2006
12
Dec
It was Raven Symone’s 21st birthday and she got the cake she always wanted. Unfortunately, cake isn’t just for special occassions in her life, if you know what I mean. Yeah…That was a failed attempt at a fat joke. I never said I was funny. You did…And for the record this girl’s got nothing on my wife.
Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted
2006
12
Dec
I was at the stripper’s last night and some 75 year old man sat at my table, because I was sitting by the stage at the pole alone and I guess he figured it’d be a convenient time to make friends with me considering the 20 year old girls sprawled out on the pole were probably heaven to him and if he didn’t sit at my table he’d have to sit in the back. The back of the stripclub is where guys with their liberal girlfriends end up, because despite the want to sit right up at the stage, you don’t want to look like a pervert. Either way, the dude was talking all kinds of craziness and smelled like shit, fish and syphilis. I have lived on the streets and have gone without showering or brushing my teeth for weeks at a time and this guy smelt worse. I can only assume his insides were rotting or he ate something whose insides were rotting. Either way, one of the hottest strippers walked by him and he grabbed her and took him in the back room for a full contact lap dance….he came back 10 songs later, that means this stinky piece of shit of a person was rubbing this 20 year old’s tits for close to an hour and she let him do it all for $50. It put things in perspective, and reminded me as to why I should never get a lap dance, even if I could afford one, and if you aren’t following it is because they probably spend more time with stinky old men than we like to think when their tits are in our hands….
Speaking of tits in hands and stripper looking bitches with weird lookin men…here are some pics of Jordan and Britney with their men, who look like they may just be the same person…
Jordan:
Britney:
Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted
2006
12
Dec
For anyone who used to read this site, they will know that I used to run a Pheromone Challenge to see if this shit actually worked for the virgin losers like you who read it. I received some funny submissions a few months ago from a couple of immigrant dudes and I got accused of faking some of them to pay for my server which I will never admit to doing because lying to you is not my style.
Either way, longtime reader Wil responded to one of my steplink requests for Pherlure Challenge Entries. He used Pherlure for his X-Mas party this past weekend and he sent in the story with pics.
From : Wil
Sent : December 12, 2006 12:33:06 PM
To : info@drunkenstepfather.com
Subject : Pherlure Xmas PartyHey Stepfather,
I’m a regular reader on your site and have been a fan since your debut. I’d say I am fan number one, but that creeps me out. About a month ago when I noticed you were desperate for money I decided to support my favorite internet celebrity and buy some Pherlure Spray. I recieved it shortly after and left it in the box never really intending to use it. I just wanted to help keep you going you know! Anyway. Last weekend was my company Christmas party, I work in the marketing department for a medium sized company that specializes in beauty products, so as you can imagine I work with mostly women, middle aged women to be exact.
OUr christmas parties are usually the bore of that particular saturday, I go for the awesome gifts and open bar. Other Years i brought my girlfriend but I’ve been single for 4 months now ever since she found my extensive Porn collection and tried to make me choose;her or the porn, well I just can’t deal with someone who tries to be that controlling, so the porn won.
On the night of the christmas party I was heading out the door when the unopened box of Phelure Spray caught my eye. I figured what the hell, let’s see what this stuff does to a room full of half drunk middle aged women.
I grabbed the bottle, stuffed it in my pocket and headed out the door. The party went along as usual, I sat at the singles table, ate supper and listened to terrible old hoiliday tunes praying for the open bar to begin. Once the bar opened i made my way over and started hitting the good stuff; Jack!
As I drank more and more, I started to notice Patricia the assistant to the vice president eying me from the other side of the bar. You have to realize I am a 27 year old guy working in an office with women. The older they are the hornier they seem to be. I deal with sexual harassment daily and I am not complaining but it gets annoying when it’s the 300 pound accountant slaps my ass.
When I came back I sat next to Patricia and we started to make small talk. I had to take a leak and when I opened the door to leave there was Patricia. She pushed me back in and locked the door, without going into too much detail she was like a crazed woman and that was probably the best BJ I’ve ever had in my life.
