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Archive for the Adriana Lima Category

2007

Nov

I am – The Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show of the Day

Here’s a big surprise for you, I had no idea that the Victoria’s Secret fashion show was going down last night because I am bad at this shit and generally don’t really care about shit that’s going on. So it was a morning email surprise and now I have a ton of pictures of the event to share with you, so you don’t have to watch the shit when it hits your TV later in the year, or whenever the fuck they air them because your mom will probably be watching them too, and it’s always embarrassing getting a boner with your mom on the couch next to you.

Either way I usually feel like a virgin faggot when I finish writing a post on cleavage or hot asses, because I am more into creeping on girls in real life than writing shit about celebrities I don’t care about on the internet, but the difference in this post is that I do care. I have a thing for Bikini and Lingerie models that you probably understand and have made a point in my life to marry one. Since that never worked out for me I’ve always dated half-rate, discount, bargain basements, last weeks kitchen garbage, versions of bikini models, because let’s face it, my wife would have it going on if she got Gastric Bypass, lost 200 lbs and got surgery to remove the excess skin that left huge scars and stretch marks all over her body, breast implants and maybe even a new face and time machine that turned her 25 again….so in a lot of ways I guess I am dating a Lingerie/Bikini model, I just don’t know it because I am too negative to see what I have before my eyes because she’s fucking disgusting lookin….when if I look really deep, beneath all that disgusting is a hot girl suffocating to death….

Bonus – Victoria “Posh Spice” Beckham and Geri “Ginger Spice” Haliwell Performing at Half Time…..

Related Posts:

The Victoria’s Secret Angels Fly Virgin
Live Bloggin’ the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show Last Year
Lima, Kurkova and Gisele at a Perfume Launch

2007

Nov

I am – The Victoria’s Secret Angels Fly Virgin Airlines of the Day

2 Comments »

I guess the best thing about the Victoria’s Secret Angels flying Virgin Airlines, is how many virgins jerk off to their pictures everyday. Yes, I am talking to you.

Speaking of talking, I was trying to seduce some model who is in Tampax commercials that I came across on the internet, because I feel like despite having the shittiest website on the internet, models in Tampax commercials should try to get all the free publicity they can get, even if it means letting me watch them shower on webcam to reachout to 6 masturbating dudes, so I figured I’d ask her on a date, not that I’d ever leave my house, but it felt like she’d respond better than asking for nude pics, as I often do and never get. When she rejected me I wrote this:

You weren’t going on a date with me regardless, because I don’t do dates, they are a waste of time, and I don’t leave my house, but I used to fuck wannabe models and they were also a waste of time, but at least I get to see them doing things they wouldn’t want their father seeing, unless they were from a dirty family….which sometimes happens because I met them at the bus stop and they were teenage runaways, who weren’t really wannabe models, but didn’t seem to mind the camera when they were sleeping….

She never responded. Either way, marrying a lingerie or bikini model’s always been a dream of mine that I kind of fell short on, like I have with most of my dreams. I never thought I’d end up with someone you’d think would be a good spokesperson for Dunkin’ Donuts, until we got our rejection letter from them because despite bitch being a great customer, her morbid obesity takes away from the message they are trying to get out to young mother’s on the go. Apparently fat doesn’t sell, but it does kill, just not fast enough, not that I want her dead, but it’d be a nice vacation….but not as nice as one on a plane with these bitches, because I hear there are no laws once you’re off the ground….and exposing myself vagina shaped penis, because I am an inny not an outty and that would be the best way to convince them that I am one of them and that they can trust me enough to show me their vaginas and let me watch them pee. When I do it in the park, I always seem to get in trouble.

