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Archive for the Ashley Tisdale Category

2007

Nov

I am – Ashley Tisdale’s New Nose of the Day

I can only assume Ashley Tisdale’s mother is some hot slut who used her vagina to get her daughter into show business, because let’s face it, with that fuckin nose bitch was rockin’, her only real career prospects were to work at the cosmetics counter of her local department store, because people would trust her ability to help them choose a perfume, because let’s face it, bitch was made for smelling things.

But lucky for us, she’s pulled an Ashlee Simpson and got a new fuckin’ nose. I’ve seen her shitty Christina Aguilera rip off video where she sings badly about what he says and what she says and I just stare at her fuckin’ nose knowing that whatever he was saying, he was saying it to get the fuck away from that fuckin’ thing, because it was scary on some halloween level.

Social pressure of needing to be hot and in the spotlight takes it’s toll on a young insecure girl who’s trying to make her career pop and it has made her cave in and got a new nose because it was disgusting and needed to be done and all part of growing up in a superficial world and wanting everyone to think you’ve got it going on. I know that when she’s asked about it, she’ll say it’s gotta do with some deviated septum shit, unable to breathe bullshit, because unlike a stripper who admits she got tits to make money and feel hot.

Either way, I love insecure girls because they get naked for me without much convincing, they just like the pat on the back or cum shot stamp of approval because it makes them feel wanted and for a person who hates themselves, feeling wanted is important. Now the real question is why did she stop at her nose, if she really wanted to make her career last she’s also going to need a new face, new teeth, some tits, talent and a sex tape. I don’t respect this half-assed effort she’s putting in, makes me feel like she’s not serious and treats her career like the joke that the rest of us already know it is. Cuddles.

Related Posts:

Some Ashley Tisdale in a Bikini
More Ashley Tisdale in a Bikini
Even More Ashley Tisdale in a Bikini
Damn This Girl Likes Bikinis…

Posted in:Ashley Tisdale|Nose|Plastic Surgery|Unsorted

2007

Nov

I am – The American Music Awards Arrivals of the Day

3 Comments »

I didn’t watch the American Music Awards because they are a waste of fucking time, even though every acceptance speech is about how shit changes lives, but unfortunately my life wasn’t one of those lives changed today, because I don’t own a TV, but if I did, I’d be living the fuckin’ dream and I am pretty sure I’d be watching scrambled porn, not because I like porn, but because distorted blue and green sex scenes excite me more than Dick Clark’s bullshit award show.

I tried getting someone in LA to crash red carpet for this event for stepTV, but I have no real pull, I couldn’t get press access and security’s a bitch, not to mention the dude I know in LA doesn’t have a camera and can barely speak english, but it still would have been better coverage than the actually award show, but that’s just like comparing a hot girl to some fat one night stand you once brought home when drunk because she was willing and you are an opportunist who doesn’t turn down a girl when she offers you creampie, unfortunately when you got back to her place, you realized that by creampie bitch actually meant a cream pie and you sat there eating whip cream and watching reruns of Seinfeld, because that’s all that was on at 4 am, until you sobered up and had to peace the fuck out because you realized that her elastic waistband on her sweat pants wasn’t something that could really get you off and for the record stepTV is that fat chick because it’s lower quality but makes for a better fuckin’ story.

I am recovering from binge drinking like a sorority girl during Homecoming week, and I don’t remember all that much of the last two nights, but I do know I laughed a lot so if you’re lucky I’ll bring some of that to you here, it happens sometimes, just not in this post.

Here are the arrival pictures from the AMAs.

Beyonce’s Got Some Insane Cleavage Going On….I Guess Someone’s Been Eating Her Fried Chicken

Alicia Keys Did Some Choreographed Dance Routine I Didn’t Understand

Amanda Bynes Got Some Fucking Legs

Ashley Tisdale is Hot Right Now, Like a Busted Old Pick-Up Truck In Your Front Lawn on a Hot Summer’s Day…

Avril Lavigne Dressed Like an Academy Award, If Academy Awards Had Stupid Hair

Some Carrie Underwood Wearing Curtains

Jennie Garth Dancing With Her Old Face…Which She Thinks is a Star…But Really Isn’t

Rihanna in Some Halloween Costume Shit Still Lookin’ Hot…

Vanessa Hudgens Because We’ve All Seen Her Naked and I Like to Show Love To Bitches Who Get Naked….

Fergie because Her Body is Too Good to be a Man

Nicole Scherzinger Because Her Dress Reminds Me of This Retarded Kids Art Project But Less Attractive….

Kellie Pickler Because We Like to Support Her Fake Tits

Miley Cyrus Because She’s Jailbait and has the Coolest Fuckin’ Father to Ever Grace the Radio With His Fucking Annoying Song….

Related Posts:

Last Year’s America Music Awards Post
Live Bloggin the 2006 VMAs
Live Bloggin’ the Academy Awards
Some Emmy Award Coverage

2007

Aug

I am – Ashley Tisdale in a Bikini of the Day

3 Comments »

Ashley Tisdale

I have to go to a Bachelor part this weekend. Yes I know, girls donâ€™t usually go to bachelor parties, but its for a good guy friend of mine who is getting married and he insist I come. I figure it will be a great last chance to get him really fucking drunk and high, and then slap the shit out of him for wanting to get married and ruin his fucking life, you know, cause Iâ€™m a good friend like that. Truth be told, as much as wives want to whine about what goes on at the Bachelor parties, the Bachelorettes are always way fucking worse.

The Bachelor parties usually consist of going to some shitty bar and drinking even shittier beer, while the guys talk about getting older and play pool or that dumb fucking table soccer game I canâ€™t remember the name of right now. The 2 fun guys suggest they hit a strip club, but the groom is a whiney fuck and doesnâ€™t want to sleep on the couch (cause you know, men in relationships are idiots, and will TELL chicks shit like that, instead of just keeping it in the vault where it belongs). They head to another bar and meet a hott group of girls. The 2 fun guys end up leaving and going to get laid, while the groom talks about his wife to be with the one girl h should be getting head from in the bathroom. He goes home for his 2 am curfew so his wife doesnâ€™t get mad at him, cause heâ€™s a bitch like that.

At Bachelorette parties you always end up meeting a big group of horny guys right at the start. Nothing says desperate like a group of chicks hanging out because one of them is marrying a guy she doesnâ€™t even love, but who has a bit of money. Itâ€™s foreshadowing for whatâ€™s to come for the rest of them. You loose an average of 2-3 members of the group after the first bar cause of the horny guys. It doesnt take long before the bride is dancing on the bar with her skirt over her head.

Then she suggests they all go to the male strip club â€œbecause sheâ€™s never been before!!â€? (which is a huge lie btw, she goes there every time her husband is out of town for work, and they know her by name). After many rounds of shots, someone realizes they canâ€™t find the bride, at which point they go to the bathroom, where she is sucking some sweaty, tanned dudes cock (not even in the stall) and crying at the same time because she realizes she hates her husband to be.

Nothing gets talked about on the car ride home or afterwards, because women know better then to share that shit with anyone (unless we are mad at each other, in which case all the dirt is fair game) When the bride gets home and husband asks how it was, she mutters something he canâ€™t hear and falls asleep in all her clothes, with her make up on.

The wedding happens a few days after, and nobody is the wiser.

Hereâ€™s Ashley Tisdale.

Related Posts

I am â€“ Ashley Tisdale In a Bikini Again of the Day (part 1)
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I am â€“ Ashley Tisdale In a Bikini Again of the Day (part 2)
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I am â€“ Ashley Tisdale In a Bikini Again of the Day (part 3)
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Posted in:Ashley Tisdale|Unsorted

2007

Jul

I am – Ashley Tisdale in a Bikini Again of the Day

2 Comments »

I think this is my third time posting Ashley Tisdale bikini pictures this week. I also think that it is the third time I’ve ever heard this bitches name, which leads me to believe that if you want to get noticed on the internet all you have to do is take off some fucking clothes. It seems like that’s all anyone really cares about when it comes to being on a computer.

I got some hate mail from some dickhead who runs some pretentious “cool hunting” site. He wasn’t too into an email I sent him saying that he never answered me in the past when I was trying to help some dudes I know promote their site. He wrote back abrasive as shit about my email to him saying that because I wrote that email, they blacklisted my friend’s site.

I don’t like when people give me attitude so I wrote him this:

Learn how to read or are you too busy being a self-proclaimed cool hunter, like you fucking know what cool is. It’s easy to pretend you’re some stylish, well read, intelligent dude who knows what’s up on the internet but we all know the internet and people who run websites, myself included are fucking losers. Cool people are too busy being cool to write articles about what they think is cool.

