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Archive for the Uncategorized Category

2007

02

Jan

I am – Christina Aguilera's New Year of the Day

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I am probably the most sexually frustrated internet celebrity, not because I am sex obsessed and impotent and the only naked bitches I get to see are my fat wife and strippers who charge me money I don’t have to grab their fake titties….I am probably the most sexually frustrated internet celebrity because all the other bloggers are virgins, and you can’t miss what you’ve never had….if you’re a virgin and 25, jerking off is your sex, and when that gets boring like fucking your wife night after night for 20 years, you just give it up and focus your energy on celebrity gossip, TV and collecting DVDs. That said, I was talking to some dude who lined up a 3-some on New Years Eve, the very same New Years that these pics of Aguilera were taken, and after he got the girl into his hot tub naked, and after they started making out with each other and sucking on each other’s tits, dude moves in for the hotter girl. Rule number 1 of threesomes is that you focus your energy on the ugly girl, cuz it will make her feel sexy and give the hot one a complex forcing her to put more effort in. Anyway, dude focused on the hot one, the ugly one got jealous and made what could have been potentially an amazing ring in to the New Year, I’m talking better than Ryan Seacrest, if that’s possible, into a jerk off session like you had…

I guess the point of my story is that I have no point, here are the Aguilera pics.



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2007

02

Jan

I am – More Jessica Alba Bikini Pics….of the Day

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I spend my life walking around trying to observe as much as I can to bring back to this site and write about, I spent all of last week turned off and life was a lot more fun, because instead of looking for funny and thinking about how I need to remember the funny for the site that never comes across as being as funny in writing, I was living…That said, I have no fucking idea what to write about. I know that I’ve had a lot of good things to tell you fuckers but I just keep forgetting and I don’t think it’s got anything to do with being drunk.

Jessica Alba is probably the hottest celebrity out there, I think she may be a little overrated but her body is solid, her face is nice and she’s banging some dude who isn’t you. So stop fixating your energy on these celebrity sluts, and find a local slut in your hometown who will actually let you bang them…because I am sure every town has it’s own Jessica Alba, not that she’d date you, but at least you can climb up the tree outside her bedroom and watch her shower. Here are the most recent Alba bikini pics in Miami, because celebrities are lazy and like beaches and so do I.


See the HQ pics HERE

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2007

02

Jan

I am – Jamie-Lynn Sigler Bikini of the Day

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I’d like to wish 2007 a happy birthday. I’d also like to thank IMDB for teaching me all kinds of interesting things today. Like that this bitch was married to her manager in 2002 and goes by his WOP named DiScala and that she had an eating disorder, which makes sense, because anyone with hips like that should have body image issues. I bet she wishes that her hips could lie her into a size 2….That joke didn’t work out as well as it could have. I also found out that Carly Simon sang at her wedding, and that I was wrong in thinking she was married or related to Paul Simon, when she is actually the daughter of Simon from Simon and Schuster publishing….

This is where I stop writing and post the pics, you’re welcome because big hips or not, she’s worth a round, but I generally have no standards, so that may not be saying much.


and some more…

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2007

01

Jan

I am – Jessica Alba Bikini Pics of the Day

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After watching the ball drop, I headed out to some shitty hipster party I was told was going to be the place to see girls flashing their tits and sucking cock in the bathroom like I read about on the Internet. I showed up there at about 1 am and there was a massive line-up. Every dude was wearing a hipster fur hooded jacked and I made friends with some really awkward looking tall guy who couldn’t understand why the party was 35 dollars to get it. I got up to the security guard and tried to convince them that I was on the DJs guestlist, because I didn’t have 35 dollars, unfortunately my new found awkward friend fucked all that up for me when he told the bouncer that my name wasn’t the one I gave them, because I know there’s always a Phil on guestlist…Either way, I didn’t get in so I just walked back home in the cold wet rain. At least I woke up to Jessica Alba’s ass….



