Amanda Bynes Archives - Page 6 of 6 Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2007

16

Nov

I am – Amanda Bynes’ Legs of the Day

I met a doctor at a coffee shop the other day and he told me that 74% of the population contracts HPV at some point in their life and the chances of me not having HPV are pretty much non existent, without even taking my sexual history into consideration, shit’s just a numbers game. If he knew the shit I’ve stuck my dick inside over the years, he’d probably be telling me all the other shit that I could have, but since I didn’t know the guy, I didn’t bother go into it with him.

He also said that it’s really not a big deal for dudes, and that unless you have a major genital wart outbreak, you probably don’t know you have it, and girls are the ones who have to worry because a small percentage get vagina cancer and the cure to vagina cancer is taking out their lady parts making them incapable of having kids then he threw up his hand for a high five, I guess thinking that not being able to knock up a bitch is awesome.

That said, Amanda Bynes probably has HPV and if she doesn’t I know a pretty easy way to make those dreams come true. Come on baby, join the masses, you know no one wants to be the freak slotted into the 26% minority filled with virgins…Getting busy means getting trendy.

Related Posts:

Amanda Bynes at the Fredrick’s of Hollywood Fashion Show
Amanda Bynes Has Big Ol’ Nipples
Amanda Bynes Does the Zellwgger Face
Amanda Bynes was 21

Posted in:Amanda Bynes|Legs|Skirt|Unsorted

2007

25

Oct

I am – Slutty Celebrities at the Fredrick's of Hollywood's Fashion Show of the Day

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I love girls who love lingerie and it seems like all girls I ever met have huge collections of it, other than drug addicts with no money and who sell or soil their 2 pairs of underwear that they wash in public bathrooms to stay fresh but beyond the addiction love lingerie. Girls tend to have more panty drawers in their dresser than they have dude’s who want to fuck them in their phone and I am all for watching them try on every single piece they own. The shit makes them feel sexy and glamorous and makes me feel like the creep that I am, because I’m watching from the tree in their backyard with a set of binoculars, but I can still make out what’s going down and I am all for that, at least when they are rockin’ it for me and not for some other homeboy.

Jessica Simpson was there lookin hot….because she’s a Christian girl gone bad….and I love those.

Vanessa Hudgens was there researching what to wear next in her sleazy self-shot pictures with Zac Efron who was there pretending he likes women in lingerie when he’s more into wearing it himself cuz he’s gay.

Joanna Krupa was there…..because she actually gets paid to wear lingerie because she is hot….

Dita Von Teese was there….even though no one wants to see her in lingerie…but she is strips down into lingerie every chance she gets….

Kristen Bell was there but I still don’t know who she is….

Amanda Bynes was there showing off her legs

Related Posts:

Joanna Krupa’s Lingerie Calendar
Vanessa Hudgens Self Shot Amateur Pictures
Dita Von Teese Strip Show Picture

2007

25

Oct

I am – Slutty Celebrities at the Fredrick’s of Hollywood’s Fashion Show of the Day

No Comments »

I love girls who love lingerie and it seems like all girls I ever met have huge collections of it, other than drug addicts with no money and who sell or soil their 2 pairs of underwear that they wash in public bathrooms to stay fresh but beyond the addiction love lingerie. Girls tend to have more panty drawers in their dresser than they have dude’s who want to fuck them in their phone and I am all for watching them try on every single piece they own. The shit makes them feel sexy and glamorous and makes me feel like the creep that I am, because I’m watching from the tree in their backyard with a set of binoculars, but I can still make out what’s going down and I am all for that, at least when they are rockin’ it for me and not for some other homeboy.

Jessica Simpson was there lookin hot….because she’s a Christian girl gone bad….and I love those.

Vanessa Hudgens was there researching what to wear next in her sleazy self-shot pictures with Zac Efron who was there pretending he likes women in lingerie when he’s more into wearing it himself cuz he’s gay.

Joanna Krupa was there…..because she actually gets paid to wear lingerie because she is hot….

Dita Von Teese was there….even though no one wants to see her in lingerie…but she is strips down into lingerie every chance she gets….

Kristen Bell was there but I still don’t know who she is….

Amanda Bynes was there showing off her legs

Related Posts:

Joanna Krupa’s Lingerie Calendar
Vanessa Hudgens Self Shot Amateur Pictures
Dita Von Teese Strip Show Picture

2007

12

Jul

I am – Amanda Bynes' Zellwegger Face of the Day

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Amanda Bynes Zellweger Face

One of Jesus’ old flames agreed to help me out with the site in his absence. She’s a fine lady, and I hope all of you will treat her with the decency and respect you have treated me since I started here. And by decency and respect I mean name calling and sending her full frontal nudes.

