I got a haircut today and it was pretty fucking exciting. If you are wondering how I could afford a haircut, it’s pretty simple, I haven’t cut my hair in 6 years and it was long and fucking disgusting, so I made my way to the cancer charity and shaved my head for free. I feel sorry for whoever ends up with my hair as their wig because it may give them herpes B, that’s the shit that I heard some dude caught from a pet Monkey and it destroyed his vital organs. I guess since they’ve already got cancer, the diseases and bugs that they can land from my hair is the least of my concerns. Point of all this is to say…I am just doing my part this festive time of year….

Speaking of doing my part, check out Britney’s Nips and the other amazing links I brought you today. It’s a Chrsitmas Miracle…CUDDLES.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

I was too lazy to research this today, but I think these are pics of Marcia Cross and her Girlfriend. I remember reading that she was a lesbian and that she was pregnant and I don’t know how that happens but I do know that at first glance you’d assume that this is her mom or sister because of the red hair. What you don’t know is that redheads are a breed of their own and they stick together. I remember knowing a redhead in highschool and he was fucking strong. He looked like some computer programming motherfucker but if you teased him he’d go fucking nuts. I was told that the reason he was so strong was because in historical times a redheaded baby was thought to be the devil and they’d live them out in the woods to fend for themselves. So the ones who survived were stronger than normal people and as they reproduced the redhead strong gene trickled down the line. Point of all this is that they band together because they know they are there own special kind of person.

Speaking of special kind of person and lesbians, here’s an email I got about a link to a Tranny I knowingly posted yesterday…..

I’m just a noobie to the site you have so gratiously provided the internet with, and I hate to nitpick, but lets be real. Under your links there is a “Hot myspace girl”, and below “Her personal website”.

Naturally, I, being a college male figure “Why the hell not”. Upon inspection I see that this person is very old compared to me and is quite the non-looker. Very drag-queen-like make up.

Moreover, on the person’s website there is *ahem* a “Services” section. Upon which, I could not help but click – because what could someone so cracked-out possibly provide the internet world.

And let me tell you dude – do not EVER get drunk and go to a bar in New York City, because in her services she provides SHE-MALE CONTACT!

ITS A FUCKIN DUDE!!!! NOT A HOT MYSPACE CHICK!!!!!!

Well, enjoy scrubbing your wang furiously in the shower if you’ve already beaten off to her..him…it?

Just thought you Should Know

Thanks dude….

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

I haven’t really figured out why I gave MUNG the opportunity to post once a week, I think it had to do with how good he was in the comments and how he was eager to help me out. Since I do this stupid site alone, it makes for a lot of fucking writing and I wanted to take focus away from me, or find someone to take over if I ever hit it big and win a trip somewhere. I should have learned to trust my instincts and stick to my own posts because MUNG has only made me laugh once since he started this, but I can’t shut him down now, we’re in too deep. Here’s his post for the week.

I am kinda glad that my one true fan missed me. Someday I may travel to Argentina on a motorcycle like Che Guevera did in Motorcycle Diaries and visit you and watch your band play my ballad while I wear a beret. Until that time though, I can only imagine that you look like Salma Hayek. The main reason I can only picture you as Salma Hayek is because I know that in real life you have a mustache, smell like moneterey jack cheese, and your vagina looks like when you go to squirt hot sauce on an open-faced chili cheese burrito.

Please DeluXXXe Rape Machine, send me pictures. Send them to me and send them to Jesus.
I would love to see what you look like. Rescue me from this dungeon I call my parents basement and take me on the road with your band. I want to see the Argentinian landscape. I want to watch a prostitute have sex with a donkey….but more importantly I want to see the birthplace of Evita. Take me with you and make me your roadie.

Your Argentinian Prince,

MUNG

Thanks for nothing MUNG…Here are some more pics…

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

I haven’t really figured out why I gave MUNG the opportunity to post once a week, I think it had to do with how good he was in the comments and how he was eager to help me out. Since I do this stupid site alone, it makes for a lot of fucking writing and I wanted to take focus away from me, or find someone to take over if I ever hit it big and win a trip somewhere. I should have learned to trust my instincts and stick to my own posts because MUNG has only made me laugh once since he started this, but I can’t shut him down now, we’re in too deep. Here’s his post for the week.

I am kinda glad that my one true fan missed me. Someday I may travel to Argentina on a motorcycle like Che Guevera did in Motorcycle Diaries and visit you and watch your band play my ballad while I wear a beret. Until that time though, I can only imagine that you look like Salma Hayek. The main reason I can only picture you as Salma Hayek is because I know that in real life you have a mustache, smell like moneterey jack cheese, and your vagina looks like when you go to squirt hot sauce on an open-faced chili cheese burrito.

Please DeluXXXe Rape Machine, send me pictures. Send them to me and send them to Jesus.
I would love to see what you look like. Rescue me from this dungeon I call my parents basement and take me on the road with your band. I want to see the Argentinian landscape. I want to watch a prostitute have sex with a donkey….but more importantly I want to see the birthplace of Evita. Take me with you and make me your roadie.

