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Archive for the Ashley Tisdale Category

2009

20

Mar

Weird Paparazzi Advice for Ashley Tisdale of the Day

This video is fucking amazing. Some paparazzi immigrant is asking ugly Ashley Tisdale her how fun she can be if she is hiding the happenings of life by not being herself.

I guess I should be easier on the paparazzi, sure they are cocksuckers who email me and bother me about how I owe them money for pictures they claim to take of people, without getting the consent of the people they are getting pictures of, but maybe I should just accept that they need to pay the rent and lack the skills needed to make that happen, since they haven’t quite figured out English.

Either way, this is some strange fucking rap of nonsense and it is fucking gold. Another thing that’s gold…Ashley Tisdale hiding her ugly fucking face from the world, because it means she’s insecure, and realizes she’s not hot, and that makes her easier to get naked. And ugly or not, I like naked…

Posted in:Ashley Tisdale|Paparazzi

2009

04

Mar

Ashley Tisdale Ugly Watch of the Day

Yep. still ugly. Sure these are probably the best pictures I’ve seen her in. Maybe she’s gone for some off shore plastic surgery, you know the same place you signed up to get the vagina built into your leg so you’d have something to fuck and when you weren’t fucking it, you could tuck your dick into the pouch and have no need for underwear, pretty much saving you money in the long run, you know making your weirdness work for you in this economic crisis.

Or maybe I’m just blinded by having to see my wife naked the last 3 days because she refuses to get dressed and ready for anything that isn’t fat and disgusting, unfortunately for me, no one else is, making my chances of that happening slim to fucking none.

Posted in:Ashley Tisdale|Ugly

2008

08

Oct

Ashley Tisdale Ugly Watch of the Day

I don’t like that Ashley Tisdale is giving us the sex eyes because she isn’t hot, it is actually pretty fucking offensive. If she really wanted to turn us on, she would have never left the house, or maybe she would have pulled her hair in front of her face like she was Cousin It, or she’d rock a Richard Nixon mask while running around screaming that she’s not a crook naked, or something that could at least let us focus on her vagina for a couple of minuts and forget what it’s attached to.

It’s like the typical ugly chick who doesn’t know she’s ugly because she hangs with girls who are uglier than her and her entourage always tell her how good looking sh eis and ends up living in an imaginary fantasy world, where all the boys want her and not her friends and she develops the self confidence to not kill herself or just embrace the fact that she’s ugly and becoming a comedian, because that’s what ugly people in Hollywood are supposed to do. Playing this sex symbol to 13 year olds is just going to fuck up the system, making boys think this is hot, leading to ugly girls getting boyfriends when they are supposed to stay at home friday nights knitting with their moms a few years down the road or even worse….homosexuality.

On a side note, happy Yom Kippur to Ashley Tisdale and all the Jews out there. The man on the radio just let me know that you all have to fast. Good luck with that and remember it’s a small price to pay for legal, medical and entertainment careers that pay lots of money, so it’s worth the struggle, despite the whining I am sure all your Jew houses are going to hear tonight, you know whimpers about how hungry you are and how light headed you are and how you think you’re going to die if you don’t get a fucking bagel in you, so for that struggle, I’d like to dedicate this post to all of yous jews.

Posted in:Ashley Tisdale|Ugly

2008

26

Sep

Ashley Tisdale Ugly Watch of the Day

So….she’s still ugly…but that vitiligo shit stain discoloration on her arm is fucking hot, but I just like girls with disorders because they are easier to boss around. Despite popular belief that I hate ugly girls, I actually always defend them by saying they all have at least one nice attribute, whether it is hot tits, or a hot ass, or that they are skinny, or have nice eyes, or a nice pussy, you just have to look a little past the package as a whole. Just the other day I saw an ugly girl on the bus reading a magazine minding her own business and I decided to let her know that despite being ugly, she had great teeth and great teeth can take you a long way. I was pretty offended when she told me to fuck myself, but I guess some ugly girls have an ugly personality to match, or maybe I offended her by letting her know I knew she was ugly, but I figured by leaving the house that day, she already accepted that. So despite Ashley Tisdale’s hot skin disorder, she’s still ugly and that concludes the Ashley Tisday Ugly Watch of the Day.

