Helena Christensen Archives Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2023

29

Sep

Helena Christensen is Not Naked Enough of the Day

54 year old Helena Christensen, the Victoria’s Secret model you probably jerked off to as a teen, since she’s fucking old….who is also the founder of NYLON magazine and the girlfriend of Michael Hutchence, who apparently was jerking off to her Victoria’s Secret catalog pics when he was found auto-erotic asphyxiated, making her a KILLER pussy, at least 45 years ago…

Well, like most of these old, vain, vapid, model whores, who were from an era where they banged out dudes to get ahead, so they are less annoying than the entitled fake internet models with their handouts, all lazy and weak we deal with today.

So here she is bringing her EXPERIENCE to a magazine shoot, that isn’t as offensive as you’d expect from an old blown out pig…

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2023

28

Feb

Helena Christensen Mirror Selfie of the Day

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54 year old Helena Christensen, who you old timers jerked off to when she was in Victoria’s Secret in the 90s, but she’s probably more known for being the hot chick in the Chris Isaak’s “Wicked Game” video, since that was a huge hit back when people used to jerk off to music videos thanks to porn being hard to come by and not really having that Victoria’s Secret catalog always on hand since people used to steal them.

Miss Universe Denmark 1955, the mother of Norman Reedus’ baby Mingus, the ex of Michal Hutchence of INXS who hung himself jerking off, so he probably used to make her do weird sex acts…is not immune to slutty selfies, as she takes this slutty selfie…and uploads them to the internet for all to see that old lady, menopausal, pussy mount gently hugged by her shorts….

Not every 54 year old can pull this off, thank god they don’t try.

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Posted in:Helena Chistensen|Helena Christensen

2020

03

Dec

Helena Christensen and her Niece of the Day

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Helena Christensen posted a bunch of pics for a recent Victoria’s Secret campaign she’s a part of, seeing as she was one of their early VS Angels in the mid 90s, which I don’t really remember because I preferred the models I jerked off to in catalog form to remain nameless, but I guess it was around the same time Tyra Bans and Heidi Klum were with the clever company that realized if they mail catalogs out monthly, it’ll sell product while doubling as jerk off material for all the dudes in the house in a pre internet era of “we still jerk off to underwear catalogs”….perverts…

She also posted a bunch of pics of her and her niece, @sarahsofiesonne , who I guess is doing the half naked on the internet thing like everyone else. I mean her auntie is Helena Christensen, you’ve seen how good life as a famous half naked woman pays, I mean she got to marry the lead singer of INXS before he killed himself in what is rumored to be auto-erotic asphyxiation like he was Anthony Bourdain…but it could have been suicide…I mean having fucked Helena Christensen level pussy, you’ve accomplished enough and an die….

Anyway, here are some of those Helena at 51 being hot pics doing VS…

Here she is with niece…

Posted in:Helena Christensen

2020

20

Apr

Helena Christensen Old Momma Booty Photoshoto of the Day

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Helena Christensen is the latest of the 90s hot babes who are now 50 years old showing you that with the right diet, exercise, level of wealth, cosmetic procedures, they can use those solid genetics to continue to be worth fucking into their senior at risk of dying of COVID-19 age.

You may know her as Norman Reedus’ baby momma, or the girl who used to choke out Michael Hutchence to make him cum…or maybe you remember her as the cofounder of NYLON magazine…but I remember her as being a catalog panty model when that meant something….a Danish in America hero that men everywhere jerked off to thanks to their wive’s bringing that catalog porn into the house…instead of trying to sneak your own porn in.

She’s still at it…showing that old ass, that’s a better ass than young ass, because older generation knows it takes effort to be hot and don’t believe that anyone should be a model, especially after they’ve been models, because it would reduce what they did and got paid too much for, to be all pedestrian…peasant shit…so being a model, at least to her, has to be a prestigious thing that takes WORK.

Posted in:Helena Christensen

2019

27

Dec

Helena Christensen Ice Water Jump of the Day

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Helena Christensen is a 51 year old Danish model who may or may not be at home in Copenhagen for the holidays doing some WIM HOFF METHOD of jumping into freezing waters for weird techniques in longevity. You know to get all her modelling cocaine / Heroin damage all healed now that she’s old as fuck.