Just that would have made my night but that wasnt the end. I headed back into the party with a smile on my face and a need for celebratory drink. My boss Jeff who was obviously tanked approached me, He started to chat me up and was killing my night. We talked about the usual boring crap and he told me about his 18 year old daughter who came as his date because his wife left him blah blah blah, Jeff must have started to become affected by the Pherlure spray and began to touch me a little too much then he whispered in my ear the most horrific sentence I have ever heard, He whispered and I quote ” my wife left me cause I like to fuck young men, young men like you”
As you can imagine I about ready to knock this guy cold but he is my boss, I still needed revenge so I excused myself with the mission to find his young daughter. I found her sitting alone in the corner of the room, I approached her with a drink and introduced myself, we chatted for a while and in no time, I am convinced that the spray did the talking for me, we were making out right there. I ended up bring her back to my place that night where I took some great shots of her lovely tattoo on her lower back.
I then proceeded to post those pictures on the company website with a nice description of the events of that night. I haven’t felt the aftermath of that yet but It was all worth it. I figure if your gonna leave a job why not do it like this.
I figured you Jesus of all people could appreciate my Xmas Party adventures. Have a good one.
Wil
Wil, that’s a fucking Christmas Miracle.
I don’t guarantee whether this really went down, but I do guarantee that this shit works for some people. Join the Pherlure Challenge HERE and send me your stories….Cuddles.
Here are the pics he sent in…
Posted in:stepPHEROMONECHALLENGE|Uncategorized|Unsorted
2006
12
Dec
Here are the Adriana Lima pics that everyone has beat me to today.
Let’s face it, I don’t bring the news and when I do, it’s usually late because I am lazy and like sleeping. I realize that I have been spending way too much time on my computer because my eyes are bugging out all the fucking time and I see black spots everywhere I look, but it’s all worth the pain in making you smile for no monetary return. I am like Patch Adams in this motherfucker.
Speaking of Pain, I wrote DJ AM an email about Nicole Richie’s recent arrest just for fun and because I am a bit of an asshole. I have his email address because he did an interview with me a long fucking time ago and stopped responding to my emails after I sent him a link of Nicole and Steve-O holding hands and wrote “I guess she’s officially damaged goods now, good thing you got that skinny cunt out of your life” or something like that.
Either way, here’s the email I sent him.
Dear Dj AM,
I saw that your girl Nicole got arrested for being jacked on Vicodin and weed, weighing in at 85 lbs after letting Good Charlotte fuck her up the ass.
I am emailing you to congratulate you on getting her out of your life, because let’s face it, she may have helped you launch your career and she’s probably a good person and all that but no one wants to hang out with someone with someone with that much baggage.
I think it’s great that you’ve moved on. Watching her fall deeper and deeper into the hell that is her life may be sad, but at least you’ve got you new Publicist and Booking Agent and Fan Club.
With Love,
Jesus Martinez
Drunkenstepfather.com
For more on the Richie Case – GO HERE
For Some 911 Phone Call Action GO HERE
Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted
2006
12
Dec
I was walking by a trendy bar this past weekend and looked in the window, like helpless homeless looking people sometimes do. It was cold outside and the warm holiday cheer I saw inside was nice. However, behind all the nice, it reminded me of why I do what I do and that is so that I don’t have to go to work daily with people I find annoying then go out to bars with them pretending we are friends because it’s good work etiquette. I don’t have to pretend to be anyone’s friend unless I want to be their friend. But I do miss the night of free drinking they gave us for the company Christmas Party. I went to 2 and was fired a week before the third one and I realized that no matter how much I dislike being in someone’s company, enough booze can make that person bearable. That trendy bar was bustling with Company Christmas Cheer and I even saw a 50 year old making out with a 20 year old. I can only assume he was her boss or maybe just some rich guy financing her coke habit.
Speaking of habits, here are some links for the day.
