Getting plastic surgery is a pretty fucked up situation, especially when it is drastic. I am half asleep here so I can’t find the analogy I was thinking of earlier today, but it was a good one. It had to do with how you go out pretending that nothing’s changed and that no one notices the change you are trying to hide, when people obviously know. But you still pretend it never happened, that everything is cool and the same and it is kinda like when you pissed you popped a boner during your solo performance at the highschool musical. Everyone laughed to themselves, but you just held your head up high and walked back to school the next day. That wasn’t the analogy I wanted. I keep thinking about the walk of shame a girl makes after you bang the shit out of her and she walks out of your house and onto the street in the party dress she wore the night before, but that’s not the feeling you’d get with a new face….I thought maybe it’d be like when a girl get’s her period in a pair of white pants…but that’s not it either….I really can’t remember what it was, but feel free to discuss in the comments. I think she looks good and worthy of titty fucking my face….whatever I hate myself right now. Cuddles.

Bonus: Christina Milian at the Same Summer Sizzle Event.

One More Bonus: Vanessa Minillo in a Bikini at Same Event (hot)

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Getting plastic surgery is a pretty fucked up situation, especially when it is drastic. I am half asleep here so I can’t find the analogy I was thinking of earlier today, but it was a good one. It had to do with how you go out pretending that nothing’s changed and that no one notices the change you are trying to hide, when people obviously know. But you still pretend it never happened, that everything is cool and the same and it is kinda like when you pissed you popped a boner during your solo performance at the highschool musical. Everyone laughed to themselves, but you just held your head up high and walked back to school the next day. That wasn’t the analogy I wanted. I keep thinking about the walk of shame a girl makes after you bang the shit out of her and she walks out of your house and onto the street in the party dress she wore the night before, but that’s not the feeling you’d get with a new face….I thought maybe it’d be like when a girl get’s her period in a pair of white pants…but that’s not it either….I really can’t remember what it was, but feel free to discuss in the comments. I think she looks good and worthy of titty fucking my face….whatever I hate myself right now. Cuddles.

Bonus: Christina Milian at the Same Summer Sizzle Event.

One More Bonus: Vanessa Minillo in a Bikini at Same Event (hot)

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I met a big breasted girl who knew about the site. That didn’t make her want to fuck me. It did make her want to give me advice on how I should be running things. Her advice was that I write too much and that I should only write one line. I was asked if she meant like Maxim magazine, and she giggled, her titties all up in her chin and shit, so being the pervert I am, I decided to offer her a feature on the site. The concept is that she will post her one-liners. I am hoping they end up being so bad that they are funny. If all else fails just look at her tits….that’s what I’ll be doing…. Here’s her one liner.

Karl: “u stole my hairstyle, u heiress bitch”

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After looking at these pictures, I remember why Christina Aguilera was the girl I bet my other homeless/welfare friends I could bang. I told them to give me 3 years to work my way into the industry, once there I was planning on seducing her with my sense of humor and work ethic….That 3 year window expired about 5 years ago, and that’s okay. I moved on with my life, and instead of working my way into any industry, I worked my way into a loving wife, and by loving I mean she LOVING to eat, making that whole “working my way in” a hell of a lot more physically trying.

My opinion of X-tina’s style is really irrelevant, I don’t know shit about dressing, or hair and make-up. I am not into the whole 1940’s bleached blond/red lipstick Monroe glam bullshit. Bitch isn’t a lounge singer, she’s a Jewish housewife, I think it’s time to start dressing the part. I do love the one-piece camel toe outfit, that shit makes bitch look like she’s a super hero or Elvis with hot fucking legs.

Bonus: Videos of Christina at Past VMAs (I thought these were the VMA not the Movie Awards, I am an idiot)

2005

Bitch wasn’t there….

2004
Christina and Nelly

2003
The Madonna Kiss -Showing Off her Ass

Singing Dirty and Fighter – it’s a Party Mix

2002
Christina Half Naked – Showin off her new TITS

2001
Andy Dick Plays Daphne Aguilera At the VMAs (he has a stepfather t-shirt)

2000
Christina with Britney – Pre-New Tits

Durst and Aguilera think they are makin musical history (6 years later, no one gives a fuck)

