than I do what I want and if that includes posting fat old ladies taking topless pictures of themselves then that’s just the way it goes. I don’t really value any of the opinions/advice/etc that my 10 readers give me especially when that person fails to see see the humor in 2 old ladies taking topless pics of themselves or of a pussy made to look like a burger that fooled me. You really should do more productive things, like buy my t-shirts.. CUDDLES….

Submit your links HERE

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There are pics of Paris and Nicole doing some sort of publicity stunt with some DJ AM looking piece of shit in a Santa Outfit. I find this so fucking obnoxious, but I am no authority on this kind of shit because if I was, I would probably be the one being written about, not doing the one doing the writing, provided you call this writing…..Either way, these girls are dirtbags and have banged a whole lot of men, and since they are famous, that means they don’t use condoms and with no condoms comes HPV.

Speaking of HPV, I went to the strippers last night and this is my conversation with one of the strippers who sat with me:

me – Can you get HPV from the Pole?

her – What’s HPV?

me – Genital Warts

her – Oh yeah, I get those all the time….

me – Nice, because if 80% of people have HPV, it’ the other 20% you want to stay away from cuz they are the minority, and you know what minority means…BAD….HPV is like designer jeans, where bitches are all like “what do you mean you passed you’re pap, that’s so lame, it’s all about pre-cancerous cells in your cervix these days, like get with it”……..

her – So do you want a dance?

me – Oh, I have no money, I probably should have told you that before you sat down.

And then she walked away…Here are the Christmas Pics, So get in the Christmas Spirit. Fuckers.

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I can only assume MUNG doesn’t really keep up to date with the site, otherwise he’d know that some crazed dude from Argentina made a poem for him then went on to pretend to be MUNG in the comments because he missed MUNG’s retarded posts. I know that I didn’t really miss MUNG that much, but that’s because I am too busy trying not to suffocate keeping this site as top notch as it is. I spend a solid hour a day on this shit and I demand some fucking love.

Speaking of Love, I love you so much, I suggest you don’t waste your time reading this. If you are wondering why I am posting it, it’s a legacy to a time that once was, but more importantly it’s to show you how good I am at blogger. So without more rambling, here’s a TONED DOWN, OUT OF PRACTICE, LEFT HIS GAME AT HOME and by home I mean his parent’s Basement…MUNG….That was a shitty intro, but it’s 3 am and I just smoked a cigar and it’s giving me anxiety.Cuddles…

Hiya Jesus,

Remember me? Probably not. I have been gone for a while now but there was something deep down inside of me that made me feel that it was time for a comeback. I felt as though your site was lacking racism, derogatory comments to women, and drug references so I quit my job yesterday selling Subway coupons door to door to become a guest blogger. So on my new found day off I sat in my parents basement and dropped two hits of acid and watched old VHS tapes of when the “Movie Network” was sneak previewed one weekend back in 85′. Man there were some awesome movies back then. I had a few good ones on tape like “Clash of the Titans”, “Mr. Mom”, “The Money Pit” and “Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark”. Raiders was an awesome movie because it sorta had that religious edge to it. Remember that scene in Raiders where the nazi’s face melted because he looked at the light that emanated from the ark? I watched that scene in slo-mo 47 times yesterday. FUCKING AMAZING!!!! When I woke up this afternoon I couldn’t get the image of the melting face out of my head and I knew that I had seen that face somewhere other than “Raiders of the Lost Ark”.

Does anyone actually miss me?

Good one MUNG…Real Fucking Talent…Speaking of talent, here are some pics of Lucy Pinder and Michelle Marsh ruining my Christmas Spirit.

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My site is running slow.. but I need to post these links…so this took me an hour to get up and they are fucking awesome, if awesome to you means shit…because I suck at steplinks…I am forced to watch the OC as I go through all of this pain of being the coolest site on the internet and there was just a gay scene with some comic book loser that reminded me of all the celebrity bloggers out there…it’s nice to see closet case, comic book and action figure collecting virgins, accepting their fate…Here are my links….

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