I'll Make You Famous…
 
 

2006

26

May

I am – Michelle Trachtenberg Stalker Post of the Day

If you read this site, you would know that I stalk celebrities by emailing people like their directors in recent movies, their make-up artists, their “stand ins”, DJ AM and other people who know or have met this girls. The reason I do it is in hopes of those people I email telling the girl I am stalking about the site. I have been mainly stalking Lohan but started to stalk Trachtenberg a couple of weeks ago….I have yet to get a response from the emails I send. On a side note, I like how Trachtenberg is standing outside American Apparel, especially after inspiring the Jewish Outfit of the Day….Here’s the stalker email I sent her make up artist in the movie Black Christmas….

Dear Juliana,

I read that you were the make-up artist on the upcoming film Black Christmas staring Michelle Trachtenberg. I wanted to ask you what will seemingly be a weird question, but if you think about it, it’s not that bad, so here I go. Would it be possible for you to send me the Kleenex and make-up pads that you used on Trachtenberg, I would like to keep them in a satin pouch and take it to bed with me everynight, because I know Trachtenberg and I are soulmates. I would also appreciate any pictures you may have of her and if you could take a picture of her holding a DrunkenStepfather Sign, that would be cool too. Lastly, if all of this is impossible for you to hook up, her email or phone number would be awesome.

Thanks in advance,

With Love,
Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

After re-reading that, I realize why I don’t get answers…it is fucking hysterical.

Bonus: Trachtenberg with a guy who isn’t me….

Related Entries:

Michelle Trachtenberg Stalker Post 1
Jewish Outfit of the Day

Posted in:stepSTALKER|Unsorted

2006

26

May

I am – Liz Hurley Cannes of the Day

I wrote a post on Liz Hurley in Cannes a couple of days ago, but the problem with not being a virgin is that I missed the nipple in the pics. I know I should always zoom in and look around at a celebrity pic to call out their flaws, but I got better things to do with my time, like sleep for example. I don’t understand people who are really into High Res pics, it creeps me out because it means motherfucker wants to zoom in and look around her face and body and shit. I constantly get emails bitching me out for resizing the pictures. The reason I do it is because I find high res annoying, my firefox resizes the shit for me after taking a shit while opening them. Point of the story, is that I don’t know shit about technical issues, but I know a lot about perversion and the requests for high res is a lot like catching your uncle fuckin’ a sex doll or uncle bangin your 14 year old cousin…I need coffee cuz these posts are like your firefox just took a shit, on your screen….

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

26

May

I am – Victoria Silvstedt’s Cannes of the Day

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I like to start my day with some pictures of a D-Lister with double D’s in a bikini. I am not a fan of breast Implants, they are trashy and remind me of career strippers. When I go to strip clubs I am more interested in 20 year old girls who haven’t saved enough money to buy tits, it’s all been going up their nose and they really haven’t been there long enough to accept their fate. Victoria probably got her first set of tits in the ’90s, and back then big tits meant getting work. She is from Sweden and all American producers expect swedish bitches to have big tits, so she had to do something about it to land parts in movies. It’s a lot like the the time I applied for a job as a valet at a hotel, i was tired of being a janitor, and I was advised by the guy who worked there to cut my hair, shave, and put on a clean shirt. I refused to conform and I didn’t get the job…just like Victoria wouldn’t get this post had she never got herself a set of tits. Good story.







Bonus: Her Can’s in a Dress in Cannes….Look For Nipple…I know you Can….


Double Bonus: Her and a Girl who Looks Like Her

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

26

May

I am – Victoria Silvstedt's Cannes of the Day

victoriasilvstedyCanTop3.jpg

I like to start my day with some pictures of a D-Lister with double D’s in a bikini. I am not a fan of breast Implants, they are trashy and remind me of career strippers. When I go to strip clubs I am more interested in 20 year old girls who haven’t saved enough money to buy tits, it’s all been going up their nose and they really haven’t been there long enough to accept their fate. Victoria probably got her first set of tits in the ’90s, and back then big tits meant getting work. She is from Sweden and all American producers expect swedish bitches to have big tits, so she had to do something about it to land parts in movies. It’s a lot like the the time I applied for a job as a valet at a hotel, i was tired of being a janitor, and I was advised by the guy who worked there to cut my hair, shave, and put on a clean shirt. I refused to conform and I didn’t get the job…just like Victoria wouldn’t get this post had she never got herself a set of tits. Good story.







Bonus: Her Can’s in a Dress in Cannes….Look For Nipple…I know you Can….