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I hate when people criticize someone and that person rationalizes it by saying it stems from jealousy. “Oh they are just jealous…” Mother’s say that to their fat useless kids who get teased on the playground. Unfortunately carry that bullshit mother sympathy on with them into adult life. I would argue that I don’t get jealous. I hate myself too much to want more out of my life, or to want someone else’s life. If I dis someone, it’s got nothing to do with being jealous of them and everything to do with them being fucking idiots. People need to start understanding that bitterness and criticism towards you has nothing to do with people being jealous of you, it’s got everything to do with how much you fucking suck. That said, I was lazy on the links this week, here are some funny ones I found from some of my favorite sites. Cuddles

Jared Leto is a Hipster and Hipsters are Retarded

Saved By the Bell Brokeback Trailer – I hate these

Scarlett Johannson in PVC Rapidshare Video

Andi Pink (the Teen Model) Box

YOU NEED TO SEE THIS – Dude’s Fucked

MTV Movie Awards Gift Bag

Alyssa Milan Video Doing FHM Shoot – HOT

A Very Hot and Naked Lunch with Carli (some porn/nude/model/Slut)

Paris Hilton’s New Single- Sounds Like No Doubt

Rachel McAdams tits

Brad and Angelina Baby Video (I have no idea what this is)

Adele Silva Topless (she’s famous)

Attu Likes Luba – So Do I ….VIDEO

Ashton Kutcher is Gay For DJ AM in Iowa

Swedish Girl Doing A Little Dancing and a Little Taking Off of Clothes…

This UK Big Brother Bitch has MASSIVE tits

Gallery of AMAZON MUSCLE BITCHES

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Call me crazy, but I really don’t think she needs a tan. I was going to make a black people don’t swim joke, but she’s already proven that she’s white enough to play tennis, so I don’t think racist jokes is what we need. What she needs though, is a fucking treadmill, bitch is supposed to be a pro tennis player, not the bitch who puts the burgers together at McDonalds. She’s thicker in the mid section than Star Jones but the real question is what her boyfriend is attracted to….is it her good looks, or her maternal instincts, or her serious dick sucking skills. I am gonna go with her wallet, but what do I know. Go fuck yourself.

Bonus:
My MySpace – So you Need to Add Me

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We all remember Rosario Dawson from Kids, at least I do. I would watch that movie on repeat everyday, only because I love the concept of teenagers getting AIDS for being irresponsible with their genitals, but I don’t own a copy of it and my video store lost their copy. I used to think Harmony Korine was funny. Then I realized his movies made no sense. Nothing says comedy like watching Casper bang Jenny at the end of the movie, not knowing she’s postivie. What is sad about the movie is that Casper went on to kill himself, Harold Hunter went on to kill himself (OD), and real death doesn’t hold the same level of funny. Favorite scene is when Telly bangs the virgin and says she smells like butterscotch. Speaking of popping cherries, (that was a solid segue) here’s this bitch Rosario playing with some in a photoshoot. I don’t understand why all slutty chicks love cherries and even rock cherry tattoos on their hips but it’s gotta be a big tit thing.

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We all remember Rosario Dawson from Kids, at least I do. I would watch that movie on repeat everyday, only because I love the concept of teenagers getting AIDS for being irresponsible with their genitals, but I don’t own a copy of it and my video store lost their copy. I used to think Harmony Korine was funny. Then I realized his movies made no sense. Nothing says comedy like watching Casper bang Jenny at the end of the movie, not knowing she’s postivie. What is sad about the movie is that Casper went on to kill himself, Harold Hunter went on to kill himself (OD), and real death doesn’t hold the same level of funny. Favorite scene is when Telly bangs the virgin and says she smells like butterscotch. Speaking of popping cherries, (that was a solid segue) here’s this bitch Rosario playing with some in a photoshoot. I don’t understand why all slutty chicks love cherries and even rock cherry tattoos on their hips but it’s gotta be a big tit thing.

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If guys wanting to bang you was a guage of how much of a whore you are, Jessica Simpson would probably one of the biggest whores in Hollywood. But things don’t work that way. To all the girls reading this, I guarantee at least one guy has jerked off to you. Now that guy could be your school teacher, your stepfather, your brother, the neighbor or a kid in your class. I know you want your crush to be jerking off to you, but shit rarely works like that. It’s always the weird people you come in contact with. Think about the weird someone can do while masturbating, you know some dudes like shoving things in their ass, others like wearing women’s panties, other’s may like pain and smash their dicks up with the kitchen drawer or whatever something equally fucked up, all while thinking of you.

I love cameltoe – i think it’s fucking hot and here’s some Jess Simpson Cameltoe pics.

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