Consider this live Blogging. The fat idol is singing her new single. Who the hell wrote this shit. Probably a commitee, sitting a room saying “yeah love rhymes with dove, let’s wrap this up”. I know I am a pretty incredible wordsmith, that’s why all 3 of you come back week after week, but I could have wrote something equally shitty, but I didn’t because I am a loser behind a computer. Anyway, let me quote some of this Disney after school special soap opera shit that is coming out of her mouth:

You were always by my side, that you believed in me was enough reason why,
I didn’t stop, I didn’t give up, I did my best, I am blessed”…

My internet girlfriend sent me lyrics to a Kool Keith song that she’s been listening to and it goes like this

I used to grab honies by they neck, piss on they eyebrows
Open they rectum to throw the bombs down they asshole
BOOM! I blew them panties out the room

What I am saying is that there has got to be some kind of middle ground. Who the fuck wants to listen to this emotional garbage? Oh wait, I just remembered something, women and GAY PEOPLE fucking love this shit. They get all wet in their assholes thinking about lost loves and ex boyfriends and childhood pets that have since been put to sleep. They are the reason shitty movies like the Break Up are released. So point of the post is to say that despite how lame girls are, I still like to fuck them.

Alyssa Milano at the Break Up Premiere

Jennifer Love Hewitt at the Break Up Premiere

Stacy Keibler at the Break Up Premiere

Update: By the time I finished this post Taylor Hicks sang his new single – these are some of the words

“I’ve never been the one to raise my hand, that was not me, and now that’s who i am, because of you I am standing tall. My heart is full of endless gratitude, you were the one, the one to guide me through, now i can see, and I believe, it’s only just beginning. This is what we dream about…..”

blah blah blah, I just came all over my belly. It was THAT hot. Who writes this fucking shit. Jesus Christ. People need to stop supporting this feel good smut, because it is having a negative impact on our society. Nice choir though, I like the church touch, lets fuck everyone up the ass with a cucifix so all you guilt ridden southerners vote. Bible thumping cunts need to think for themselves. Point of all this, is to say that even celebrities drag their boyfriends out to shitty movies.

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I am watching the American Idol Finale. I just saw the fat girl sing her stupid song, and now the bar act is rockin’ out in a purple blazer. I am not entirely sure what type of bar he performed at, but obviously not a cool one. Paula Abdul is yelling at the audience right now and is obviously medicated or drunk. I know she denies it, but bitch is seriously fucking INSANE. Simon just dissed the gay blazer I dissed, I guess I am really not that insightful. Or maybe we both are and that’s why he gets paid 36 million dollars a season of Idol, and I get a fat welfare check and foodstamps. This post has got nothing to do with American Idol or my poverty, it’s about Liz Hurley in France for Cannes do some kind of photoshoot for a diamond company. This bitch always looks good, even as she gets older and fatter, and makes us all wonder why Hugh Grant was getting head from a tranny hooker when they were dating in the ’90s. I guess he’s just gay. Speaking of Gay, this american idol bitch is lying on the ground singing Somewhere Over the Rainbow, I am sure somewhere over the rainbow that is TV, every gay man watching is wiping a tear off their cheek. Speaking of Gay, her father just was shown crying…..maybe that’s why she’s fat.

Walking to the shoot….

Bonus: Liz Hurley Shows Off Some Leg in Purple

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Oprah just said that she brought Anderson Cooper’s book in the bathroom to read a couple pages but was so compelled that she sat on the toilet, hovering over her expensive shit for hours until she finished the book, or some shit. I stopped listening to what she was saying after thinking about her taking a shit and I have decided that talking about shitting on national television is pretty fucking gross, but not as gross as the buying a pair of panties for Michael Bolton to take off. Here is Nicolette Sheridan buying a pair of panties for Michael Bolon to take off, because they are a couple.

Bonus Action Shots: Kate Moss Running Out of Agent Provocateur (Lingerie Store)

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Oprah just said that she brought Anderson Cooper’s book in the bathroom to read a couple pages but was so compelled that she sat on the toilet, hovering over her expensive shit for hours until she finished the book, or some shit. I stopped listening to what she was saying after thinking about her taking a shit and I have decided that talking about shitting on national television is pretty fucking gross, but not as gross as the buying a pair of panties for Michael Bolton to take off. Here is Nicolette Sheridan buying a pair of panties for Michael Bolon to take off, because they are a couple.

Bonus Action Shots: Kate Moss Running Out of Agent Provocateur (Lingerie Store)

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When you don’t have a job and you do have and endless supply of money from your grandfather’s success, you go to Cannes during the Film Fest with Brandon Davis, your friend who is also living off Grandpa’s black gold cash, because that’s the place to be. I am not about to dis privileged kids, because you can’t control that shit. When you are raised by fucked up rich parents, you can’t expect to get much support emotionally, because they are too busy living fabulous. So they can buy their expensive clothes and cars, and go on their expensive vacations and all that, but they are just as miserable as you. Only difference is they are better medicated. In reality, we are all equally fucked up, whether we come from poverty and work shitty jobs to pay for our 5 kids with 5 different women, or if we have trust funds that make working obsolete. I think the only happy people in life are retarded people. It’s that whole ignorance is bliss shit. Give them a couple rocks to bang together and a place to masturbate chronically to a picture of Paris Hilton’s cameltoe and motherfuckers will smile and drool like never before. That’s the first post of the day, how’d you feel about it?

