Helena Chistensen Archives Archive - DrunkenStepFather.com

2023

28

Feb

Helena Christensen Mirror Selfie of the Day

54 year old Helena Christensen, who you old timers jerked off to when she was in Victoria’s Secret in the 90s, but she’s probably more known for being the hot chick in the Chris Isaak’s “Wicked Game” video, since that was a huge hit back when people used to jerk off to music videos thanks to porn being hard to come by and not really having that Victoria’s Secret catalog always on hand since people used to steal them.

Miss Universe Denmark 1955, the mother of Norman Reedus’ baby Mingus, the ex of Michal Hutchence of INXS who hung himself jerking off, so he probably used to make her do weird sex acts…is not immune to slutty selfies, as she takes this slutty selfie…and uploads them to the internet for all to see that old lady, menopausal, pussy mount gently hugged by her shorts….

Not every 54 year old can pull this off, thank god they don’t try.

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Posted in:Helena Chistensen|Helena Christensen

2021

12

Nov

Helena Christensen Hot of the Day

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Helena Christensen is old as shit, but that doesn’t stop her from doing slutty selfies…or looking good in those slutty selfies..

Clearly she is not as fucked up as Linda Evanglista from some COOL SCULPTING incidents that made that bitch fat, all in an attempt to defy the natural aging process by doing some old lady J.Lo tactics or witch craft to trick motherfuckers into forgetting they are in their 50s….from filters, photoshop, injections, to invasive procedures, starving themselves, fitness, you know anything to maintain their hotness….

Fake looking instead of aging gracefully but sometimes, like in this selfie, they can pull it off because Helena Christensen is about the same age as Linda Evangelista….but clearly not as shitty at age defying the aging process procedures…her lies and her pretending it is genetics and not procedures, is almost believable and I’ll by into any lie if it is hot enough, except fucking trannies, that’s a lie that just creeps me out…

The Danish – Chris Isaak’s “Wicked Game” video vixen who I remember going VIRAL from that video before viral happened…let’s have a moment of silence for what was….

She has done a lot in her life than that, including but not limited to being the co-founder of Nylon Magazine, doing Victoria’s Secret underwear modeling for you to jack off to, being considered a top supermodel for you to jack off to and in the 90s was in the top 7 with Christy Turlington, Linda Cool Sculpt Evangelista, Cindy Child Abuser Crawford, Elle the First Model I jacked off to Macpherson, Claudia the hot nazi Shiffer and obnoxious Naomi Campbell…

She also got knocked up by Norman Reedus…So here’s the tits Norman Reedus came on, even though she’s far more famous than Norman Reedus, it’s just nice to know he came in her….you know as a reference point…

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Posted in:Helena Chistensen

2019

14

Mar

Helena Christensen Nude of the Day

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Helena Christensen still looks amazing…and she’s probably in her 70s…

She was one of the earlier Victoria’s Secret models…and is a nice reminder that Victoria’s Secret models never die, well I’m sure at least one has, maybe of anorexia or drugs…but I’m not talking about those ones….

Maybe she’s a robot created in a lab before they had the technology to make Josephine Skriver…

Maybe this is some WALL-E shit and she’ll be walking the fucking earth long after we kill it…

A forever reminder that earlier Victoria’s Secret was a better, simpler time, before Victoria’s Secret was played out, tacky, for basic ghetto bitches in every fucking mall. You know when the images weren’t the fucking same for 3 decades, but were exciting and celebrated, new and fresh, daring and edgy, controversial…and something men jerked off to in an era there was no porn, and to give wives a modern take on the Sears Catalog…

Smart marketing…it’s got old now that everyone is a nude model…but it’s still naked or half naked chicks and that is what it’s about.

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Posted in:Helena Chistensen|SFW

2018

02

Aug

Helena Christensen Bikini is Scary of the Day

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Helena Christensen, the girl you jerked off to in the Chris Isaak’s video, I am pretty sure that was her…

Well, she’s old as fuck, almost 50, maybe 50, I don’t fucking know.

I just know she used to be a Victoria’s Secret model, she’s from Denmark, so she’s a Danish you KETO dieters on see all over social media can eat, I mean if you’re rich and famous….she apparently dated the INXS singer who auto-erotic asphyxiated himself like the people who killed Bourdain wanted you to think he did….when any seasoned Auto-Erotic asphyxiator would know to take a breath or release the tension on the belt before it was too late….she also has a kid with Norman Reedus…if that excites you….as it probably does cuz you’re a queer.

Well, she’s in a bathing suit, doing her old VS modeling tricks, because when that’s all you really know and are trained to do…you just keep doing it until you hit the old folks home…it’s pretty much the same logic I put into updating this site…what the fuck else am I gonna do with my time…something productive? That makes me rich? Fuck that.

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Posted in:Helena Chistensen|SFW

2008

10

Jun

Helena Christensen’s Topless Bikini of the Day

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Supermodel of the past, Helena Christensen is out in a bikini in Miami and she’s decided to let her tits out to tan like every good Euopean girl should. I guess it’s safe to say that she’s been keeping up her habits of not eating, snorting cocaine and whatever else she did when she was relelvant because here body is still tight, so tight that a gay dude from the band Interpol would get with her because he doesn’t want the bad press and because if he closes his eyes and visualizes, her pussy feels about as tight as a man’s asshole. At least that’s the story I heard.