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Archive for the Hayden Panettiere Category

2008

29

Jul

The Hayden Panettiere Hates Nerd Germs of the Day

21 Comments »

You’ve probably already seen these pictures of Hayden Panettiere making a disgusted face at Comic Con because she was forced to sit at a booth and meet/sign autographs for fans. What you probably don’t know is that I paid some dude to jerk off in his hand and smear it on her while telling her how much she has changed his masturbation life for the better. I wish that was true, but I am sure it’s not that far from the truth because you know the kind of loser who goes to Comic Con is the kind of loser who is socially awkward, low on friends and has experimented with masturbation in ways that would put your standard jerking off to shame. I am talking homemade sex machines, costumes and complex scenarios only a nerd would understand. I am sure that if Hayden wasn’t using that hand sanitizer, catching a cold would be the least of her worries and pregnancy would be, because I hear nerd sperm is so hungry for real life uterus that shit knows how to makes it’s way up a thigh on its own because of it’s super desperation powers…..

For the record, I think anyone who would wait in line to meet Hayden Panettiere is digusting too.

Posted in:Hayden Panettiere|Nerd Germs

2008

17

Jul

Hayden and Her Candies Ad of the Day

6 Comments »

Hayden Panettiere is a revolutionary. She just keeps pushing the limits despite her physcial deformities. She won’t let her l height hold her back from anything. She’s strong (really strong), she’s somehow convinced the world she’s hot, and now she’s modeling. The last person her size to be a paid model was my friend Frankie who was born with some disorder that didn’t let him break 5 foot, and dude’s modeling job was working at a loal art class as a nude subject.

Either way ripping on the little model for not being able to be a basketball player is dull, everyone does it and it’s really not even an issue. The truth is that she’s still got a pussy under all that muscle and can is hot enought to be a the subject of your carnival porn fantasies, you know get bitch jugging while spinning around on your dick like she’s on a Merry-Go-Round, and she easier on the eyes than a real midget with their big scary weird normal sized hands and thick stumpy bodies, so we should celebrate these pictures for her Candies ad campaign and not shit on them like I shat on this midget I got with sexually, because I knew it was just be happy getting love and German Scat was just hitting the scene and was something I wanted to try, and convincing other girls was almost impossible, so capitalized on the opportunity knowing that even if it tried to run away, it’d be easy to catch because of its little legs.

Posted in:Ad|Candies|Hayden Panettiere

2008

16

Jul

Hayden Panettiere’s Got Herself a Record Deal of the Day

6 Comments »

Hayden Panettiere figures it’s time to tap into her other talents, I am not talking about opening up a moving company or joining a carnival, I am talking about talents she thinks she has because her mom’s positive reinforcement while drunk has given her an ego and you get to experience this shit thanks to some kind of record deal.

It seems like the record industry is so fucking desperate that they are throwing deals at anyone with an already established fan base, even though they aren’t actually singers but are just hoping their creepy fans will stock up every CD and merchandise they have in hopes that shit leads to a concert tour and more music videos, because it gives them something to hope for and more content to masturbate to, because masturbation for a lonely man with an obsession for Hayden Panettiere is a sad experience that involves tears for lubrication and now bad songs to drive the point home, all over their fanboy bellies.

Either way, if I could get it up, this would be my masturbation song for the week. Not because I like Hayden Panettiere, but because I hate myself. It’s garbage and if I cared, I’d be annoyed that all these sluts of the moment think they can get their hands in everything entertainment. They are taking us all for a fuckin’ ride and making a lot of money doing it, but that doesn’t change the fact that Hayden’s song fucking sucks and so does her oversized head, broad shoulders and mutant body that could only come from fetal alcohol syndrome and loved by an alcoholic mother, which I guess kinda worked out for her.

Listen to the preview here becaue It Fucking Sucks…

Posted in:Hayden Panettiere|Music|Video

2008

06

Jun

Hayden Panettiere Almost Has an Upskirt of the Day

Comments Off on Hayden Panettiere Almost Has an Upskirt of the Day

So the tank Panettiere decided to get out of her regular fridge costume and pretend to be a lady for a night and the exciting thing about being a lady is that they wear dresses that paparazzi usually get their cameras up inside because they are perverts, the less exciting thing about being a lady when you are Hayden Panettiere is that your legs are too damn short to give them a decent angle to make this post worth your time.

I guess none of that matters, what does matter is the effort this bitch is putting into showing off some cleavage, I see a serious attempt to have tits and that deserves a high five, like the time Hayden took on 15 dudes in the ring and walked away undefeated.

Posted in:cleavage|Hayden Panettiere

2008

03

Jun

Hayden Panettiere Gets Knocked Down by the Paparazzi of the Day

8 Comments »

Here’s something I didn’t think was physically possible, Hayden “the tank” Panettiere got knocked the fuck down by the paparazzi and I was a little surprised considering bitch is built like a fucking tank. Then again, I also never expected a little airplane crash to take down a the World Trade Center, a building designed to withstand that sort of impact, so I guess I’m not much of a physicist. The good news is that Hayden is fine, but the little kid she landed on died shortly after arriving to the hospital. The official release said that the girl got hit by a fucking train while playing hopscotch on the tracks, but I think they are just spinning the story because Hayden’s PR people don’t want her to look like some kind of murderer since that kind of publicity has a tendency to ruin careers.

Posted in:Hayden Panettiere|Knock Down|Paparazzi

2008

15

May

Hayden Panettiere is Hiding Her Pick-Up Truck of a Body of the Day

9 Comments »

Image Removed due to Papparazzi

Hayden Panettiere is built like a large piece of machinery that you shouldn’t operate while on allergy medication, which is probably pretty shitty for her boyfriend she’s on set with who is probably always on allergy medication because he is clearly Jewish and like most jews suffers from asthma, allergies and is lactose intolerant, making thier sex pretty entertaining to watch with all that wheezing, mucus and diarhea.

Here she is covering up her box of a body and by default her box because she realizes that no one wants to see that shit, except for maybe an awkward Jewish guy with Asthma, allergies and who is lactose intollerant because he appreciates her pussy since it’s the only pussy he’s got because all the girls in highschool were more into the jocks than the school newspaper editor.

The sad news for you is that Hayden and her fridge of a body is hotter than anything you’ve stuck your dick in.

Posted in:Hayden Panettiere|Hiding

2008

17

Apr

Hayden Panettiere Wears Short Shorts of the Day

6 Comments »

Image Removed due to Papparazzi

Everyone posted these pictures of Hayden Panettiere in a pair of short shorts showing off her shitty thick body and I wasn’t allowed to because they belong to my good friends at Flynet who are emailing my host to shut me down for using their pictures. Just to let them know that I may not be allowed to post their shit, I can still get my point across and that point today is that Hayden’s pretty much nothing much to look at but here are some Hayden Panettiere’s Proving She’s Got a Vagina With Her Vagina Huggin’ Shorts to make up for my inability to post the new pics thanks to the big bad paparazzi machine that hates me.

Posted in:Ass|Hayden Panettiere|Shorts

2008

11

Apr

Hayden Panettiere’s Sexual Harassment Video of the Day

9 Comments »

I’ve made it clear that I hate Will Ferrell and everything dude’s involved in, including this Funny or Die bullshit, but I had no choice to post it because Hayden Panettiere is talking about being sexually harassed and that’s pretty much the funniest thing I’ve heard today. So I guess Will Ferrell knows funny, but considering I don’t talk to anyone, that’s not saying much, but I can only assume she assumes guys are sexually harassing her when they challenge her to a wrestling match, what she doesn’t know is that there’s a bet between the guys that they won’t win and they are trying to save face.

I guess none of that matters, here’s Hayden’s shoulders doing some stupid PSA comedy clip that isn’t funny, but proves that perverts are addicted to pussy and don’t necessarily give a fuck what that pussy is attached to, like a crack addict searching through the sewer for a rock he thinks he saw some cheap whore drop earlier that day. Crazy crackheads. It’s also Hayden Panettiere’s passive aggressive way of telling us not to objectivfy her or she’ll crush us like she crushed the bench press before shooting this.

Posted in:Comedy|Hayden Panettiere

2008

27

Mar

Hayden Panettiere has a Lame Cameltoe of the Day

4 Comments »

I always love when girls wear vagina hugging pants because it gives me enough information to visualize what they look like naked. I know that the chances of them ever showing me their goods are pretty fuckin’ slim, especially since they are young and hot and sitting across from me at the coffee shop, often times telling their boyfriends how some creepy old guy keeps lookin’ at them and it’s making them uncomfortable.

Since Hayden pretty much has as much has the same body type and sex appeal as the dresser I pulled out of the trash last year to help store my wife’s disgusting clothes that I was tired of seeing in piles throughout our room, since I am quite the homemaker, the only reason I’d want to see anything hugging her crotch is to see if she’s got a bigger dick than me, which she does. That’s pretty much the reason I’ve never done any gang bangs in my life, I just know I’d always fall short and wouldn’t be able to live with myself being that inadequate….I’d volunteer to box Panettiere to prove that despite having a smaller dick I am still all man, but I know she’d win. So it’s pretty much a losing day for a loser today.

Posted in:Boring|Cameltoe|Hayden Panettiere

2008

04

Mar

People Care About Hayden Panettiere of the Day

4 Comments »

I was pretty surprised to see Hayden Panettiere signing autographs because if I saw her in person, I’d be more inclined to challenge her to a wrestling match, and not the kind that I used to challenge girls to as foreplay that lead to me getting a boner and them ending up giving me a blow job, I am talking the kind of wrestling match this strong-man is training for that leads me in a coma because she’s quicker and stronger than a old washed up drunken cigar smoking pervert. If she turned me down, I’d just kick bitch in the knee to see how she reacts because I know that under that dress is a testosterone charged dude who really likes washing her face, at least that what she says in her commercial that is always on at my neighbors’ house….I know Hayden wouldn’t lie to me, not even for a big Neutrogena paycheck, she’s too busy doing push-ups for that.

Posted in:Autographs|cleavage|Hayden Panettiere