Paris Hilton and her soon to be released sex tape Kim Kardashian the Monkey Lover because She’s Fat are rocking out in Australia for New Years. Everyone has a fucking sex tape and I love it. Anyone under the age of 22 has been raised on hardcore porn and come from broken homes at least that’s the way I see it when I hear stories about 12 year old girls going to clubs in their highschool uniforms, ripping lines in the bathroom, dancing on the bar showing the world their ass then ending up at the after party where they suck some random dude’s dick. Or when I hear about highschool threesomes where girls are sitting on each other’s faces for some 15 year old jerking off in the corner, or when I hear that Anal sex is more popular to the younger generation because they can’t get pregnant. I guess this is the shit that movie Thirteen was based on and I love every fucking second of it. When I was 16 my girlfriend wouldn’t even take it up the ass after 3 years of being together and she was born pre-mature with subtle retardation…now asshole virginity is not a sacred thing. I may not be able to benefit from it, but at least I get to watch the videos. It’s a Christmas fucking miracle.

I went out to a bar last night to drink my happiness about this finding away and got drunk enough to text message Stavros asking him what he was doing for NYE.

He wrote me this

I’m in Australia dude, can’t believe I’m here. What are you up to?

I figure he had no idea who I was so I asked him to sponsor my website and asked if Paris was there since they are engaged. He never answered and it broke my heart. I can only assume my number is now blocked and dead to him, l like his immune system since Paris gave him AIDS.

Here are the Paris pics.

Here’s your bonus picture – it’s Paris and the Armenian Kim Jungle Fever Doing the Charlie’s Angel pose because they are fucking lame. You probably don’t find it lame because you and your friends do this pose all the time because you are a generic piece of shit and that’s why I hate you. Cuddles.

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Paris Hilton and her soon to be released sex tape Kim Kardashian the Monkey Lover because She’s Fat are rocking out in Australia for New Years. Everyone has a fucking sex tape and I love it. Anyone under the age of 22 has been raised on hardcore porn and come from broken homes at least that’s the way I see it when I hear stories about 12 year old girls going to clubs in their highschool uniforms, ripping lines in the bathroom, dancing on the bar showing the world their ass then ending up at the after party where they suck some random dude’s dick. Or when I hear about highschool threesomes where girls are sitting on each other’s faces for some 15 year old jerking off in the corner, or when I hear that Anal sex is more popular to the younger generation because they can’t get pregnant. I guess this is the shit that movie Thirteen was based on and I love every fucking second of it. When I was 16 my girlfriend wouldn’t even take it up the ass after 3 years of being together and she was born pre-mature with subtle retardation…now asshole virginity is not a sacred thing. I may not be able to benefit from it, but at least I get to watch the videos. It’s a Christmas fucking miracle.

I went out to a bar last night to drink my happiness about this finding away and got drunk enough to text message Stavros asking him what he was doing for NYE.

He wrote me this

I’m in Australia dude, can’t believe I’m here. What are you up to?

I figure he had no idea who I was so I asked him to sponsor my website and asked if Paris was there since they are engaged. He never answered and it broke my heart. I can only assume my number is now blocked and dead to him, l like his immune system since Paris gave him AIDS.

Here are the Paris pics.

Here’s your bonus picture – it’s Paris and the Armenian Kim Jungle Fever Doing the Charlie’s Angel pose because they are fucking lame. You probably don’t find it lame because you and your friends do this pose all the time because you are a generic piece of shit and that’s why I hate you. Cuddles.

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I Am – Lohan Stalker Of The Day – video powered by Metacafe

It’s Christmas, I am not Working Today, But I made this for you and it’s a fucking Christmas Miracle. Enjoy and have a lovely day with your loved ones or alone or doing whatever it is that you do. Cuddles.

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I call Paris and leave random messages. The original concept was to pretend I was calling lovers or girlfriends or whatever so that Paris felt awkward when she answered, but I decided to leave a homo message to her fiance Stavros the Greek heir…I pretended to be his lover and it’s funny. If you are wondering what the washed out words were – it’s “Impreganting you with my seed” and “We are Greek and our people were raised on anal sex”….Either way, I am a fuckin star. Fuck You. Christmas in 2 days…Bring your dancing shoes. Homo.Cuddles.

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I had a friend who once told me a story of a woman who emailed him thinking he was someone else with the same name. She was asking him if he was going to a mutual friend’s wedding innocently and my friend went along with it. Day after day, he would flirt with her eventually taking it far enough for the girl to ask about his wife and kids and how they’d feel about the whole email relationship to which he answered that he’d give them all up just to be with he for this one night at this mutual friend’s wedding. I don’t know how that ended up but I appreciated the comedic aspect of the whole thing. I am a nice guy and felt bad for the woman who thought this long lost highschool friend of hers wanted to leave his wife and kids to spend only one night with her and I have no idea what actually happened when she bumped into this guy at the wedding, or if she actually left her husband behind to go on an adulturous rampage or if she realized she was emailing the wrong guy….All this to say that random emails directed at someone who isn’t you that land in your inbox can be a lot of fun.

I was given Paris Hilton’s cell number about 6 months ago and never did much with it. I would always call and pretend I was looking for someone named Brenda who was my internet girlfriend who wronged me. It always ended up with her claiming I was crazy and that she was going to call the police, except one day when she texted me asking if I was feeling ok. She never admitted that she was Paris, but it was pretty obvious it was. One night when drunk, I revealed the site as being behind the calls and she hasn’t answered my calls since. She still hasn’t changed the number and I decided to start leaving her random obscure and accidental answering machine messages so that when she checks them, she wonders what the fuck’s going on. This is the first installment.

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I Am – Fourth Lohan Stalker Post Of The Day – video powered by Metacafe

I do this thing where I get my neighbor to call up Lohan and leave her a creepy message. The concept is for her to get a restraining order and get featured on Access Hollywood. Since I don’t really care for Lohan I got bored doing this and this is only my fourth one in the last 5 months, but at least it’s something.

On the positive side of things, this youtube competitor pays 10,000 dollars to anyone who get a 2,000,000 views on a video. I am 10,000 dollars in debt because I haven’t been paying my 500 dollar a month hosting. So pass this around to your friends, watching it 200,000 times because if all 10 of you do that, I’ll be in business for another couple of months.

The pictures in this stalker post are by Terry Richardson. He’s pretty much at the front of this whole American Apparel, Electro, Cocaine, Vice Magazine movement.I used to really dig his pictures of whores and drug kids and sleaze. Unfortunately, so does every 15 year old Jewish girl, making him a lot of money and getting him jobs with GQ but annoying the fuck out of me, cuz I am sleaze too and I am forced to beg you to watch my video 200,000 times to help me pay off my debt….and you aren’t even going to do it….an my site is going to be shut down…and that’s the story I heard…

This post is boring. I am going back to bed. It’s 11 am where I am. That’s too early for me. Enjoy your day at the office, at least it’s friday and at least you can afford toilet paper. Cuddles.

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