I find the bitch over-rated, but I find a lot of things over-rated, so that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t post them because let’s face it, this site isn’t about what I want, it’s about what you want. I’m nice like that. Happy New Year fucker.

These are the rest of the pics:

More HQ pics HERE

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2007

01

Jan

I am – Michelle Trachtenberg Bathing Suit Pics of the Day

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I don’t really think anything eventful happened last night, I remember watching the ball drop on ABC while Dick Clark fumbled the countdown because he’s had a stroke and I guess people with strokes sometimes have trouble counting. I haven’t watched the Ball Drop in years, I was usually out being crazy, causing trouble, seducing prostitutes with 10 dollar bills but since my dick has gone south, there really isn’t much worth doing.

Speaking of money, here are some pics of Michelle Trachtenberg in her bathing suit. I can only assume she’s vacationing in Florida, because that seems to be what Jews do during the Christmas vacation….this is a one-piece and I don’t know what she is hiding, but I am sure none of you will ever find out…I can only assume it’s her dreidel and by deidel I mean cock.

Maybe I’ll post more later, and maybe my posts will actually be funny and worth reading, but you’re asking a little too much out of me on this Glorious and Magical January 1, 2007 of the day, because my posts are never worth reading. Cuddles.


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2007

01

Jan

I am – The Years Best Posts of the Last Six Months of the Day

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Happy New Year all you useless cunts who visit this site only to write me hate mail. I’d thank you for making this site possible, but you really haven’t contributed shit. Any advertiser I email says that they aren’t trying to reach the kind of people this site reaches, so it’s pretty much your fault that I am living in a one bedroom apartment, stealing money from my wife and barely getting by…Either way, if I was you, I wouldn’t support this site either.

I hope your New Years was good and that you are hungover, and have 6-8 weeks of anxiety about whether that whore you banged without a condom gave you an STD. Speaking of STDS, I went into my sitemeter to see what my 15 most popular posts were of the last 6 months were. This doesn’t mean these are my best posts because I am sure if I went through the archives I’d find posts that were actually funny, but traffic is my only way to judge….I feel like doing a link dump to my own content is the only way to bring in the new year because I am pretty fucking amazing, according to me.

To a better 2007 because 2006 sucked. So be safe and send me nude pics of your girlfriends, it’s kinda my fetish. CUDDLES. Motherfuckers.

I am – Britney Spears Upskirt of the Day
GO

I am – Lohan Upskirt Pics of the Day
GO

I am – Cindy Margolis Playboy Pics of the Day
GO

I am – Carolina Ferres Nipple of the Day
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I am – Victoria Silvstedt Lingerie Pics of the Day
GO

I am – Lohan See Thru Pics of the Day
GO

I am – Bodybuilder Bitch Making Her Tits Dance of the Day
GO

I am – Lohan in Maui in a Bikini of the Day
GO

I am – Necro is a Whiney Jew of the Day
GO

I am – Lydia Hearst Shows Tit of the Day
GO

I am – Kate Moss Naked in Pop Magazine of the Day
GO

I am – Alyssa Milanos Stretch Marked Titty of the Day
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I am – Emma Tomlinson is a Slag of the Day
GO

I am – Jennifer Love Hewitt’s Thong of the Day
GO

I am – Paola Maltese Personal Pics of the Day
GO

stepSTALKING
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stepINTERVIEW
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stepARCHIVES
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I just clicked on these and they are really not my best posts at all. I type so much in a fucking day I don’t remember the golden content that I have brought you, but I do remember the I liked making random people famous, text messaging Nicole Richie, making stupid stepTV clips, sending random myspace messages to people and the week I had “stepRULES” of life. I also had fun the month of May when stepSTEVE lived on my couch…I expect 2007 to be a lot fucking better with less hacked email accounts, less stolen computers, less haters, more money, and ideally finally making myself famous. Keep reading.

With Love,
Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

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2006

30

Dec

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

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I don’t know what the fuck happened to my site, but I keep getting an “Internal Server Error”. I called the hosting company and they can’t help me, so I guess this is the end of Stepfather as we know it. I thought I was going to have a big break like the emo 20 year old homo I saw on 20/20 last night who got a show on fox because of a shitty video he made called Myspace the Movie that got big on youtube back when it was easy to be the top YouTube video.