Another Girl in Her Underwear Video
GO
Paris Hilton’s Got A Wonky Eye
GO
This Reminds Me of You…
GO
Teens Caught Banging in Some Internet Cafe
GO
Lookin’ Good Sweetheart (NSFW)
GO
Zini Likes Lesbians…
GO
Shania Twains Tits Again…
GO
This is a Video of Girls Dancing for You, Not as Hot as it Sounds
GO
Lastnightsparty at Mansion in Miami
GO
Israeli People Know How to Market a TV Show
GO
Girl Plays With Her Underwear, Not As Exciting As It Sounds
GO
Top 10 Movies To Put You in the Mood
GO
Hot Myspace Girl
GO
This is her Personal Site
GO
Some More Lastnightsparty in Miami Only With Tit
GO
Here are some Retro Lingerie Pics
GO
Dakota Fanning Looks Like a Troll or Something Like That….
GO
Britney Caught Kissing Some Dude
GO
Some Arab Runs on the Treadmill
GO
This is some Joe Rogan stand up. I laughed at how he dealt with the heckler…he showed her….I am glad I sent him a stepSHIRT he probably never wears…
GO
This is the city i live in…it’s still this annoying
GO
Frat Boys are A Lot Like Terrorists….Only They Get Their Gfs to Take Off Their Shirts, Not To Blow Up Buses..
GO
I hate thecobrasnake
GO
Hot Vida Geura Pics
GO
Handicap People Music Video
GO
Hot Rachel Bilson Pics
GO
Rachel Ray’s Nipples
GO
A Britney Spears Celebhead Video that Will Make You Laugh
GO
If you Buy This Shirt, You Are a Fucking Loser
GO
This is How I Pay For the Server and It will Get You Laid. That’s a Fact and You Need It…That’s Also A Fact…
GO
Rosie O’Donnel is a Racist and No One Cares…
GO
I like to think of myself as a Dancing Fool too
GO
Tammy Fey Bakker’s Son Is A New Wave Evangelist
GO
This Video Is Called McRhyme
GO
Britney Spears Nipples
GO
Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted
2006
11
Dec
If it’s so legendary…why haven’t I heard about it? That’s my question for the day.
Posted in:stepBOX|stepEXCLUSIVE|Uncategorized|Unsorted
2006
11
Dec
I am listening to Bing Crosby and David Bowie Christmas Carols, because it’s a wonderful time of year. I was walking around the streets last night, because sometimes with no money in your wallet and no interest in smelling your fat wife’s donut breath, walking is all there is to do. I don’t mind it. I looked in store windows and ran into a group of Filipino women with a guitar who asked me to donate to the Children’s Wish Foundation. I am pretty sure they are the same Filipno’s who pretend to be celebrities on Myspace. I gave them my $2 that I had stolen from the wife for a coffee, I figured they could use it more than me, because let’s face it, it’s all about the kids and they started rockin’ out with some Christmas song. My new life goal is to track those Crazy Ladies down and make stepVIDEO because it was that amazing.
Speaking of Amazing, here are some Selma Hayek Breast Pics for a Campari Calendar…I am Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time….
Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted
2006
11
Dec
I had a Christmas Miracle this weekend. I was walking home from the Mission where I was doing some Christmas shopping for my girls, because I am on a budget and on the walk I noticed a Range Rover with a tree strapped to the roof. I moved quickly and used my lighter to burn off the ropes that tied it down, got the tree off and ran home with it. Unfortunately running for me is walking really slow and the bitch with the Range Rover totally busted me. I was a little embarrassed and told her the story of how I don’t have a job, how I am an immigrant, how my wife is fat and dying and how I run an unsuccessful website. When she asked what the website was called, I told her, and she freaked out. It’s one of her daily site visits and she gave me the tree and asked for an autograph. She’s reader number 12 but I like her the best because she made my family’s Christmas Miracle come true and she didn’t press charges and now we have a luxury rich person’s tree in the middle of this shitty one-bedroom apartment.
Speaking for Christmas, here are some pics of Kate Moss Topless at the beach I fucking love this woman and I stole these pics from someone who stole from someone else who stole from some Photo Agency. It’s a fucking Christmas Miracle. That’s the Story I heard.
Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted
