Ashley Tisdale “The Face” Tisdale got into a bikini recently, you know to tan a little, and more importantly, to show the paparazzi that there is more to her than an asymmetrical face that even after a plastic surgeon played god on her, and you know he wasn’t a back alley cheap plastic surgeon who played got, she still wasn’t a stunner….but luckily, she had the foresight to work out, get fit, cuz fit bodies age well, look good, especially in a bikini, and at a certain age, are all that fucking matter. A face can easily be ignored when a bitch has done her squats consistently the last 5 years and Tisdale is a fine example of that…..

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Ashley Tisdale makes me laugh. I’ve been writing about her FIT BODY / Bad Face for a while, and I just can’t seem to get enough of it.

I think it is because I know that she knows she’s not hot, but that she tries to be as hot as she can in photoshoots, because she’s come this far, she can’t just brown paper bag herself all the time, like she does with the paparazzi, but she can duck face.

I mean if she thought she was hot, she wouldn’t have got plastic surgery in the first place, she would have just owned her look. Instead, she does all she can to smoke and mirror it, from fitness to this nonsense, and for some reason, she’s growing on me, I kind of appreciate the ugly duckling fighting for her right to be seen, even if it stems from delusion and being a spoiled entitled cunt, but I am probably only into it thanks to the fit body part, cuz with a fit body, a bad face hardly even exists. Fact.

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All this attention is getting to Ashley Tisdale’s head.

You know recently back burnererd while her cunt friends got all this press for their Spring Breakers bikini wearing bullshit, while she was the one with the body, who took care of herself, and actually worked out, while the others were just lazy fucking pigs about it.

I figure it is because various reports from a source close to her have emailed me telling me they grew up together and that she’s actually 8 years older than she says she is, forcing her to choose clean living and fitness to keep up the lie…a choice that has resulted in a golden body.

Not to mention, her face gets a lot of hate, at least by me, not because I wouldn’t cum all over it, but because I have higher expectations for Hollywood trash who make millions playing make-belief….badly. Forcing her to give the fans something worth jerking off to via squats.

But now that the Scary Movie 5 press has died down, she’s hitting the internet full throttle to get noticed the best way she can….in a bikini.

I mean I could think of at least 1 other way to pull it off, but I figure she’s peaking right now and we’ll have to wait for rock bottom to happen before instigating or launching that exposed vagina campaign.

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If you use the internet, you will know that the key to photographing a shitty fucking face, i all in the way you purse your lips. It’s a trick average at best looking girls have been doing since myspace, you know to make those cheekbones pop, in hopes of making you want to pop to their sultry seductive gaze.

So it’s only natural, that Ashley Tisdales, the Athlete’s foot of Hollywood, would be doing this post to compensate for her areas of weakness and botched plastic surgery, when really, all she should be doing is taking pics of her ass, cuz that shit makes me forget how angry her average looks make me, knowing that they make her over a million dollars a year, when so many actual hot girls could be doing the same shitty acting jobs she does, and would look better doing them…but her ass, that shit makes me forget all that is wrong in this world, or at least that this duckface exists.

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I have a fake fetish, one that I just find funny to put out there with girls, just to get a reaction, because my life is boring and getting reactions out of people, keeps me mildly entertained.

That fake fetish is sniffing bike seats. I like to either go up to girls on their bikes and ask them outright, or I just pretend to do it to get a reaction, and every single time, I’ve been looked at with disgust or told off. It’s like girls are cool with rubbing their sweaty vaginas all over their seats, sometimes in skirts with no panties, or bikinis…..but for a random awesome dude to want a sniff, they act like I’m some kind of rapist, it’s not like even asking them to suck my dick a back alley or some shit, I mean if someone asked me to sniff my seat, I’d tell them to be my guest, because really that shit is harmless….even if the seat has AIDS, which I am sure is scientifically possible, because you don’t sniff with your exposed dick, and you don’t get your mouth on it, unless you get real close to take it all in….and I think that maybe this fake fetish is growing into a real fetish…all thanks to this post….at least it distracts me from Tisdale’s mangled face.

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The biggest day in Ashely Tisdale’s life has come. She’s been cast in a movie that is not High School Musical. This is a first for her and her asymmetrical even after botched plastic surgery face. She was so excited she posted pics of her getting ready, including a shot of her getting her hair washed in the Kitchen sink…a new fetish definitely. Watch out hair salons everywhere, I’m coming for you. If you see a guy staring in with his hands down his pants, don’t call the police, I’m can’t afford legal struggles…

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Ashley Tisdale has finally done Maxim and not with her face in a paper bag as you’d expect. She’s fucking rockin’ out in a bikini, almost topless, saying Fuck you Springbreakers, my shitty movie that’s coming out is better than your shitty movie coming out, and I don’t look fat in a bikini, and despite my face being a little mangled, I don’t look like a chipmunk, and despite Maxim sucking and practically dying, landing all the d-listers, I’m still gonna bring it…..and as much as I make fun of her face, I think she’s lookin pretty ok….keep up the good half naked, second rate, work..

[pics removed by maxim]

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From this angle…..Ashley Tisdale is an angel sent from heaven…she should walk through life in assless chaps and a face mask…it’s what the public wants….needs…and it shows her in a positive light…one that isn’t distracted by things like a bad nose job….or wonkiness…

I am a fan of this Ashley Tisdale…the new Ashley Tisdale…the Tisdale for the people….or at least for dudes who like hot fit ass…

Good work.

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I can see past an average at best Ashley Tisdale….and her botched nose job…asymmetric face…all around overrated looks….as long as I’m staring at her ass…I don’t know if there’s scientific logic behind this…but for some reason all her inadequacies…flaws in both personality and looks just disappear when her fit stairmaster booty is in my motherfuckin’ face…So I am into her own Springbreak media tour…one to compete with the Springbreakers media tour her girls “Selena and Hudgens” are taking part in…cuz this one involves her half naked…with her boyfriend…in tropical paradise….meaning a whole lot of fuckin has been going on…even if this is period week…cuz that’s just want vacation life does to a girl who feels inadequate when her friends are doin’ so much better shit than her…

I am into it…

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