If any of you have good deals on Videocameras, email me. I may have a sponsor to get stepTV to take over the world.

Until then, here’s some links….

Roberto Cavalli Fashion Show Pics with Hot Bitches
GO

Amateur Porn of People Fucking in their Hotel Room
GO

Saddam Hussein was Executed – His Video is On the Internet
GO

Some Saddam Hussein Pre-Execution Video I’ll Never Post the Actually Death, Cuz This site does sex not death…
GO

Some Quebec Slut in a Bikini Cuz Quebec Sluts are Sluts…True Story
GO

New Amateur Girl Named Sweet Adri from Nebraska
GO

Stock Up on Rockey Merchandise Cuz He May Be Washed Up, but I heard his Movie was good….
GO

Rio Natsume Massage Video
GO

Lohan Strips for Strippers Because She Called Them Cunts a Few Months Ago and Realizes that if her addiction takes over, she may be one of them or something
GO

Massage Techniques
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Some On the Beach Voyeur Movie from Italy…Not as Good as it Sounds…
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Tin Foil Office Prank
GO

Prostate Massage
GO

Reese Witherspoon has a Dumpy Mom of 2 Ass
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Mimi Rogers Full Body Massage
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Lohan and Kimmy Stewart Rock Out in Miami because you Can’t Teach an Old, Haggard Cokeslut of a Dog New Tricks…
GO

Hipster Photoshoot that is Fully Clothed…
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Hipster Photoshoot that is Naked and on All Fours… Cuz Everyone Wants to Be a Pornstar…Even You…
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I’d Rather Fuck the Dolls than the Real Ones But That’s because I have a Small Dick…
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Some Naked Flickr Action Via My Lawyer
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Lomi Lomi Ass Massage…
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Breast Enlarging Massage…
GO

FLICKR Christmas Titty Action
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Do you like sex and can’t land pussy? But this, 3 for the price of 1 is a good deal for pussy. Why pay for sex, when you can pay for a spray that will get you sex from real girls….
GO

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2006

28

Dec

I am – Jessica Simpson Cameltoe of the Day

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One of my readers thinks I suck because I am not funny anymore because I complain instead of ripping into celebrities….

Matthew Sobel
yo faggot
you sold out

drunkenstepfather
huh?

Matthew Sobel
your site used to be good
now is as played as you

drunkenstepfather
who are you?

Matthew Sobel
im your conscience

drunkenstepfather
what are you wearing?

Matthew Sobel
you know your site sucks
ha typical plebian drunkenstepfather response

drunkenstepfather
what is it missing

Matthew Sobel
what are u wearing?
thats what u come up with
u got lohans number and u used it to leave some nonsense
ur linked into all the pop blogs and shit and ppl come to ur site and leave noone cares
u coulda been somebody, but now ur shot, old hat, yesterdays news pal

drunkenstepfather
they never cared

drunkenstepfather
they never cared

Matthew Sobel
ur on some pathetic shit, that like ur rap
its not working, be insulting
*thats
and stop linking to ugly fat women and little girls its creepy and ur gunna end up on a pedo watch list
you should post this on ur site and show ppl how i completely ruined you

drunkenstepfather
i feel so ruined

I guess I am a pussy. Speaking of pussy here are the Jessica Simpson Cameltoe pics….


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2006

28

Dec

I am – Paris Hilton Strips for Midgets of the Day

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I don’t really know what the fuck is going on in these pics. My guess is as good as yours and I am not going to make a stupid joke about how she’s got a new fetish or how this is her little brother they keep in the basement who only gets to go out around Christmas time and brass poles is a Christmas Tradition at the Hilton’s just like watching Paris get slammed by Greek guys is an Easter tradition, because Greeks are Orthodox and Easter is huge for them. A little known fact about Paris Hilton’s career is that her dad was behind the sex tape, I’m not talking behind the concept but behind the camera, at least that’s the story I heard.