Your Argentinian Prince,

MUNG

Thanks for nothing MUNG…Here are some more pics…

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

So there’s a website called thecobrasnake and it’s basically party pictures of some hipster photographer who goes to all the happening events. He hired a 16 year old intern named Cory Kennedy and she’s become some kind of internet phenom with a blog and lots of myspace friends. She’s banging Vincent Gallo and she’s partying with Lohan (see pics) and is the envy of 16 year olds internationally. I decided to email Mark from CobraSnake to see if he could help me make my stepdaughter famous this is what I wrote.

Dear Mark,

I have been getting a lot of annoying emails about the 16 year old girl that you made famous who is banging Vincent Gallo.

The reason I am emailing you is because I have a pretty disgusting 16 year old stepdaughter who resembles a homeless piece of shit too and I would like to make her famous.

I only have 10 readers on my site daily and all of them are perverts so the kind of fame they can offer her is pretty fucking illegal, if you know what I mean. I am impressed with what you did to that homeless girl, I hear she’s got a D&G job lined up and that life on the streets will be no more for her so l figured that maybe you could help me.

I look forward to hearing back from you,

With Love,
Jesus Martinez
Drunkenstepfather.com

This was his response….

16 year old homeless looking girls are the new crazy..
its like pokemon..
collect them all..

Thanks Mark. That was pretty fucking insightful. I can only assume your 16 year old intern wrote that to me and in that case…do you have any nudes.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

I just got this email:

she is a famous actress here (paraguay,) she have 2 tv programs, 1 radio program, and she acts in 2 series here.
Her name is Paola Maltese, here are some pics of her:

I was back at the strip club last night because I get in for free and get free drinks from one of the strippers because I told her that I would make her famous and to make a short story shorter I saw a group of college dudes in the VIP area. These college guys were having the time of their lives and they weren’t even rockin’ out with any strippers. They were rockin’ out together…I’m talking one dude who obviously doesn’t know that he was gay, went nuts to one of the songs and started booty dancing and bouncing off his boy’s lap…He played it off as a joke but it seemed pretty homo.

Speaking of homo there was an inuit family, who I guess came into town for the week from the north pole, it is Christmas you know and I hear Santa runs some kind of sweatshop up there and pays them in fish. That was a bad joke, but what wasn’t a joke was that there was 5 generations of inuit men sitting at the table from the 15 year old to the 110 year old great-great grandfather. It’s nice to see families spending time together.

Speaking of Inuits and Strippers and Gays, here is Paola Maltese. Enjoy.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

Dr Phil was on Bum Fight Videos. I remember having the concept for a TV show called “What Would A Bum Do For $5”. I obviously never went through with it, cuz I suck at life but the dude who ended up making those videos is a multimillionaire because of them. If I had done the show, I wouldn’t make Bums fight with each other, I’d make them flash people and shit like that. I am more into sex offenders, nudity and hookers than seeing people get hurt. Either way, Dr Phil just kicked the dude off the show because he found him disgusting but the joke was that the dude grew a moustache, shaved male pattern baldness into his head and dressed in a Dr. Phil suit.

He was a piece of useless trash and so are these links and so was the What Would a Bum Do for $5 concept…Frat boys and drunken idiots make the world a dumber fucking place.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

It was Raven Symone’s 21st birthday and she got the cake she always wanted. Unfortunately, cake isn’t just for special occassions in her life, if you know what I mean. Yeah…That was a failed attempt at a fat joke. I never said I was funny. You did…And for the record this girl’s got nothing on my wife.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

It was Raven Symone’s 21st birthday and she got the cake she always wanted. Unfortunately, cake isn’t just for special occassions in her life, if you know what I mean. Yeah…That was a failed attempt at a fat joke. I never said I was funny. You did…And for the record this girl’s got nothing on my wife.

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted

I was at the stripper’s last night and some 75 year old man sat at my table, because I was sitting by the stage at the pole alone and I guess he figured it’d be a convenient time to make friends with me considering the 20 year old girls sprawled out on the pole were probably heaven to him and if he didn’t sit at my table he’d have to sit in the back. The back of the stripclub is where guys with their liberal girlfriends end up, because despite the want to sit right up at the stage, you don’t want to look like a pervert. Either way, the dude was talking all kinds of craziness and smelled like shit, fish and syphilis. I have lived on the streets and have gone without showering or brushing my teeth for weeks at a time and this guy smelt worse. I can only assume his insides were rotting or he ate something whose insides were rotting. Either way, one of the hottest strippers walked by him and he grabbed her and took him in the back room for a full contact lap dance….he came back 10 songs later, that means this stinky piece of shit of a person was rubbing this 20 year old’s tits for close to an hour and she let him do it all for $50. It put things in perspective, and reminded me as to why I should never get a lap dance, even if I could afford one, and if you aren’t following it is because they probably spend more time with stinky old men than we like to think when their tits are in our hands….

Speaking of tits in hands and stripper looking bitches with weird lookin men…here are some pics of Jordan and Britney with their men, who look like they may just be the same person…

Jordan:

Britney:

Posted in:Uncategorized|Unsorted