Bonus:

Some Crazy Mexican Yells at Brandon Davis and She’s Not very Good

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When you don’t have a job and you do have and endless supply of money from your grandfather’s success, you go to Cannes during the Film Fest with Brandon Davis, your friend who is also living off Grandpa’s black gold cash, because that’s the place to be. I am not about to dis privileged kids, because you can’t control that shit. When you are raised by fucked up rich parents, you can’t expect to get much support emotionally, because they are too busy living fabulous. So they can buy their expensive clothes and cars, and go on their expensive vacations and all that, but they are just as miserable as you. Only difference is they are better medicated. In reality, we are all equally fucked up, whether we come from poverty and work shitty jobs to pay for our 5 kids with 5 different women, or if we have trust funds that make working obsolete. I think the only happy people in life are retarded people. It’s that whole ignorance is bliss shit. Give them a couple rocks to bang together and a place to masturbate chronically to a picture of Paris Hilton’s cameltoe and motherfuckers will smile and drool like never before. That’s the first post of the day, how’d you feel about it?

Bonus:

Some Crazy Mexican Yells at Brandon Davis and She’s Not very Good

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Yesterday was the day of dance. We went to a dance recital, where we were asked if we were picking up kids 12 years old and younger….where I answered “obviously”….anyway after sitting through that dance recital we decided to make a day out of dance. We ended up at the movies where we saw Stick It and got a ton of dirty looks from the ppl in the theatre, because we weren’t 14 year old girls, and I really only did it to get kicked out of the place, thought it’d be funnier to write about getting busted sneaking into Stick It than sitting through the whole thing. Luckily, after every 14 year old instinctively avoided our row of seats some girl about my age sat next to me, I look up, obviously she’s someone I know, making the whole experience a fucking cliche/sitcom situation, that I guess really happen. We ended the night at the strippers and the girl Mya I feel in love recognized me from the last time I was there, where I gave her costume advice, telling her that she’d make more money in a bikini than stripper gear….Point of the story is Denise Richards is wearing a bikini and although lookin’ good is covering up her stretch marked belly, something I wish one of the Goth dancers last night did before showing me her tackle box (pierced 10 times) while dancing to German death metal. It’s bed time.

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Yesterday was the day of dance. We went to a dance recital, where we were asked if we were picking up kids 12 years old and younger….where I answered “obviously”….anyway after sitting through that dance recital we decided to make a day out of dance. We ended up at the movies where we saw Stick It and got a ton of dirty looks from the ppl in the theatre, because we weren’t 14 year old girls, and I really only did it to get kicked out of the place, thought it’d be funnier to write about getting busted sneaking into Stick It than sitting through the whole thing. Luckily, after every 14 year old instinctively avoided our row of seats some girl about my age sat next to me, I look up, obviously she’s someone I know, making the whole experience a fucking cliche/sitcom situation, that I guess really happen. We ended the night at the strippers and the girl Mya I feel in love recognized me from the last time I was there, where I gave her costume advice, telling her that she’d make more money in a bikini than stripper gear….Point of the story is Denise Richards is wearing a bikini and although lookin’ good is covering up her stretch marked belly, something I wish one of the Goth dancers last night did before showing me her tackle box (pierced 10 times) while dancing to German death metal. It’s bed time.

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I love how the websites I rip this shit off of think that seeing any girl in a bikini is a treat. Like it’s fucking Christmas or something. Let’s all go crazy over that bitch we saw in that movie cuz she is in a BIKINI because bikinis mean seeing lots more skin then the last set of paparazzi pics I saw of her shopping…. It’s like they sit at home all day and night, alone. It’s like they don’t get any pussy so they turn to the internet and fantasize about slamming girls they see in their favorite movies (Spiderman). I’d say it’s sad, but it really isn’t, if everyone had the skills to find pussy, the world would be way over-populated, we need the suicidal losers to help the whole ecosystem. And let’s face it – we’d all fuck Dunst even though she’s like a busted old pick up truck.

I do live in Canada though, and bitches here are too fat to wear bikinis, so when I see them (in person) I take a closer look, you know, lookin’ for a little nipple and a little camel toe. But the only time I see bikinis is in the strip club, which I have been to the last 3 days in a row, we are doing a StepExperiment. Last night, I fell in love with a French girl whose stripper name was Mya, real name Samantha. She kept shoving her nipple in my mouth, and even though I knew how many hands had touched those nipples, I couldn’t help but go along with it, because of the whole falling in love thing I mentioned. I blame the booze.

Bonus: THE ACTION SHOT

Bonus: Dunst Lookin Like a Retard

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I love how the websites I rip this shit off of think that seeing any girl in a bikini is a treat. Like it’s fucking Christmas or something. Let’s all go crazy over that bitch we saw in that movie cuz she is in a BIKINI because bikinis mean seeing lots more skin then the last set of paparazzi pics I saw of her shopping…. It’s like they sit at home all day and night, alone. It’s like they don’t get any pussy so they turn to the internet and fantasize about slamming girls they see in their favorite movies (Spiderman). I’d say it’s sad, but it really isn’t, if everyone had the skills to find pussy, the world would be way over-populated, we need the suicidal losers to help the whole ecosystem. And let’s face it – we’d all fuck Dunst even though she’s like a busted old pick up truck.

I do live in Canada though, and bitches here are too fat to wear bikinis, so when I see them (in person) I take a closer look, you know, lookin’ for a little nipple and a little camel toe. But the only time I see bikinis is in the strip club, which I have been to the last 3 days in a row, we are doing a StepExperiment. Last night, I fell in love with a French girl whose stripper name was Mya, real name Samantha. She kept shoving her nipple in my mouth, and even though I knew how many hands had touched those nipples, I couldn’t help but go along with it, because of the whole falling in love thing I mentioned. I blame the booze.

Bonus: THE ACTION SHOT

Bonus: Dunst Lookin Like a Retard

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