Dakota Johnson is my least favorite celebrity child. I just don’t find her hot, even when her pants are getting eaten by her pussy, she’s boring….

50 Shades of Grey cuz your grandma sucked Hitchcock off, before her mom was raised to suck everyone off, and in some cocaine fueled 80s party she let Don Johnson from Miami Vice fame cum up inside her to create this pussy that would grow up into a legging eating pussy….who makes money of her own thanks to three generations of dick sucking….in the exclusive hollywood industry…

That’s all I gotta say about that.

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Dakota Johnson, the third generation of celebrity women, trying to leverage their moms to get to a place where they have their own career being the slutty character on 50 Shades of Grey for old ladies to masturbate to….you know the unassuming girl, who is actually an entitled rich cunt with a trust fund who doesn’t need to work but does it to get some credibility and feel like a contributing member to the world and not a mooch…and the whole thing is hardly exciting, even in her fitness gear, but at least she’s not being a low level instagram fame whore and is actually part of bigger things…even if those bigger things aren’t her tits….or really hard to be part of when your Granny was sexually Assaulted #metoo by Hitchcock when that was allowed…and her mom by Antonio Banderas, Don Johnson and everyone else as she grew up in Hollywood…to a mom #MeTooed by Hithcock…

Hollywood royalty…barely…

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Posted in:Dakota Johnson|SFW

The only interesting thing about Dakota Johnson is that her grandma is Tippi Hedren, the Hitchcock #metoo of her generation, cuz that fat fuck was obsessed with her…

She’s the one who “made it in America”…because she came from pretty modest Minnesota roots, with good old fashion values, because it was the old fashion times, but found work as a model and Hitchock was so fucking creepy, that he saw her on an ad on the Today show and had his people track her down, as rich people do…he just wanted it that bad…

Eventually she shat out Melanie Griffith, and Melanie Griffith became a thing thanks to her mom’s position in the world, and ended up shitting out this one, who has become a thing because she’s third generation…and the whole thing is typical hollywood, but at least she’s got her leggings on….because leggigns make ass and legs and pussy definition good….and really that is what all of this is all about..

Posted in:Dakota Johnson|SFW

Here are some paparazzi pics of Dakota Johnson pointing at her vagina in leggings, like a little weird kid in a daycare who flashes all the girls and points at his genitals, because I guess she’s stunted from being a celebrity daughter, emotionally traumatized, PTSD, coddled by the hired nannies her mom Melanie Griffith and Don Johnson…..and stepfather Antonio Banderas provided…

They are pretty much the only reason she’s got a job in Hollywood…working on slutty 50 shades of bullshit movies that have given her a place in the world as fodder for old ladies to watch and masturbate to…not quite hot enough for me to masturbate to, I just don’t find her hot, but if there’s a cameltoe, there’s a me….staring at it…and trying to rebuild her vagina in my head from what I think it would look like based on the vagina definition…like my brain is a 3D printer…

Posted in:Dakota Johnson|SFW

Dakota Johnson is Don Johnson’s Miami Vice ejaculate that was left inside Melanie Griffith’s womb when they were likely on drugs in the 80s…and relevant…

She’s not on my list of favorite celebrity kids who work as actors because acting is a joke and anyone can do it…but she’s a celebrity kid who work as actors because acting is a joke…They are like social media influencers with a budget….

The most interesting thing about her is that her grandma was jerked off on by Hitchcock during the filming of The Birds…back when creepy directors were celebrated and no one cared what slutty girls they took advantage of, but instead focused on the movies….

Something that gives Dakota some street cred….but not really….just another rich kid…being a rich kid…trying to find purpose and doing it via taking jobs her family friends give her….

Posted in:Dakota Johnson|SFW

50 shades of rich bratty kid with a trust fund and parents and grandparents that helped her into the industry they are dialed into – so that she doesn’t need to actually get a skill, or job, or leave an impact on the world, but instead can maintain her lifestyle, feel like she’s accomplished something, more than just the trust fund she gets, in another Celebrity kids have access, it’s a small scene, the same people get hired and that’s why all the content produced is shit…

But she is in fitness gear smoking, like most Vegans I love, who are preaching healthy life while sucking on smokes…jokes..

Her name is Dakota Fanning ….no Dakota Johnson, and all these bitches are interchangeable….

I do find it interesting that her in leggings getting out of a porsche is hotter than her sex scenes in the overhyped romance / sex / porn for old ladies novel…ever…

How’s that makes sense…it doesn’t…none of this does…

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Dakota Johnson is still in a bikini in Miami…in fact, she’s been in 10 bikinis in the last few days, because she’s clearly working with the paparazzi to get press, to get in to the media, to promote 50 Shades because 50 shades of a waste of my fucking time because the story and the sex in that shit is too lame for me, and the fact some weirdo internet woman make hundreds of millions off it is too irritating for me….

So they are like “hey Dakota, we’re going to send you to Miami, not to mourn your dad’s only relevant role in his career, that put miami on the map, making him the ambassador of miami….and you the princess of miami….but to GET paparazzi bikini pics for people to stare at your ass, hopefully want to fuck you, and go buy movie tickets to jerk off in theater like PeeWee Herman. THink of this as foreplay, yes we don’t advocate people jerking off in public to you, but if it happened it would be a good sing that at least someone finds you hot, plus they paid for the ticket to make it happen, and we need all the ticket sales we can get”……

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Dakota Johnson was at the beach with some Jonatan Taylor Thomas looking dude in a bikini top…where she got into a red bikini of her own…like she was some kind of fiery seductive vixen…while really she’s just boring….

Now in her defense, she’s not offensive looking in her bikini like some kind of Ashley Graham where you can’t figure out why she’s getting cast in movies where she plays the mousy girl trying to figure her sexuality out….and she is probably a real fucking pervert thanks to being third generation Hollywood, her grandmother was raped by Alfred Hitchcock, and her mom…by everyone in the industry before settling with Anotonio Banderas…and making this one with Don Johnson…during Miami Vice days…

I think it’s me, while on the beach or in the park when I see a girl in a bikini I get excited and want to jerk off in the nearest body of water to be subtle about it…but I am old…and jerking off is never subtle as I scream at my cock to get on with it, get over it, finish it off already…

But pictures of bikinis…fuck that…I want my computer time spent looking at spread assholes

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So – she wore a white one piece and looked a bit better…because she’s on all fours – but still boring….

Posted in:Dakota Johnson|SFW