Hi there, my name is “Sugar” Nell and I am one of Jesus’ ex-hooker friends he got pregnant back in the day (but a steady diet of liquor and Oxycontin solved that little mishap). I am gonna be assisting his lovely stepdaughter Marie-Eve while he is away Cruise’n + Booze’n, because he helped me out when I finally took care of my Turkish pimp, Zeki (it involved spiking his Raki with anti-freeze, which didn’t kill him, but layed him up in the county hospital for a few weeks…

These are pictures of Amanda Bynes promoting the queef-fest that is the remake of Hairspray on some show that is probably German or Belgian, one of those faux-TRLs that eats up American B actors with bloated Zellwegger-esque faces and bottle blonde hair like a fat Detroit autoworker inhales his sacred Hoagies (or cheese-steaks or whatever the hell they eat in Detroit, which is one of our fattest cities here in the States, or at least it should be).

The point is Bynes isn’t bad looking, she is attractive in a corn-fed kind of “I am a slim Midwestern Girl who discovered Sun-In and Fake-Tan” way. But her face is so damn big it reminds me of the girl I knew from Zeki’s harem that tried to get off coke because it was fucking up her nosejob. She took up Bulimia instead, which was hell on the pipes in the basement apartment/ boiler-room we called home, to which Zeki possessed the only key. The slut went from having elfin facial features to a big-ass Moonface over night. Seriously. I am sure Bynes isn’t bulimic, but I am saying that looking at her face is like discovering a new planet. She is all make-up, and she should perhaps lay off the salt. And she is one of those annoying Nickelodeon child-star comedians that should have all been rounded up and drowned as babies.

Zeki was not thrilled with Moonface’s makeover, and Zeki would not be pleased with Bynes either. But alas, Zeki is no more… but that is another story, for another time…

Obediently yours (because I am still afraid of being beaten)

Sugar Nell
Email Me

Posted in:Amanda Bynes|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

12

Jul

I am – Amanda Bynes’ Zellwegger Face of the Day

10 Comments »

Amanda Bynes Zellweger Face

One of Jesus’ old flames agreed to help me out with the site in his absence. She’s a fine lady, and I hope all of you will treat her with the decency and respect you have treated me since I started here. And by decency and respect I mean name calling and sending her full frontal nudes.

Hi there, my name is â€œSugarâ€? Nell and I am one of Jesusâ€™ ex-hooker friends he got pregnant back in the day (but a steady diet of liquor and Oxycontin solved that little mishap). I am gonna be assisting his lovely stepdaughter Marie-Eve while he is away Cruiseâ€™n + Boozeâ€™n, because he helped me out when I finally took care of my Turkish pimp, Zeki (it involved spiking his Raki with anti-freeze, which didnâ€™t kill him, but layed him up in the county hospital for a few weeksâ€¦

These are pictures of Amanda Bynes promoting the queef-fest that is the remake of Hairspray on some show that is probably German or Belgian, one of those faux-TRLs that eats up American B actors with bloated Zellwegger-esque faces and bottle blonde hair like a fat Detroit autoworker inhales his sacred Hoagies (or cheese-steaks or whatever the hell they eat in Detroit, which is one of our fattest cities here in the States, or at least it should be).

The point is Bynes isnâ€™t bad looking, she is attractive in a corn-fed kind of â€œI am a slim Midwestern Girl who discovered Sun-In and Fake-Tanâ€? way. But her face is so damn big it reminds me of the girl I knew from Zekiâ€™s harem that tried to get off coke because it was fucking up her nosejob. She took up Bulimia instead, which was hell on the pipes in the basement apartment/ boiler-room we called home, to which Zeki possessed the only key. The slut went from having elfin facial features to a big-ass Moonface over night. Seriously. I am sure Bynes isnâ€™t bulimic, but I am saying that looking at her face is like discovering a new planet. She is all make-up, and she should perhaps lay off the salt. And she is one of those annoying Nickelodeon child-star comedians that should have all been rounded up and drowned as babies.

Zeki was not thrilled with Moonfaceâ€™s makeover, and Zeki would not be pleased with Bynes either. But alas, Zeki is no moreâ€¦ but that is another story, for another timeâ€¦

Obediently yours (because I am still afraid of being beaten)

Sugar Nell
Email Me

Posted in:Amanda Bynes|Uncategorized|Unsorted

2007

09

Apr

I am – Amanda Bynes is 21 of the Day

82 Comments »

I am all about underage girls and now Amanda Bynes is no longer one. I used to like to go to clubs and spot the underage chicks, buy them a lot of drinks because they can’t handle their alcohol and take them home with me while they experienced the drunkest drunk they ever felt in their inexperienced drinking career, where I’d proceed to romance them by peeing on them while they slept. The police were only called a few times and I only had a few knocks on my door and when questioned I would tell them that I met her in the club, and didn’t realize that it was my job to card them before peeing on their drunk faces. I’d pass the blame on the bar and poor parenting, because what kind of parent lets their underage kids go out drinking, other than Lohan’s mom, who isn’t really a mom, but more of a Madame at a brothel trying to make her cut, where the parent’s I had to deal with were genuinely concerned with out of control daughters, but the point of all this is to say that Amanda Bynes has been out of statutory rape days for a few years, but still reminds me of my golden years.