You’re onto some some David Coresh shit, you know how he decided one day that he’s god and people should bow down to him. I think that’s called a superiority complex, but I am not a psychologist, but for the sake of the internet, I will start a site called PsychologyExpert.com and send you my diagnosis of what I think is wrong with you daily.

I bet you just sit at home jerking off all night, when you aren’t too busy trying to research what cool is, because when you are cool the last thing you do is tell people how cool you are.

I am sure you haven’t seen a vagina in years, maybe that’s the expertise you should be focused on. The how to recognize a vagina after years of not seeing one dot com. Asshole.

With Love,
Jesus Martinez
Drunkenstepfather.com

Please send him hate mail HERE Thanks.

Posted in:Ashley Tisdale|Ass|Bikini|Unsorted

2007

Jul

I am – Ashley Tisdale in a Bikini Again of the Day

2 Comments »

Here’s that little High School Musical dirtbag rockin’ another bikini and making a sand castle like she was 7. I think Disney probably puts shit in their craft services cart that keeps the staff young. I call it Peter Pan Never Never Land sauce because Walt Disney was into little kids. It takes more than a man with a dream to make a magical land, it takes a man who likes kids a little too much, but it was a different era then and it made him rich and since rich people are untouchable I guess that shit will never get out, but I will tell you this, Walt Disney molested my Grandmother, at least that the story she always told us. She was also insane and never left Mexico so it probably never happened but every time she’d see one of us with some knock off Disney toy she’d go on a fucking rampage and shake in the corner for an hour crying.

I lived in this small town and in the small down was some weird magical village some creep made himself and marketed as a local amusement park with clowns, a petting zoo, one of those bouncy castles, and a few half ass activities like one water slide, a playground and some other games and shit. I never went because I don’t do that shit. Either way, he had been running it since the 60′, the golden era for theme parks and they ended up shutting him down in the 90s for some dirty shit that I think people should be shot over.

Either way, looking at these pictures of a 22 year old who looks young teen is some legal shit, at least she’s not fat and I can handle lookin at her in a Bikini even if she thinks she’s 7. Happy 4th of July you American fucks.

2007

Jul

I am – Ashley Tisdale Bikini Pictures of the Day

2 Comments »

I don’t really know who this bitch is, I have seen her pictures around and researching a bitch was never really my thing, but today is a day of new beginnings and I took the time to find out that she’s some 22 year old chick from Disney’s stupid, but really successful smut called High School Musical. Disney is where dreams come true, that’s why every terminal kid goes there. It’s also where magic happens and that magic seems to be turning every kid they’ve every employed into a total slut. I guess a girl in a bikini doesn’t make a girl a slut, but I like to think of wearing a bikini as a gateway outfit that leads bitches into careers in porn, partying, pregnancy and herpes. If you look at any spring break party, you’ll know what I mean.

I guess the biggest joke of all this is that I was invited to a Disney movie tonight and I went. It was called Ratatouille and it was about a rat who loved fine dining. I went because the girl I went with is into fine dining and not because she’s 7. I didn’t really know whether me being there was creepy or not because it was the late show and the average age there was about 30, but I was still a little uncomfortable. That was until I saw the dude sitting in front of me who was there alone. At least I had the excuse of Vagina for being in that theatre, he didn’t and he was just laughing at every fucking joke like he was at some stand up show and I couldn’t really grasp what brought him there. Was he a high functioning retard or someone with brain damage who only understood kid’s movies, was he an immigrant trying to learn the language, was he lookin for conversation pieces for the kids he baby sits, was he a psycho dad making sure the movie was appropriate for his own kids to see next weekend, was he into animation and checking out what’s being made, was he there looking for a future wife thinking a movie like that would draw in lonely girls who had a strong maternal instinct and who’s biological clock was ticking so much they had to go to a kids movie to fill the void? Either way, it felt nice to not be the creepiest motherfucker in the room for once.

Here are those Ashley Tisdale pictures. Enjoy her small frame that lands her roles playing a 15 year old, because jerking off to a 22 year old pretending to be 15 isn’t illegal.

Posted in:Ashley Tisdale|Bikini|Unsorted