Double Bonus: Her and a Girl who Looks Like Her

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

26

May

I am – Step Links of the Day

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I try to get these out by midnight. I am 10 minutes late and that’s really unreliable of me. If I was my boss I would fire me too. I wouldn’t put up with this shit if I were you either, but lucky for me I am not you. None of your link submissions are coming in, so if you’ve been sending them in….send again. Today’s been nothing but exciting…

Eva Longoria Lesbian Kisses are Alright
Marie Osmond’s Daughter’s are Myspace WHORES
Coco-T Naked Pics
New Wicked Weasel Contributions
Perverted Justice ALWAYS makes me laugh
Carrie Underwood’s Nipple Is Bigger than Yours
Ann Angel Video VIA The One and Only Otty
Evan Seinfeld is Tera Patrick’s Husband on Myspace

A barmaid at a bar I used to go to is in this Video
Kate Bosworth’s Giving the Finger and that is NOT NICE
Leenks Does Smut
Somethign about Kevin Costner, Marriage and Rub and Tugs…
Cayos has a HOT Felicity Fey topless Shoot
Pregnant Britney Gets Coffee While Pregnant
Joanna Krupa…I’ll take 2

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

25

May

I am – stepMusic: The Lemonheads

StepMUSICLemon3.jpg

My man Grover is back with another depressing band. I guess it’s a representation of the state he’s in out in North Carolina, I don’t ask questions partially cuz I don’t care but also because when you get him started he won’t shut up. I am not interested in deep, emotional people but I am definitely not into deep vagina, I like the g-spot to be closer to the rim. Only because I have a small insignificant penis.

I have only known of one person who liked the Lemonheads. She was a crackhead raver who looked like a man and was a virgin. So let’s dedicate this to the 3 Lemonhead fans out there….and move on from here…. to the better stepMusic artists to come.

I’m a big Lemonheads fan. Evan Dando is a junkie, and Jesus obviously condones all drug use, so I had to beg him to let me write about this band. Dando is one of the 300 rock stars who have dated Wynonna Rider. He was also in Heavy with Liv Tyler as Tyler’s gas station attendee boyfriend. My brother who lives in Chicago once saw Dando on the train. He had someone helping him up and taking him around because he was too fucked up to do it himself. It’s interesting though….when you think of drugged out rock stars, you expect them to sound a little tougher, but Evan Dando plays pretty pop songs. Sometimes they’re about girls, sometimes they’re about drugs, but mostly they’re cover songs that he didn’t write. Probably because he was too fucked up to do write something himself. Anyway, I used to be in a band when I was a little younger and the first song I ever played live was “Confetti� from their album It’s A Shame About Ray. Here’s a few tracks from that album. It’s my favorite Lemonheads records and possibly the BEST album of all time. Juliana Hatfield sings and plays bass on it. Juliana Hatfield was once on an episode of My So Called Life where she played a homeless angel that plays guitar. Lame.

Here are some Lemonhead mp3’s for you (right click – save target as – keep them):

The Lemonheads-Mrs. Robinson
The Lemonheads-It’s A Shame About Ray
The Lemonheads-Buddy
The Lemonheads-Rocin’ Stroll
The Lemonheads-Confetti

Bonus: Liv Tyler Lookin’ Good….


Another Bonus: Liv Tyler and Something That Has Seen Her Tits and Pussy

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

25

May

I am – Paris Hilton Filming New Music Video

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Paris has a music career that I forgot about. I guess every good drag queen knows how to rock the mic as well as the cock. We have yet to see Paris’ skills as a singer but judging from these pics, it’s going to be hysterical. I guess you gotta respect the girl for going through life with the weirdest lookin’ beaver I have ever seen and I have seen a lot. It looks like she’s packin a nice pair of testicles…which is always possible considering all the money her family has to raise a boy as a girl…you know providing that little boy with the hormone therapy and surgery ghetto trannies don’t have access to….I was watching Oprah and it was on priviledge kids and what they choose to do with the opportunity they have been given. Some go on to starting charities and shit others go into rehab….funny what money can breed.

p_hiltonTOP2.jpg

Nipple Tape

Nipple Slip

Bonus –

TMZ GUYS BRING THE GOODS WITH THE VIDEO SHOOT VIDEO
(COMPLETE WITH NIP SLIP)

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

25

May

I am – Megan Fox’s Boyfriend’s Boner of the Day

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And her Boyfriend is Brian Austin Green of Beverly Hills 90210. I just couldn’t write “I am – Brian Austin Green’s Boner” because this is not a gay site, like Perez Hilton and Trent.