Posted in:Ashley Tisdale|Ugly

2008

23

Sep

Ashley Tisdale is Still Ugly of the Day

In case you were concerned, alarmed or still wondering…Ashley Tisdale is still ugly. So you can go on with your day, like Ashley Tisdale goes on with her day, rockin’ her weak chin that makes her look like she’s swallowing her face and her big deviated septum nose that I thought she got sorted out.

It reminds me of this rich girl I used to tease about having a weak chin a few years ago, she would call me fat and disgusting and I’d mock her by sucking my chin in saying letting her know that he dis would be a lot more hurtful if I didn’t know what you looked like and after 6 months of the back and forth, I was still fat and disgusting only a little bit closer to suicide and she went and got a chin implant. Last I heard she’s engaged, pregnant and the owner of a beautiful condo and her career is really taking off and I am still fat and disgusting and a little bit closer to suicide. Yes…It sucks to be me but it sucks harder to be Ashley Tisdale, because I wouldn’t give my chin up for all the money, fame and pussy in the world, it just means too much to me.

Posted in:Ashley Tisdale|Ugly

2008

11

Sep

Ashley Tisdale is Still Ugly of the Day

Ashley Tisdale is just one of those girls that no matter how hard she tries to look good, she just doesn’t pull it off. Like the time my Albino neighbor put on some self tanning cream, lipstick and a wig and looked like something out of a horror movie and not one of those Hollywood Actresses she was aiming for, or the time this Italian dude who was tired of seeing me down on my luck encouraged me to go out there and do something I’ve always wanted to do and to do it in a nice Italian suit he was selling, I had some extra money at the time and was feeling pretty desperate and he convinced me that this would change my life, so I slicked my hair back, put on the suit he just sold me and walked to my nearest subway station, got on the train and pulled my dick out to both unsuspecting college girls and girls coming home from the office and he was right, it really made a difference in all of our lives and I looked fuckin’ classy being my sleazy self, but was still my sleazy self… or like the Jewish girl I knew got a nose job for a deviated septum, which is Jew code for “I don’t like my nose and want to change it because I am tired of looking like a Jewish monster coming to steal your soul and do your taxes” and that girl was Ashley Tisdale, sure she’s not actually a Jewish girl I know, but close enough considering I live my life vicariously through the internet.

Posted in:Ashley Tisdale|Ugly

2008

28

Aug

Ashley Tisdale Got a Haircut of the Day

Writing about celebrities I don’t care about everyday is pretty fucking tedious. Before starting this site I was way more self absorbed and would really only worry about what was going on in my everyday life and wouldn’t really pay any attention to what rich and glamorous girl who I didn’t find half as hot as some of the girls giving me lapdances, was in a bikini, but unfortunately this is the life I chose and the course I took and I am so on top of shit that when Ugly Jewish Girl who is actually almost 30 but pretends she’s closer to 20 to get roles of the day get haircuts, I notice.

I never thought I’d spend my day trying to say clever things about some of the most uninspiring things out there, but I guess it’s better than my last job packin’ boxes at a food processing plant that I got fired from for being drunk. Sure the money’s not as good, but I have no one to tell me that I am not allowed to drop my pants, drink my booze and smoke my cigars. It’s almost as amazing as the fact that people actually find Ashley Tisdale someone hot and worth jerking off to, I can only assume have lowered their standards because they think she’s actually a real life highschool girl and not just a slut pretending to be one, because in my experience older guys always lower their standards when they find a teenager willing to fuck them, because there is no other reason for anyone calling this piece hot.

Here she is wearing a period shirt so that it doesn’t stain when shit splashes up when she’s peeing.

Here she is in some crazy pants….before the Haircut….