You probably remember her from doing work for Victoria’s Secret after winning MISS UNIVERSE DENMARK at 17 in 1986….you perverts….and has been around ever since.

She dated INXS singer Michael Hutchence for 5 years and that dude died jerking off while choking himself out, the most dignified way to die…so you know she fucks good….then she had a kid with Norman Reedus….so you know she takes loads up inside her…now better than then because of the whole menopause thing.

I don’t know if this jumping in cold water is really a fetish, but I assume it is to you Joe Rogan listening bros who are practicing this at home so you can talk to each other about it over text message as you try to reach your higher level of consciousness…losers.

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Posted in:Helena Christensen|SFW

2019

19

Aug

Helena Christensen Getting Wet of the Day

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Helena Christensen is doing some zombie in nature shoot – that we can assume is for some upcoming unannounced horror project called “hot Victoria’s Secret models from the 90s turn into old ladies but are in denial of that fact due to a weird virus that has infiltrated the entertainment industry making these vain and narcissistic people decide that fact, basic biology is totally unaccepted as a concept, and thus they must work out, starve out, and jack up the muppet faces with injections”….

The modern zombie doesn’t eat brains and still looks good enough to fuck, but they are dead on the inside, not like the hipster kids on social trying to be deep are saying they are dead on the inside, but that her organs are all expired, menopaused, dried out and possibly smell.

At least she’s not fat.

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Posted in:Helena Christensen|SFW

2019

18

Jan

Helena Christensen Slutty for Tatler of the Day

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Helena Christensen is 100 and still in her underwear in a magazine because some things never change….at least the concept doesn’t change….just the body melting away…the bitch getting older and more Zombie-Like as they just get rot before our vary eyes…half naked rotting of babes we once jacked off to…a horror movie I’m into.

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

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Posted in:Helena Christensen|SFW

2018

12

Mar

Helena Christensen Hard Nipples in a Bikini of the Day

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Helena Christensen was one of the hottest models….back in the 90s…ONE of the hottest models…

But clearly…that was a very very very long time ago…

Bikini pics that remind of our own mortality…depressing maybe…but we’d all still fuck her which probably makes it even more depressing…

When a great power falls…there’s always a mourning period…this is the mourning period….with hard nipples and half nakedness so it’s not so bad.

FROM SOCIAL:

TO SEE THE REST OF THE PICS CLICK HERE

Posted in:Helena Christensen|SFW

2016

19

Aug

Helena Christensen Nipple in Vogue Portugal of the Day

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Helena Christensen still looks amazing…and she’s probably in her 70s…

She was one of the earlier Victoria’s Secret models…and is a nice reminder that Victoria’s Secret models never die, well I’m sure at least one has, maybe of anorexia or drugs…but I’m not talking about those ones….

Early Victoria’s Secret was a better, simpler time, before Victoria’s Secret was played out, tacky, for basic ghetto bitches in every fucking mall. You know when the images weren’t the fucking same for 3 decades, but were exciting and celebrated, designed to target men, to give them something to jerk off to in an era there was no porn, and to give wives a modern take on the Sears Catalog…brilliant really…

Send jerk off material to homes everywhere without getting in trouble…and being jerked off to by millions…made these girls stars…and rightfully so, because a woman’s looks and ability to pose in underwear to make men richer – including their pimp agents…is really her only worth…Thanks for the life lessson in Feminism Victoria’s Secret…

Now this one is for Vogue Portugal, I guess they need shit to look at when not fishing…

Posted in:Helena Christensen|SFW

2016

19

Jul

Helena Christensen for RUSSH Magazine of the Day

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Helena Christensen has hard nipples…and it’s a nice reminder of a better, simpler time, where she was a Victoria’s Secret model before Victoria’s Secret was played out, tacky, for basic ghetto bitches in every fucking mall. You know when they were catalog and innovative, sending jerk off material to homes everywhere without getting in trouble…

She must be 100 fucking years old in model years, and she’s probably seen a whole lot of dirty dirty things in her 75 year career, but she’s still got it going on…she’s Danish that isn’t Nina Agdal sensationalized dog shit that fucks A Lists….trying to make it…she’s Danish…that has made it…and still has it going on..

Posted in:Helena Christensen|SFW

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