Point of the story is that I think I found the next bitch I want to stalk and that is Megan Fox. She’s just not famous enough yet. The girl is fuckin’ hot and is a total dirt bag. She’s rubbin’ off some dude off under the table of a restaurant and there’s no doubt that they are going home together after the meal for a session. I’m not a boner expert by it looks like dude’s rockin’ one in the top pic, not to mention he’s got that creepy boner look on his face while smoking his cigarette. I guess the point of the story is that it is hot to see a girl get dirty. It’s nice when a girl is intune with her sexuality.No one wants an uptight slag who doesn’t accept the fact that we are people who fuck, or a total exhibitionist whore. Because those people aren’t consistent, the uptight girl’s the one who pretty much rapes you behind closed doors, and the exhibitionist bitch won’t let you fuck her. What you want is a consistent girl, who is equally slutty in the bedroom as she is when she’s out and about with you, preferably in tighter jeans than Megan Fox wears, but jeans don’t make a girl. Tits do.

Bonus:

See Her Galleries Here
(She is HOT)

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

25

May

I am – Megan Fox's Boyfriend's Boner of the Day

meganFOXBFTOP2.jpg

And her Boyfriend is Brian Austin Green of Beverly Hills 90210. I just couldn’t write “I am – Brian Austin Green’s Boner” because this is not a gay site, like Perez Hilton and Trent.

Point of the story is that I think I found the next bitch I want to stalk and that is Megan Fox. She’s just not famous enough yet. The girl is fuckin’ hot and is a total dirt bag. She’s rubbin’ off some dude off under the table of a restaurant and there’s no doubt that they are going home together after the meal for a session. I’m not a boner expert by it looks like dude’s rockin’ one in the top pic, not to mention he’s got that creepy boner look on his face while smoking his cigarette. I guess the point of the story is that it is hot to see a girl get dirty. It’s nice when a girl is intune with her sexuality.No one wants an uptight slag who doesn’t accept the fact that we are people who fuck, or a total exhibitionist whore. Because those people aren’t consistent, the uptight girl’s the one who pretty much rapes you behind closed doors, and the exhibitionist bitch won’t let you fuck her. What you want is a consistent girl, who is equally slutty in the bedroom as she is when she’s out and about with you, preferably in tighter jeans than Megan Fox wears, but jeans don’t make a girl. Tits do.

Bonus:

See Her Galleries Here
(She is HOT)

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

2006

25

May

I am – Nicole Richie Likes Jews….

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I know Jewish girls love Richie because all the Jewish girls I ever see are rockin’ her style. So many of them are doing it that I have named it the Jewish Outfit of the Day , even though it all comes from Richie who is more of a Mexican with black adopted parents than a Jew, strength is in numbers….so the Jews win this one…

I guess the good news for all the Jews who want to be her, is that she doesn’t hate your people, proven by this pic. I can spot a Jewish girl from a mile away. It’s a fetish. She did dump DJ AM when she found out he was one., but it only took her 2 years.

I have mentioned in the Lohan Stalker Posts that I used to be friendly with DJ AM last year and he invited me to a show he was playing here. Turned out that he was bringing Nicole to host the event and they got paid $30,000 to do it. The club didn’t want to let me in because it’s one of those places Lebanese and Italian 19 year old slicksters with BMWs go. The security didn’t believe I was on the list until, but their Manager came out looking for me, and I got in. From that point on it was free champagne and scotch for me. I was being carted around with Nicole and her bodyguard because the promoter thought I was good friends with them. I was thinking to myself that fame is a shitty place to be, unless you really like free booze, because I saw random guys rubbing her head and trying to touch her and shit, it kinda freaked me out.

When I was sitting with her in the upstairs VIP area I tried to chat her up, only to get a glassy eyed canned response, like “This is so fun….”.Then I asked her to message Lohan for me saying “Jesus Martinez of DrunkenStepfather.com wants to make you famous”, because even then I was Lohan stalker, and she Richie said no to me…..Either way, the whole time we were up there which was probably an hour, she kept waving and blowing kisses to AM….I thought to myself that there’s no way in hell anyone loves another person that much, and if they do they don’t act like that. It was some serious unhealthy neediness and separation anxiety issues but I am not a psychologist, but I may need one….Enough of my stupid stories… I am going to get a coffee…

Posted in:stepSTALKER|Unsorted