Bike Archives Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2009

06

Aug

Anna Paquin Acting Like a 5 Year Old for the Pedophiles of the Day

For those of you who spend hours watching the little girls on your block learning how to ride their bike, here’s something a little less creepy for you to get off to. Sure Anna Paquin isn’t 5 or 6, but she’s doing the best she can to look like she is. Maybe it’s her personal fight against sex offenders, or maybe she just does it cuz she never had a childhood after being forced to see Harvey Keitel’s dick in the movie The Piano. It’s one of those things you can never live down and leave you playing with barbies til you’re 40, but not the same way you play with barbies, you weird fuck.

Either way, she’s engaged to her co-star on True Blood (publicity stunt), cuz there’s no way anyone would marry a face like that. Fuck it, sure, but marry? That’s a whole other ballgame…

Here are those pics of her biking like a 5 year old for you really weird motherfuckers I wish didn’t work as bus drivers, school teachers, priests but also seem to……

Posted in:Anna Paquin|Bike|Pedophile

2009

17

Jun

Elle Macpherson Rides a Bike Seat of the Day

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There’s nothing I like more about summer than watching girls ride their bikes. I love seeing their spandex shorts covering their tight little biker asses if they are ambitious bikers. I love seeing their little hipster panties and bush if they’re more of the granola pussy that wears their flora skirts while riding to the organic food store. I love smelling the seats when they lock their shit up next to me and I love the smile on their faces, knowing that with each pedal comes pleasure for these whores….So seeing pictures of my original supermodel masturbation partner back in 88 on a bike is a little piece of heaven for me and that’s why I am sharing it with you….while she sells her soul for money by taking this weird job promoting the environment…

Posted in:Bike|Elle Macpherson

2008

19

Aug

Miley Cyrus in Some Staged “Being 15 Years Old” Pictures of the Day

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Some girls stage bikini pictures to get attention, Miley Cyrus on the other hand stages bike riding pictures, trying to secure the idea of her being a wholesome 15 year old virgin who likes doing normal 15 year old things, while we all know she’s grown up too fast, has become a cocky spoiled brat of a girl, who in no way hasn’t had sex despite making claims that she doesn’t. It’s the Paris Hilton generation and at any given time that big breasted stupid girl in the corner willing to listen to you talk her ear off in exchange for a free drink and who gets drunk enough off that drink to suck you off in the bathroom like she thinks she’s supposed to, is actually a 15 year old girl. Not that that has ever happened to you, but at the rate things are going, sluts are younger and younger and probably will and you won’t say no because a one drink blowjob from a minor is a great return on investment, until their father finds out and breaks your fuckin’ legs for being a fuckin’ pedophile.

So the real sicknes in all this is not that young girls fuck, or that Miley Cyrus fucks it’s that you wish you were that bike seat and since even you and your delusions know that isn’t possible, would totally settle with just smelling the seat. That makes me feel uncomfortable.

Posted in:Bike|Miley Cyrus

2008

03

Jul

Denise Richards and Her Tight Pants Ride Bikes of the Day

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Here are some pictures of Denise Richards in a pair of tight pants riding a bike, because despite being annoying as fuck she’s still hot enough for her Nephew to jerk off to her , so that’s gotta say something about her, even though when I was 14, I was jerking off to my foster mother’s dirty underwear that I’d steal from the laundry basket, National Geographic and my neighbor suntanning in her backyard. It was a time before porn was accessible and it was really the only way to get rid of the chronic erections I had. I guess none of this matters, but you should tryto sort out Denise Richard’s vagina definition from these pics, is like some kind of puzzle and I heard puzzles are good for expanding your brain, something you need.

Posted in:Bike|Denise Richards|Tight Pants

2008

21

Apr

Geri Spice Riding a Bike of the Day

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Here are some pictures of Geri Spice looking like a 7 year old on a bike ride with her dad and figured some of you would be into that. It sure beats hanging out outside the park and potentially getting arrested…doesn’t it? You sick fuck.

It’s Summer and all these French sluts are out trying to get healthy to balance out their cocaine snorting, hard drinking, chain smoking and bad eating that leaves their faces about 10 years older than they actually are. Some of them are out on their bikes getting the fucking way while wearing their spandex and sports bras, other girls are out jogging wearing their spandex and sports bras and that’s when I decided that working out in public should be banned for hot chicks. That shit is like watching a fuckin’ porno and I think less rapes would go down if they didn’t let hot chicks into gyms or out in public in spandex. Don’t get me wrong, I love the shit, but that’s all part of the problem. The state should issue treadmills to hot girls to work out at home, while leaving gyms for fat sluts no one wants to fuck because it would make the world a better place and maybe if the hot chicks in Spandex stop making an appearance, so will the fat dudes who think it’s cool to wear bike shorts will disappear too.