Her name is Jessica Lowndes. She is from Canada. I am from Canada. Which means I have probably fucked her mom. Who know’s maybe I am even her dad because Canada is one of those places where everyone knows everyone, we meet at the Igloo convention where we drink Maple Syrup and play hockey, and I seem to know all the fame seeking shitty people, who either work on making themselves famous, or work on making they kids famous, because it’s too late for their old, beat up, hooker pussies…and what it comes down to is that I’d still fuck this Jessica Lowndes in or out of her bikini like I was her dad, even if I was her dad, since I may be her dad…

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Jessica Lowndes made Disney as perverted as a Disney exec on a casting couch at a local elementary school looking for the next Miley….I’m talking as perverted as Walt Disney himself the day he decided to devote his life to entertaining and distracting children through subliminal messages designed to brainwash them into behaving badly…you know like a school bus driver or any other grown man who obsessively gets down with kids…only she did it with a weird slow motion iPhone video of her titties bouncing as she runs through the theme park like a fucking sex offender out to seduce all the little boys and girls…and I guess what it comes down to is trying to figure out who the fuck Jessica Lowndes is because I have no idea and googling her is a waste of time, when I have so many better things to do, like not google Jessica Lowndes….

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Jessica Lowndes is some Canadian I never met even though we all know each other…because instead of joining for a snow shoe and polar bear hunt like we Canadians do to get to know each other…she ran off to be famous and too good for me thanks some very very important TV show called 90210…a show that amazes me even exists because it already happened and reliving it like it was Degrassi just made no fucking sense…but what does make sense is that she’s showing off her bikini body on instagram trying to compete with the girls who matter on instagram…who only post pics of their bikinis…because that’s what Instagram is all about…

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Jessica Lowndes is some Canadian bottom feeder who for some random reason I know is recently single, and flaunting her tits, hoping to lure a boyfriend, or future husband, probably one with money and connections, to leverage her shitty acting career to a better place, via her vagina, or at least to not get her Canadian ass deported, forcing her to work the igloo instead of the movie screens she wants so bad.

The good news is that she looks good in a bikini and that’s step one to finding rich, connected cock to fill your emptiness.

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I don’t think Canadian Jessica Lowndes is hot…That may be because I know how snobby and annoying Canadians who move to LA to be on shitty shows that should never have happened, but digital channels allow for a lot of empty timeslots and 90210 was a big deal at one point in time, why not give it another go with new assholes in place of the old assholes….which is exactly what they did….

I also don’t think this trash….is at the level of fame where her upskirts should come stock with labia…or clit…or really anything vaginal…..cuz this panty shit isn’t doing it for me…it’s weak and a sign of someone who isn’t serious about being a famous low level celebirty….send her cunt back to her igloo to sort it out while working out her inner thighs….enough of this high life….she doesn’t deserve it….

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I write Jessica Lowndes on twitter because she is the only celebrity who hasn’t blocked me on twitter….probably because she’s not a celebrity…but some Canadian who accidentally ended up on one of the shittiest TV show ideas, 90210 the next generation, because the first one wasn’t bad enough so they figured they’d bring it back to take up airtime, making me think the bitches on the shit aren’t even paid….cuz they sure as hell aren’t that hot….but I’m not picky…

Anyway, I keep asking her how much the biggest shit she’s ever had weiged, and she doesn’t answer, but after realizing she’s got an ass like this, all filled to the brim, I’m gonna guess it weighed a lot…and unfortunately, I wasn’t there to witness it….

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Here’s some Canadian I’ve never met, even though I’m stationed in Canada and Canada only has about 500 people in it….She’s the big star of 90210, also known as the least creative show on TV, possibly even the worst show on TV, because even the original 90210 was shitty, so to remake it a decade and a half later is just fucking nutty, but there’s lots of digital channels available, and those digital channels need programming, that’s why I should be writing TV shows no one will watch instead of sites no one reads, it’s more lucrative….

Either way, Jessica Lowndes is cleavaging, that’s when a girl shows cleavage. It’s a verb when you don’t know shit about English grammar…

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