Helena Christensen is probably the best thing to ever be exported from Denmark…she’s 46 years old, and I hate when these tabloids put focus on a girl’s age, like “Lindsay Lohan, 27, still alive”….or “Goldie Hawn, 90, still alive”….or “Kate Upton 350 pounds, still considered a model”…because as an old dried up pile of obese impacted shit, I don’t think age really has anything to do with anything, and when you’re a model in the 80s, you have a certain level of genetic disposition of tall and skinny, that carries you nicely into your 50s, as long as you don’t do too much cock, tanning, botox….but I guess as 46, an age I normally consider “better off dead”…at least based on the moms I see at Walmart…she’s pretty fucking substantial…and it’s probably largely in part to her tits….

So, I guess, Victoria’s Secret picked out a good one yet again….but if you’ve seen Wicked Games music video, because you’re 40 also, you already know that.

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I’ve been a huge Helena Christensen is 100 fucking years old but she’s still got it supporter…if anything I created the fucking movement…I’m the fucking president of the fan club…since I created the fucking thing as fan clubs are a solid distraction from being the creepy pervert in the van outside her house. Creepy fan clubs justify why I have her face tattooed on my pubic bone…they justify why I’ve created life sized models of her with deli meat crafted vaginas…to have mock-weddings with…they justify why I wall papered my masturbation room with pictures of her…it’s all for work…to celebrate a natural beauty…

Then someone posted a pic of her at Fashion week next to some other old as fuck chick Kate Bosworth…

and Helena looked like a grandmother in some wig to cover her thin cancer hair…or some shit…making these shoot for VS seem like it’s fucking lying to me…and that girls all age…and that they don’t stay perfect for 40 years…that’s just a myth they want you to believe….

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Helena Christensen is one of those models…who could be in an old folks home shitting herself because she’s lost control of her bodily functions…if fact that’s probably the best way to get down with her because she won’t have the senses about her to say no…and you can tell all your friends you fucked Helena Christensen’s elderly diaper wearing ass when the people at the Old Folk’s home thought you were there to read her stories or to take her on walks…or to do whatever it is the other creepy elderly fuckers pretend to volunteer for in efforts to bang grannies…we call these reverse pedos…

Now, Helena Christensen isn’t in an old folks home, despite being older…she’s still better than most women…and I am all about these lingerie pics..

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Helena Christensen is the old as fuck model who still has it going on wearing a bra for some magazine I’ve never heard of – pic of the day…

This is a new feature here at DrunkenStepfather.com that may be a little too specific to every do again, so take it in while you can….because when it comes to old as fuck models who still have it going on wearing a bra for some magazine I’ve never heard of…Helena Christensen is the only one who matters…

I mean she’s been doing this close to 4 decades and still is exciting to look at…I may or may not be in love.

Posted in:Helena Christensen

There are very few old as fuck women who excite me, but for some reason Helena Christensen, who must be in her 60s, still has it going on…she’s built to fucking last and the fact that she was modelling Victoria’s Secret in the late 80s and still looks like this 30 years later, blows my fucking mind…and that’s why she’s up there as one of my favorite models, even though I generally don’t groupie on anything, as I am not easily impressed, but when a bitch takes her shit so seriously she defies science and aging, I kinda have to notice…it’s like a freak of nature in a good way, unlike a freak of nature with a finger growing out of her neck thanks to being inbred, which is a freak of nature in a bad way, unless you’re a lesbian, in which case that neck finger is just a new phallus to fuck…fun.

Posted in:Helena Christensen

Helena Christensen is amazing..she was born in the 60s, old enough to have been to Woodstock, from the Miss Denmark 1986 pageant….to the Chris Isaak’s Wicked Games video….to Victoria’s Secret in the early 1990s…yet still maintaining the erections of many, or at least me and not in a “Hey I remember jerking off to this girl, I should go look at her old pics”…like I do with so many has beens, but rather still looking hot enough to jerk off to…which is fucking unheard of…and amazes me on so many levels…like the kind of freak of nature I’d be into having sex with and not just doing for the experience of having sex with them for being a freak of nature…like that time I fucked the chick with the lobster claw hand…only way less nightmares afterwards…

I’m into this…

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At my core, I am totally against 44 year old women. In fact I generally hate them, and avoid them at all costs, because sure the whole recently divorced, just want to slut out with no commitment, because they have been burned, have kids and a job, and no time to cling onto you is awesome, not to mention their years of experience in fucking, and the ease of entry of most household objects thanks to child birth, but they are still in their 40s and their pussies smell like an old folks home, no matter how many pairs of their daughters Lululemon pants their squeeze into…I figure there’s so many 25 year old willing to have a one night stand, who don’t have their inner thigh skin hanging around their knees to throw me off.

But every once in a while, a top model like Helena Christensen, one of the OG Victoria’s Secret model comes along and reminds me that the only 44 year old women I really hate is the one I married.

I mean shit, she looks fucking perfect enough for me in this bikini shoot.

I want her life experience and born in 1968 dripping off my fucking face.

Seriously, I’m in love. I need to climb the nearest mountain and scream her fucking name….amazing…

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