Speaking of brass poles, I added a strippers to my AIM after I convinced her to give me her contact while getting a lap dance. I asked her what she did on christmas, she said that she worked. It’s the best night at the strip club because the guys who go there are the core strip club fans. They are lonely, horny and willing to splurge on a Christmas present for themselves to try to make themselves happy. This usually means offering the stripper they took 10 lapdances from some extra money for sex back at their place. Either way, Christmas is a time for miracles, and this stripper on my AIM got her own kind of miracle when her title went for dancer to hooker, but it’s Christmas so I guess it doesn’t count, she just see herself as a charity worker…

Speaking of whores, here’s the Paris Pics….

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2006

27

Dec

I am – stepLINKS of the Day

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I am watching an Oprah rerun because I have nothing better to do and I only get one channel. It’s kind of a reoccurring theme in my life. Janet Jackson is on and she calls her mother “Mother”. I find that really creepy, like Norman Bates creepy and it could have something to do with why people said MJ like to touch little boys, but we all know he’s innocent. Either way, I am on vacation, I refuse to put more energy into my post than this. It’s called being lazy.

Someone I know told me I need to go on Prozac, it will make me happy, but I am concerned that if it makes me calm/sane/etc, I’ll abandon all of you and I’d hate for that to happen. I’d rather just self-medicate with alcohol so in planning my New Year’s Eve resolution, I’m thinking of putting “Drink More” on the list. I am also thinking of starting smoking again since I quit last year and 2006 was shitty. I guess that’s the opposite of what most people set as resolutions, but at least I know that I can follow-through on mine with little to no effort.

That’s the story I heard and here are my steplinks…

When Idiot Americans Travel, They always cause a scene. This dude takes a Roman Bath…
GO

This is a PartyHardcore Compilation and it’s NSFW
GO

Lookin’ Good Sweetheart…
GO

Hot Game Of Strip Poker
GO

LastNightsParty Goes Swimming and it’s Hot
GO

LastNightsParty Does a Lookin Good Sweetheart and It’s Hot
GO

Cameron Diaz Jan 07 GQ Pics
GO

I Call This “Prom King and Queen” (NSFW)
GO

Some Christina Model Sets on Photobucket. I have no Idea who she is or if these sets are worth your time but if you’re the virgin I think you are, then you’ll love them.
GO

Naked Girl From a French Movie Video
GO

Here’s a Little RIP James Brown and Joss Stone Video
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Lookin’ Good Sweetheart
GO

Some Nude Asian Restaurant Action
GO

Marisa Miller for Sauvage Swimwear and It’s Sexy
GO

Britney Spears is a Sex Addict
GO

The Jew who Founded Facebook Turned Down 1.6 Billion Dollars for His Site…I Turned Down $50 for my Site…Kinda the same thing.
GO

Alyssa Milano’s Lap Dance Scene from Charmed
GO

Brooke Hogan Humiliates Herself on Howard Stern
GO

Kim Kardashian May Have a Sex Tape Coming Out Soon Thanks To Some Black Dude Trying To Launch His Career
GO

Top Moments of 2006 According to A Homeless Dude found in Times Square…
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Tara Reid Bikini Pics
GO

I am in love with Yuliya Mayarchuk
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Victoria Beckham’s Nipples vs. Jennifer Aniston’s Nipples..
GO

Here’s a Christmas Cartoon For You
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Sam Heuston From Big Brother UK Crotchless Panty Upskirt
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Something Called “MY FIRST SEX TOY”
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Photobucket Nudity
GO

Help Choose This Year’s Attention Whore
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FHM Does Amateur Porn…
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We Call This Daveed: Mission Space
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Here’s a Drunk Brazilian on the News
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Meat is Neat T-shirt For You To Buy
GO

Here’s Conjoined Twin Story
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If you want to get laid on New Years Eve, This Will Help You Meet and Bed The Drunken Slut of Choice..
GO

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