Related Posts:

Heidi Klum is a Cat on Halloween
Alessandra Ambrosio is a Playboy Bunny on Halloween
Alessandra Ambrosio is a Slut
Adriana Lima is Hot of Pirelli in a See Through Outfit

Posted in:Adriana Lima|Alessandra Ambrosio|Heidi Klum|Unsorted|Victoria's Secret

2007

Oct

I am – Adriana Lima and Airport Security of the Day

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So Adriana Lima is like you and me, except she’s good looking, gets paid to be good looking, and travels the world to make obscene amounts of money, but she still gets searched by security, proving that all that other shit just doesn’t matter, because what it comes down to is that she’s not some fantasy, she still takes shits, and she’s probably just as annoying as your last girlfriend, but not because she’s in the fifth grade, but because she’s probably only got a fifth grade education, before being poached by a modeling agency and taken to the top. That was a fucking long sentence and I guess nothing I say really matters, but what does matter is that if I was the security card, I’d definitely demand a full cavity search, with my dick, because you can never trust those South Americans, they are always up to cocaine smuggling and being lady boys.

Here she is at Airport security, making dude’s shitty 10 dollar an hour job all worth it.

Related Posts:

Adriana Lima For Pirelli See Through
Adriana Lima’s Ass in Denim
Gisele’s Thong Goes Mountain Biking
Gisele’s Ass on the Beach

Posted in:Adriana Lima|Airport|Model|Unsorted

2007

May

I am – A Fucking Winner of the Day

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It turns out that I won Best Blog in the Montreal Mirror Best Of Montreal awards. I don’t really know how I feel about this kind of local recognition, but it is a changing day in my life.

I guess the first thing I’d like to say is that I posted that picture they ran of the kid trying on his mom’s bra as a joke because it made me laugh. It reminded me of when I used to hang with a kid who turned out ‘mo later in life. Dude was always trying on dresses, bras, make-up and shit and I never wanted to take part in the fun. I didn’t post the picture because I am into little kids wearing bras.

The second thing I’d like to say is that being outed to the city you live in as a blog or a blogger is fucking embarrassing. Blogs are for losers and are written by losers and usually those losers aren’t my kind of loser. They are virgins, they are techy, they are lonely and feel like they have something to tell the world and that no one around them is listening. I am just a guy without a job and an addictive personality. Doing this is cheap, it keeps me out of trouble and I don’t usually drink all day because it gives me some sense of purpose. So admitting that I am a blogger is almost humiliating and would much rather be known as a drug dealer or homeless dude on the street….

That said, Montreal is a pretty small city, but the people in Montreal seem to love it. I am sure that not a lot of people voted, I am sure that not a lot of people even know my blog or will even check out the blog, but coming in first for a guy who has always come in last is a pretty funny turn of events and made me laugh a little.

I do think I deserve it. I am pretty sure I put more time into this shit than any normal person would and I still think that my site is better than most, even though I constantly put it down. I assume some of you voted for me and that was pretty cool of you. I know cool is not commonly used to describe you, but we’ll let it slide this time….asshole.

Since my winning Best of Montreal doesn’t deserve a post of it’s own, here are some pics of a tall Adriana Lima at some Dance For Tolerance event that sounds pretty fucking gay to me but I guess dancing for a cause is the whole reason strippers exist. Like that shitty ironic t-shirt says “I support single moms”. By the looks of Lima’s foot tattoo, she’s probably in a Brazilan gang and it’s safe to say not a virgin…

Posted in:Adriana Lima|cleavage|stepCOVERAGE|Tattoo|Unsorted

2007

Apr

I am – Adriana Lima is a Model of the Day

2 Comments »

I am not a model scout and if I saw Adriana Lima on the street I probably wouldn’t have given her the time of day, but then again, if I was scouting girls it’d be for dirty modeling, and from my experience, I would hire any girl willing to do my movies because finding someone willing to do double anal is hard, so I take what I can get. Unfortunately for the girls I have no budget to pay them but they only realize I ripped them off a couple of days later when they wake up in a field outside of the city with a GHB hangover. I guess the reality is that I don’t know any girls, I don’t do any dirty movies, I don’t leave girls in fields after drugging them, but there wouldn’t have been much of a post if I didn’t pretend that I did. Adriana Lima is probably one of the hottest girls out there, and even if she looks like an immigrant with a flat ass in her everyday clothes, we all know what she is capable of and it’s pretty much a taste of heaven.

Posted in:Adriana Lima|Unsorted