Posted in:Ashley Tisdale|Haircut

2008

10

Jul

Ashley Tisdale the Dog-Faced Girl of the Day

I get a lot of hate mail because I rip on Jewish Girls for having droopy dog faces due to generations of inbreeding to strengthen the community. I may do it to get a rise of the industry people who read this site and who I know are Jewish because everyone in Hollywood is, but I think it’s because Jewish girls are actually droopy dog faced monsters that scare me. Nose jobs, designer clothes, hair and make-up or not, they still have the ability to inspire Jewish men to marry gentiles. All while the poor fuckers who accidentally marry Jewish Dog Faced monsters to keep their families happy and secure their inheritance are keeping escort agencies, full service stripclubs, massage parlors in business. I guess it’s to feel what sex with a real girl who doesn’t chronically complain is like again. I could be wrong, sure Jewish girls give great head when they are trying to lasso their man, and that’s enough to look past a few birth defects, but doesn’t negate the fact that there are birth defects.

Either way, the evidence to back my point for today is Ashley Tisdale.

Posted in:Ashley Tisdale|Jewish

2008

04

Jul

Ashley Tisdale in Her Ed Hardy Piece of Shit Bikini of the Day

I think Ed Hardy is the cheesiest fucking shit to hit the clothing stores in the last few years. I am talking worse than that overpriced Von Dutch shit that I remember seeing kids wear a few years ago and who paid something like 100 dollars for a $5 trucker hat all because it had some faggot color and brand name and now all those cheesy fucks who used to wear that Von Dutch trash because they thought it was classy cuz it was expensive are rocking this Ed Hardy shit that sell t-shirts for 300 dollars and that put that most retarded fucking shit on their shirts to justify the price. The designer’s like “we’ll put studs and diamond and gold and fuckin’ obnoxious designs and make the most expensive fucking t-shirt in the fucking store and people will eat it up because they are fucking idiots and think that just because it’s expensive, it’s cool”. Now, I don’t know shit about fashion, but I do know a lot about cha chi motherfuckers who just left the gym an hour before hitting the clubs so that they look jacked and I do know that they fucking annoy me, despite landing all the hot party chicks, but because they are just fuckin dumber than the shit my wife left smeared on the toilet seat.

The other day I was sitting at a coffee shop and some dude rolled through in a pick-up truck that had been spray painted with Ed Hardy stupidity and dude got out in a full Ed Hardy outfit, I’m talking hat, shirt, jeans, shoes, and he was the most colorful motherfucker in the place, and his loyalty to a shitty brand was pretty fuckin’ intense, but that didn’t change the fact that he was a fuckin’ asshole, in fact it was like a billboard announcing that motherfucker was a total asshole.

I guess it’s safe to say that Ashley Tisdale has been blinded by Disney’s iron fist and doesn’t have a clue as to what’s up, and maybe that’s why she’s rockin’ the shit, since Ed Hardy’s big marketing strategy is to get celebs in the shit so all the copycats who buy bottles because they think they are celebs buy the shit and I can only assume that these pictures of her in Ed Hardy will sell some bikinis to some 14 year old girls who are future party sluts in trianing. Happy 4th of July.

Posted in:Ashley Tisdale|Ed Hardy

2008

03

Jul

Ashley Tisdale is a Fucking Spy in a Bikini of the Day

When Tisdale first got her nose job, I thought nothing of it, I was like this is some bitch with too much money and a bad nose who is considered a star to 10 year olds, but is virtually a nobody to the rest of the world, the perfect position you want to be if you want to cut the line at the movies, and now that I see her rockin’ a camo bikini, I am convinced bitch is some kind of state issued agent who got her nose job to hide her identity as she got more famous like some kind of CIA agent used to brainwash the youth into finding God again or to be celebate like she is the fucking Devil but the truth is that I am just a paranoid dude, and Tisdale is just on a vacation with some dude who she brought to fuck the shit out of her little Highschool Musical vagina and the great news is that her promise ring Disney makes her wear, that vows celibacy until marriage, because we all know how stable marriage is, and how marrying a virgin is the biggest fucking mistake anyone can make, doubles as a cock ring for her androngynist pre-pubescent 12 year old lookin’ boyfriend who’s been given the Disney issued Peter Pan Hormone Treatment like he was Jonathan Taylor Thomas even though he’s 30.

Either way she’s in a bikini, I’m not a fan and would prefer if she was actually out in the warzone dodging bullets and not paparazzi, but I’m just an asshole and like seeing people dance because they have to and not because they want to.

Posted in:Ashley Tisdale|Bikini